"It's gonna be some goddamn party," Al said.
***
Perry and Joey examined themselves in the big mirror in Joey's room.
"These fuckin' pants are too baggy," said Perry, grabbing a fistful of material around the cuffs.
"If those pants were any fuckin' tighter I could see the veins on your balls."
"Yeah. Sure." Perry frowned, grabbing the material around the crotch.
Joey adjusted the tiebar pinching his neck, smoothed back bis pompadour, and clapped his hands. "Lez go, bawh."
Perry made a face in the mirror, grabbed the material around the ass of his pants and started to leave the room.
"Take your bag," said Joey, hauling his ditty bag over his shoulder.
"What for? We can pick it up when we leave."
"We ain't comin' back."
"What?"
"I ain't sleepin' here again. We walk out that door an' that's it. I don' care if we gotta sleep in the goddamn bus station." Perry shrugged and hoisted his bag over his shoulder.
"Hey." Joey wheeled around to see Emilio standing in the foyer wearing a skin-tight, orange Fire Department T-shirt that made him look twice as big as he was. "What the hell you got in there?" Emilio asked nodding toward the ditty bags.
"Presents." "Laundry." They said simultaneously.
Emilio grabbed Joey's bag. Joey's eyes felt dry, but his neck was a damp ring of sweat. Staring hard at his son, Emilio ripped open the bag and looked in.
"They're presents," Perry started talking fast. "Buddy's goin' on a honeymoon."
"Sailin'," added Joey, "he's goin' sailin'."
"Sailin', hah?" Emilio stared at Joey, nodding his head slightly up and down. "Sailin'." He didn't say anything or move for a full minute. He just stared at Joey. Then he gave him back the bag, turned away, and went into his bedroom. Joey was puzzled.
"C'mon." Perry ushered him out the door to the elevator. "That was too fuckin' close for comfort." Perry adjusted the bag on his shoulder. Joey didn't answer.
***
When Richie picked up C she was sitting in her room, crying.
"Whassamatter?" he asked.
She looked up at him, twin furrows of makeup running down her cheeks. "You bastad," she cried. "You don't know what true love is, do you?"
Despie left the house in the late twilight with her mother. She had her hair piled a foot high, ringlets Scotch-taped to her temples. They were about seven blocks from the community center. A summer wind was threatening to ruin Despie's hair. "You wanna take a cab?" she asked her mother.
"I think we should walk. We're not going to have that much money anymore, and you should start getting used to it."
***
Eugene went over to Gun Hill Projects to pick up his date, Nina Becker. Her parents were away for the weekend so, if she fucked at all, he was in. He'd met her two weeks ago at a friend's party. He was pretty drunk but straight enough to get her number and set tonight up. The only problem was that he couldn't remember what she looked like. The girl who answered the apartment door had such a simple and pure beauty that Eugene immediately fell in love. She had long ash-blond hair to her ass, big gray eyes, a long thin nose, lips as thin and delicate as Communion wafers, and a look of such devastating, seductive innocence that Eugene found himself almost laughing in drunken delight.
"Hi." She smiled.
Eugene laughed. He was totally wiped out.
***
Perry and Joey were the first to arrive at the party. Al Carabella and Buddy were sitting in folding chairs drinking Pepsis when they walked in and dumped their ditty bags in the corner.
"Hey! Where were you guys when we needed yah?" Al asked. Buddy raised his eyes to heaven and got up.
"How you doin', man?"
"Good."
The three of them stood arm in arm.
"Look at this fuckin' place," Buddy muttered. The entire ceiling was a veinwork of red, blue, green, and yellow crepe streamers and balloons. "This ain't a wedding. It's a carnival," he said. Joey snickered. "You want somethin' to eat?"
"Nah, you got any booze?"
"Fuck ... no ... you wanna go with me, Perry?"
"Sure."
"Joey, stay here with Bozo the Clown."
"Bullshit, I'm goin' with you guys."
Buddy turned to his father-in-law. "Ah, Al, we'll be right back."
"Don' run away, hah hah hah."
"Haha hah hah." Buddy turned toward the door. "Asshole."
Two seconds after Buddy split with Joey and Perry, Despie and her mother came in. Al stood up and frowned. Despie had a Brownie camera strapped on her wrist.
Richie and C walked in. C and Despie hugged each other. C was still crying. Despie started crying. Richie shook hands with Al like a man, like his father taught him to do.
"Richie Gennaro."
"Al Carabella."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks." Al winked.
Richie excused himself, walked over to the food, took one M&M, walked over to the phonograph, and began to study the records with an intensity that could melt wax.
***
Eugene was in such a daze with Nina Becker sitting next to him in the car that he almost hit an el pillar on Gun Hill Road. Nina slipped an arm through his and curled her ringers around his forearm. He grinned like a moron and totally forgot his lines. After he parked the car they walked hand in hand to the community center. In high heels she was almost as tall as he was. She had a great ass, firm tits, and dynamite legs, but all Eugene could focus on was that face and the dry warmth of her hand in his.
"Eugene!" Richie was so glad to see one of the guys that he dropped half-a-dozen records on the floor. Eugene padded in Richie's direction and sat down with Nina. He didn't even say hello to Despie or C. Richie felt hurt and was about to walk outside when Perry, Joey, and Buddy came back in with small brown bags. The four of them walked outside for a taste.
"Eugene!" Perry held up his bag and nodded in the direction of the door. Eugene smiled, waved, and returned to his conversation with Nina.
"Who's the cunt?" asked Buddy.
"Who the fuck cares," said Richie.
They leaned against the red brick building watching the sun disappear behind the treetops.
"You goin' on a honeymoon?"
"Maybe later. I dunno. I gotta finish school."
"Shit." Richie took a hit of Tango. "My old man went to Niagara Falls."
"So did mine," said Perry.
"I think mine went to Devil's Island," said Joey.
"I'll drink to that," said Perry.
"You sleepin' over there tonight?"
"I guess so ... yeah ... I guess I am ... shit, I dunno ... I guess so." Buddy took a long gulp.
"Lissen, I want you guys to come over tomorrow night for a house warmin'. O.K.?"
"Sure," Richie said.
Perry and Joey said nothing.
"O.K. you guys?"
"Sure," Joey said.
"Perry?"
"Sure."
When they went back inside, the place was filled with fifteen or twenty of Despie's girl friends from school and the guys they were dating. Eugene was still talking to Nina. Despie and C were dancing. Al was standing by the record player with a handful of potato chips, tapping his foot in tune with the music. Despie's grandmother drooled on her dress and made noises. Despie's mother stood behind her, arms folded across her chest like an evil Indian. The room was hot as a bitch. Buddy avoided Despie. Richie avoided C. Eugene was lost for the night Perry and Joey stuck together like glue Somebody spilled soda on the record player Somebody called somebody an asshole. Somebody started popping balloons—jumping up and getting them with a tie pin Despie started taking pictures with her Brownie. Somebody yelled shaddup and put Johnny Maestro and the Crests' "Sixteen Candles" on. Al wanted to dance slow with Despie. He waltzed her around the room Despie wanted to brain him with, the camera. Buddy and all the guys agreed that his father-in-law was the biggest jerk in t
he world C scowled at Richie and Richie shot her the finger. Eugene walked out of the room arm in with Nina. After the dance somebody put on a twist record and Despie's grandmother wandered into the middle of the dancers and got knocked down. Despie took a picture of her mother standing like a guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. She took a picture of Buddy. Buddy looked at her. She lowered the camera and smiled. Buddy smiled, grabbed her, and hugged her as hard as he could. This was the first time they'd touched each other since Despie found out she was pregnant. Buddy told her he loved her. Despie kissed his neck and told him she loved him too. Perry looked at his watch and nodded to Joey. Joey turned white. Perry moved to get his ditty bag. Joey laid a hand on his arm.
"Wait."
"We gotta go, Joey."
Joey grabbed Richie and Buddy and pulled them over to Perry. "Stay right here." He found Eugene outside necking on a park bench.
"Eugene, c'mere a minute."
"Later."
"Eugene get the fuck in here now, or I swear to God, I'll kick your ass."
Silence, an exhale of breath. Whispers. Eugene followed Joey into the building. Buddy, Richie, Eugene and Perry stood around wondering what the fuck was going on with Joey. Joey feverishly rifled through the mountain of 45s on the table. He found the record he was looking for and took off the one that was playing. People started yelling. Joey ignored them and put on his record. As the first dirty piano notes of "The Wanderer" filled the room people started dancing again. Joey faced his four friends and started singing. One by one they started singing along too.
"I roam from town to town
I go through life wi-thout a care"
Joey cried as he sang. Perry felt a great mantle of sadness creep over his head and shoulders. Richie felt terrified of what he did not know. Eugene got shook by Joey's tears, but he had more than half a mind on Nina Becker. Buddy put his arms around Richie's and Joey's shoulders and squeezed tight as he could, as if the tighter he held on the more things would always be the same. Soon all of them stood with arms around each other's shoulders, ringers pressing into flesh, trying to make a circle which nothing could penetrate—school, women, babies, weddings, mothers, fathers.
The song was over. Some other shit came on, and the circle broke. It was twelve-thirty and Perry motioned to Joey. Eugene thought about Nina. Richie caught C's eye and winked; Buddy started thinking about being a father; Eugene wandered outside looking for Nina. Perry and Joey finally split. Richie and C took off; Despie and Buddy left, touching each other in a mixture of terror and love. Soon the only people left in the room were a bunch of dancing assholes.
12. Coda: The Rape
"ANYWAYS, when I was fourteen I noticed that when I got a hard-on my dick went down instead of up. We were havin' this circle jerk at Gennaro's house, an' I saw that all these guys had hard-ons that went up, an' I was the only one who had one that went down. So I figure holy shit, I'm built wrong, you know? So I flipped. I mean I figured unless I got some chick to stand on her head an' spread her legs so I could, you know, like lower myself into her, there was no way I could get laid. What the fuck did I know? I was like fourteen."
"You ever talk to anybody about it?" Nina pulled the covers over her bare shoulders and nestled her head on Eugene's shoulder.
"Well, that was the bitch. My father ... I mean ever since I was twelve I would come into the house from some movie or somethin' with a girl an' he would say ... 'Hey Ace! Get any?' you know. An' first I din't even know like ... any what? An' then he would be tellin' me all these stories about how like he was eleven an' got sucked off by his teacher, an' how he bagged two girls at his confirmation, an' shit. So like by the time I was thirteen I was sayin', 'Yeah! I got laid,' an' 'Yeah! She sucked me off, whadya think!' You know, an' I wasn't even gettin' tit or anything. So like by the time I was fifteen mv oP man thought I spent half mv day fuckin' To tell you the truth I was cherry as the day I was born but I couldn't go up to him an' say... "Hey, Dad, I think my dick goes the wrong way, an' I'm flippin' cause I think that means I can't fuck a girl.' 'Cause he would jus' say, 'Whadya mean! I thought you was fuckin' girls since the year one. Whadya bullshittin' me all this time?' I was too ashamed to tell him, an' I couldn't tell the guys either 'cause when I started tellin' him I was gettin' laid, I started tellin' them too. I tried to tell my ol' lady but she's a real ball-buster about that shit, because she thinks my ol' man bangs anything that moves. I mean in a way I don't blame her. My father even used to bring women home at lunchtime. When I was a little kid I had so many fuckin' aunts comin' in with my father that I couldn't keep track a them. I use to tell everybody I had the biggest goddamn family in the Bronx One time I pot into a fight with this kid in fourth grade Silvio Rusciano. That kid had like fourteen brothers and sisters. We had a fight about who had a bigger family. He fuckin' shot in the nose I thought I din't have no face left. I came home, an' I'm bleedin', an' my mother starts yellin' at me about I should be a man, an' she starts pushin' me out the door an' tellin' me not to come back to the house until I beat 'im up, an' fuck that, you know? The kid could eat apples off my head. I ain't fightin' him with a goddamn Sherman tank on my side. Anyways, she keeps me outta the house all day. I was just sittin' on the stoop waitin' for my father to come home." Eugene laughed.
"She's a maniac," said Nina.
"Ah, she's O.K.," said Eugene, turning off the light.
"No, she's not, Eugene. And your father's a prick and an asshole."
"Ah, he's O.K. Anyways, so since I was fourteen I been walkin' aroun' thinkin' I'm impotent. When I was ol' enough to score, you know like fifteen, sixteen, what I would do was I would get 'em in bed, an' I would do anything an' I mean any thing—you know foreplay stuff, but I wouldn't stick it in because I was scared that I dunno, it wouldn't work. It was a real drag because they would get real turned on, an' soon they would wanna fuck an' then I would have to insult them or ... you know, just do something to turn them off so they would get mad and go away. It was a bitch. I could never ... never go out with a girl I liked, because if she ever wanted to fuck I would have to make her mad at me. If we're in bed, an' she splits, it ain't my fault we didn't fuck, an' my reputation ain't hurt, an' nobody knows my little secret. I had it all figured out." He lit another cigarette and readjusted the pillow Nina leaned on her elbow her Ion? hair brushing against his neck. '
"Then ... about three months ago I met this chick at a bar, an' I go bring her back to Buddy's house, an' we're gettin' it on, an' all of a sudden she takes my dick before I could say or do anything, an' she just slips it right in. That's all she did. An' I was cured an' saved an' all that bullshit ... dah dah!" He turned his face up to Nina's. "Except I ain't saved. You ever hear that thing—miles to go before I sleep? That's me, miles to go before I sleep. Sex don't mean shit. I mean I dig sleepin' with you, Nina, an' I love you like I never loved anybody, but there's more to bein' a man, you know? I useta think once I got it on, boy, no more problems, no more hassles. But sometimes, sometimes now I feel worse than I ever did. I ain't a kid anymore. I gotta start movin', make decisions."
"What're you goin' to decide?"
"I dunno. Maybe I'll go to college. Maybe I'll get married. "You wanna get married?"
"No."
"Why the hell not?"
"I like you too much." She briefly kissed him on the mouth, then leaned over and reached for a cigarette on the night table. The pack was empty. She jumped out of bed and turned on the light.
"Where you goin'?" he asked.
"I wanna go down an' get cigarettes." She slipped her dress over her head.
"It's twelve-thirty, where you gonna go?"
"Candy store on the corner is open..."
"You want me to walk you?"
"It's O.K. I'll be back in a second."
"Hey! You gonna put on any underwear?"
"No, I'll be back in a second."
"Whyncha put on underwear?" Eugene felt himself getting angry.
"It's hot out"
&nb
sp; Eugene leaned back as the front door slammed. That was really fuckin' stupid. You wanna get married? Why the hell not? Christ. Eugene winced. He noticed Nina's shoes on the area rug. They were gray suede soft against the palm of his hand. He thought of her touch and her face. No way out of it, he was doin' a hurtin' dance when it came to Nina Becker. Just touching her goddamn shoes had him sucking wind. Eugene jerked up. If her goddamn shoes are here, then she's walking around barefoot. He saw her brassiere hanging across his desk chair, her panties in a crumpled ball on the seat. He jumped out of bed, furious. She'd been gone fifteen minutes. He put on his pants. Barefoot and bare-chested he went downstairs and stood on the porch. The street was as silent as the hour was late. He stepped lightly to the sidewalk and peered down the block. He could see the candy store. The lights were out. He cursed and started walking down the street. The air was cool. Tree branches dipped like palm fronds in a lay back wind. A white cat crouched on top of a garbage can and watched him walk by. Eugene felt weird walking around without shoes a shirt. He heard laughter from one of the houses. The candy store was closed an iron gate locked over the door. Eugene peered into the darkness—the clock on the wall showed one o'clock. He looked both ways down the street. Nina wasn't anywhere in sight. Stupid fucking cunt. He looked back the way he'd come. Maybe he'd missed her walking back. He started trotting back to the house, stopped, and turned back to the candy store. He would have seen her walk back, motherfucking cocksucker. He didn't know where to look for her. Maybe she went home. Bullshit. He walked into the dingy lobby of an old apartment building next to the candy store. Total silence. An old mirror and an elevator. He stood there for a few minutes deciding where else to look. Maybe he should run down to the candy store on Radcliffe Avenue. He'd reached for the door when he noticed a passaceway leading behind the elevator Eugene decided to check it out He found a narrow alcove with mailboxes and a big black guy with dungaree shorts down to his knees laying on top of a white woman All Eugene could see of her was her spread legs. The blood drained from the top half of his body.
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