She watched as he exited the garage, started up his truck, and backed out.
What’s the one sure way to get a man to leave? she asked herself. Say the ‘L’ word.
Ivory searched around in her purse for her Jeep keys. She needed to go pick up Ashley from Jenny and figure out how to keep her heart safe from Jax.
Chapter Fourteen
Jax felt the need to purge it all. He wanted to get rid of it. And the only way he’d be able to forget Ivory’s confession, the fact he had a child on the way and still keep his sanity would be to get shit-faced drunk. He went to Magruder’s.
“Trixie, give me a double, and keep ‘em coming,” he told the bartender, and took a seat in the back corner of the bar. He liked Magruder’s. No one fucked with him.
Jax downed the first round of bourbon and sipped the second. He could still smell Ivory on his fingers when he tilted the glass to his lips, and his cock groaned in agony. And then the memories invaded time and again. The rescue. The bullet bouncing around in his body. The fact his life could be over.
His parents’ death. Where it all started. Ivory threatened to make him feel the pain of that all over again with her soulful eyes and big heart. If he let her in, then he’d have to remember all the things that made him who he was. He’d have to show her the black hole where his heart should be. He tightened his hold on the glass, chugged it.
The sweet burn of the alcohol slid down his throat, coated his stomach in warmth, fuzzed out the awful memories before they had a chance to take root. She offered salvation, yet in order to get it, he’d have to confront the past head on. Examine the reasons. Forgive himself.
Jax motioned for Trixie to bring him another.
“Honey, who you going to call when you end up flat on your face?” Trixie put his drink down in front of him, and Jax scooped it up.
“A cab.”
“You ain’t got a woman keeping your bed warm?” Trixie’s heavy voice and painted lips made Jax grin. The woman had to be in her fifties.
“Not tonight, darling’. She didn’t want to.”
Trixie’s brown eyes popped. “Who wouldn’t want to bed you, Jax? If I was ten years younger, I’d be throwing’ myself at you.”
Jax rubbed his jaw. Ivory’s haunted eyes etched in his mind. “Thanks, Trix, but just any woman won’t do these days.”
She sauntered off at his brutish tone, and Jax thanked her silently for the peace. Ivory was the only one who could give him what he needed now. Even the lovely ladies at the strip club downtown wouldn’t take his mind off his blue balls and the spitfire who gave him the mother of all hard-ons.
How did he get mucked up in this thing that could be frighteningly labeled a relationship? She stormed into his life, and just kept the punches coming. First with Ashley, then with her delectable body, her open heart, and now with the baby. Forever, he would be intertwined with Ivory Black, and he’d be damned, if he didn’t admit to himself at least, he was happy about it.
First, he had to tame the beast inside of him. The past that hung over him like a black cloud, the wrongs he’d committed. If he went to Ivory, asked for a chance, then he’d open himself up to criticism. He’d lose the part of his character he prided himself on having. The loner.
The lone part of his profession is what kept him alive. Would she ask him to change? Leave the military? He’d heard stories from former teammates that their wives neutered them, snipped their dicks and strung up their balls. Could he give up his life in the Special Forces for a woman? For his child?
Being a sniper, a soldier, was the only thing he knew how to do.
“You look lost in thought,” came a tiny voice, and Jax blinked.
“What are you doing here? Does Ivory know? Should you be driving after dark?” Jax couldn’t get the questions out fast enough as Nana stood in front of him, a little pink jacket wrapped around her slender shoulders and her white purse cleaved to her breast.
“May I sit?”
Jax jumped out of his chair and pulled the only other one available out for the old lady. If she slipped on ice, she’d break a hip. Ivory would blame him. “Nana, what are you doing here?”
Nana waved her hand, her silver curls perfectly coifed around her face, her eyes the same sky blue as Ivory’s. “I used to raise hell when I was your age. I know ‘bout Magruder’s and I suspected you might be needing a drink tonight.”
Jax sat back down hard in his chair. “Mickey told you.”
“That, too,” she allowed. Trixie ambled over.
“Can I get ya, something, honey?”
Nana ordered a beer, and Trixie went off with a raised brow. She turned back to Jax. “So, I guess getting Ivory to bend to your will isn’t going over so well?”
Jax shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his bourbon cradled between his palms. “Not exactly.”
Nana waited for Trixie to bring her drink before continuing. She took a sip and wiped her mouth with a handkerchief. “Ivory’s a fickle one. She loves her job, her kids. Ashley. She’d do just about anything for anyone, but since Nathan broke her heart, pinning that girl down has become tough. I was surprised when I saw you back at my house after that first night.”
Jax let the information soak through his mushy brain. “I asked her to move in with me.”
“And she took off running?”
Jax quirked a smile at the woman. “No, actually I ran the other direction. Hell, Nana, I asked her to move in, and she mentioned the ‘love’ word.”
Nana patted his hand, her small white fingers a stark comparison to his. “Commitment can be tough, huh?”
Jax sat back. “What’s the deal with you and Mickey?”
Nana’s cheeks actually turned red. Jax smiled and finished off his drink. “I don’t kiss and tell, Jackson.”
Hearing his surname made Jax feel like a ten-year-old caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner. “I’m happy for him. He’s looking better these days.”
“Ah, well, the love of a good woman can change a man for the better,” she said. “You’d do best to remember that, and my Ivory, she’s the best there is.”
Jax agreed, but wouldn’t admit it aloud. Nana stood, jangling keys in his face. “Come on, boy. I’ll take you home. Mickey is waiting in the car to drive your truck home.”
“I’ll be fine, Nana.”
“I don’t think so, young man. You’re the father of my great grandbaby, and I suspect Ivory’s prospect for marriage. I don’t want you wrapping yourself around a tree.”
Jax followed the older lady outside and tossed his keys to Mickey. The old man clapped him on the back while he settled himself in Nana’s old Buick. He idly wondered if driving drunk would be more safe than with a seventy-something woman.
To his surprise, Nana Black was capable and had all of her faculties. She drove well for someone getting on in age. He thanked her for the ride, but when he went to grab his keys from Mickey, the guy pocketed them. “Nope, buster. Won’t have you driving. I can smell ya from here.”
Jax groaned. He realized it must be Nana’s own form of personal torture. House the man lusting for her granddaughter’s body. What a stupid thing to do. When he entered the residence, Ivory sat curled up on the couch, her red silk bathrobe wrapped around her. Her hair was wet, and Jax felt the insane notion to go over and let the smell take root in his brain. She glanced at the doorway and did a double-take.
“What are you doing here?”
He took his boots off, entering her space. She sat up straighter on the couch, and Jax caught a glimpse of her pale, creamy flesh. He arranged his hands in front of his dick, in case Nana or Mickey saw. He noticed the baby monitor sitting next to Ivory as she watched television.
“Nana is making me stay,” he grumbled. He sat next to her, just to drive himself nuts. He could smell the shampoo, the flowery essence when she moved to give him some room. He wanted to run his hands up her thighs and spread them wide open.
She gave him a tight smile. “Sh
e caught you drinking, didn’t she?”
Jax took her hand in his, turning her palm over. “Yes.” His voice went husky. He traced circles on her inner wrist. He heard her slight intake of air, and his cock responded with a sharp jerk.
“Well, come on. We’ll get you settled in.” She led him up the stairs.
Jax had never entered the upstairs domain, but he could see Nana written everywhere. Her soft touches, the muted colors. Ivory led him to a bedroom at the end of the hallway, and turned on the light. “It’s got fresh towels and linen,” she said, waiting for him to pass her. “I guess you’ll have to sleep in the nude.”
Jax threw a look over his shoulder, warning her not to play. He could read the hesitancy in her, the way she slightly held herself back from him. He didn’t like it. “Come here.”
She stepped further into the bedroom, displaying her nerves when she tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
Jax smoothed a hand down her cheek, and she turned into his palm, kissing it, her little tongue darting out to sear the toughened skin. “Don’t apologize for being honest.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her blue eyes implored he accept her apology.
Instead, he leaned in, kissed her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, the tip of her nose before sipping from her lips. She let him in, and Jax savored the moment. A gentle pull of desire tugged on him, a need to be with her, be slow and sweet. Give to her more than he took. “You don’t scare me, Ivory, as much as I scare myself.”
She slid her hands beneath his shirt, her sharp nails grazing his skin. Jax didn’t even notice the pain in his side when she touched him. Ivory pulled back from him, her eyes on his. “I think we can get away with a little fun, if we’re quiet.”
Jax held his breath for a beat before expelling it. “I don’t think so. This is your Nana’s house. I’m depraved, but not that much.”
Ivory waggled her eyebrows. “Nana’s depraved. Come join me in my room, after she goes to bed.”
She left then, her small feet not making a sound, and when she shut the door, Jax collapsed on the bed. The woman would drive him insane before the military would. A smile breached his somber mood.
* * * *
The light from the full moon kept Ivory awake. The silver beams streamed through the parted curtains. Her bed covers were pushed to the end of the bed, the slinky nightgown she wore bunched at her thighs. She stared at the ceiling, shadows of bare tree branches inching across the white plaster.
Ivory twisted around, throwing her pillow on the floor when her neck began to sweat. If pregnancy didn’t make her hot, the fact Jax lay just a few feet down the hall, probably buck-ass naked, made her burn.
When the red numbers on her alarm clock mocked her as the minutes passed, Ivory dropped her feet to the floor, and tiptoed over the floorboards until she was safely in the hall. Nana had started sleeping on the first floor, with Mickey, and only Ashley would be on the upper level with her and Jax.
With deliberate slowness, she turned the handle of his bedroom door and pushed it open. The moonlight didn’t reflect in his southern facing window, and she couldn’t see where she stepped. When she felt the texture change from soft carpet to rough jean material, Ivory’s body erupted in a full-blown meltdown.
Before she could climb in the bed with him though, Jax turned on the light. She stopped mid-step, her eyes wide. “You’re awake?”
“I never went to sleep.”
Ivory bit her lip, pulling on the hem of her nightgown. “I was, uh.” She searched for the words. “I wanted to make sure you’re all right.”
Jax pulled back the sheets that covered his gloriously naked form, the shadows hugging the rigid muscles, and Ivory felt a thrill race through her when she caught sight of his erect cock.
“Get in,” he said softly.
Ivory gathered the material around her legs and pulled the nightgown over her head. She set down on the edge of the bed, and Jax placed a kiss at the base of her spine. Ivory closed her eyes in satisfaction. His tongue snaked out, traced the path of her spine, and she sank down onto the mattress. Her smaller body fitted against his much larger one.
When he wrapped an arm around her waist, his hand splayed across her tummy. Ivory’s breath hitched, and tears swam in her eyes. She burrowed her face in his chest. She reached to turn out the light, and Jax planted small kisses along her forehead and down her face. He pulled her back against his front, sliding one large thigh between hers.
She couldn’t wait to feel the pulse of his hands against her achy opening, or for him to fill her with his erection. She waited in vain, but he was hell bent on slow torture. He palmed her breasts, teasing her nipples to attention.
Jax whispered against her hair, “Don’t do anything, Ivory. Just feel.”
She threaded her fingers through his hair as he slid his palm over her belly, then down between her thighs. His soft strokes and shallow plunges into her core made her sigh in anticipation, weak with need. He spread her wetness from her pussy to her rear, circled the forbidden opening there with his finger. Ivory closed her eyes against the dark pleasure he elicited in her.
“Ask for anything, Ivory, and I’ll give it to you.”
She bit down on his thumb when he inserted the digit into her mouth, sucked on the tip, tasting the salty flavor of him. He continued to lather the area of her ass she never dreamed could be used as pleasure center, until she felt his finger slowly work its way inside.
At first, the tight muscles resisted his entry, but as she became accustomed to the sensation. Jax used his other hand to assault her clit, massaged the sweet entrance with practiced ease. She held her voice, afraid to either wake her nana or Ashley. Jax’s member prodded her lower back, but Ivory couldn’t think for what he was putting her through.
Sizzles. Snaps. Quick fires of pleasure zinged and zoomed across her nerve endings. She felt helpless against his ministrations, his quiet whispers against her ear, the almost painful attention at her slit, the taboo act he performed on her rear. Ivory felt tears form behind her eyelids as another burst of unsatisfied demand roared through her clit. He wouldn’t let her budge from the crest.
“Jax, I need you inside of me.”
She felt him withdraw first from her rear, and then her core, but when he pulled her thigh higher over his, she shivered as the head of his shaft prodded her drenched slit. He worked himself inside of her, the ridges and veins of his manhood evident to her raw nerves. He rasped a prayer in her ear as she took him all the way.
He set the tempo, a slow thrust followed by a harder jab, his fingers playing her clit like a fine tuned violin, and boy, did her body sing for him as red flashed through her mind, followed by blues, green and finally white. White-hot. She muffled her cry as an orgasm a thousand times her usual sensitivity ripped through her body. Her body hugged his, squeezed. She heard his curse, his plea, as he gathered her hips close and slammed up into her.
Each pound of his cock made her body lash out in resistance, the aftershock from her mind-bending ride categorized somewhere between pleasure and pain. Oh, she loved it. She wanted more. She wanted him. All of him.
When his growl of approval ran through her head, Ivory felt him go still behind her, his breathing heavy. She waited for his heart to stop hammering her back, until his lungs sounded normal. He slid from her. She rolled over, searched out his lips with her own, and gave him a soft kiss to seal their unspoken truths.
He ran a finger down her hairline, the sweaty strands pasted there. “I think it’s time we got some sleep.”
Ivory pulled the covers higher over her body, the fire quenched in her gut. With Jax’s arms wrapped around her back, her belly nestled against his hard stomach, Ivory fell asleep. If she felt Jax twitch in the middle of the night, she gave him space. When he woke up in a cold sweat, Ivory offered him a glass of water.
When the sky turned red and pink, a wash of yellow on the horizon, Jax finally rested, his smooth brow relaxe
d in repose, his hard jaw softer. She stroked a finger over his chin, then down his neck. The safety of her heart hung in the balance, and Ivory knew too many nights in his arms would be her undoing.
The man suffered from nightmares, cold sweats, flashbacks. He had no room in his heart for her, Ashley, or an unborn child. A curious helplessness settled over her as birds began to sing, the day coming to life.
She couldn’t save Jax.
And Jax couldn’t save himself.
* * * *
Jax woke up alone. The sun beat down on his brow through the window, and the smell of Ivory’s shampoo lingered on his pillow. He sat up and noticed the note on his nightstand. He opened the standard white notebook paper. In her neat, swoopy handwriting, she’d written:
Ivory's Addiction Page 19