by C. L. Quinn
“Well, look at you all dressed up and ready to go, why am I not surprised.”
“Freddie!” Margot stood and hugged her friend. “God, I’m glad to see you.”
“You’re glad to see me? I’m thrilled to see you up and looking so good. When the doctor told me you’d received six gun shots, I was terrified. But you look remarkably healed after all that.”
“I feel pretty okay. Six?”
“Six, my friend.”
“Holy shit. Freddie, when I woke yesterday, I asked you about Xavier.”
Freddie’s eyes seemed to lose focus and she smiled.
“He’s fine and everything is all right.”
Still as stone, Margot looked at Freddie. That was exactly what she’d said yesterday, word for word. So had Robert when she’d asked him.
“Have you seen him? Has he been here?”
“Um, no. So you’re ready to get back to work?”
And, like yesterday, she changed the subject immediately. Something wasn’t right, and Margot was afraid that she knew what it was. Xavier wasn’t fine, and no one wanted to tell her.
“Yeah, sure,” she answered, because it was the safe thing to say. “Freddie, have you seen Xavier?”
“He’s fine and everything is all right.”
Margot repeated the line along with Freddie. Now Freddie looked confused.
“Let’s get you home,” Freddie finally said.
Margot smiled and agreed.
Six hours later, after discharged from the hospital, assuring Freddie that she was okay and just needed some rest, no assistance necessary, Margot sent her home, and was in a taxi heading to The Blind Spot.
It seemed odd that if she’d been struck six times with a bullet, that she felt so good, with no pain at all only two days later. The details of what had happened still came to her in disjointed, unfocused snippets, flashes of images that made no sense.
Even as a child, she’d never felt so out-of-control of her life. Using her training and her own imperatives, the only way Margot knew of to get control again was to methodically investigate everything to know and understand the truth. Then, and only then, could she move on.
After, after, she made sure that Xavier was okay. The one thing that kept torturing her was the fact that through all of this, Xavier had constantly been there to protect her. On the night she’d been abducted, he’d tried to convince her to stay with him. So if he cared that much, and she felt certain he did, where was he? Why hadn’t he been there at her bedside in the hospital?
He would have been. So something was wrong.
The cab pulled up outside the bar just after it had opened, and she slid out. Leaning into the window, she told the driver to wait for her.
He started to say something, and she put her hand up.
“I asked you to wait for me, and you will. Don’t give me any shit about this being a bad neighborhood to stay parked. You will stay, do you hear me?”
Ten seconds into a pause, he nodded.
“Okay, then, I won’t be long.”
Margot walked into the bar, which was still quiet this early, and saw Lucky across the mostly empty room.
Walking up to him, she smiled. “Hey, Luck. Is Xavier here already?”
At first he didn’t answer, and she got the same weird vibe she had from Robert and Freddie when she asked about Xavier. Then Lucky smiled.
“Oh, Margot, hey, you look good.”
“Thanks. Is Xavier here?”
“No. I mean, Xavier’s gone.”
“What?”
“He’s gone. He came by yesterday, gave me a hug, thanked me for the job and the apartment, but said that he was going home. It’s good. He looked good. He’s fine and everything is all right.”
He’s fine and everything is all right. What the hell?
With a fake smile that she was sure was none too successful, she nodded. “Great. Great. Lucky, would you mind if I check the kitchen? I think I left something there.”
“No, go ahead. I don’t have a chef now, so it’s kind of useless right now.”
Margot walked through the swinging door, the memory of the moment she and Xavier met suddenly fresh in her mind. His scent had crawled inside her and stayed there from that first night.
Lucky was right, the room was vacant, the food put away, the utensils untouched, hanging from their racks along the wall beside the cooktop.
He wasn’t there and it looked like he wasn’t going to be there.
As she walked out, she lowered her head to acknowledge Lucky. “Good luck with finding a new cook and bouncer. He’s going to be tough to replace.”
Sadness and exhaustion crossed Lucky’s face. “Yeah, he is. I don’t think I’ll keep the bar a lot longer. It’s getting too much for an old man.”
“I understand. Sometimes I feel like I’m ready to make a change too. Goodnight, Lucky.”
Back in the taxi, Margot gave him directions to a building just down the street. “Again, I’ll only be a minute.”
The driver didn’t protest this time.
Climbing the stairs from the front of the building, Margot stopped outside the door to Xavier’s apartment. She knocked, and, receiving no answer, repeated the knock.
She shouldn’t have done it, but she turned the handle and the door opened. Unlocked, in this neighborhood?
It was dark, but when she walked to where the little lamp had been, it was still there, so she turned the knob and the inadequate bulb glowed. It was exactly as it had been before. The bedroom door was closed, and her heart began to beat faster. Could he be in there?
Slowly, she moved to the door, held her breath, and pushed it open.
The lamp from the living room filtered into the small space where the mattress lay unoccupied. Looking around, she didn’t see any personal items at all. Nothing.
“He’s gone,” she whispered in the silent room.
None of this made any sense to her. Her theory that he might have died and no one wanted to tell her didn’t hold up. Lucky had told her that Xavier came by just yesterday to resign.
All right then. She needed to face the truth. The romance with Xavier had been beautiful, but he was apparently finished with it. Lucky had said that he was going home, and since Xavier had told her that people had shown up who knew him, it made all the sense in the world.
“You might have said goodbye to me, you heartless motherfucker,” she told him there in the room where they’d first made love.
Okay. This interlude was over. It had been interesting, and showed her that she could love, but it was done. Maybe someday she would be able to try again to find a real relationship with a man, but it would be a long time coming. She told herself in that dark room that she’d miss him, but that was all. It was time to get back to her life.
As she walked back down the steps, the pressure behind her eyes continued to build. Who did she think she was fooling? She would more than miss him. He’d taken her heart.
Margot stepped back into the cab as she tried to control the pain.
“Are we done here?” the cabbie asked suddenly.
Margot nodded. “Yeah, we’re done here.”
THE FOLLOWING NIGHT
“We’re ready to go, Xavier.”
“Okay.”
“You still need to see her.”
“I know.”
“Have you decided what you want to do?”
“Aye, Tam, I have. I’ve wavered for two days, but I think the best thing is to erase meself from her life. All I’ve done is hurt her. I nearly got her killed.”
“It’s a complication in our lives, that’s true. But you also have a real connection. Xavier, I don’t think you should throw that away.”
“What can come of it? I don’t know who I am. From what ya say of the kind of man I am, I won’t even want her when I get me memory back. She deserves better. I know a little about her past, and she’s already broken from bad relationships, so she doesn’t need another one.”
&nb
sp; “Your relationship was beautiful.”
“And I’m gettin’ ready to walk out on her. I’m not a well man and I can’t give her what she needs. I’m not even human.”
“Oh, yes you are. We are human, we’re just…a lot more than. Xavier, you’ve never been in love that I know of. Are you now? Don’t you owe it to yourself to find out? To her?”
“She doesn’t know Xavier. She knows Scottie the bar cook and bouncer. Nay, my friend, I can’t do this to her, can I? Look what she’s been through since she’s been with me? I’ll wipe meself from her life, and she’ll be happier. She won’t miss what she can’t remember.”
Tamesine shook her head. “You can’t see into her heart. Ask her.”
“Nay. Maybe. I don’t know. I dread seein’ her.”
“Well, take your time, we’re ready when you are. The sweet young girl is wiped. She has no memory of anything other than the abduction by the human that we made disappear. The intern, Robert, and her assistant, we just left the impulse about Xavier’s whereabouts. David controlled everything in the hospital, so we’ll leave the city with no real trace of us. Koen took care of Lucky.”
“Where is me brother?”
“I don’t know. Koen just said he had something he needed to do before we left.”
“Then I best be gettin’ to it. I’ll be back soon.”
“Xavier…”
Xavier put a hand on her arm. “Ye’ve given me a lot of good advice since I met ya. But I think in this case, I need to do what is best for Margot. She’s worked hard to build the life she wants here in New York. If I’d asked her before all of this happened if she would want to have a relationship with a man who has no idea who or what he is, who just found out that he’s a thousand years old, and a drunk womanizer, she would have passed. I know that. Margot will have the life she wants and deserves. Someday she’ll have a family. I can’t give her that.”
“Oh, Xavier, we have a wonderful family. She would be part of it.”
“Not now. Not yet. Once her memories are purged, she’ll get back to her life, I’ll get back to mine. Someday, maybe, I’ll check in and make sure she’s happy. I owe her that.”
“You have to do what you think is right.” Tamesine remembered leaving Marc to his human life. When she’d done it, she had been convinced that she was doing the right thing.
Xavier was convinced that he was too.
“I’ll be back,” he promised, and left the hotel room.
First day back to work since the abduction and shooting, and it had gone fairly quickly.
“Did anyone tell you that Lipnicki has disappeared? No one has seen him since he abducted you and Robert and they found out that he killed Jonas.”
“No, Freddie, they haven’t. People seem reluctant to speak to me.”
“It’ll take some time. Honey, are you sure you’re not back too soon?”
“No. Sitting around my apartment was absolutely horrible. Here, I can get something done. You know I suck at leisure activity.”
“Yeah, you do. But you’ve had a rough few days. I think you should take some time to work through it.”
“I’m fine, Freddie.” Margot paused, that phrase bringing up the weird one everyone had used when she sought information about Xavier. She continued, to see if it brought a reaction. “Everything will be all right.”
No response to it at all. Huh. Curiouser and curiouser.
“Bring me some case files, Freddie. Keep me busy.”
The day was over before she knew it, and she said goodnight to Freddie to head home.
On her sofa, enjoying a glass of white wine and a slice of French vanilla cake that Freddie had delivered to her from her favorite bakery, Margot took a deep breath and laid her head back.
What did she do now?
She felt empty. The man she’d fallen in love with was gone with no goodbye, she had no closure, no idea how he really had felt about her, and no idea where he actually lived. Just one great big painful bubble of pain behind her and no idea what the future held.
Maybe Freddie had been right. Maybe she did need to take some time off to figure out where she was in her life, what she wanted, how to cope with things. Maybe she needed to get away. God knows it had been years since she’d taken a vacation.
Yeah, somewhere tropical. Find some handsome, darkly tanned cabana boy and fuck him.
“Get back on the horse,” she laughed, and drained her third glass of wine. She was feeling better.
The melodic chimes of her doorbell interrupted. Margot looked up, surprised. It had to be Freddie, checking on her.
“Freddie, Freddie, Freddie…” Margot chanted as she opened the door, and froze, the wine sloshing up the side of her glass.
There he was. Xavier, who she’d been certain was gone forever, stood there, beautiful, real. Her body reacted immediately, her heart pounding.
“Hello, Margot,” he said in that deep voice with that sexy accent she had already tried to forget. Damn’t!
I have my pride, she thought.
Coolly, she said, “Stranger.” Leaving the door open, she walked away. “I heard you left.”
Xavier followed her and closed the door.
“Nay. I would never leave without tellin’ ya.”
“I don’t know that. It’s been days since I was in the hospital and then back home. I don’t recall seeing you.”
“I was a bit, uh, injured as well, lass.”
She turned sharply. “You were hurt? I didn’t know. How could I, no one knew anything about you or the others. Xavier, what happened to you? You’re okay, aren’t you?”
“Aye.” He stepped up to within inches from her. “May I hold ya?”
She nearly collapsed against him. “Yes. Please.”
When Xavier pulled her into his arms, all the pain, all the terror, all the hurt, of the past few days melted. She felt safe enclosed in his embrace, like she belonged there. Dare she risk telling him how she’d felt? She couldn’t stop herself.
“I thought you’d left me.”
“Nay, but lass, I need to talk with ya.”
Margot pulled away. The phrase was usually a portent…a bad one. Practical Margot took over again.
“Okay. Let’s sit down at least.”
Seated now, she pulled her feet up under her and reached for her freshly filled glass. Somehow, she knew she was going to need it.
“What is it, Scotsman?”
Scotsman. He was going to miss the way she irreverently snapped that word at him.
“Are ya okay? Are ya in any pain?”
Not physical, no, but this, what you’re doing now, is ripping me apart.
“No,” she answered.
“Margot, I can fix it if ye’re hurt.”
“Oh. Are you a doctor? Do you play one on TV?”
“Lass…”
“I’m sorry, I’m being a bitch. I guess I don’t want to hear what you’re going to say. To answer your question properly, I’m a little sore. A little tired, that’s all. There isn’t anything for you to fix.”
“I’ve been thinkin’. About you, about us. About what is best for ya.”
“God, that never leads to anything good. Would you do me the favor of not thinking for me?”
“That’s what Tamesine suggested.”
“She’s right.”
“About that, maybe. But I’m not the man ya think I am. I don’t even know if ya would like me when I get me memories back. It isn’t right to do this to ya, lass, and I’ve decided that ye’re better off without vampires in yer life.”
“Vampires? We’re back to that nonsense? Look, I care about you, I want you, and I can help you with these weird delusions. But you have to come clean with me. You have to let me help you.”
When she looked back into his eyes, pooling moisture stopped her. “Xavier…” her voice softened and she slid forward to put her arms around his neck and bury herself against his warmth.
“Margot, look at me,” he commanded, and s
he lifted her eyes to his.
“Listen to what I tell ya. Ye will obey me and do exactly what I tell ya to do.”
Xavier pushed the compulsion, and he watched her eyes lose focus, her lips part.
“Okay,” she said, her arms still around his neck, but they loosened.
“Margot, ye won’t remember me, anythin’ about me, what we’ve done together, includin’ our lovemakin’. Ye won’t remember any of my friends, except Lucky, and nothin’ about vampires at all. Rodney, ye’ll remember, and his women, who ye’ve fought to protect. Ya will remember that sexual intercourse is enjoyable, nothin’ to fear, and nothin’ to avoid. I want ya to enjoy yer life and have amazin’ sex.”
That part hurt, telling her to look for other sexual partners. He couldn’t stand the idea of any other man touching her, but if he couldn’t be in her life, he wanted her to find love.
Leaning into her, he kissed her, gently at first, then, tears filling his eyes, the horrible incongruity of her eyes empty and dry, a deeper kiss.
Xavier ran his hands over her head, the silky hair, the delicate jawline, down the side of her neck where he wanted to bury his fangs.
He should go. He couldn’t move.
“Margot…” That was all he could get out now, his throat closing, emotions too raw to speak.
Get your ass up and get out of her life. If you’re leaving, just go. Let her get to the moving on.
Hands still curved along her cheeks, he caught her gaze one last time. “Have a wonderful life. I…”
One final kiss. It wouldn’t be enough, but it was all he could take. “I love ya, lass.”
He stood and sent her the final compulsion. “Sleep now and wake refreshed in the mornin’ to a new day.”
As the door closed, Margot slipped onto her comfortable sofa and curled up, her eyelids dropped, and she was out immediately.
Across town, back in the Smoke District, Koen blew past the guards posted at every entrance of the old warehouse just down the street from Lucky’s bar. He knew where he was going this time.