by Cat Porter
Grace folded her arms and stared at me. Alicia drank her coffee, her eyes on me from behind her mug.
I pinned a breezy smile on my face, my gaze darting from Grace to Alicia. “Questions? Comments? Half-and-half for my coffee?”
Grace didn’t move a muscle. “What about last night? Don’t tell me you only met that one time over eleven years ago and then again when we were in Nebraska a few months ago? That’s it?”
“Not exactly.”
“Not exactly? I should believe that you just caught his eye last night, and he claimed you for his bed, like he would any club girl, and you sucked on his mouth and trotted on after him and—”
“Grace—”
“See? That’s not the Tania I know, not unless you wanted him.”
“I did. I do. He turns me on.”
Literal truth! See? I’m not lying to my bestie.
She shifted her weight, chewing on her inner cheek. That decades old habit of hers hadn’t faded.
“Are we going to sit and share our past sex stories, catching up right now on all those many years we were out of touch?” I said.
She pushed her mug away. “What happened out there last night, I don’t know if you realize what it meant.”
“For God’s sake, yes, I’ve had sex with him before. Okay? But we’re not going steady or getting married.”
No more, Gracie, please.
“Ah.”
“What is it? We can’t be friends anymore? The Flames and the Jacks don’t break bread together? Play in the same sandbox? Is Flame cock off-limits for me? Am I tainted for you now?”
“Geez, don’t make fun,” murmured Alicia.
“I’m sorry. Anyway, my brother is a Flame, so I’m in the clear, right? Fucking a Flame should be on the menu for me.” I cleared my throat. “Can’t Finger and I be…friendly because of that?”
Grace and Alicia eyed me. “Friendly?” they both exclaimed.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“Finger and I haven’t seen each other in a long, long time,” I said. “There was always an attraction there.” I slid my mug back and forth on the counter. “It was a fling way back then. Then being before I got married. Now, I’m not married, and I’m open to flings these days.”
I seem to reserve bikers for flings.
Grace’s eyebrows jumped. “A fling?”
“Yep, that would be me, flinging.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Where is Finger anyway? His bike’s gone,” Grace said.
“Did they want you to ask me and find out?” My voice snapped.
“No.” Her eyes flashed at me. “I’m concerned about you. That’s what this is, Tania. I’ve just never seen you be so—”
“Impulsive?”
“Yes! And you being impulsive with Finger has me concerned.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Grace frowned. “Ooh.”
“What now?”
“That’s not good,” Alicia said, shaking her head, shooting Grace a look.
“What are you two talking about?” I asked.
“You said fine,” Grace said. “Fine isn’t fireworks. Fine isn’t heart-pounding. Fine certainly isn’t fling-worthy multiple orgasms. Fine isn’t a word I’d use to describe getting it on with a man like Finger. And fine is definitely not worth the bed head afterward.” She pointed at my still unruly hair. “That being said, I hope fucking Finger was worth being so impulsive.”
I grabbed my hairbrush from my handbag. “Who the fuck are you? The orgasm police?”
Alicia laughed out loud.
“I’m your girlfriend!” Grace said. “I look out for your best interests at all times, in all situations.”
My face broke into a grin. Hadn’t I said the same thing to her when I was being an overbearing bitch after finding her drunk in a post-miscarriage depression at Pete’s one afternoon when I first came back to town months ago?
I threw my brush down and pulled her into a hug. “Grace, I appreciate your concern for my orgasms. I really do.”
She laughed, holding me close. “You’d better.”
I released her. “And how were your orgasms last night? I do hope you enjoyed at least one?”
“Three in fact, thank you.”
I fluttered my eyelids. “Aw, you’re my role model.”
The three of us laughed again.
I smoothed my hair into a ponytail. “Finger went into town to Erica’s. I told him the coffee sucks here, and I wouldn’t be drinking it.”
Lie number I-can’t-keep-track-anymore-and-I’m-freaking-the-hell-out-now.
Grace grinned, enjoying my bullshittery. “How gallant.”
“Isn’t he? He really likes me. Or maybe it’s just the sex.” I winked at her.
“Your eyes do look brighter today,” said Grace.
“It’s been a very long time since they’ve been this bright, a very long time.”
“Oh, boy, that good with Kyle, huh?” asked Alicia.
“No comment. Anyway, I need to see my brother before Finger gets back, and they take off for Nebraska. Could you bring me to the infamous cellar?”
“No, but I’ll get someone who will. I’ll be right back.”
Grace took off, and I heaved a small sigh.
“You really okay?” Alicia asked. “You know you don’t have to worry about disappointing me. You ever need to talk…”
“Thanks, Alicia. I appreciate it. So, where’s Nina? Is she okay?”
“Butler’s got her locked in his room. She sure isn’t gonna be too popular around here today, for starters.”
“Is she going to have to wear a scarlet letter now?”
Alicia’s face scrunched up. “Huh?”
“I mean, punished. Become the club Cinderella?”
“That’s up to her old man.” Alicia lit a cigarette.
I indulged in images of a repentant Nina in a bikini scrubbing floors and toilets with a toothbrush, taking drink orders while she got swatted on the ass by every male member, cleaning the gutters of the building, hauling garbage.
Grace returned with Butler in tow. “Butler’s going to take you to see Catch.”
My pulse spiked. Butterflies did a samba in my tummy. “What? No, Butler doesn’t…”
Butler stood before me in his post-surfer, road-warrior magnificence. His blond waves were mussed and in his face. His shoulders and arms were stiff, and his jaw jutted at a sharp take-no-prisoners angle. It had been a long night.
“You don’t have to, Butler,” I stuttered. “You’ve got a lot going on. There must be someone else who could—”
“Let’s go,” he said, his eyes hooded.
Grace turned to me, a plastic smile on her face.
Evil girl.
“I’ve got to go.” Grace brushed my cheek with a quick kiss. “I have to pick up more diapers and get back to my son. I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
“Bye, Grace,” said Alicia.
“Bye!” Grace headed for the exit, taking all my bravado with her.
“This way,” Butler said, dipping his head in the direction of the kitchen.
I cleared my throat and fell in step beside him.
“You have a good night?” he asked.
Oh, brother, we’re going to do this now?
“A what?”
“Last night. I didn’t realize you and Finger—”
“You’re not the only one who keeps secrets, eh?” I said. “Surprise, surprise.”
“You sure that’s a good thing?”
“What exactly?”
“Getting involved with Finger?”
“Are you concerned about me?”
“Yeah, I am. You want to hook up, there are plenty of Jacks who’d stand in line for the chance.”
“Get out of here.”
He clenched his jaw, keeping his attention straight ahead.
Two club girls in cropped T-shirts and shorts sat on the kitchen
counter, smoking. Their dark-rimmed eyes followed us as we headed toward the cellar door at the opposite end of the room.
“I just want to make sure you realize what you’re getting involved in,” he said, his voice low.
“It’s just a bit of fun.”
“See? Right there.”
“What’s that?”
“Finger and bit of fun don’t fit in the same sentence, Tania. You have no fucking idea.” He tapped on the combination lock pad on the door. It beeped, and he pushed the door open for me with his arm.
I brushed past him. His scent of citrusy soap, coffee, and tobacco was suddenly intense. “Jesus, Butler. Should I be grateful that you’re so concerned about me?” I waited on the landing at the top of the staircase.
“Maybe you should.”
The door thudded and clicked closed behind us.
I glanced up at him. “Well, I’m not. It’s just pissing me off.”
“Yeah?” He flew down the stairs.
I followed him. “Yeah! Fuck off.”
He stopped abruptly, and I crashed into his massive back. He pulled my arm and pushed me against the wall, the two of us teetering on a narrow step.
“I don’t think you want to be doing that!” I said through gritted teeth.
“Finger gonna come after me?”
“Can we stop this now?”
“I’m just getting started.”
“You have no right to talk to me about my choice in men. Your choice in women leaves much to be desired!”
Oh, shit, I did not just say that, did I?
You did! You did!
His eyes flared.
“I’m sorry about Nina fooling around behind your back and with my brother, no less. That must hurt.”
“Tania—”
I tugged on his arm. “Why the big secret? Why couldn’t you tell me about her? We were on the road for almost twenty-four hours together. There I was, spilling my guts about me and my marriage, men, sex, and just about all of it. But you? You couldn’t be bothered to mention that you were committed to a sweet young babe named Nina?” I leaned into him. “And then you touched me, kissed me, because you felt sorry for me.”
“I told you that wasn’t why—”
“Then, why? Why? You obviously love Nina since you haven’t tossed her out on her well-deserved ass, like I’m sure all your brothers are expecting you to. You and me though? We hit it off, had a good day. There I was, in the same bed, and you figured, what the fuck, right? You think you can have it all, don’t you? Same ole Blondie.”
His eyes flashed up at me in the fluorescent lighting, blue nuggets of ice. “Shut up!”
“Don’t tell me to shut up, you ass!”
His hands dug into my shoulders, and his mouth crashed down on mine. Vicious anger, stunning lust.
I ignited under his harsh assault.
Our tongues dueled as he shattered me and roused me all at once. My hands gripped his taut sides, our bodies pressing together, a primal instinct of need and unrequited business.
Stop! What are you doing, Jezebel? He’s as good as married! This is only him showing you who’s boss. Stop! Stop! Stop!
But I couldn’t stop. This was Butler, and he felt too good.
My limbs gave in, as if I’d inhaled a drug and it had finally settled into my bloodstream. Yes, Opium de Butler. I clung to his hard shoulders flexing under my hands, his arms surging around me. I gave him everything he was taking and took everything he was giving.
He wrenched away from me, his chest heaving for air, his forehead leaning against mine, his hand still clasped around my neck, as if it were his only source of stability. His addictive scent lingered in my nostrils, his perfect taste in my mouth. A sting whipped over my flesh as my body cried out for more, more, more.
“What are you doing?” I breathed against his lips.
“I don’t know.” His fingers tensed along my neck, my jaw.
Our eyes searched one another in the half-light. Frustration, despair, anguish.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” he whispered, his voice rough. “But I’m not sorry.”
“I’m not sorry either.”
He tugged my head back and met my gaze in the dim light of the staircase. His face was no longer a tightly drawn mask of cool. Now, it was drained, his full lips parted, his jaw slack.
“Something’s not right with you, and I want to know what it is,” I whispered.
“There’s plenty not right with me. Plenty.”
“You’re upset about Nina and—”
He averted his gaze. “Stay away from me, Tania.”
“That’s hard to do when you’re making snake eyes at me, grabbing me, and using your delicious tongue to show me who’s boss.”
His thumb brushed over my swollen lips, and his mouth curved into a slight grin. “This fucking mouth.”
“Did you miss my mouth?”
The slight grin broke into a huge one, and my insides rippled at the sight.
“Is this really about your old lady screwing someone else or is it more than that?”
He shook his head. He didn’t want to discuss it. I reached up and slid a hand over the side of his face, and he leaned into my touch, his eyelids lowering.
This man needed a safe place to rest.
Butler put a hand over mine, and my heart squeezed. Taking my hand from his face, he gently brushed it with his lips. He let go of me and took in a shallow breath, pushing me away from him with a hand to my middle, as if I were unwanted, untouchable, undesirable. He slammed shut the trap door on our dungeon of confusing and colliding emotions.
He swept his hair back, his gaze flicked down the staircase. “You gotta see your brother.”
“Butler—”
“This never happened, Tania.”
“Right. A lot seems to just happen yet not happen between us, doesn’t it?”
His eyes slid to me. “It doesn’t just happen, does it?”
My stomach hardened. Nothing made sense at this very moment. Not one damn thing.
I turned and stalked down the rest of the stairs. “Which way?”
Butler moved ahead of me down the hallway and unlocked a reinforced steel door at the end of it. He shoved it open and motioned me inside.
My brother—his clothes smattered in blood, his face bruised and swollen, a study in purple, blue, and red—sat on the floor in a corner, his eyes closed, his head leaning back against the wall. One blackened eye squinted at me. “Hey.”
I squatted down next to him and put a hand on his leg. “You okay?”
“Dandy. Don’t touch me. Everything hurts.”
“Want a smoke?” Butler tossed him a pack of cigs.
Catch’s bruised eyes darted up at Butler and then went to the pack. He took a cigarette out and tipped it between his lips. Butler flicked his lighter for him. Catch inhaled deeply, his eyes closing for a moment.
“I’ll be outside,” said Butler. He left the concrete box of a room, closing the massive door behind him.
“Finger went into town for a bit. He should be back soon,” I said. “Then, you’ll both head home to Nebraska. Are you going to be able to ride on your bike?”
“No.” Catch let out a thick stream of smoke from his lips. “But I’ll do it.”
I handed him a water bottle and two caplets of Tylenol. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks.” He swallowed the pills, gulping down plenty of water.
“Is Finger going to punish you for last night?”
“Oh, yeah. Can’t wait to see what’s in store for me when we get home.”
Jesus, I didn’t want to know.
“Why Nina, for God’s sake? You have your pick. How the hell did you…because you knew what was at stake here. Yet you took the risk.”
His tired, pained gaze hung on mine. My brother had dared; and he’d felt the heat of the fire. My chest swelled with admiration, with pride, with sadness.
I sat next to him. “Drew, you really like her, don’t yo
u? This isn’t some anti-Jack ploy, is it?”
“That what you think? Is that what they’re thinking?”
“I don’t know what they’re thinking. They’re certainly not talking to me about it. But after the shit you pulled with Jill and Boner a while back, then stealing Dig’s gun—what do you want me to think?”
“This ain’t that. I like Nina. A lot. Can’t get her out of my fucking head.” He took a deep drag on his smoke. “She texted me last night. She was bored at the party, wanted to see me. I couldn’t resist. I took my chance.”
“You came on club property to see one of their old ladies? Drew!”
“I know! So fucking nuts, but that girl spins me out of control. We met at the edge of the property, by this old gate. We started fooling around. Jump was out there, arguing with his kid, who took off, and that’s when he saw us. He dragged Nina like a fucking caveman back to the yard. Motherfucker. He had to show her off to Butler and the boys. Shame her—and shame Butler, too, I’ll bet. I felt so goddamn helpless, watching her being hauled off like that. I don’t know what I would have done if they’d started whaling on her.”
“They took it out on you though, huh?”
“Course.” He rubbed a thumb across his forehead. “I’m good with that.”
“Was it worth it? She’s Butler’s old lady. She was just having a good time with you, right? She said—”
“It’s me she wants, Tan.” His eyes were on fire.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“I guess this explains her always dropping by the house to bring Becca gifts and cupcakes whenever you’re in town for a visit.”
He nodded.
“Way to combine your parental responsibilities with the call of your cock.”
He let out a dry laugh, and his head sank back into the wall.
“How long was this going to go on? Was she going to leave Butler for you?”
“You’re giving me a headache, Tan, and my skull is already pounding every which way known to man. I was trying to avoid this.”
“Honey, you weren’t trying very hard. I mean, there was a club party here, and you came over to see her.”
“I thought, if they caught us, I could say I’d stopped by to say congrats to Lock and Grace, you know? But, when I saw her, when I’m with her…I don’t know…I fuckin’ blanked. She makes me crazy.” He rubbed his eyes. “Give me another Tylenol, would you?”