Neither the little red-capped fiend or the owner of the voice under the bridge was visible. She shivered and raced to catch up, shoes squishing loudly in the otherwise quiet forest. Only thunder pierced the strange quiet of the woods and the moon had disappeared behind a coverlet of clouds.
Lighting forked in the sky, and in its momentary brightness, she saw the path. She sighed with relief.
From a distance, she heard her father calling.
Knot yowled in return and then disappeared into the woods in the direction of her father's voice. Just like that cat to come to her rescue, then get her into trouble. Despite nearly being drowned by a manic midget in a really bad elf suit, Keelie knew her butt was about to be barbecued, parent-style. She wrapped her arms around herself in attempt to shield her body from the cold, from the woods, and from whatever creepy stuff was happening around the Faire.
As Zeke walked quickly toward her, Knot accompanied him, meowing like he was telling Zeke what had happened. Her father nodded as if he understood him and walked faster. The snot cat was ratting her out.
He stopped, inhaled, and then he reached for her and hugged her close to him. "By all that is blessed in the Great Silvus, you're safe."
Keelie stepped back from his fatherly embrace.
Lowering his hands, Zeke clenched them into fists. "Half the Faire's been looking for you. You've been in great danger."
Keelie's teeth started to chatter, but she wasn't about to confirm or deny. He'd left her almost fourteen years ago. Mom and Dad were never divorced.
"Were you at the Shire? That place is off-limits, Keelie. I thought you understood that. You were in great danger."
"I know. I was there."
"And you're grounded. And you are not to walk by yourself-ever. Sir Davey or myself will accompany you."
Fabulous. A new level of lame.
"I'm not in nursery school, Zeke. I can take care of myself."
A glow from nearby made her glance away from her father's angry face. Was it that tiny dude, come back to finish the job? This could turn out like that horror movie about the evil leprechaun she'd seen late one night on the SciFi channel. Mom hated the SciFi channel.
The glow got closer. It was a lamp, held up by Sean. How embarrassing. She scarcely heard her father's angry words as she thought of the extreme humiliation of being reamed out on the path while the Faire's number-one hottie could hear. Where was he ten minutes ago when she needed to be rescued?
"The regular rules don't apply here. I should have warned you, but you've only been here one day and already you've disobeyed me. I can't trust you. I was going to allow you to use the telephone to call your friends in California, but that's out now until I see that you can obey my rules."
Grounded? What could be worse? She saw Sean, who'd overheard everything, turn to someone, and the person stepped into the light. Elia. Elia, grinning broadly. If that manic midget needed a victim, Keelie had a recommenda tion for him. After she kicked his butt for trying to drown her.
Time to turn the tables on dear old dad. A little sympathy play might get her sentence reduced.
She summoned a sniffle, a convincing one since she'd probably caught pneumonia. "I got lost in the woods and found Elia's father. Elianard frightened me."
"Where did you meet Elianard?"
"At his place. Gotta say, they live much better than you do. How does he rate the stone tower? Kind of fairy tale, but cool."
Zeke stared at her as if he'd just noticed that she was soaked. He picked a thorn out of her sleeve. "What happened, exactly?"
"I fell into the stream and got attacked by a grumpy yard gnome with pointy teeth. Knot rescued me." She tried to make light of it, but her muscles tightened and she started to shiver. The gnome had really tried to kill her.
She stared at the cat. So awful to be indebted to the beast that had ruined her clothes. "We need to call the police so they can arrest that demented gnome, lock him up, and throw away the key."
"This gnome, did he have a red cap?"
"Yeah, do you know him?"
"No." Zeke sounded offended that she would even ask the question. "But this confirms what we suspected. It's not a gnome. I'll have to notify the others."
"Hey, how about some justice for me? I want to file a police report. I want to see his butt hauled off to jail. I want Rumpelstiltskin in a lineup."
Zeke sighed wearily. "This is a Faire problem. We'll handle it."
"What? You haven't been down to the Shire, have you?" She leaned closer to get a whiff of his breath. He smelled like cinnamon.
Raven came running down the path, holding a blanket over her arm.
Janice was close behind her. "Keelie, are you okay? I heard you got wet."
"Been talking to Knot? He's such a chatterbox."
Raven snorted. "Okay, long evening, tired kid. You need to get dry, 0 delusional one." She unfurled the blanket. It was a wool cape with a hood. She settled it on Keelie's shoulders and put the hood up.
Keelie thought she probably looked just like she feltlike Death.
"I can't believe you let her stand out here, freezing to death, Zeke." Janice fussed over her, twisting the cloak closed. "She needs dry clothes."
"These are my only clothes." Keelie sniffed for effect.
Both women turned to Zeke, openmouthed.
"I don't have any underwear, either. Knot peed on them. In my suitcase." Keelie sniffed again.
"That's it. We're taking you shopping tomorrow." Janice looked determined.
Zeke threw his arms in the air. "I was going to. She's only been here one day."
"Let's go to the mall." Raven grinned at Keelie.
"I told her I would take her shopping. We'll go to the mall tomorrow," Zeke said. He sounded defeated.
"You?" Raven looked at her mother, who returned her disbelieving stare. "You've never been to a mall."
Raven laughed. "This I will have to see. Zeke Heartwood in the mall. This is High Mountain Renaissance History in the making. I can't wait to see her reaction when she sees what you drive. I'm coming with the two of you. Keelie will need the moral support."
"Fine, do you want to drive?" Zeke raised an eyebrow.
"No, that's fine," Raven said hastily. "I'll ride."
Keelie hadn't thought of what kind of car her father might drive. "What is it, a Gremlin?" She snorted.
Raven shook her head. "You'll never believe it."
"You'll see," her father said. Thunder rumbled ominously overhead.
It wasn't until much later, when she was in bed, that she realized she hadn't asked her father what Elianard had meant by "little human half-breed."
nine
Keelie ran down the path to the parking lot ahead of her father. She'd spent the morning doing her laundry with Dad's herbal soap. Now her panties smelled like cat pee and lavender.
She'd tried to use the washers and dryers, but had stopped dead ten feet away and out of sight of the occupants.
The little glass-fronted room with the two commercial washers and dryers was full of half-naked pirates. They were drinking mead, throwing dice, and waving their arms, probably telling stories to each other, and not one of them had on more than underwear.
Keelie presumed that their clothes were being washed, but she wasn't about to go near the place, no matter how good they looked. And some of them were lots of fun to look at. She could sell tickets. The Full Randy-a new pirate show.
It had been a pain to do the laundry by hand. Next time, pirates or no pirates, she was using the machines, or else she'd be the one that was naked. But that might be moot. In two hours she'd be at the mall.
Keelie stared in disbelief at the ancient pickup truck with its rusted hood. She'd rushed through Ariel's feeding for this?
"Like I'm going to be seen riding around in this ski chalet on wheels," Keelie said. "Everybody who sees me get out of this contraption will expect me to yodel."
The thought of shopping at a real mall had made her almost giddy
, but the jubilation deflated when she saw Zeke's unbearable ride.
The pickup truck wasn't so bad. It was even kind of cool, in a retro-cowboy way. But the A-frame camper attached to the back of it, decorated like a shop project birthday cake with gingerbread trim, horrified her.
Zeke sighed. "It's the only wheels I have, Keelie, so if you want to go to the mall and buy some new clothes, then you're riding in this `ski chalet on wheels."'
"I don't see how you draw the chicks with this," she said. "This buggy broadcasts `Granola Acres Retirement Home' loud and clear."
"This is just transportation, Keelie. And I'm older than I look, but I'm not retirement age."
"How old are you?" It hadn't occurred to her before to ask his age.
"Old enough to be your daddy." He opened the camper. "Would you like the grand tour, mademoiselle?"
She was going to refuse, but the smell of cedar wafted from the dark interior like a forest perfume. Irresistible.
Her hand reached out, fingertips touching the wood of the camper frame. It was blue spruce and cedar, from a remote northern forest in Alberta, Canada. Lovely.
She was growing used to the internal wood identification system she seemed to have been born with. In L.A. it had been faint, but here, surrounded by old forest, it was like a sound system turned up full blast.
The inside of the camper looked like a dollhouse. A small stove and refrigerator lined the back, next to a minute countertop and sink. Garlands of garlic and dried red peppers hung from a cup hook overhead.
"This is so cute!" As long as it stayed parked right here.
She ran her hand over the homemade quilt with awesome tree appliques that was tucked over the mattress on the shelf bolted to the wall.
A smaller shelf below the big one held a round pet bed lined with fleece and decorated with reindeer. Even if she hadn't guessed that it was Knot's bed, Keelie recognized his orange cat hair. An evil smile tugged at her lips. So, the wittle bitty kitty had a reindeer bed. She'd remember to torment him with that knowledge next time she saw him.
She looked out a window and saw the majestic Rockies, rising like giant stone teeth, and the Faire, tucked in at the bottom of the rising rock mammoths like a village from a fairy tale by Grimm.
Keelie glanced around the small interior. It had a cozy, self-sufficient atmosphere to it. She loved it, but something had to be done about the hideous alpine hillbilly exterior.
"Getting the fifty-cent tour?" Raven stuck her head in the door. "So, Keelie, what do you think?"
"This is too cute. Like a little dollhouse."
Zeke smiled at Keelie.
"I just don't want to be seen driving in it." She watched her father's smile vanish.
"Yeah, just think how it'll be learning how to drive it. You're fifteen, right?"
Learn to drive? In this? Keelie grabbed the doorway. Elm.
Zeke looked kind of faint, too. "Learn to drive? Already?"
"Miss fourteen years and it kind catches up to you, doesn't it?" Keelie stood straighter. Learning to drive in this buggy was so not going to happen, but if it made Zeke uncomfortable, she'd let him think she wanted it.
"Mom had a Volvo. Fabulous safety rating." She flicked the doorway with her finger.
Raven grinned up at her. "My mom taught me how to drive in her old VW van. It was like driving a box. Worse, it reeked of stale patchouli."
Raven shouldered her purse. She looked great in hiphugging jeans and layered sweaters. As she reached up, Keelie saw a glint of gold at the waistband of Raven's jeans. A belly ring.
Envy stung Keelie. She wanted one so badly. For sure she'd have it before the summer was done.
"Earth to Keelie. Ready to go to the mall?" Raven was grinning.
Mall! Keelie'd been distracted from her mission for new clothes. She wanted-no, needed-to go shopping. It wasn't just about underwear. She craved the processed air, the new-clothes smell of retail heaven, not to mention the scents of fresh high-end coffee brewing, perfume samples, and the mingled smells of the food court-cinnamon buns, French fries, and Chinese food-that would infuse new life into her blood cells. She jumped down from the camper, landing with a splash.
"I'm ready."
If she had to ride in the Swiss Miss Mobile to get there, then by golly, she'd do it. Mom would've been proud that Keelie hadn't let any obstacle stop her from going shopping.
Zeke hopped into the driver's side of the ancient truck, inserted his key, and the engine coughed like a chain-smoking emphysema patient Keelie'd met when she'd gone on pink lady volunteer rounds with Grandma Josephine.
Raven jumped in next to Keelie after she got back in, squishing her against Zeke, then slammed the passengerside door shut.
Finally, the engine sputtered to life. Zeke pulled out of the graveled back parking lot where the Renaissance Faire actors and vendors parked their personal vehicles.
The place was crowded with Faire workers in everyday clothes, enjoying their day off. She didn't see Captain Randy. She almost giggled at the thought of just how much of him she'd seen earlier. It gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "pirate booty."
"On weekdays the craftspeople work on their wares, making more stock for the weekends," Zeke explained.
Raven laughed. "Not everyone's a craftsperson. A lot of us go to the laundromat, the grocery store, and do all those errands we don't have time for during the weekends."
Another pickup truck approached them, this one perfectly normal, with no dents, and best of all, no chalet on the back. It was full of long-haired guys. The driver leaned out and blew kisses at them. Captain Randy! Had he seen her?
Zeke shook his head.
Raven rolled her eyes. "That idiot. He was probably at the Admin office picking up his paycheck."
"Paycheck?" It hadn't occurred to Keelie that these guys got paid. She thought they all sold their stuff, like her dad did.
Raven gave her a look. "This ain't Middle Earth. The ones who aren't craftspeople are actors and performers."
"Does Elia get paid, too?"
"You bet."
"Not for her personality, that's for sure." As they approached the highway, Keelie ducked down.
"Need a nap?" Zeke's perfect profile was turned toward the road.
"Nope. Just because I had some kind of Little House on the Prairie spasm in the camper does not mean I want to be seen hauling it through the hills like Jed Clampett's kin."
"Jed who?"
Keelie sighed. The man was a media moron. "I'll bet you never watch Nick at Nite, do you? Hello? The Beverly Hillbillies?"
"Never met them."
Raven laughed and started to sing the theme song.
"And you're probably old enough to have seen them when the show was new," Keelie added.
He grinned. "I probably am."
"At least the rain's held off this morning." Raven looked at the lowering dark clouds.
"Business is way off because of it." Zeke drove with both hands on the wheel. Mom had driven with one hand on the wheel and a cell phone in the other.
"Elianard doesn't seem to be hurting financially." Keelie remembered his lush robe and fancy house.
"He doesn't show his face much at the Faire. He must have another business," Raven said.
"He's a teacher." Zeke turned on the truck lights as rain hammered them.
Keelie couldn't imagine what the beaky-nosed, arro gant man could teach. He hadn't taught his daughter any manners, that was for sure.
Two hours later, after driving in pouring-down rain around what seemed like every street in the world, they arrived at the mall. Funny-it only should have taken thirty minutes from the Renaissance Faire grounds to the mall, according to Cameron.
Like a typical man, Dad refused to ask for directions. Whenever Raven asked if he could pull over in a service station to ask, he said, "I know what I'm doing." If Mom had been driving, she'd have used her sales sonar to zone in on the exact location. Or her GPS system.
Keelie sighed w
ith delight as she scanned the grand temples of retail. She'd brought her money with her, but she wasn't going to spend it unless she had to. Dad owed her. She'd spend his money first. Plus, she might need it when she left for L.A.
"You girls hop out here, and I'll park the truck."
Keelie hopped out and ran for the doors, not anxious to be seen leaving the Swiss Miss Chalet on wheels.
She and Raven went through the revolving doors and stopped inside by a bubbling fountain. Music wafted through the air above the hushed murmurs of hundreds of shoppers.
Keelie took a deep breath, ready for a hit of that shopping-mall smell. This California girl was so ready.
Instead, the air seemed stale, a recycled stink that seemed familiar, but gross. Artificial. It wasnt the life-reviving result she'd anticipated. The first inhalation of mall air had always filled Keelie with a feeling of delirious anticipation. She stared around at the carefully manicured indoor gardens, the water fountain, the bright colors of store signs, and carefully arranged displays. It all seemed fake.
Don't panic, she reassured herself. She'd been through a lot of stress, and she needed to get inside a store. A real store with real clothes, and then she'd feel like the real Keelie.
"I'm ready for a tall latte and a dose of retail therapy," Raven declared.
Zeke joined them, looking disoriented and totally out of place.
"Where do we start?" he asked. "I take it this is your natural environment?"
Keelie swept her arm in a dramatic gesture, then twirled around on one foot like a ballerina. "This is my world."
Zeke sighed. "Then give me the grand tour."
Keelie scanned the directory and found her favorite store. "La Jolie Rouge is on the third floor. Let's start there."
"I love their clothes." Raven ran her finger down the illuminated glass sign. "Here's the coffee shop. Want to come there with me first, or shall I join you later?"
"Let's get this over with as quickly as possible." Zeke didn't look well.
She wanted to do it all, but if her father was going to declare a time limit, she needed to strategize.
"Get me a double-shot grande latte. And if they have almond biscotti, a couple of those." Keelie looked at her father. "How about you? Herb tea?"
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