"I'm lost. I don't think I'm that curious."
Dutch smiled and Clete burst into laughter. He really was "lost." He just didn't see it.
"Lane, you're so curious, you've found a way to see the future."
"I was born with that, Clete. It's just there."
"Clete was always passionate. Probably gave hugs that bruised when he was two. I'm so stubborn, my mother said I reminded her of her Dutch grandfather. He refused to give up and spent five years in a crippled spaceship living on food concentrate and recycled water and air. He'd plotted his course and knew eventually he'd tumble through a space lane. He thought it would take twelve. Dutch isn't from Duchelle. It's for him. I had it by the time I was a year old."
"But my sisters see the future too."
"One future. Unchanging. You say they're quite happy that way. Would you be?"
"I can answer that. You wouldn't. You get excited every time you anticipate a change, Lane. You can't wait to find out what happens. Like a kid at Christmas. Near breathless with anticipation."
"Am I really?"
"Yes. You're surprised. You've always thought of yourself as rather cool and reserved. Almost envied Dutch and I our... drive. That's the best word I can come up with. Lane, you're about as cool as a stable star. Your reserve is stability. Nothing else. You can't resist a puzzle or a mystery. And... behind it all you may be a freer, wilder, spirit than either of us. You have no reserve when it comes to learning the truth of things. I agree with you, Dutch, insatiable curiosity."
"That's our key. Now all we have to do is figure out what to use it on. The lock it fits. I think we... Let's start with meditation and Melissa. She's a mystery. So are we."
"You just got him excited, Dutch."
"Good. We're on our way."
Five days later, they were ready to begin working on the 'anger' again. They had already won the real battle. They knew it.
"Can you feel the difference, Clete?"
"Yes, it's weaker. Still malevolent. Still angry. But weaker. Why, Dutch?"
"Well, Lane? A mystery?"
"Not really. Analogy: There used to be receivers that could run on either of two sources of power, current running along wires and directed to outlets, or storage batteries installed in the unit and replaced when exhausted. We unplugged it from the wall. Eventually, it would run down."
"How eventually?"
"A very long time, Dutch. A lot of wrecks, drownings and fear long time."
"So we still need to take it out."
"Yes. It doesn't belong here."
"I pity it."
"Explain that statement, Clete."
"It doesn't belong anywhere, Dutch. It's not needed, not wanted and it has no home. I'll destroy it, but I'll pity it."
"Your pity and compassion are the greatest weapons in our arsenal, Clete. It has neither. We have an island to find. In Lissa. Melissa stays here. You know, she's not happy with her current shape. We should move her."
"Suggestions, Lane."
"Put her where she can be either of the two shapes she likes, Dutch. The spaceport or the carnival."
"Let's take her to the carnival."
"Whoa! Changes! Oh my. That was a good choice. We really are going to have fun when we get back. If we get back."
"You know, Clete, it doesn't even bother me any more when he says that."
"Says what, Dutch?"
"If."
Lane coaxed Melissa into being Lissa at the spaceport to drop her, then let her be her favorite shape at the carnival. They hung a closed sign on her and ran the fifteen K back to the spaceport, Clete's idea. The port manager muttered about idiot computers that lost landing records when the ship on pad three asked for clearance for liftoff. They flew to the island and landed. The volcano began to smoke.
"Is it in the volcano, Lane?"
"No, not really. We climb it to see and it erupts."
"I don't like that. An eruption would cause tremendous damage along the shoreline for thousands of kilometers."
"Not to mention giving us very hot feet."
Clete grinned when Dutch sat on the ground and laughed.
"Oh, it didn't like that. You decided not to climb it and laughed at it."
"Change. The gun! You're going to use Lissa's gun to vent the volcano!"
"Yes, Lane. What does that do?"
"Makes it decide to hurry. Back to the ship. NOW! Run, Dutch! RUN!"
Dutch put on a burst of speed and dove through the hatch. He was in the gun turret by the time Lane and Clete got to the ship. He chose his point and fired through the volcano. He tracked the beam down, cutting through the side and deep into the island base. He kept tracking down as Lane lifted off. The sea began to boil as molten magma poured from the rent in the volcanic shaft. Dutch laughed. It would be very angry now.
"That's cruel, Dutch. You're laughing because it's helpless against us."
"Yes, I am. Help me out of here. Give me your hand. If I unstrap, I'm going to land on my head. Ah. Better. I wondered when Lane was going to turn the ship back over."
"Just in time to nearly land me on my head. He's been pretty busy. A lot of people wanted to know exactly what we thought we were doing."
"Ooh, I'll bet he's been busy. Our nasty thing is very close, Clete."
"Yes. Let's get us all together. I think it's going to mount a personal attack."
"Lane!"
Clete followed Dutch the few meters to the bridge. Lane looked up and smiled. He reached out a hand and Dutch took it, then held out his other hand to Clete. They joined minds and waited. When the attack came, it was furious. And futile. Dutch exulted, then realized Clete's overwhelming feeling of pity was their true weapon. He willed the malevolent force to feel it. To know it. To see Clete's sadness for the pitiful thing that could know only hate. His compassion for something his love would destroy. It screamed into nonexistence and Clete wept for it.
They requested landing clearance and set down on pad three. There was quite a reception committee waiting for them. Dutch apologized for firing a weapon in the planetary atmosphere, but explained all he could think about at the time was the loss of life and property an eruption would have caused. Then he had to apologize for landing on the island in the first place. He was getting rather aggravated with the whole affair when the media people burst into the room.
They were suddenly heroes. The people who had been ranting at him were touting his quick thinking, posing with the three of them for the vid. Dutch looked at Lane and he winked. Dutch grinned. He now knew who had commed the media. Clete was grinning too. Lane didn't feel smug very often. Dutch and Lane groaned when he ran them back to the carnival.
The port manager looked out and swore. Pad three was empty again. And no one could find the liftoff records. Two technicians spent some time looking for the glitch in the computer. Melissa chose a slightly different spot on the midway and they took down the closed sign. The first customer was a lovely girl. Dutch had no problem devining her immediate future. It started with dinner, then a show, then... Clete and Lane laughed. Dutch would never change.
Lane watched the future take shape and hunted for a change. When he couldn't find one, he headed for the beach and Dutch quickly. They didn't have much time.
"Dutch, we need to talk."
"About?"
"Clete. We need to do it fast. I'm worried and he'll be here soon."
"Start talking."
"He's going to fall in love. Helplessly in love."
"Lane, that's not a problem. It won't change things between us."
"Dutch, she's going to die. He's going to want us to stop it. Want us to change it."
"Then we change it."
"We can't. Let me rephrase that. If we do, thousands die. She makes the choice to save them. I've been doing what-ifs for hours. I kept thinking I'd find something. Dutch, she's carrying his child when it happens."
"Damn. We have to tell him. He'd never completely trust us again if we don't."
&
nbsp; "I know. I've thought about rushing us off the planet. Getting us out of here before he meets her."
"That's not right either."
"I know. Here he comes."
"What's wrong, Lane?"
"Let's go to Melissa. I want our home around us. A fire. A cup of cocoa. Us."
"You're hurting. You're both hurting."
"Yes, Clete. Come on. Lane will explain. You have a choice, but we know how you'll make it."
"All right, Dutch. We run. I want the hurt lessened until we get home."
They ran. It did keep the pain at a distance. They settled by the fire in their living room. Lane told Clete what he had seen. Clete's choice was love, even for a short time. They had known it would be. They wouldn't leave.
He met her the next day, a Fleet officer on leave, beautiful, passionate and loving. Her name was Helen. Dutch and Lane put the pain into the future and reveled in Clete's happiness.
"Dutch, Helen and I are going to the beach. Do you want to come?"
"No, Clete. Lane and I have plans too. Have fun."
"We always do."
"Yeah, I know. Do me a favor. Try to keep things from getting too warm. At least til evening. We're getting tired of looking for places to take a cold shower."
"I'll try. I want to bring her here, Dutch. I want her to know who I am. I want to bring her home."
"All right. Take her out of the hotel. She stays here with us. With you. It's where she belongs."
"Tonight?"
"Tonight."
Dutch went to see how Lane was. He'd made a choice. In a way it was a betrayal. A violation.
"Will he hate me?"
"No. He's going to be pretty mixed up about it for awhile. Let's get to work. We have a great deal to get ready."
"And not much time."
"Stop. We promised him we wouldn't dwell on it, would keep our minds on other things. He deserves to be happy for the time they have. She's quite a woman, Dutch. She will do what needs to be done."
Clete brought Helen home. She learned what the man she had fallen in love with was. It didn't really surprise her. She'd known there was a uniqueness about the brothers that went beyond being half human. She became part of the family, one who belonged in their lives, a part of all of them.
"Dutch, Clete asked me to marry him."
"I never doubted he would Helen. I'm very happy for you both."
"No you're not. Neither is Lane. Oh, I'm welcome and you even love me, but you're not happy. I want to know why."
"The choice wasn't mine to make after all."
"I don't understand."
"Helen, I... We... Damn. Did you extend your leave? Did you tell them you were getting married? Who to?"
"Yes."
"What did your captain say?"
"He told me Commander Telas said Clete's father would be pleased."
"He's our godfather."
"Your godfather?!"
"Yes, and the best there is."
"I don't doubt that. It's just a very antiquated concept. What does that have to do with why you're not happy?"
"We... I'm sorry, Lane. I'm sending her to you. I can't."
"You can't what?"
"Find Lane. Ask him. He lives with the future. I don't have to that often. Just... find him. You have choices to make. He's a very good guide."
Lane smiled gently when Clete walked into his room. He'd tried to ignore it, but he was too honest with himself to do it any longer.
"You told her. Lane, you told her."
"She asked, Clete. Would you have had me lie to her? I couldn't have even if you'd asked it. I respect her too much. Has it changed things between you?"
"Yes. How else would I have known?"
"Do you love each other less?"
"Of course not, Lane, but now there's a desperation, a poignancy, about it. No one should have to know when they're going to die."
"I agree, but many of us do. My mother wasn't the same situation, but she knew. I'll know. Perhaps everyone does. She could have chosen not to. I told her that. A dozen ways. Dutch has known we'd have to tell her from the beginning. Even before I did. But he couldn't actually do it. It hurt him too much."
"The night he got drunk."
"Yes, to deaden the pain, so you wouldn't be burdened with it. Now go get ready. All weddings are both joyful and sad. Yours will be no different. You just know the reasons."
"Lane, I don't know if I can get through it."
"Clete, when you see her coming down the aisle, red hair, green eyes, turned up nose and freckles, you'll be the happiest man in this universe. Probably more than this one. We're going to live an incredibly long time. Well, if we don't get ourselves killed. We'll have to face this again and again. Father chooses to love and accept the pain of parting. You've made the same choice."
"Yes, I guess I have. Get ready. You're giving away the bride."
"That didn't surprise the magistrate as much as your first suggestion."
"I know. He just couldn't handle the concept of two best men. What will he do when you join Dutch beside me instead of sitting down?"
"Stumble a little, then go on. He's more adaptable than he thinks."
The wedding was beautiful and joyous. Helen and Clete went back to Melissa and Dutch and Lane went out on the town, looking for company. Everyone seemed to be. It was a very warm autumn night in the city. Helen had twelve more days of leave.
Four days after Helen went back, Lane ran for Dutch. He hadn't been able to keep his brothers from knowing it would be soon, but they really didn't want to know when. He really didn't want to know, but he did.
"Find him! Find him fast!"
"He's over there. Not far. Come on!"
Sand. Dutch hated running in sand. It slowed him. Dragged him down. He wasn't going to be there. Wasn't going to be fast enough. Clete would feel him coming. Would know what was coming.
Clete's scream of pain and loss cut through him. Drove him to his knees. Lane caught his arm and dragged him up. They ran on through the pain, and the anguish, and the dragging, treacherous, sand.
They caught him and held him. Kept him with them. Held his mind, when he would have thrown it after her. Held his body, when he would have thrown it into the sea. Held his life between them, when he thought it had ended. Along the beach, people saw two holding one and weeping, and wept with them.
The official notification was delivered, personally, by Telas two days later. Dutch led him to Clete's rooms, where he'd shared so much with his wife of such a short time. Lane was waiting for him when he walked out.
"I've given him her message. I don't know how to judge his reaction. I did as she asked. It seemed the choice should be hers. She believed she died for a good cause. I asked her to let me take the mission. She refused."
"We knew she would, Telas. So did Clete."
"The ship would have killed thousands, Lane. I still tried to change it. We were close, but there was too much orbital traffic to risk firing a weapon to attempt to destroy it. Helen loaded everyone aboard into survival pods, stunned five to do it. There wasn't a self-destruct. It was just an old mining ship being dismantled for salvage. She didn't learn why a station-keeping jet suddenly fired and aimed it right for the planet. She used the one that hadn't fired to guide it into the moon. It was barely in the realm of possible, a feat of piloting I might not have been able to duplicate. She may have been the only one who could have done it. And she may have known it. I'll miss her too. Dutch, how is he?"
"He needed to be alone. Lane, will he be--"
"Dutch, he'll laugh again and love again. This time will become one of his most wonderful memories. He knows it already. He just doesn't feel it yet. You two have given him a gift from her. Someday, he'll be ready to receive it. You, Dutch, gave her another choice. Telas, you gave her the means. Thank you, Godfather, for interceding with the captain on her behalf."
"He thanked me. He too will miss her. He too understood... she made the decision not to change it."<
br />
"I looked for a way we could change it, Telas."
"I was sure you had, Lane. Dutch, help him get rid of some of the guilt he couldn't find one. He'll help. He thinks Clete's got too much to carry now without that too. Don't you?"
"Yes, Godfather."
He left them to return to his ship. He would watch over the tiny thing that awaited, suspended in sickbay, the caring and love Clete would give when he was ready. Someday, he would claim Helen's gift. And delight in the little boy who called him "Daddy."
Dutch was worried about both his brothers. They were just wandering around. They'd visited a couple beautiful worlds, looked at the lovely and peaceful scenery a few hours and... wandered. The time had been important, but it had been long enough.
"Lane, we need to do something fun."
"We're on our way to the pleasure planet of Jesera."
"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind."
"Yes it is, Dutch. You want to show off, show up the bad guys, be a hero, and meet lots of lovely ladies. Not necessarily in that order."
"Exactly what I had in mind."
"I thought so. Something fun. This will be good for Clete too. That's your next question."
"Will it?"
"See? Next question."
Lane ducked the playful swipe. He was looking forward to seeing Dutch's face when they landed in the midst of an interstellar showcase of muscle, madness and beauty. The madness was the work. The muscle and beauty were the fun. The work would be fun too. Dutch really disliked bullies and drug dealers.
"Tell Clete we're on full training schedule. Starting in ten minutes. Meet you in the gym."
Dutch laughed and went to find Clete. It was time for him to rejoin the team. Time he learned he could still laugh. Time he remembered why he was alive. He was still laughing when he got to the gym. The incredulous look on Clete's face had been wonderful. No one but he had ever called a training schedule before.
Lane put them through their paces. He told Clete to pay attention and shape up. Within a few hours, Clete had retaken his place as training director. He hadn't even realized he'd done it, just started following the schedule Lane had made and gradually slipped into it.
Choice of the Gallant_Paradox Equation I Page 18