Logan laughed. God, how he had missed Jacyn’s quick wit. Hell, he’d missed everything about the guy. “I never meant to hurt you,” he confessed raggedly as he nuzzled the side of Jacyn’s face. Now when a male shifter came near him, they would smell him and not Rat.
“Bullshit,” Jacyn replied, savagely, but still didn’t pull back. “If you didn’t want to hurt me, you would have never just dumped here and taken off.”
“It was a mistake for me to do that and I knew that the first two days into that damn mission, but by then I was stuck and couldn’t get back. I couldn’t even call you and beg for forgiveness because they wouldn’t let us.” Logan rubbed his face against the warm flesh of Jacyn’s jaw, wanting to make sure his scent was completely covering Rat’s.
“I trusted you and you just threw that away,” Jacyn said as he tilted his head to the side so Logan could have better access.
Unable to resist the flesh that the jaguar was offering, Logan darted his tongue out for a taste. “I’m so sorry,” Logan whispered before he placed the softest of kisses on his lover’s cheek.
“Fuck, I can’t think straight when you’re doing that,” Jacyn moaned.
“Then don’t think.” Logan reached down and cupped the man’s cock through the thin material of his scrubs. “Just feel.” This time Jacyn let Logan pin him up against one of the cabinets. Growling in pleasure, he pressed as much of his body as possible against the jaguar. Swooping down, he caught those sweet lips in a passionate kiss, all the while rubbing against Jacyn’s tight body. There was no way Mitchell wasn’t going to know what they had been up to as soon as he got within ten feet of his brother, but Logan didn’t give a damn. Those three months of loneliness had taught him a hard lesson. Nothing, nobody was ever going to stand between him and his lover again.
Jacyn kissed him back with the same fervor Logan was feeling. Tongues collided as hands roamed. Despite the locked door, anyone could catch them at any time, but Logan didn’t give a damn. All that mattered right now, was Jacyn. Never taking his mouth away, Logan let his hand drift up to the drawstring at the waist of Jacyn’s pants. It took some fumbling, but he somehow managed to get the ties open so he could reach in and wrap his fingers around the man’s thick cock. “If you only knew how many nights I dreamed of this—of you,” Logan moaned as he stroked the head of the jaguar’s erection.
“I was never with anyone else,” Jacyn swore as he thrust his hips forward. “I couldn’t stand the thought of being with anyone but you.”
Purring in satisfaction, Logan pressed one last kiss to his lips before he dropped to his knees. “I’ve wanted to taste you for so long,” he declared before he pulled the scrubs down further so he could free Jacyn’s cock all the way. Flicking his tongue out to lick the head, Logan closed his eyes in pleasure. “So good, just like I thought it would be.”
“Damn it. Please,” Jacyn groaned as he threw his head back so hard against the cabinet that he probably cracked the plastic.
“Please what?” Logan prodded as he made another lazy pass with his tongue. He savored the salty taste, his mouth watering for more.
“You would have to make me beg, wouldn’t you?” A soft grin spread out over his kiss-swollen lips as Jacyn rolled his hips forward.
“Yes, I want to hear you ask for it.”
Jacyn looked down at him with desire-infused eyes, his teeth were clenched together like he was holding back his inner predator and his chest heaved as he sucked in deep breaths. Never had he looked so dangerous or sexy and it made Logan almost come right then and there, before the action had really started.
“Suck me, Logan,” Jacyn snarled in a guttural voice. “Do it so hard that I can’t even remember my name.”
Technically, he was ordering, not begging, but Logan wasn’t going to quibble at this point. Not when he was finally going to get a taste of that cock. Grabbing Jacyn by the hips, Logan wrapped his lips around his lover’s erection.
Logan usually enjoyed getting blowjobs more than giving them, but with Jacyn, it was different. Each gasp, moan or groan he elicited from the jaguar ratcheted up his own passion. His own cock pressed so hard against the fly of his jeans, it was probably leaving a mark, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Jacyn and his pleasure.
Jacyn threaded his fingers through Logan’s hair, his touch so gentle and caring it almost brought him to tears. Wouldn’t that be something? The big, badass black jaguar reduced to tears, just because of a simple caress. Instead, Logan sucked in so hard, that Jacyn’s cock jerked in response.
“Oh, God that’s so good. I’m not going to last long, babe,” Jacyn panted.
If Logan could have, he would have smiled over the man’s endearment. Still working his cock, Logan reached down and squeezed Jacyn’s balls. The jaguar let out a yelp of pleasure as he banged his head against the cabinet again. Yup, there was definitely going to be a crack in the thing.
Jacyn let out one last moan before his body grew tight.
Logan loosened his throat just as his guy came. Hot jets of semen shot into Logan’s mouth and he savored every drop. Giving him one last lingering pass of his tongue, he stood up and tried to kiss Jacyn.
“Ah, not happening,” Jacyn, declared, stiff-arming him.
Slack jawed, Logan couldn’t hide his surprise. “What do you mean?”
“It means we’re done here.” Jacyn pulled his pants back up and tied the drawstring back together.
“Are you playing some kind of sick game?” He gave a slight shake of his head. All of a sudden he felt like he was in some weird dream where he was two steps behind all the events.
“No, this is me showing you how it feels to have someone use you for a good fuck and then walk out and leave you hanging,” Jacyn replied, his voice dripping with bitterness.
His once warm, caring eyes, were now dull and flat. It was as if he was old beyond his years, the exuberant, innocence Logan had grown to love, destroyed. “I apologized for that.”
“Yeah, well sorry just doesn’t cut it. Not when you just rip someone’s trust like that. All my life people abandoned me, starting when I was a kid. You bitch and moan about your parents, but at least you had them. I had to learn to live with nobody caring for me. Then I finally thought that I had found someone who gave a damn and you just had to prove me wrong.”
The anger, betrayal and despair rolling off Jacyn was so strong that Logan actually took a step back. Jacyn was so bitter and jaded now. He had been pushed passed his breaking point and Logan hated himself for delivering the final blow that had done that. “Don’t do this,” he begged even though he knew it was useless. In desperation, Logan uttered the words he’d never said to anyone, “I love you.”
Jacyn stopped dead in his tracks. Shaking his head, he let out a humorless chuckle as he ran his tongue over his teeth. “Don’t try to feed me any more lies. If you loved me, then you would have stayed and fought for me. Instead, you ran away.”
“Please—” Logan started.
Jacyn cut him off. “There’s nothing more to talk about,” he said, his tone as cold as his eyes. “We’re done, finished, over. I never want to speak to you again.” Jacyn let out a bitter laugh as he shook his head. “Who am I kidding? We never had anything to begin with. I was just some plaything for you to pass the time with. Well you can go find someone else to fill that role. I’m done being everyone’s bitch.”
Before Logan could argue his point, Jacyn opened the door and left. The silence that followed was ominous as he realized that was how his life was going to be without Jacyn—a vast space of emptiness.
Numb, Logan finally managed to make his feet work. When he went back out to the infirmary, Jacyn was nowhere in sight and Logan knew that even if he could find the jaguar, there would be no changing his mind.
Instead, he found the nearest exit door and took refuge in the cool, dark night. Taking several deep gulps of the not so clean Flint air, he lifted his head to the sky and yelled, “Fuck!”
“Interesting vocab y
ou have there,” Cassie remarked as she pushed open the door and joined him.
They were on a loading dock ramp and she leaned against the railing, her gaze directed on the traffic rushing past on the nearby I-75 freeway. Logan tensed, waiting for her to start laying into him, but she remained silent. “Did you come out here to kick my ass?” he asked. Of all the female shifters, she would be the one most likely to succeed in that area. Not only was she a dirty fighter, but she was damn scrappy.
“No.” She shook her head and finally turned to look at him.
He tried to read her expression, but she was a blank slate. “So why are you here?” Logan remained wary. “I caught the looks you were giving me earlier and they weren’t exactly friendly.”
“You hurt him, bad,” she replied tightly.
“I know I did and I would give anything to take it back. I fucked up big time.” Logan grabbed onto the railing so tight, his knuckles popped.
“Do you care for him?”
“More than that. I love him,” Logan confessed. Might as well lay it all out in the open. What did he have left to lose?
“I thought so.” Cassie gave a wistful smile. “I could tell the minute I saw the way you looked at him today.”
“Does that upset you?” Even though Cassie had never made an issue out of who his parents were, Logan still half-expected her to throw that in his face. It had happened so many times in his past.
“It does upset me, but not for the reasons you think.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I’m just so afraid of losing him again. I just got him back.”
“Mitchell said the same thing,” Logan confided. “That’s why I left. I thought it would make it easier on you guys.”
“I thought as much, which is why I’m going to help you now, despite my fears.”
“Help me how?” Logan asked as a slight glimmer of hope rose in his chest.
“I’m going to get you and Jacyn together once and for all. I can see now that you two were made for each other and it’s about damn time you both got the happiness you deserve.”
Chapter Fifteen
Even after all these years, Mitchell still didn’t feel comfortable sitting at the head of the family dinner table. Nevertheless, he did it because ever since their parents had been slaughtered, it was his duty to watch over and protect his siblings. He’d done a piss poor job of it in his opinion.
Still keeping his head down on the pretext of eating, he raised his eyes just enough to take a peek at the others. Jacyn was morose, not talking, as he toyed with his spaghetti. Mitchell didn’t have to guess what was bothering him. Ever since Logan had left, his brother had sunk into a deep depression. It got so bad that Mitchell had almost caved on several occasions and called Logan to beg him to come back.
Cassie was staring at Jacyn, too, but she had a mischievous, almost smug expression on her face. Mitchell knew that look well. The little brat was up to something and that something involved her littermate.
A glance over at Brent confirmed Mitchell’s suspicions. He had a harried, worried face on. The one he always wore when he’d let Cassie talk him into participating in one of her schemes.
Mitchell was concerned, too, but it had a lot more than to do than wondering what Cassie was up to. It was all about Jacyn. For weeks now, he had been becoming more and more withdrawn. While they had all been excited about him coming home, all they got was an empty shell of a guy who wondered around in a sullen silence. The only time he came to life was when he was training with Cassie or Brent and then Jacyn pushed himself so hard it was a wonder he didn’t break.
Despite the confrontation he’d had with Logan before he left, Mitchell had found himself hoping that once he got home, Jacyn would snap out of it. Instead, it had just gotten worse. Which was damn confusing because of the way Jacyn reeked of Logan, it was obvious the two had shared some alone time.
There was also something else he had to bring up with his brother, something he dreaded doing, but couldn’t be put off any longer. Deciding there was no time like the present, Mitchell nervously cleared his throat and said, “Jacyn, I don’t suppose you remember anything about the night Mom and Dad were murdered, do you?”
It was as if Mitchell dropped a bomb in the middle of the table. Cassie gasped as her fork dropped to her plate, the sound of silver hitting china loud. Brent let out a low curse as he rubbed his temples with his fingers. Jacyn was the only one not affected. He barely glanced up as he gave a shrug.
“I don’t remember much at all about my childhood, let alone what happened to me when I was three.”
“Are you sure? Nothing at all?” Mitchell prompted. “Not even some vague recollections?”
“No. I’ve tried and all I ever got is a blank wall.” He shoved his full plate away.
“I need you to try again. This is real important.”
“What’s the big deal?” Cassie demanded hotly.
“Because if Jacyn can tell us how he managed to escape and ended up living with humans, then we may be able to figure out where the other missing shifters are,” Brent supplied as he shot an apologetic look at Jacyn.
“Right now we’re just spinning our wheels. Rat is good at what he does, but we’re just finding a small fraction of the lost felines,” Mitchell added.
As one, they all glanced at the three empty chairs at the table. One for each of the still missing brothers. No matter where they lived, Mitchell always made sure he had a spot for all of his family. He wouldn’t rest either, until that table was full as it should be.
“Maybe I can’t remember anything because I was too young at the time,” Jacyn suggested as he continued to stare at the empty seats.
“That’s not it.” Mitchell shook his head. “Cassie recalls it like it was yesterday.”
“He’s right,” Cassie agreed, a haunted look marring her usual bright features. “I still see it almost every night in my dreams.”
“How did you get out?” Jacyn asked as he reached out and grabbed her hand.
Mitchell almost smiled at the protective gesture. Even though they had only been reunited for three months, the bond between Cassie and Jacyn was strong.
“I woke up because Mom was screaming. I was scared, so much so that I just hid under my covers and cried, unable to get up the courage to run. There were yells, gunfire and then I heard a loud explosion. Even though I could smell the house burning, I was still too afraid to move. Then Brent came running in. He kept the blanket over my eyes so I wouldn’t see Mom and Dad’s bodies as he carried me out of the house.”
“Where was Mitchell during all this?” Jacyn asked Cassie.
Even though there wasn’t one iota of accusation in his voice, that question hit Mitchell hard. “I got hurt during the ambush,” he admitted, guilt making his stomach burn. “Even though Dad yelled for me to go get you and the triplets out, I thought I could help him fight instead.” Mitchell scrubbed his face with his hands and was shocked to find his cheeks wet with tears. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “I was just a young, inexperienced fool, and I got cut down quickly. Brent tried to go back in after he brought Cassie out, but there was another explosion and then everything was just blown to bits.”
“We thought you guys were incinerated in the blast,” Brent interjected, his eyes watering up, too. “If we had known that you were still alive, nothing would have stopped us from looking for you.”
“How did you figure out that some of us survived?” Jacyn asked.
“Actually it was kind of funny—” Brent started.
Mitchell cut him off, “No it wasn’t. We had a guy turn into a puma in the middle of a college campus. It caused a bit of a scene and was one hell of a mess to explain away.”
“Please,” Brent snorted. “You know my street performance magician act, was a perfect cover.”
Mitchell continued as if he hadn’t heard. “Anyhow, once that happened, we suspected that maybe he wasn’t the only one. So we started digging around.”
“And you discovered me,” Jacyn finished with a sigh.
“Yes, I found you. It may have been over twenty years too late, but I finally brought you home.”
“But if I remembered what happened before the explosion you might be able to bring all of us home,” Jacyn concluded, his gaze going back to the three empty chairs.
“Yes, and I think I may know of a way to help you recall that night. It’s risky though,” Mitchell ventured, even though he wasn’t convinced on the idea himself.
“I’ll do anything, just name it,” Jacyn replied without hesitation.
“Doctor Featherstone has some shaman ceremonies he can perform. You’ll drink some concoction he makes up specifically for our kind and it will make you go into a dream walk.” Mitchell made air quotes with his fingers. “He thinks that will help unlock the memories of what happened to you during and after the attack.”
“No.” Cassie shook her head violently as she clutched Jacyn’s hand tighter. “I’ve heard what that stuff can do. How it can turn the user’s mind into mush. Or how they can’t come back and are caught forever in the hallucinations. We can’t risk that.”
“I don’t see how we have a choice,” Jacyn told her gently. “I would never be able to forgive myself for just sitting back and not helping our brothers.”
“But it won’t be worth it if we lose you in the process,” she protested.
“Hey, now I’m sure Doc Featherstone won’t let that happen. He would be short staffed if I was out of it,” Jacyn teased.
“Don’t even make jokes about something like that,” Cassie snapped as she jerked her hand away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of your feelings.” Jacyn leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll tell you what, you can come with me when I do it and if I don’t snap out of it, you can kick me in the ass until I come to.”
“I’ll come, but only so I can watch every step of the process. If I see one thing I don’t like, I’m stopping the whole thing,” Cassie vowed, savagely.
“I’ll be there, too,” Brent added. “I can’t let you guys have all the fun.”
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