by Davy Ocean
WITH THANKS TO PAUL EBBS
“Avast ye, me hearties!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yell as I pounce into my seabedroom and begin searching for my suitcase.
“A vast what?” Humphrey my humming-fish alarm clock says, peering at Larry my lantern fish’s rear dorsal. “I wouldn’t say it was vast. Large, maybe. You should cut down on the Kelp Krispies, Larry.”
“Hey!” says Larry, angrily flashing his light. “You’re not so slim yourself!”
“Shiver me timbers!” I whoop as I tail-swipe a suitcase from under my bed. I bump it open with the right side of my hammerhead and dart over to my drawers. “Don’t you two know what day it is?”
“The day you go bonkers?” says Humphrey.
“No!” I swim up to them and put one fin over my eye like a patch and wave my tail in their faces like a sword. “It’s the day I’m off to Treasure Reef for our family vacation!”
I start pulling clothes from my drawers. “Treasure Reef is the best vacation destination in the whole sea world! It’s like the pirate paradise of the ocean and we’re going there for two weeks! I wish you two could join us, but Dad and Mom said just Ralph could come this time.”
Humphrey and Larry just look bored.
Ding!!!!
That’s me having an idea.
I now know exactly how to make the trip to Treasure Reef seem more interesting to them-I’ll make a list!
“Number one: LONG FIN SILVER!” I blurt at Humphrey and Larry.
“Who?” they both say.
“Number one: Long Fin Silver was the greatest pirate of the seas!”
“Greatest parrot?” says Larry.
“No! Pirate!”
“Oh, I thought you meant one of those funny-faced parrot fish,” says Larry.
“NO! Number one: Long Fin Silver was the meanest villain of the low seas! He rode his poop-decked submarine, the Barracuda . . . . Why are you laughing?”
“Keep going!” says Humphrey, holding his fin to his side as he giggles.
“Why have you stopped?” Larry giggles.
“You’re both laughing because I said ‘poop’ aren’t you?”
The two fish nod and roll onto their backs. Bubbles of laughter stream from their mouths.
“A poop deck is a special deck at the back of a pirate submarine where the captain stands and commands his pirates as they attack ships to steal their treasure!”
“Are you sure it’s not where they put the toilet?” Humphrey is barrel rolling now, bumping into Larry and sending him spinning across the room.
“So, I suppose you don’t want me to tell you about the legend of the lost treasure, then?”
Humphrey and Larry stop mid-giggle.
“Treasure?” they both say, floating the right way up.
“Number one: Before he died, Long Fin Silver is said to have-”
“Why do you keep saying number one?” Larry interrupts.
“Because I’m trying to give you a list!” I sigh. “Number one: Before he died, Long Fin Silver is said to have buried the Black Blood Pearl somewhere on Treasure Reef . . . .”
“The Black Blood Pearl?” Humphrey’s eyes are as wide as starfish pies. “What’s that?”
“The most valuable and beautiful pearl in the history of the ocean. Stolen from the very neck of the baroness of sharks on the day of her wedding to the king of sand!”
“Wow!” say Humphrey and Larry in unison.
“Number two: Silver led a daring raid beneath Hook Bay to steal the pearl before the baroness could say ‘I do.’ ”
“What did she say instead?” Larry asks.
“ ‘I don’t-obviously. But that’s not all. Number three: The king of sand chased Long Fin Silver to the ends of the ocean, twice round and back again, because the baroness wouldn’t marry him until he returned the Black Blood Pearl to her neck!”
“And did he?” Humphrey asks.
“No!”
“Number four: Long Fin Silver, the smartest pirate who has ever swam the seas, was never, ever caught by the king of sand!”
“But what did he do with the Black Blood Pearl?” Larry asks.
“Number five: Legend says he buried it on Treasure Reef! But although the king of sand searched the reef for the rest of his life, he never, ever found the pearl and so he never, ever married the baroness of sharks.”
“You have got to be kidding!” Humphrey yells.
“Number six: No. And that’s where I’m going on vacation! So I have decided that I, Harry Hammerskull, of Shark Point, will be the one who finally finds the Black Blood Pearl. And I’ll go down in history as the greatest and smartest treasure hunter of all time.”
“How will you find it when no one else has?” Larry asks.
I wait for the ding of a new idea . . . . But it doesn’t come.
“I haven’t quite worked that part out yet.”
Before they can start laughing again, I quickly finish packing and close my suitcase with a firm, fast click!
“Who on earth is Harry Hammerskull?”
I almost jump out of my sharkskin as I spin around.
Phew!
It’s only Ralph.
He must have swum in through my window while I was telling my list to Humphrey and Larry.
Ralph bumps into my face, climbs into my mouth, and starts moving about picking bits of breakfast out from between my teeth.
Ralph is my pilot fish toothbrush. He’s also my best friend in the whole ocean. I have to tell you that a toothbrush who is also your best friend is totally COOLWEIRDCOOLWEIRDCOOL!
Ralph is chipping starfish crunch off my teeth and gobbling it down. “I said, who is Harry Hammerskull?”
“MMMMPHMMMMPPMMMMMMMPHHH!” I reply.
“What?” says Ralph, sticking his nose back out.
I spit him out, happy that my teeth feel lovely and clean. “I said it’s my pirate name. Harry Hammerskullandcrossbones. Hammerskull for short.”
“You really are letting this Treasure Reef vacation go to your head, aren’t you?”
I stare at Ralph. “This is going to be the best vacation we’ve ever had, me hearty. Arrrgh!!”
Ralph puts his face in his fins, not too impressed with my pirate talk.
“Harry-Warry-Wooo-Wah! It’s time to go!”
I cringe as Mom calls upstairs to me. She’d better not call me that while we’re away. It’s the least pirate name ever.
Ralph and I swim downstairs. The hallway is stuffed with suitcases and bags and backpacks of all sizes.
Mom is floating by the door, checking her watch and making sure her summer hat is on straight.
I hold up my suitcase and drift past her, where I see a taxicrab waiting to take us to Shark Point Harbor.
“Did you remember to pack those books for Cousin Harvey?” Mom asks.
I nod and hold up a net-bag full of books.
Harvey and my aunt Hettie and uncle Hector are also coming on vacation. I haven’t seen Harvey since he was a baby. I remember him looking at me all googly-eyed and hugging me and gurgling my name. He thinks I’m the greatest. It’ll be loads of fun seeing him again and getting him to join me and Ralph.
I quickly make a list of my fellow pirates in my head and give them pirate names:
1. Wrecker-Ralph
2. Harpoon-Humphrey * (Making sure all is safe on the home front)
Landlubber-Larry * (Helping Harpoon-Humphrey make sure all is safe on the home front)
And my new sidekick
3. High-Seas-Harvey!
I know Harvey is going to be the coolest little cousin EVER!
“Stop that, Harvey! Get away from the wheel!”
Aunt Hettie is pulling Harvey from the ferry’s steering wheel and Uncle Hector is trying to stop Captain Pike,
the ferry’s commanding officer, from throwing us off his ship!
I float next to my dad, who is trying really hard not to be noticed. As the mayor of Shark Point, getting thrown off a ferry would not be good for his reputation.
“If this gets in the papers . . .” I hear him mutter.
Mom finally helps Hettie remove Harvey from the wheelhouse and we lead him downstairs to the deck. Uncle Hector apologizes to Captain Pike and says he will pay for “any damages.”
When I’d been looking forward to seeing Harvey earlier, it hadn’t occurred to me that baby sharks can sometimes grow up to be bratty, mischief-making, attention-seeking, pain-in-the-dorsal sharks!!!
The sweet little shark with the cute, googly eyes has turned into a massive bundle of trouble.
As soon as we boarded the whale-ferry he’d started yelling, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there!” pointing at the wheelhouse high on the whale’s back.
Captain Pike, wanting to keep on the good side of Dad, had agreed immediately. As the whale-ferry started wafting his tail to gently move us away from the shore, Harvey had thrown himself at the wheel, turning it to the right and then left-sending the whale straight toward the side of another ferry! Mom and Auntie Hettie got him away just in time before we crashed.
Captain Pike and his crew regain control of the ferry, steering it down into the depths of Hook Bay. Harvey starts kicking and screaming, ordering his “mean mom” and “dorky dad” to take him home. All thoughts of him becoming an adoring member of my pirate crew float right out of my head.
Sigh.
“You’re going to have to distract/watch/take care of him,” says Mom.
“Wait. What? Why?”
“You’re the older cousin. It’s up to you to set a good example.” Mom gives me one of her stares. “This is everyone’s vacation, Harry, not just yours. I want you to help give your aunt Hettie and uncle Hector a break. Have you forgotten it’s their wedding anniversary? It’s your job to keep Harvey entertained for a while. Do I make myself clear?”
I actually had forgotten it was my aunt and uncle’s anniversary. That was one of the reasons why we were taking such a nice vacation in the first place. But I didn’t like that watching Harvey was part of the deal.
“As a jellyfish,” I say, huffing my way over to Harvey. I find Ralph wedged in his mouth, tail flapping furiously as Harvey tickles him under the fins.
Harvey’s mouth is not yet big enough to have a pilot-fish toothbrush of his own-which is a surprise considering how much noise he can make.
I pull Ralph out of Harvey’s mouth and hope for the ding of a new idea for what to do with the little brat.
Ralph shakes his head and straightens out his fins. “I hate being tickled!”
Harvey just gives an evil grin and swims toward Ralph. “I wanna toothbrush!”
I push Harvey back by his nose and wave a stern fin at him. “Leave Ralph alone, Harvey, or you’ll be in big trouble.”
“I’m not scared of you, Hammerskull. You can’t tell me what to do!”
But before I can answer, Ralph grabs my fin and points to a poster on the wall. “Look, Harry!”
Ding!
An idea pops into my head. The colorful poster shows all the activities on board the whale-ferry. In one corner there’s an area full of waterslides, finball hoops, and amusement arcades. It’s called Fishfun Park!
This will definitely keep Harvey out of trouble.
And I’ll be able to start my search for the Long Fin Silver Black.
Without High-Seas Harvey.
Fishfun Park does keep him busy.
For about eleven minutes.
Because that’s how long it takes for Harvey to get himself banned from every ride in the place. He’s driving me crazy!
I bet Long Fin Silver never had to put up with this from his crew. I bet if anyone stepped out of line he’d have them walk the plank. I don’t know anyone who has ever walked any kind of plank, but I bet it’s terrifying and I bet Harvey would behave himself if he had to do it.
Now that we’re banned from all the rides and slides, the only place left to us is the amusement arcade. Leading the way over, I give Harvey some of the coins Mom gave us for krill-creams or floatdogs. “For the video games,” I tell Harvey’s disappearing backside. He moves so fast he creates a powerful backwash that spins Ralph like he’s in a washing machine.
I grab Ralph’s right fin but get caught up in his twisty tumble. I’m thrown through the water. I land fin up, right in front of a pod of girl dolphins.
They float to a stop. Giggling.
I get up, ready to tell them to stop . . .
When . . .
Well . . .
I . . .
OUCH!!!!!
Ralph twists to a stop and fins me in the side. “Harry! What’s up?”
I . . .
“Harry! Your eyes. They’ve gone all wonky.”
The rest of me has gone all wonky too. One of the dolphins is absolutely . . . totally . . . unbelievably . . .
“I’ve run out of words,” I tell Ralph.
The pod moves past us, still giggling, and the dolphin who caused my epic word-fail looks back over her shoulder and smiles.
“Did you see that?” I shake Ralph by the shoulders. “She smiled at me. The one with the big eyes. She actually smiled. At me. My life is complete.”
Ralph looks past me to the arcade. “Hmm, well, it’s certainly a complete mess. Look!”
I look toward the arcade. A whale-ferry staff-squid is escorting Harvey out with one of his tentacles. “I’m sorry, young shark, but you have to leave. And not come back here. Ever.”
Harvey fins his nose at the squid and dashes out of his tentacle reach-but he doesn’t get very far. He smashes straight into the pod of girl dolphins, sending them spinning!
“Oh no!” I say, dashing over with Ralph.
I quickly grab two of the dolphins and Ralph hangs on to another for dear life.
As the girls slow down, I notice that I’m holding fins with the one who made me speechless before.
I float back in shock.
And then . . .
She smiles at me. AGAIN!
My mouth goes all weird.
I have no idea what to say.
“Hello,” she says, “I’m Crystal. Thank you for stopping me from spinning.”
“Gimble flug hurk murgle bindo flam fluge,” I say.
She looks at me as if I’m made of spare jellyfish parts. “Do you speak Finglish?” Crystal asks with a grin so perfect you could frame it and put it on the wall.
“He used to,” says Ralph, “up until about thirty seconds ago.”
Deep inside my head, I find my name. I’m about to say it when Harvey, realizing he’s no longer the center of attention, bounces on one side of my hammer. But that’s not the worst part. That’s when Harvey starts shouting, at the top of his gills, “HARRY’S GOT A GIRLFRIEND! YUCK, YUCK, YUCKITTY YUCK! HARRY’S GOT A GIRLFRIEND! YUCK!”
Crystal looks as embarrassed as I do, and heads off with a swish of her tail to rejoin her pod.
All I’m left with is Harvey, laughing so much he sounds like he might make himself sick. And I remind myself that this is still just the first day of vacation with Harvey.
Now I’m more determined than ever to find the secret resting place of the Black Blood Pearl . . . so that I can hide my horrible little cousin there!
“Welcome to Treasure Reef!” Captain Pike calls through the ferry’s loudspeaker as we pull into the harbor.
The waves of the Diamond Sea glitter for sixty fathoms over our heads, sending dazzling slivers of light through the currents. The water is warm and tropical, and smells of food from the restaurants carved into the coral reef ahead of us.
As we get off the ferry, Ralph closes his eyes and floats blindly toward the aromas.
“I’m in heaven,” he whispers.
“I wanna sandy-floss!” screams Harvey, pointing to an angelfish in a white
hat making pink, fluffy, sandy-floss.
“We’ll get you some when we get to the hotel,” Aunt Hettie promises.
Harvey folds his fins and thumps his tail up and down until Uncle Hector takes out his wallet and buys him a huge sandy-floss.
Dad organizes a taxicrab to take us to our hotel.
As we wind through the coral streets we pass several shops selling Long Fin Silver merchandise and it cheers me up immediately. I can’t wait to break out some of my saved-up allowance and buy myself some cool pirate gear.
Operation Black Blood Pearl-which I just named-is nearly ready to go!
“What a dump!”
We pull up outside the Hotel Barracuda, and Harvey can’t control himself. We climb out of the wheezing old taxicrab and I can’t really disagree with him.
The Hotel Barracuda is carved deep into the last mountain of Treasure Reef, just before the shelf falls away sharply into the dangerous depths of the Diamond Sea. It looks as spooky and creepy as a hotel from a horror movie. Even being named after Long Fin Silver’s infamous pirate ship is not enough to make it look inviting.
An old, wrinkly sea turtle wearing a manager’s badge meets us at the entrance. “Welcome,” he says in a whispery voice. “I’m Hank, the hotel manager. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay with us . . . however long it might last.” Hank piles our bags onto his back and limps up the stairs.
The Hotel Barracuda looks like the inside of a shipwreck. Gloomy and cold and covered in weeds and barnacles. The stairs leading to the upper levels are as old and as creaky as Hank. Dad starts congratulating Hank on the “atmosphere and sense of history” inside the hotel. Hank doesn’t answer. He just keeps on staring straight ahead like he’s thinking about something really serious. He’s the creepiest, saddest turtle I’ve ever met.
When we finally get to our floor, Aunt Hettie and Uncle Hector rush into their room and slam the door hard.
I look at Mom.
I look at Dad.
I look at Harvey. Why haven’t they taken him?
Harvey whoops and darts into my room. Through the open door I see him swim upward, yelling, “I call top bunk!”