“That’s bullshit,” I say frantically.
“My whole life was bullshit, Adam. When I tell you I have nothing to offer, it is because I am all dead inside. Nothing burns in me anymore. He has killed all the right spots in me. That’s why I can’t proceed in any relationship with you. I know you would want to go beyond kissing, which is natural.” She shrugs her shoulders. “And I don’t want to create another Jibran in you—or with anyone—because I know I cannot give any pleasure to any man.” I squeeze her harder to try to stop her from trembling with fear.
She looks straight at the tent wall. “So one night, things went out of my control. He was so drunk and angry that he pushed me down the stairs, after beating me hard. I fell all the way down, carrying his baby in my womb.” She closes her eyes with agony.
“When I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital and doctors told me that my placenta was torn during the accident, and I lost my baby forever.” Oh no! I can’t believe she has undergone a miscarriage, along with everything else. That’s the worst possible thing in a woman’s life. She has suffered so much, all while still a teenager.
“I asked the nurse who brought me to the hospital. She told me that my husband brought me to the emergency room. I guess some humanity was left inside his heart—he didn’t leave me bleeding on his staircase.”
She folds her arms tightly to her chest, squeezing herself too hard. “I didn’t cry for my baby. I was so broken inside that I didn’t cry for my baby once. Baba came to see me, though he didn’t speak to me. He was still holding lots of grudges. He brought me back home, but he never talked to me, except that he told me he received a call from an unknown person that his daughter was in the hospital.” She takes a deep breath.
“I realized there was no point in crying over a baby that Jibran never accepted. I might have given birth to another Jibran from my womb. It’s strange, isn’t it? A mother never crying for her dead baby?” She gives me a sad smile. “I guess my wounds turned my heart really cold.” She wipes her cheeks. “Baba and I were living like strangers. I stayed with him for a couple of months, and one day he informed me that he was sending me to Toronto to finish my studies. That’s how I ended up here.” She finally manages to look at me.
“Where did he go?” I hope she knows I am asking about Jibran.
“I don’t know. He just disappeared. Baba tried to find him to put him behind bars for attacking his daughter, but it seemed like he was not in Dubai. I still don’t know where he is—even if he is dead or alive. He never came back into my life.” She gives me a strange look.
“But you are not his wife anymore. With all he did—”
“I am still his wife, as far as our religion is concerned. I haven’t filed anything to end my marriage contract.” She closes her eyes.
“But your marriage is not registered here. I never found out—”
“No, I am here under Baba’s name. Our marriage was done in an Islamic court. We never registered in a City Court…” she says blankly, looking at me.
“But doesn’t your marriage end when he is not in your life anymore?”
“According to Islamic law, we are still married, if neither of us has filed for divorce. I never got a chance to file for separation, a kind of annulment in Islamic court, declaring that my marriage is void since he has not contacted me for years.” She takes a deep breath. “If he is alive in this world, I am still his wife.”
“Why didn’t you tell your father what he did to you?” I ask her, caressing her arm.
“How could I, Adam?” She looks at me quizzically. “In our culture, we have certain boundaries with our fathers. I couldn’t tell him that the man I married for love used to beat me so I could give him a blowjob, while I was nauseated, carrying his baby in my womb. You think I could tell all this to my father or to anyone?”
I close my eyes and tuck her close to me. “Thank you for trusting me so much.”
I lay her down, resting her head on the pillow, as I realize she has been sitting crunched up all this time. We look at each other for a long time, our eyes speaking to each other under the stars. She averts her eyes, looking straight to the sky and staring at the stars, till I lie down beside her and gaze at the stars with her. Without doubt, it is a breathtaking sight.
She moves closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. “Thank you for the surprise, Adam.” She speaks gently, still watching the stars. “Where are we right now? I mean geographically?” she asks innocently as she turns her head and looks at me. I smile at her question. I can feel she is waiting for my response, but my eyes are still on the sky.
“We are in a stargazing park in Quebec.” I look at her. “You are not really far from home. We can go back whenever you want.”
She rests her head back on my shoulder, tucking herself more closely into me. “What if I don’t want to go back ever?”
“Then we can stay here as long as we live.” I pull her close to me.
We both remain quiet for a really long time, in wonder at the beautiful sight created by the one and only artist. I see a couple of shooting stars; I wonder if she has noticed them.
“You know the concept behind shooting stars?” She breaks the silence between us. So she did notice them.
I look at the sky, thinking about what to say. “When a meteor falls and burns?”
She smiles innocently. “Yeah, that’s what we read in science. But you know why it happens?” I wait for her to continue. “There are certain classes of Jinn who have the power of traveling up in the sky. They steal our futures from the Heavens above and bring them to earth, and share them with the fortunetellers because fortunetellers and sorcerers have the ability to communicate with these spirits. When they steal the news from Heaven, they are chased by the angels, who try to hit them with fireballs so that they don’t take the news away. That’s how we see a shooting star from here.”
“So you’re saying what we just saw meant a Jinni stole some news from Heaven, and he was hit by an angel?” I confirm my newly gained information.
“Yes, and if they don’t get hit, they bring the news to these fortunetellers and that’s how they tell us about the future. They don’t read any palm or our face, they communicate with those creatures. That’s why it is not permissible, in my religion, to go to them.”
Her information strikes me suddenly. I turn my head to face her. “What was that lady telling you at my mother’s party? She was creepy.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” She takes a deep breath, commanding me not to discuss it anymore.
“Do you really think they exist?” I’m sure she knows what I’m talking about. “I mean, how would anyone ever know they exist, if we don’t see them?” I ask with interest.
She looks at me for a few seconds. “Would you believe it if you saw them?”
“I don’t know. I never thought I would see anything paranormal or supernatural in my life. It sounds too fictitious, doesn’t it?” I look at her. “What makes you believe they exist? Have you seen one of them?”
She looks at me, pale and deadpan. I’m not sure why my question caused her face to change color. “It’s not necessary that you see everything in order to believe, Adam. You confessed that you believe in God now. Why? You haven’t seen him, have you?”
“But He has shown me His powers. How I failed in front of His decisions. That made me believe, there is one Divine power who holds everything.”
“But don’t you think in order to have faith in Him completely, you should believe in the creatures He created? The one who can create this whole Universe, the one who can move day and night, who can create so many endless humans, do you think it is difficult for Him to create things which we can’t see?”
“Why do you want me to believe they exist? Why is it so important to you?”
“It’s not about importance, Adam. Your faith isn’t complete. I just want to ask you one thing.” She looks at me with concern. “If you see them, will you believe they exist?”
“What do they look like? How will I know if I see them?”
“Just answer me first. Would you believe, or not?”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. But how would I recognize them?”
“You will. It’s very easy to tell, Adam.”
I wonder why she believes in spirits when they don’t exist. If I don’t see something, I can never believe in it. What makes her believe in their presence?
We lie here together, looking at the stars shooting across the sky. Since our arrival here, she has shared so much with me. She has never told all this to anyone, and that makes me feel special, but am I really someone special in her life? I can’t believe she survived all that. A normal person couldn’t, and she was so young at the time. Her father abandoned her, her mother died, her husband almost killed her, but she is still alive, resting in my arms. Is that an indication from God that He kept her safe for me, so one day she would open her heart to me? I promised her once to keep her heart safe, but I broke it. I can’t even promise her that, now. I wonder if she will trust me again. All I have to do is to prove to her that the person she has trusted enough to tell the truth is able to protect her. I don’t see any point in telling her through words; I will have to prove it with my actions.
Even knowing that she is someone else’s wife (although in my view, she is not), still my feelings for her haven’t changed. She is the same Rania whom I fell in love with when I saw her the first time. I used to believe that she pushed me away because she didn’t feel anything for me, but now I know she didn’t feel anything at all. That bastard has ruined her body and all the senses inside her. The thought of sex freaks her out. She doesn’t see any pleasure in having a physical relationship. And I don’t blame her for that. What she has gone through would make anyone like that.
But when I kissed her, why did I feel she was ready to surrender her body to me? Or was it just an illusion? Why did I always feel her body resonating to my touch? Right now she is so vulnerable that I can’t even think of touching her anymore. She is so hurt and broken from inside. Why did I never realize that? I thought that there was someone in her life who betrayed her, but never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that she married a devil and carried his baby in her womb. Hearing her story gives me so much pain; I can’t even imagine how painful it would have been for her to experience it. I have no idea what kept her alive for so long. Probably, her faith in God. If I were a woman and in her place, I would have committed suicide by now. I wouldn’t have so much courage to live. I can’t believe she was so lonely all her life. I have no idea how she survived this last five years, with no one looking down into her soul. When she said I was the only one who reached her soul, was she telling me the truth? Am I really the one who sneaked through her heart?
“Can I ask you something, Adam?” she interrupts my thoughts.
“Hmm,” I respond, looking at the stars.
“How did you find me at the nightclub in Vegas?”
I smile at her question. I look at her as she smiles back at me. “You know I can find you anywhere.”
“I know, but you said you could track me down through my phone?” she asks innocently.
“That’s right. The night you left, Ethan messaged your cell that he would be picking you up from the airport. He didn’t know you left your phone behind. I answered his messages, pretending to be you. Then I flew to Vegas, the same night, following you. It just freaked me out that you were out there alone, at his mercy.”
“So you were there for two days?” She looks at me with wide eyes.
“Yeah, I was watching you all the time. I was right there when he offered you the drink.”
“Why didn’t you come then and stop me?” she questions me innocently.
“Because I wanted you to realize that you shouldn’t accept drinks at bars and clubs. And that you should know what kind of asshole he is, since you were going to accept his job offer.”
She gives me a surprised look. “You know all this?”
I look toward the stars. “Why do you think I don’t know anything, what is happening in your life? I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t keep track of your activities. You know how obsessed I’m about you.”
“I am sorry.” She shifts closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder again. She is no longer looking at the stars. “Thank you for saving me. I didn’t know he was such a jerk.” Her eyebrows gather in concern. “What did you do to him?”
I pull her close to me. “Let’s just say I plucked him out of the technology world. He won’t find a job anywhere.” Her jaw drops in shock. “Let’s not talk about him. He should never come into our conversation. We have better things to talk about.” My words quiet her. Her head is resting on my heart, and I’m sure she can hear my heartbeat. I run my fingers through her hair softly, and she snuggles up to me.
We lie here, enjoying each other’s closeness. It is neither friendship nor love. It is something way beyond either one, that I can’t figure out. I don’t know what is between us, but the bond is so strong that there is no power that could break it. Perhaps this bond is created by God, which is why it feels invincible.
“Rania?” I confirm whether she is asleep or not. She hums gently. “If I tell you something that sounds unreal, would you believe me?”
She lifts her head and looks at me. “You mentioned that earlier to me, also. I will believe it, Adam. What is it?”
I rest her head back on my chest and continue. “You remember when I first met you, I told you I had seen you somewhere?” She hums again, acknowledging me. “You reminded me of someone I met last year.” She looks at me once again to read my eyes, and then lies back on my chest as I continue.
“One night I had a business meeting in a restaurant. It was almost a year ago. After the meeting, I went to the rooftop of the building. I don’t know why I went there, but when I reached the roof, I heard music. There was another building connected to it, sharing the same wall.” I pause for a moment. “I climbed to the other side of the wall, and entered the building where the sound was coming from. I had never heard such music in my life. It was magical. The building was designed very strangely. If I think about it now, it’s not possible to construct it, architecturally. It was a circular structure with a spiral passage leading down to the ground floor. There were no rooms, no windows, no interior levels, no pillars, nothing. But I believe it was at least six stories high because it shared the same roof with the building I came from.” She lifts her head and looks at me with surprise. I continue telling her my wild experience.
“When I looked down from the top to the ground, I saw a girl dancing to the music. There were other people dancing too, but there was so much light, with different colors, that I could hardly see anyone other than that girl. The others appeared like shadows to me.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, recalling my experience.
“When I reached the ground level, all the people were gone, though I didn’t see them leaving. Only that girl was dancing.” I open my eyes and see her looking at me. “I had never seen anyone like her. She danced like an enchantress. I can’t express how she was, and how she danced. The music was out of this world. She didn’t notice me. In fact, she bumped into me, and all of a sudden the music and the lights were gone.” I look up the sky.
“I don’t know how, but they were gone as if they never existed.” I look back to Rania, who is listening to me with concentration. Is she actually going to believe me? “She was wearing a pink mask tied over her eyes. I could only see her eyes and her lips. For the first time in my life, I understood what fantasy actually meant. For months, I kept fantasizing about her all the time. I used to search for her beauty in every woman. She was inside my nerves, ripping me apart into bits and pieces. I fucked so many women, asked them to wear a similar mask, but none of them was even close.” I take a deep breath. “But then, one day I saw you.” I touch her face with my hand.
“She was just like you, Rania. Her eyes, her lips, h
er skin, her fragrance—whenever I look at you, everything reminds me of her. I don’t know if it was a delusion or I was dreaming, but it seemed real. I felt her breathing on me. I can’t have imagined her. I never knew a woman could be so beautiful that she could cast a spell just with her looks. The color of your eyes and lips, the softness of your skin, it was just like her.” I caress the soft skin on her face.
“When I met you last November, I was completely shaken. When you looked up at me, while collecting your things from the ground, you held the same magic. I was awestruck.” I shake my head in wonderment. “I don’t know how to explain, but I haven’t forgotten her. And your presence reminds me of her all the time. I don’t know if that was the love at first sight or when I saw you, which was love, but when I first saw you, for a moment I thought you were the same girl. I thought you had come out of my wildest imagination. Like a living picture of my cruel fantasy.” She keeps looking at me with astonishment. “But the way she danced, the way she was moving with the lights, it is not humanly possible. I’m not asking you to believe me, but I couldn’t share it with anyone else. It was plaguing me. I knew no one would believe me.”
“I believe you, Adam.” She looks directly into my eyes. “I believe every word you said. I can see in your eyes that you are not lying.” Her trust in me actually surprises me. I never thought she would actually believe me. “It is normal to experience paranormal things in life, sometimes.” Her words make me believe that I was not dreaming. It could be true.
“But when I went there again, there was no building joined with that restaurant rooftop. I don’t know where I was that night. I can’t explain how—”
“That’s all right, Adam. I trust you. You don’t need to explain to me.” She picks up a blanket from the corner of the tent and spreads it on both of us. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share it.” She places her palm on my heart. “You have a very special soul, Adam. You will realize it one day.” She rests her head back on my shoulder and wraps her arm over me.
A Prayer Heeded Page 9