“Hi, sweetie. How was your trip?”
“Lots and lots of traffic, but other than that, I did okay. What are you doing? Did you go to your meeting with Renee?”
“She’s out of town.” Laura felt a whine creep into her voice. “Everyone is out of town.”
Mike gave a low laugh. “You could have come with me, you know.”
“Yeah. I should have. But there were turkeys and pies to sell – if I weren’t here, who would do it? Half the people at work are gone, as well.”
“Sorry, babe. At least you have Thursday off.”
Laura sighed. “I miss you. You’ll be home on Saturday, right?”
“Should be – a lot depends on the weather, though. They’re still threatening us with another huge snow.”
There was a long pause on the phone. “Mike?”
His voice cut back in mid-sentence. “…right after the service.”
“What?”
“Reception here is bad. I said, I miss you so much already, I might just leave right after the service. And I’d better go, the signal is getting weaker. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Laura said.
She sighed when she hung up. Stupid cell phone. Of course, the funeral was being held out in the boondocks of Ohio, in a tiny little town she’d never heard of before, which didn’t seem to be near much of anything and obviously didn’t have a huge wireless network. She should have gone along with him. “I can’t believe I stayed home all by myself just so I could go to work.”
Laura didn’t quite know why keeping that job should be so important to her. Possibly because it was one of the first things in her adult life that she’d done while sober. That made it feel much more monumental a task. The decision had been made, regardless of how she’d reached it. She yawned, too tired to analyze it, too tired to do much of anything but splash a little water on her face, brush her teeth and go to bed.
Anubis snuggled up next to her, his purring lulled her right to sleep.
Early the next morning, Laura woke up to hear a steady, slow beeping. Not her clock, nor the smoke detector, she didn’t recognize the sound. She threw the covers back, slipped on her pink terry cloth robe and went down the hallway to the kitchen to see what it was.
“Great.” As she feared, the beeping came from the cellar. She remembered now they were supposed to change the tape in one of Dennis’ machines – he’d had given Mike specific instructions on how to do it, but she hadn’t paid attention. “I do not want to go down there and mess with this.”
She pulled Dennis’ card from where it hung on the refrigerator and dialed his number. He answered on the first ring.
“Morning.”
“Dennis? Hi, it’s Laura Wagner. Your machines are beeping.”
“Really?” He sounded excited. “Is it a frantic beeping or rhythmic?”
“Rhythmic. I think the tape needs to be changed, but Mike is out of town. Can you take care of it?”
“Sure, no problem. I can come right over if you’d like.”
“Yes, please,” Laura said, “I’m going to need to leave for work in a few hours.”
“Be right there.”
True to his word, Dennis arrived about fifteen minutes later, barely giving Laura time to get the coffee started and get dressed. She reluctantly followed him halfway downstairs at his request, so that he could show her what needed to be done, just in case he wasn’t around next time. He fiddled with a few dials, switched out the reel to reel tape spool for a fresh one, pushed a couple of buttons, slid a disk out of one of the machines and put a new one in.
Laura stood uncertainly on the bottom step. “Do I have to do all that?”
Dennis shook his head. “Not really. If it beeps again, you can just push this button,” he pointed it out for her, “and it’ll stop. I can come over afterwards and set it all back up again. If it’s even necessary. Based on my preliminary readings, none of this is really needed. There doesn’t seem to be any activity worth recording.”
Although she’d never expected him to find anything, Laura felt relieved. “That’s good news.”
Dennis chuckled. “For you maybe. I hoped for a little more excitement.”
“I can live just fine without excitement, thank you very much.”
“I’m sure. Anyway, thanks for letting me set all this up. I appreciate the effort.”
“I could say I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but that would be a lie. I’m thrilled to death with your results.” She stopped and smiled. “No pun intended.”
Laura’s work day didn’t prove quite as exhausting as the previous day. The store was still crowded with people, but most of the orders were small ones – one or two items, little things they’d forgotten the last shopping trip. But the constant stream of customers made the day go by quickly and Laura’s shift was over before she knew it. One of her coworkers gave her a ride, so she made it inside and managed to get some lights turned on before dusk. The cold and crisp air seemed to validate the weather prediction of heavy snows on the way. “But that’s not a problem for us, is it, Bonehead?” She absently stroked the cat’s head – Anubis had curled up on her lap almost as soon as she’d sat down on the couch. “We’ve got nowhere to go and nothing to do. That’s nice.” After a while, she got up from the couch, put a frozen dinner into the microwave and picked up the phone. First, she dialed Mike’s cell, but the call went into his voice mail. “Hi,” she said at the tone. “It’s just me. I guess your phone isn’t on. Or you’re out of range. Anyway…” Laura paused. “I miss you. Call me when you can.” Then she called Tony’s house – Lizzy answered the phone.
“Mommy!”
“Hi, Pixie. How are you doing?”
“Great,” Lizzy’s happiness came through loud and clear. “I was just asking Daddy if we could call you tonight. I’m helping Susan with the pies. Are you cooking?”
“Not tonight, or even tomorrow. My friend Mike’s gone out of town, so we’ll have Thanksgiving when he gets back.”
“We liked him a lot, Mom. Are you going to marry him?”
Laura smiled. “Maybe. How’s school?”
“It’s good.” Lizzy giggled. “We don’t have to go until Monday.”
In the background Laura could hear the other people in the house talking: Tony laughing, Amanda chattering, Susan’s soft voice giving some sort of instructions, probably a cooking lesson to the girls. Suddenly her plans of doing absolutely nothing all by herself didn’t seem like independence. Rather, they seemed desperate and sad. Her loneliness hit her deep in the stomach, a sharp pang, like hunger, like craving. Laura squeezed her eyes closed tightly to hold back tears.
“Mom? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, sweetie, I am. I just miss you so much. I miss everyone.”
“You could’ve had dinner here. Daddy and Susan wanted you to come.”
Again, Laura heard Tony’s voice in the background. “Is that your mom? I want to talk to her.”
“Mom? Dad wants to talk to you. And I have to go, it’s time to put the pumpkin gunk into the pie.”
“Yum. Pumpkin gunk sounds great. I love you, baby. Put your dad on now.”
“I love you too, Mom.” Laura smiled, hearing Amanda scream what she always did in this exchange.
“I love you more, Mom!”
Laura was laughing when Tony got on the phone. “Having fun?” she asked.
“Loads of it. I wanted to ask you over again. Both you and Mike.”
“Mike’s out of town for the weekend – his aunt died.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I really hate to think of you being all alone on a holiday. Why don’t you let me come over and get you so you can at least eat with us? There’s no reason we all can’t be together as a family.”
Laura thought for a moment. Maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad, there wasn’t really any reason in the world they couldn’t all be civilized and get along. She bore neither Susan nor Tony any grudge, except where the custody of the gir
ls was concerned. And even that seemed an understandable safeguard back when she still drank.
She sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m quite ready for holiday celebrations.”
“You don’t need to drink, you know. Because some of us do is no reason for you to imbibe.” He made it sound so reasonable, like she could take it or leave it. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t that easy.
“But I’ll want to, Tony. And I’m not quite sure I’m strong enough to resist it completely, so for now, I’m staying away from situations where I’ll be tempted to fall back into old habits.”
“How’s Mike?”
Laura wondered if she heard a bit of jealousy in his voice. “Other than the funeral, he’s fine. We’re engaged.”
“What? When did this happen? Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I should have told you last time we spoke, but I was a bit overwhelmed with what was going on.”
“Is that all over now?”
“Yes. But I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough.”
“Come on, Dad.” Laura heard Amanda calling. “We’ve got the game board all set up. Bye, Mom, talk to you later.”
Laura shook her head. “Tell her I said bye. I just love these long distance conversations.”
“Yeah, well, I need to go.” Gales of laughter drifted over the phone lines to Laura. “We’re playing team backgammon.”
“Have fun.”
Laura hung up the phone, feeling much worse than she had before she called. It’s not that she wanted them all to be unhappy, and she certainly didn’t begrudge them their family time. “I don’t know what my problem is, except, damn,” she said, leaning back against the counter. “I sure could use a drink.”
Normally, she pushed thoughts like that out of her mind, but the tricks she used didn’t seem to be working tonight. She spent a long time staring into her kitchen cupboards, one after another, searching for what she knew wasn’t there. After taking about four deep breaths, she calmed down, closed the cabinet doors, and put the tea kettle on to boil. “Chamomile tonight, I think.” Not as good as hot cider and rum or coffee and a flavored liquor. Not even as good as a shot of whiskey. Or a beer. Or a glass of wine.
“Stop it,” she said.
Face it, Laura, you’re a failure. You’re useless. No one loves you, no one cares if you live or die. You’re better off…
“Stop it!” Laura closed her eyes. “That’s not true.” She opened her eyes and looked at the ring on her finger, trying to recapture the happiness she felt with Mike.
But even he couldn’t stay around, could he? He gets what he wants and he’s out the door.
“That’s not fair.” She took in another deep breath, slowly pulling in the air, visualizing it filtering into her lungs, cleansing and soothing. She blew it back out, imagining all the negative thoughts being expelled with it. Then she closed her eyes and started the prayer. “God grant me the serenity…”
When she’d finished, she opened her eyes again and felt much better. The tea kettle whistled and she poured the hot water into her mug, inhaling the calming scent of chamomile and herbs. She would get through this.
The beeper in the cellar went off again. “Oh, shit,” she said, “that’s the last thing in the world I need right now.”
Anubis came to her in the kitchen, ears laying flat against his head, his pupils dilated. “Yeah,” she said, looking down at him, “I know. It’s an annoying sound. I’ll fix it.”
She opened the door, flipped on the light, fully expecting it to flare out. When it didn’t, she took it as a good omen and walked down the stairs, slowly and carefully, and walked over to the machine with the button that Dennis had shown her that morning. Laura pushed the button and the noise stopped. “And that’s that,” she said, with a smug little smile and nod. “All fixed.” She turned around to go back up the stairs, but couldn’t resist a final comment. “Take that.”
At that moment, she felt a rush of cold air at her back and all of the machines around her began to beep at once. Not a rhythmic tone this time. No, this time the machines blinked red and green, and all of their alarms sounded off, frantically.
“Oh, shit,” she said again. “Dennis was wrong.”
Laura heard that low laugh she’d often thought she’d imagined. So very close to her. Breathing in her ear. Standing right behind her. She spun around and felt as if someone or something struck her right in the back of her knee. She fell to the floor, crumpled onto her right ankle and felt it crack. Pain shot up her leg and screamed into her brain. The air around her grew colder still and she smelled something unpleasant, like rotting leaves. Or rotting flesh. Seven bodies neatly sealed up in a room.
She might have passed out for a while, she wasn’t entirely sure. When she did finally attempt to open her eyes and raise her head she noticed the machines had stopped. Everything seemed deathly quiet.
Just lie down for a while, Laura. Go to sleep and let it go. The pain, the anger, the cravings, the disappointments, the failures. You don’t need it. Let it go.
Better off dead.
“No.” She pushed herself up into a sitting position and looked at her right leg, marveling at how her foot now seemed attached at a different angle. She tried to stand, but that one leg wouldn’t support her weight, so she crawled, dragging herself over to the stairs. Holding onto the railing, she pulled herself up, one step after another. Each time her ankle banged against the stairs, she choked back a cry of agony and felt as if she were being pulled down, almost as if someone with an icy grip were holding her back. I want the pain to stop, she thought, at least until I get up the stairs. So many steps to take. So much pain.
Halfway up, she looked up and saw the door was closed. She lay her head down and cried.
That’s it. Give it up.
Laura shook her head. Dragged herself up another step and then another. When she arrived at the top stair, she dripped with sweat and her whole body trembled. She reached up to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn’t turn. “Dammit,” she said, pounding the door with her fist, “I’m not going to die down here.”
She looked at the cat door and realized she’d probably fit through it. Probably the one time a mistake made while drunk actually paid off. She pushed the door. It didn’t move. She remembered then that Mike had duct taped it shut. She pushed harder and was rewarded with a ripping sound. She held the door open with one hand, while pulling herself up with the other and pushing off with her left leg. Half way through the door, she felt that icy grasp on her broken ankle again.
Suddenly Laura wasn’t frightened anymore. She was angry. She kicked back with her good foot and felt as if she’d made a connection. She didn’t care what or who it was that she kicked – she just knew it felt good to fight back. That strength carried her the rest of the way through the door and into the kitchen. Pulling herself up, she leaned against the counter, balancing on her left leg and picked up the phone.
After the call, she dragged herself over to the front door, unlocked it, and leaned up against the wall, finally allowing herself to close her eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Three
On the ambulance ride to the hospital, Laura tried to stay awake. The paramedic riding in the back with her kept urging her to rest, telling her that everything was okay now. But she didn’t want to fall asleep, not just yet. “How bad is it?” she asked.
“Pretty bad,” he said, “Based on the way the ankle is twisted completely out of alignment, I’d guess you broke two or more bones. And your leg is all bruised. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Must be from climbing up the stairs, but I swear it looks like someone grabbed you hard enough to leave a bruise the shape of their hand. You were alone there, right?”
Laura gave a pained laugh. “Just me and my shadow.”
The emergency room doctor set her ankle, put a splint on it and instructed her to come back in three days so that they could put the cast on. They also provided crutches. After some discussion
of her addictions, he gave her a prescription for pain pills. “Non-narcotic,” he assured her, “so there shouldn’t be too much of a problem to quit them when you need to. And more importantly they’ll dull the pain. At least for a while.” He handed her a few sample packets of medication. “These should hold you over until the pharmacies open. How on earth did you manage to crawl up the cellar steps? I can’t even imagine how much pain you must’ve been in.”
Either that, Laura thought, or lie on that cold concrete floor and die. “I managed,” she said. “I had to.”
Once she’d been discharged, they put her in a wheelchair and pushed her up to the nurses’ station. “Have you got someone to pick you up, hon?” the nurse asked. “The roads are getting really bad out there.”
“My fiancé is out of town,” Laura said, “but I might be able to get my ex-husband to pick me up.”
“Where will he be coming from?”
“Sewickley. Across the river.”
The nurse shook her head. “Not tonight, he won’t. They closed the bridges an hour ago. Black ice. It’s a bad night out there. Do you have anyone closer you can ask?”
Laura thought and sighed. “Not really. I guess I could call a cab.”
“I’ll do that for you, hon. You just sit comfy for a while.”
While she waited for the taxi to arrive, Laura made her plans. She’d get the cab to take her home, ask him to wait while she went inside and picked up some clothes and Anubis, then have him take her to the closest hotel. She didn’t have keys to Mike’s apartment – she hadn’t stayed there long enough to worry about getting a set made. So she could go to a hotel. Or back to the house. Not the house, she thought, anyplace but there.
An hour went by before the cab showed up. “You’re my last fare for the night,” the driver said, as he gently loaded her into the back seat. “It’s nasty out here. Most folks stayed at home.”
Laura gave a humorless laugh. “I’d still be there, if I hadn’t broken my ankle.”
“Good point. I can’t imagine you could help that. Are you comfortable?”
“Reasonably so, yes.”
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