by Delia Ephron
Delia Ephron
The Girl with the Mermaid Hair
To Julia & Richard
Without whom life would be so much paler
They say that dogs know what’s coming. All natural disasters, earthquakes, tornadoes, storms—they feel the earth’s tremble, sense electricity in the air before tragedy strikes. Señor had those sensors about the Jamieson family. He knew what was coming before anyone, even before those who would cause it.
Contents
Epigraph
The Gift
Bobo
Señor
The Text
Issy
The Mirror
Dad
Flopman
Mom
The Faraway Truth and the Truth Close Up
The Text
Facial Engineering
The Lie
A Funeral Procession
Cobweb
Mrs. D.
The Friday Night Before the Saturday
Señor
Ramp
Hawks and Bulls
Bobo
Sukie
Dad
Home
Emma
The Mirror
Dad and Mom
The Club
Home
Frannie
Sukie
Clementi’s
Mirror Confessions
Dad
Back
Art
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books by Delia Ephron
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
The Gift
SUKIE kept track of herself in all reflective surfaces: shiny pots, the windowed doors to classrooms, shop windows, car chrome, knives, spoons. When nothing reflective was conveniently available, she took a selfie. Thank God for selfies. She extended her phone at arm’s length, snapped, and with a quick look at the photo was able to scout for trouble spots—eyebrow hairs sticking up, mascara clumps, that sort of thing.
Her vanity and insecurity, huge but in equal proportions, would perhaps have remained stable but for the gift she received the day after the Jamieson family moved into their new house.
Her mom was roaming restlessly around the master bedroom, wading through unpacked cardboard boxes, trying various lamps on the side tables and the bureau, unfurling new duvet covers—which one should she keep?—when she grabbed a pair of scissors and began snipping the tape off a large flat object covered in bubble wrap. It was balanced against the empty bookshelf.
With a few energetic yanks, she stripped off the plastic. “I’m giving you this mirror.”
“You are? It’s beautiful. I love it.” Sukie had never had a full-length mirror.
“It doesn’t work in this room, actually it doesn’t work in any room in this house, but it’s your grandmother’s mirror. She admired herself in it, I admired myself in it, I can’t stick it back in the basement.” Her mother fingered the frame with its two strands of silver twisted together. “It’s precious, French from the nineteen forties, but it’s old. I don’t want to be around anything old, even furniture.
“Go on, you can carry it. Come on, Mikey, help your sister.” She directed them as they carted the mirror out of the bedroom and down the hall, letting out little whoops of panic the several times it nearly scraped the freshly painted walls. When Sukie and Mikey had carried the mirror safely through Sukie’s bedroom and into her bathroom, and had carefully leaned it against a tiled wall, her mother let out a sigh of relief.
Sukie paraded in a circle in front of the mirror, thrilled that all five feet seven inches of her were reflected. Only yesterday, before school, in order to check out what her bottom half looked like, she’d stood precariously on the sink to view herself through the small oval mirror above it. How short was her tweed skirt, were her knees innocuous or were they fat—her opinion flip-flopped daily—and did the brown flats work better than the red ones, or should she wear boots?
“This mirror will be your best friend and worst enemy,” said her mom. She shivered as if a cold wind had just blown through the bathroom, whose window was shut, but Sukie didn’t notice because her skin looked especially creamy in her grandmother’s mirror, and she had leaned in for a closer look.
Bobo
WHEN Sukie tried to impress Bobo, she used a low, breathy voice.
Bobo (his real name was Robert) was the quarterback of the football team at Hudson Glen High. Sukie—who went to Cobweb, a small artsy private school—met him at the mall while buying sunglasses. He bought a wraparound model. Unable to decide among red, gold, or brown frames, Sukie bought nothing. Sometimes making fashion choices paralyzed her. But nothing was more paralyzing than meeting Bobo. He plunked his elbows on the counter, rested his chin in his hands, and watched her try on glasses. She didn’t even know him, but it was so cool of him to do that, how cool was it, it was so cool and so confident that Sukie could not continue even to think. It was as if her brain waves had been interfered with—as if an alien had aimed a Disrupter at her. DISRUPT THOUGHTS. DISRUPT THOUGHTS. Then Bobo straightened up, and the straight-up version of his tall, muscled body was a slouch. What was more deeply sexy and appealing than a slouch?
Somehow Sukie had had the presence of mind when he opened the conversation with “Who are you?” to employ her breathy voice. With this voice, “I” is pronounced “Ah,” as in, “Ah really don’t know.”
“Ah really don’t know” was a pretty hot answer to just about everything, and for some reason, starting a sentence with “Ah” caused her voice to drop an octave and sound phenomenally sophisticated and blasé.
“You don’t know who you are?” said Bobo. “Well, I don’t know either, but how you are is fine.”
Fine didn’t only mean fine like okay or not having the flu, it clearly meant that Sukie had passed a magnificently important attractiveness test. Bobo smiled at her. His smile snuck over his face. Like dawn breaking, she wrote in her journal, a red hardcover book with lined pages that Sukie filled nightly with every thought and experience that she deemed worthy of recording. Wider and wider his smile grew until his eyes crinkled up and his white teeth sparkled in the fluorescent mall lights, or perhaps that’s what I imagined, because all I could think was “I want to rip my clothes off.”
Such a thought had never occurred to her before.
Later they’d had Diet Cokes with several of Bobo’s friends, and Sukie sat there saying nothing but feeling that she was the luckiest girl in the world and hoping that someone from Cobweb would pass by and see her. When they were leaving, and after Bobo had programmed her number into his cell, he put his hand on her back and said, “I really like your body-fat ratio.”
Sukie didn’t quite know what to make of that, but it caused her to spend an hour naked with her back to her grandmother’s mirror while she held a smaller mirror up in front of her and moved it around to see what was so great, what in the world was he talking about.
Bobo.
She practiced his name in the mirror, watching her lips. They narrowed with each B sound. Bo-bo. Bo-bo. She pouted and popped the name out that way. Bo-bo. Bo-bo. It was impossible to smile while saying his name, and this concern caused a small vertical crease to appear between her eyebrows. Whenever that happened, whenever a distressing thought crossed her mind while she gazed at her reflection, she took a deep breath and assumed her “mirror face,” one that was relaxed and betrayed no emotion whatsoever. A face, in short, that didn’t exist except when she looked in the mirror.
Señor
BOBO hadn’t phoned or texted. Two weeks had gone by.
“Is your cell in your lap?” asked her
mom.
“Yes,” said Sukie.
“Put it upstairs in your room.”
Sukie’s hand tightened around the phone. “I won’t talk on it.”
“But we’re at dinner,” said her mom. “And every time I look up, you’re sneaking a peek. It’s rude. You might be addicted to it.”
“I’m not addicted.”
“She’s probably not addicted,” said her dad.
“I think she’s addicted,” said her mom.
“Come on,” said her dad. “Hey, what do you think, Señor? Does my darling daughter have a problem?”
Sukie, her mom, and her younger brother, Mikey, turned to their dog, Señor, who sat at the head of the table.
When they all looked to see what Señor thought—and it was not the first time—Señor didn’t bark. He wasn’t a trick dog. He didn’t bark once for yes and twice for no. And he wasn’t a talking dog, there’s no such thing. Medium-sized with a thick white coat, short pointed ears that were rosy pink inside, and a long graceful snout, Señor had powerful silent communication skills and an incredibly intimidating manner. He never licked anyone. None of that grateful happy kissing for Señor. No one had ever seen him roll over for a tummy rub, and his tail, which curled up over his back, did not wag. No one had ever seen him fetch his red rubber ball either. Every so often Mikey threw it for the amusement of watching Señor ignore it. “Is this your dog?” people would ask when they entered the house, even though Señor was clearly the Jamiesons’ dog, what else would he be doing there, but there was something about his elegance, his reserve, the way he observed without moving a muscle that made people question whether he was a pet, anyone’s pet. When one night he climbed into the chair at the head of the table, no one questioned it. Sukie’s dad simply slid his place setting out of Señor’s way and over to the long side of the rectangular table next to Sukie’s. Her mom, at the other end, did likewise so that she sat next to Mikey. Señor, at the head, had the only chair with arms.
Did Sukie have a phone addiction? The family awaited Señor’s verdict. His watchful gray eyes did not narrow, a good sign, and his mouth dropped open slightly, revealing small, even bottom teeth and the tip of his pink tongue.
“No,” said Sukie tentatively. “No, I don’t. No problem. I’m fine!” She jumped up and hugged Señor, gunking up her red sweater with white hairs. It was Señor’s shedding season.
“Look at you,” said her mom. “I’ll get the lint roller.” She put down her fork and stood up.
“For God’s sake, Felice, we just sat down,” said her dad.
“Mom,” said Sukie, “Señor thinks you should stay.”
Mikey slid down in his seat so his eyes were level with the tabletop.
“I don’t want to eat,” said her mom. “I’m five pounds up. I am. Five pounds.” She struggled to control herself, blinking rapidly to bat back the tears, flapping her arms. Whenever her mom had a flapping fit—and they were not infrequent—Sukie thought she looked like a baby bird desperately wanting to fly but unable to take off.
“Get the lint thing,” her dad said.
“Yes, thanks, Mom,” said Sukie. “I could really use it.”
“Don’t look at my backside. Do you promise? Do you swear?”
Sukie’s dad kicked Sukie under the table, and Sukie kicked Mikey. All three said, “Promise.”
Her mom left the room with her hands crossed behind her, forming a little shield so they couldn’t see her fanny.
Fortunately her mom was taking her overweight fears to a spa for a week. Mom, leaving for a week. Thank God, Sukie wrote in her journal.
Her mom was pretty scattered when Sukie helped her pack. They were in her parents’ bedroom, the suitcase was open, and Mikey was programming the remote on the new flat-screen TV. Ever since he was five years old—he was eight now—Mikey had provided tech support for the family. The bedroom was “in progress.” Fabric swatches draped a flock of pillows on the bed. There were two love seats on approval—“Both will probably be returned,” her mom had said.
Sukie was running through a mental checklist. “Don’t forget your bathing suit.” She held up her mom’s black one-piece, a sleek, glamorous item with artfully placed cutouts, something she’d told Sukie she’d graduated to. “You begin with bikinis,” she’d said. “After you give birth, you find these peekaboo suits, and then finally, when it all goes to hell—your body, that is—you buy a plain, dreary tank that you could swim the English Channel in.”
While her mom stared blankly, Sukie packed the suit.
“I won’t need it.”
“Of course you will. There’ll be a Jacuzzi and a swimming pool, right?”
“You know,” said her mom, eyeing a fabric swatch. “I’m partial to that pale green. It’s the color of a daiquiri.” Sukie’s mom took the bathing suit out of the suitcase and put it back in the drawer.
The Text
SUKIE held her phone at arm’s length and snapped.
A difficult thing, taking a selfie. Sometimes her face came out lopsided or only a piece of it showed. The photo she took today was critical, because she was about to enter Mr. Vickers’s AP English class, where she would present her report, “Ophelia: Angel or Fool?” For ten minutes she would be standing in front of the class.
She was tired, although she was pleased to see from the selfie that no one could tell. She’d gotten to bed at two in the morning, three hours later than usual. After completing her homework—a take-home test for AP math, her English essay, fifty pages of reading about the Civil War for AP history, and a chapter for zoology on the scientific value of fruit flies, in addition to preparing for her debate question (con: Dubai, an environmental disaster) and taking a flute lesson (she’d eaten dinner in the car on the way over—ham and Swiss with lettuce and tomato on oat-nut bread and a bottle of water)…after all that, which was an ordinary day in her life, she’d gone into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Hours later she finally turned off the light. Her grandmother’s mirror had proved compelling.
It had a wrinkle in it—not an actual wrinkle, but because it was old, Sukie assumed, the glass appeared to wrinkle at approximately her waist level and made her waist appear smaller. This was fascinating and flattering, and she had viewed her waist from several angles to confirm it. She’d decided to rehearse her essay in front of the mirror, incorporating a back-and-forth stroll (rejected) and arm gestures (kept). Then while surfing the web she had come upon a site for would-be models that catalogued face and feature types. It had names for eyes like “almond,” “button,” “egg,” “half-moon” (which had less to do with shape than with the lids that sat low on the eyes like shades). Sukie, racing from the computer to the mirror, was pleased to conclude that her type was “lake,” clearly the most desirable. Her eyes were large, wide set, and thickly lashed. They had allure and suggested depth of feeling and, she suspected, even passion.
Her grandmother’s mirror had a slight tint. Reflected in it, Sukie’s eyes, a warm cocoa color like her dad’s, appeared green. Not emerald, which would be thrilling, but a dark olive. Still, that was so much more interesting than brown that Sukie thanked the mirror and blew it a kiss.
She had always wished for blue-green eyes—the color of sea in a fairy-tale book, a sea that a mermaid swam in. Sukie had mermaid hair, a long wavy tangle of blond that fell below her shoulders. In the antique mirror, her hair appeared exceptionally lustrous. She pushed it around, threaded her fingers through it, grabbed a hunk that lay on her shoulder and pulled it forward to make eye contact as if to say, What is this, I’d forgotten all about you. Then she tossed it back over her shoulder as if her thick golden hair were nothing but a nuisance instead of a mane worthy of worship.
What had really kept her up late, however, was her nose, her most arresting feature. She was dreadfully self-conscious about it, and after studying nose varieties on the web such as “Greek” (a straight and narrow nose, the most desirable) and “Miss Piggy” (the least), she decided that her o
wn category was “ramp.” In fact, her prominent nose (inherited from her mother), while finely chiseled on the sides, did have a flatness from top to tip. Why this peculiarity made her more attractive rather than less is a mystery. Everyone knows but no one can explain why the unconventional, even a flaw, can make a person more beautiful.
Nevertheless, about this Sukie was clueless. She hated her nose. “Ramp,” she said, despairing at her reflection. “I have ramp.” By confirming this news, was the mirror being her best friend or her worst enemy? Sukie couldn’t decide which.
Mikey stuck his head in the door at that moment, his face in a crumple, which Sukie knew meant “I’m scared, I can’t sleep.”
“Okay,” she said. “Just for Jeopardy!” and he dove onto the bed.
Sukie taped Jeopardy! every day and watched before sleep. For her Jeopardy! was a lullaby. She beat the TV contestants that night as she always did, even being preoccupied with “ramp,” even not phrasing two answers as questions on purpose so that Mikey would get to say, “I’m sorry, that’s incorrect.” The Final Jeopardy question was “the South American country farthest west.” “What is Peru?” said Sukie. She was the only one who got it. The contestants all wrote “What is Ecuador?” She and Mikey did their special pinkie lock, she shooed him back to his room, and she made one last notation in her journal—I love my mirror—before drifting off to sleep.