by Tina Maurine
I was suddenly on the verge of getting sick, so I pushed past the bodies in front of me, muttering, “excuse me” and “please move” with an occasional NOW thrown in.
God, this bus is long!
I reached the door, flung it open, and threw myself haphazardly down the steps. The stars twinkled, and the crisp air felt wonderful, exactly what I needed. The lump in my throat subsided almost immediately. My vertigo lessened, and the cold sweats eased as I leaned back against the cool side of the bus. It really wasn’t uncomfortably cold with the bus acting like a wind break, so I inhaled the frigid air and looked up at the awesome display of northern lights. Greens and reds streaked in colorful layers like frosting spread over a cake. At this point in my life, I didn’t think all that much about God, but that night, with all the magnificent arrays of colors streaking the sky… well, I definitely felt like HE was present.
“Here, put this on.”
I started at his voice. I hadn’t even heard him open the door and come outside. I took the men’s size XL hoodie he handed me and bundled up in it.
“Ohhhh, that feels amazing.” I guess I was colder than I thought I was. “Thanks, bab…,” I caught myself before I let the word babe slip from my lips. Instantly, my mouth went dry and my back stiffened at the thought that he may have heard me.
Way to go, dumb ass.
Noah wedged himself behind me, between the bus and my body, snaking his arms around me. I found myself enveloped in marvelous warmth. He nuzzled his chin into my nape; his warm breath at my ear stoked the fire I had kindled. Just like that, the tension from my slip-up vanished.
This guy is good for me.
This guy is dangerously good for me.
“Mmm. You smell amazing,” Noah whispered, sending chills down my spine. “I could stay here with you all night.” His half-sighed, half-moaned combination of contentment and sexual frustration made an intoxicating concoction. I found myself leaning back into him and pulling his arms around me tighter.
I sighed contentedly. “That would be nice.” I knew I was inviting trouble by agreeing, but that didn’t mean that it was going to happen anytime soon. I felt something good brewing with Noah, but there was something in the way that I couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe I was just being a nervous ninny, but something told me to take it slowly with him.
“I just wish we’d met in another time and place. A better time. A better place. You know?”
No. What an odd thing for him to say, especially since I already feel like there’s something I can’t pinpoint, edging in the way of an us. “What’s wrong with the here and now?” I asked, hoping to draw some explanation out of him.
“Oh, nothing. Life’s just complicated, you know?”
“Noah, is there something I need to know? I mean, we only just met.”
“No. Really, everything’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just thinking out loud.”
“‘Cause like I was saying, we only just met. This doesn’t have to go any further,” I whispered, choking on the lie. This DOES need to go further.
“Shh. Shh. It’s all good. I want to take in the magical scenery, the show in the sky. I just want to burrow my face into your neck with my arms around you. To only think about you—your smell, your warmth, how you feel—nothing else. Nothing else matters except here, where I want to be right now.”
I liked what I was hearing, but the red flags I’d felt before now waved in front of me. We stood leaning against the bus for a good long while before Kari and Dax came out and joined us. Not even a minute later, an unruly and visibly intoxicated Sammie stumbled out on Dirk’s arm.
“Hiya, hooka! Did you have time to finish?” She obviously thought she was hil-ar-i-ous because she busted out laughing. I know I was feeling pretty good from all the shots I’d drunk, but I have to admit, her comment stung a little. She booted me right out of my happy place with that one.
Seriously? Is that what everyone thinks about me… that I fuck every guy I like on day one?
Noah could see I’d finally had enough of the night, and before I could say anything, he did it for me. “Hey, Kari, do you know what you, Sam and The Gang are planning on doing for the night? I know Dirk and I don’t have duty, and from what Ari said, he didn’t see any of y’all on the duty roster either.”
“Oh fuck, Noah. I have absolutely no idea if anyone else has to be back to work for tomorrow. Hold up, wait… it’s coming back to me. I did check for me and the girls. Since Sammie and Tessa just pulled eleven days straight, they’re off for sure, and I checked mine too, so I know sections two and four are in the clear.”
I looked over at Kari in the moonlight; she was beaming… proud of herself for remembering, or because of Dax, I wasn’t sure. The genuine bliss eased the stress lines on her forehead. The way her eyes caught the moonlight rendered her beautiful, and I hoped more than anything that Dax wouldn’t break her heart.
“I think section three has duty,” I said. “That would mean Ace and Lucas.”
Noah spoke up from behind me. “I’ll and let them know Dirk and I are ready to head back and see if they want to come now with us or find their own rides.” He gave me a quick squeeze and headed back into the bus.
“What are your plans, Kari?” She didn’t seem to have heard me, as she was busy hanging onto Dax’s every word.
Finally, she answered, “I have the weekend off, so he’s going to park right off base tonight and I’ll stay with him. Tomorrow, he was talking about going on a road trip. You’re all invited if you want.” She looked expectantly at Sammie and me. “You could go back and pack tonight and meet us at daybreak.”
Sammie cocked her head like a puppy trying to figure out something important. “Why wouldn’t you need to go back to pack too?” I swear I could see a puppy in her—in the way that she stood there, ears perked, head cocked at an angle, waiting for some sort of answer or action from Kari.
“Well, earlier we talked about how we were going to just take off, and I figured I could wear some of Dax’s things…” a blush deep enough to see in the moonlight darkened her cheeks.
“Why don’t we send the van back with Lucas and Ace, and the four of us can just bunk with you two tonight? We can borrow a pair of his pants too, or shop for stuff.” Sammie smiled, pretty excited she had come up with such a clever idea.
“Hey, so the latest news from The Gang is that they’re making plans with some of the girls they met today at the lagoon,” Noah said as he stepped out of the bus. “Guess they’re all planning to cram into some girls’ cars when they get here. It seems they’re on their way now.”
Just then, the bus door swung wide and a blast of warm air, the smell of booze, and loud rap music assaulted our senses. Sage and Stu pulled Ari back from the doorway. He laughed and finally broke free. It seemed the guys didn’t want him to go, but he made it outside in style by taking a fantastic parkour leap off the top step. Wild cheers erupted from inside, and even Sammie exclaimed a loud, “Whoa Buddy!” followed by enthusiastic clapping.
Ari dusted off his wet knees before he said, “Hey, so I was thinking, why don’t I drive Ace and Lucas back tonight. I told some of the guys we’d go to the Viking Village tomorrow anyways.” He directed the decision to me. “The rest of the motley crew is planning on taking their brouhaha to those college chicks’ place about ten minutes from here.” I shifted in place, knowing where this was going. “You and Sam should hang out with Kari and your new friends.”
I knew he was hoping I’d say something to contradict his suggestion, since he’d been mini-crushing on me for a while. Sammie was semi-crushing on him too; that is, when she wasn’t crushing on Dirk or Trigg. Super awkward.
What a fucking mess this is turning out to be. Poor Ari, I feel so badly for him.
“Hey, that’s a fuckin’ awesome idea!” Sammie couldn’t have been any more enthusiastic. “See. Wasn’t that what I was saying?”
“Sam, I was thinking maybe we should get back home and sleep off wh
at promises to be the worst hangover since the ones we woke up with this morning.” I gunned her down with a look that strongly suggested we should NOT stay. Come on, Sam! You know what happened last time we hung out drunk with guys. Back me up here!
“Nah. Bad, bad idea. VETO! I veto that very bad idea!” She giggled as Dirk tickled her ribcage in a flirtatious way. “Besides, I know I need you to stay and you know I need you to stay… so, you’re staying.” Still giggling, she struggled with an authoritative voice. “Ari! Tessa’s staying with me and Kari this weekend. We’ve decided for her.”
Ari nodded and squeezed my arm as he walked by. Pausing before me, his eyes said a million things his voice couldn’t, didn’t dare, utter. Even in the dark, I could hear them loud and clear. I watched him walk away from me. Turning, I looked at the girls and Noah before taking off in a sprint after him.
“Ari! Hey, wait a sec!” I caught up to him and we walked across the icy parking lot to the van. Stopping beside the door, we stood in awkward silence as he fumbled around for his keys. Finding them, he bent to unlock the driver’s door.
“Ari?” I paused, clearing my throat. “Are you…? Are we okay?” I reached out and touched his shoulder.
“Yeah. We’re fine.” He turned away from me and pulled the door open, climbing in. I approached, standing beside him and blocking him from closing the door.
“You know what I mean? I just, well… we’ve become pretty good friends, and I don’t want you mad at me is all.”
“I’m not mad. Maybe a little frustrated, but ya know…? What can I do that I haven’t already? I’ve always been there for ya baby girl.”
“Ari, I know you have. You’re honestly one of the best friends I’ve had in a really long time—you know, other than Sammie.”
“Hey, I can’t make you feel something for me that you obviously feel for that new guy, and that you felt for what’s his name? That Icelander… Drake?”
“Dane, but I haven’t even seen him again since.”
“See? That’s exactly it, Tessa.” He blew out an exaggerated sigh. “So, what exactly was the fucking point of you and him anyways? And this guy; what’s the point? We’re almost halfway through the deployment, and none of these guys you are investing in are going to have a damn thing to do with you after you leave in August.” Ari slouched in his seat and ran his rough hands back and forth over his short hair. “Fuck, where are Lucas and Ace? I want to get the fuck out of here and move past tonight.”
I leaned forward and placed my forehead on his shoulder, then rolled my head so that I rested my cheek on it. I patted his chest. “Thanks, Ari, for always being so good to me; for always being there for me. I wish I could be there for you the way you want. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s harder to find a good friend than a guy, and I don’t want to lose you.” I looked up into the greenest, most dejected eyes I could recall seeing. Ari leaned down and rested his mouth on my forehead. We could hear Ace and Lucas walking toward us, creating quite a ruckus in their obnoxious, drunken state.
He pressed a tender kiss on my forehead. “Just be smart, okay? Sure, he’s good looking—even as a guy I can admit that—but he’s not long-term, so just take care of you. Promise me, okay?”
“Aww, look at these two love-birds!” Lucas busted out laughing.
“Sookie, sookie now!” Ace slapped Lucas on the back, and the two of them clambered drunkenly into the back seat.
I stepped back and shut the door, smiling at Ari and turning to go.
“Baby girl! Promise me, okay?”
I looked back and nodded. “I promise, Ari. I’ll be smart, okay? Thanks for everything. Drive back safely, and thanks too for getting those idiots home tonight.” I stepped back to give him room. He saluted me as he pulled out. I slapped the hood of the van and waved as they took off.
15
It had taken the college girls all of five minutes to arrive after Ari took off with Lucas and Ace. I’m sure Ari was glad he’d already left with those two clowns before two carloads of hot chicks showed up.
Once they drove off, I followed Sammie and Dirk inside the bus with Noah at my heels. We all readied the bus, put the loose bottles away and cleaned up as Dax un-chocked the tires. Before I knew it, we’d pulled out, headed toward base. It couldn’t have been more than fifteen or twenty minutes, before Dax had us parked in a lot across the street from the base’s gate; he’d made REALLY good time. He and Kari hopped off to secure the bus for the night.
“Hey-ya, Tess?” I turned and looked at Noah. He had an expression on his face that I’d yet to decode. “Since we are staying here tonight, did you plan on staying with me, or Sammie?”
I didn’t know how to answer him. I’d gotten the spins as soon as the bus had started moving, and honestly didn’t want to deal with any potential weirdness, drama or bullshit on top of it.
My conversation with Ari continued to bug me, further complicating my decision. I felt badly because I couldn’t picture a world where Ari and I were more than just the best of buds, nor a world without him as my bestie. It was so much easier ignoring the situation than having to hear it come out of Ari’s mouth and seeing the look in his eyes.
I hope he’ll still want to continue being a part of my family here in Iceland, now that the truth has revealed itself.
Between all the drama with Ari and how carsick I felt, all I really wanted was for the world to quit spinning, so I could get a good night’s rest. Clearly, that was NOT going to happen. Even if it did, it didn’t mean Noah would understand and chill. And by the way, where the hell did this question come from? Where did the chill guy who was in the moment and perfectly content to stand by my side disappear to? Did we accidentally leave him back at the Lagoon?
“Noah, I’m a wreck. I don’t feel so good all of a sudden. Ugh, this feeling just came on like a bat out of hell and hit me square between the eyes and in the gut. Maybe we should just get some rest.” I looked down at my feet and the beautiful dark wood that covered the kitchen floor as I moved to find a spot to relax. I sank into a leather recliner and closed my eyes, focusing on settling my stomach and quieting the pounding at my temples. A smile formed on my lips as I focused in on the cacophony that surrounded me.
Noah moved to the fridge to make some kind of drink, and from upstairs, I heard Kari and Dax’s playful banter coming from the master jacuzzi suite. Sam and Dirk were teasingly chasing each other in the back of the bus by the bunks. I grinned to myself, enjoying all the laughter around me and knowing my friends were really having a good time. I was so focused on the peace in which I had ensconced myself that I started when Noah appeared quite suddenly behind me.
“Whoa, beautiful. Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you jump. Here, I made you a ginger ale and lime; it should help settle your stomach a little.” He handed me the drink and leaned on the counter, not far from where I sat.
I looked up at Noah’s hopeful eyes and rubbed my neck. “Thanks. I’m sure this’ll fix me all up. To answer your question from earlier, sure. Yes, I guess I was hoping before I got sick that we could spend some more time getting to know each other better.”
“Awesome. What a relief. I thought maybe I’d misread your signs and you weren’t that into me after all. Hey, I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend the night.” Noah’s voice smiled practically as big as his perfect lips.
Noah let me use the bathroom and shower first.
Now what? I wondered to myself as I stepped out onto the mat and wrapped myself in a towel. I didn’t come to the Lagoon with the intention of spending the night. Kari volunteered Dax’s clothes—or was that Sam?—but I barely know him. Still, with nothing of my own to put on but a damp bathing suit, and the casual, dirty clothes I’ve been wearing all day, I guess I have no choice but to borrow something from Dax.
I tiptoed out of the bathroom and knocked on the banister leading up to the master suite.
“Come on up,” Kari’s voice called from the top of the stairs.
I climbed t
he stairs, butting in on Kari and Dax involved in an intimate conversation while they snuggled. Talk about uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I was hoping I could borrow something to sleep in…” I trailed off, realizing how stupid I sounded.
“Tee shirts in the middle drawer,” Dax replied without batting an eyelash.
I slunk past them and claimed one without another word. Good thing they’re really cool about it, but how embarrassing. I think I’m also a little jealous. How awesome is it that they’re just getting to know each other? I honestly thought they’d be fucking in the Jacuzzi…
I want that… intimacy without being physically intimate.
Making my way down the stairs, I considered my options. Let Sammie and Dirk monopolize the bunk room. There’s NO WAY in hell I’m going to hang out in there with Noah while listening to them suck face. That only left me on the leather pull-out.
Really, this is a way better option anyhow, I tried to convince myself.
The couch folded out into a rather nice and roomy queen-sized bed. I set to work making it up with fresh linens I found in the closet, and then turned off the lights so that only the aurora borealis and moon lit the bus. I’d just slid under the covers when Noah came down the hall, freshly showered, and from the looks of it, freshly shaven too. His rugged five o’clock shadow had been manscaped and urban-city trimmed, losing some of the ruggedness he’d had about him earlier. His hair hung in a damp, unruly mass. It appeared he had towel-dried it and maybe run his fingers through. He had thrown on a pair of Dax’s loose-fitting, fleece sweats. They hung perfectly low on his hips—dangerously low. It looks like everything’s hanging perfectly. I actually blushed at that thought. I could feel the color creep up my cheeks.
“Boy, beautiful. What I wouldn’t pay to know what ran through your mind just now.” The smile in his voice hinted at one of his shit-eating grins, but in the moonlight, only his silhouette remained visible.