Within seconds, a few guys are helping Mike get Justin out of the kitchen, and Danny wrestles with Evan until he settles down. “I’m good. Let me go,” I hear Evan telling him. Eventually, Danny frees him, and Evan comes running over to me. Grabbing onto my hips, he says, “I’m so sorry you heard and saw that. Are you okay?”
“You just punched someone in your aunt’s kitchen and you’re asking if I’m okay?” I wonder curiously.
Evan grabs my hand and draws me over to the side where no one can hear what he’s saying. “I don’t want you thinking one fucking thing he just said is even close to the truth. I promised you nothing had to change between us and I meant it.” He looks more upset now than when he was fighting with Justin.
I’ve definitely considered how my flirting would impact Evan, so I can’t say what this bastard said didn’t get to me. If Evan knows this is bothering me, however, he’ll go nuts. “I know,” I lie. “I’m just worried about you.” I lift up his hand to inspect it. “Does it hurt?”
He throws his arms around me and kisses my head, almost in relief. “I’m good,” he harshly breathes out.
“Evan, come eat before it gets cold,” Jade calls to him, setting a plate on the table. When he hesitates, I incline my head, motioning for him to go ahead. He does and I walk over to Jade, who’s returning to her position in front of the stove. “You alright?” she asks quietly.
I nod and glance over at Jake. “What’s wrong with him?”
Jade knows who I’m talking about without raising her head. “He got hammered last night, hence the reason we’re still here. Kyle told Jake he was sober enough to drive, but Jake didn’t want anyone else driving the Camaro.”
“What? He never has more than a beer or two. Why the hell did he drink so much?”
“Do I really need to answer that question?” Jade asks sarcastically, as if the answer was obvious.
“Yes. What the fuck happened?”
“The longer it took for you and Evan to come back outside, the more he drank. He kept looking up at the door, wondering where you were.” She gives me a look suggesting she isn’t buying the story of me falling asleep last night.
“I did not have sex with Evan,” I say, becoming exasperated. “I fell asleep while he was in the shower. He didn’t have to stay with me.”
“Poor Evan,” she taunts me. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” My best friend isn’t very smart sometimes. “Seriously, Kacie. How do you not feel my brother’s eyes on you all the time? I swear, when you’re around Evan, you go into this zone where he’s the only one you see.”
“Jake is not always looking at me,” I argue. “And you make it seem like I’m a horrible person. I’ve told him repeatedly there will never be anything between us. If he doesn’t know that by now, it’s on him.” I don’t mean to snap at Jade, but this repetitive nonsense about Jake and his feelings is pissing me off.
“I don’t think you’re a horrible person,” she clarifies, reaching for a plate from the stack next to where we’re standing. “I’m just saying that you will probably always mean a little more to Jake, regardless of your feelings for him or who you’re with.” Jade places the French toast from the pan on the plate. “After I finish up here, I’ll get him to take us home and we can go to the cemetery. I didn’t forget about Grandpop’s birthday.”
“Evan is taking me.”
“Home or to the cemetery?”
“To the cemetery.”
“He is?” she wonders with a grin.
“When I woke up, I sort of freaked out,” I explain, scratching my head. “Evan asked what was wrong. I told him about the promise I made to Gram and he offered to take me after breakfast.”
“He totally deserves to get laid for that,” she starts to laugh. I smack her arm, making her laugh even harder.
“I can’t stand you,” I complain, taking the plate she’s holding out to me. She’s lucky I’m hungry or else she’d be wearing this yummy French toast.
***
Evan carefully drives along the dirt path that leads to my grandparents’ final resting place. The whole ride over, he allowed me to sit silently with my thoughts, not pushing to start a conversation as most people would have done to ease the awkwardness. It was bothering him to see me like this, though. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him constantly looking between me and the road in front of him. He was probably debating whether or not he should drop me off at my house and let me come by myself. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.
I point where he should stop and he applies the brake just past their headstone. As I go to get out of the truck, I tell him, “I won’t be long.”
He takes my hand in his before my legs swing over the seat to slide down. “Take as long as you need to. I’m not going anywhere.” I smile to express my gratitude and descend from the high seat, closing the door behind me.
Rounding the back end of the truck, I hear the closing of the driver’s side door. Evan meets me right before I get to my grandparents. “You don’t have to be out here. You don’t want to see the blubbering mess I will become in about thirty seconds.”
“I don’t want you to be alone,” he says in his domineering tone. I take a few steps and he places his hand on my back for support.
Looking at my last name carved in the stone sends shivers down my spine. Will it ever get any easier to come here? My eyes begin to blink rapidly to fight the moisture building inside of them. The lawn must have been cut recently because there is yard debris covering most of their headstone, as well as the others surrounding it. Immediately, I kneel down and start to brush it off with my bare hand.
“Wait,” Evan whispers and disappears from my side. I don’t turn to see what he’s doing, but I hear him rustling in the toolbox of his truck. He returns, handing me a cloth towel. “Use this.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he says, squatting down next to me.
Taking my time, I wipe off the stone, paying special attention to the smoother, polished parts. Why haven’t I ever thought to bring anything to clean it off before? If I had come from home, I would have brought flowers for Gram. I’ll have to make another trip back here sometime this week to get them to her.
“As awful as this sounds, sometimes I think that they got the better end of the deal. Right before the guilt settles in for even considering it, of course,” Evan whispers from beside me. He reaches over and brushes off a piece of grass I missed.
“I think the same thing,” I admit, wiping my face on my arm since my hands are now dirty. “They get to go and be with loved ones gone before them. Their suffering ends. They’re free.” I remember watching Gram when she was so sick. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done to make her feel better. “The pain I felt as Gram went through the surgeries, the chemo, all of it,” I cringe at the memories. “It was nothing compared to how I felt when she was actually gone. Trying to get out of bed every morning and going about daily life hurts so damn bad. Being left behind is the worst kind of pain. It can’t be kissed better, rubbed away, or bandaged. It’s always there, crushing any chance of relief. It’s the kind that will never go away because the only person who can make it better isn’t ever coming back.”
Evan stands up, bringing me with him. I lean into his chest and he holds me there until I’m ready to go. Once he pulls out of the cemetery gates, relief falls over me. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“Anytime,” he tells me. “Is there anything else you want to do today?”
“Do you want to come back to the house and hang out by the pool? Jade and Kyle will be around. I’m sure she’ll be making dinner. She usually does on days that are tough for me to get through. She thinks food makes me feel better,” I laugh.
“Sounds good, but we have to make a quick stop.”
A few miles down the road, Evan pulls into the parking lot of a small ice cream stand. “Milkshake?” he asks.
“Is that a real question?” The hot weather really
needs to take a break soon. I’ll need to run twice as much if he keeps getting me these damn things.
“One strawberry milkshake and one chocolate, please,” he orders at the window.
“Chocolate? What’s wrong with strawberry?”
“I like strawberry. I just don’t want you to steal mine after you inhale yours,” he informs me.
“I do not inhale my milkshakes.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Sweetheart, I’ve seen you drink them before. It’s like you’re afraid someone is going to cut your arms off and take it from you.”
“Shut up!” I snap, folding my arms over my chest. “You’re an ass.”
“Maybe I am, but you still inhale milkshakes,” he mumbles, handing me the cup the young girl just placed on the counter. He doesn’t notice her staring at him or how she stutters when she tries to tell him the total. I’m not going to tell him, either. No reason to make the jerk’s head any bigger than it already is.
After a short stop at his condo for a change of clothes and his bathing suit, we spend the rest of the afternoon in Jade’s backyard. By the time we get there, she is already set up with music playing, a cooler full of drinks, and snacks. Evan and Kyle play basketball with the floating net for a while. They act like little kids, which causes laughter and a lot of eye rolling from us. It’s nice to see Evan relaxing for a change. He always seems tense when he has to go to the club. I wonder if he’ll be better once his uncle comes home. Maybe he’s only like this because of the stress from being on his own.
Jake finally comes out to join us a little before dinner. He looks horrible. We are all in the pool when he plops into the chair under the umbrella, but I’m the only one who gets out to check on him. To prevent any unwanted comments, I wrap myself with a large towel. Walking by the cooler, I grab a Coke, open it, and place it gently on the table. “You know, drinking isn’t for everyone.”
Without moving his head, Jake reaches for the can. He nearly knocks it over, but manages to get ahold of it. “Why do people do this to themselves?” he asks as I try, unsuccessfully, not to laugh. “I’m serious. This fucking sucks.”
“Most people don’t set out to feel like shit the following day. It has more to do with feeling good at the time. Did you take anything?”
“Yeah. Multiple times. Does this really help?” He’s pointing at the soda.
“It’s always helped me, especially with my stomach,” I confirm. “Do you want me to get you anything else?” Why is there guilt piling on my shoulders? Even if I did have sex with Evan, I wouldn’t have done anything wrong and, more importantly, it’s none of Jake’s business. Damn Jade for putting this shit in my head.
“No. Thank you, though.”
“Jade made a salad, and we’re throwing chicken on the grill in a little bit. Do you want that or would you rather have something else?”
“Not sure,” he moans.
“Man, you look like shit,” Evan says. I turn to see they all are out of the pool and are drying off. It must be time to make dinner.
“Aw, big brother. Do you feel any better?”
“A little,” Jake answers. She kisses his head.
“I’m going to run home to change. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I announce. Evan comes with me and I think to myself how we better hurry up or else Jake might start drinking again.
Everyone has a good time preparing and eating dinner. Jake perked up after drinking the Coke. That shit works miracles! The guys talk about cars while watching the baseball game on TV. Jade washes the dishes and I dry. She talks about having off of work on Thursday and Friday so we make plans to go shopping Thursday morning, since we are both in dire need of summer clothes, and to grab lunch afterwards. We haven’t spent much time together so I’m looking forward to it.
The leftover food is put away and everything is cleaned up. I make my way over to the sofa where Evan is sitting and curl up next to him. “Hey, beautiful,” he whispers.
Before I can respond, Jade brings out dessert. She bought a chocolate cake with chocolate icing in honor of my grandfather’s birthday. It was his favorite. She places the cake on the coffee table in front of me. There is a lone candle in the center of it, just the way Gram would have done it. “Happy Birthday, Grandpop,” I whisper before blowing it out. “Thanks, Jade.” She winks at me and hands me the knife. Gram has done this so many times that it feels wrong doing it myself. I slice five pieces of cake and pass them around the room.
“Okay, now it’s time we talk about your birthday. What do you want to do?” Jade asks me.
“When’s your birthday?” Evan blurts out.
“A week from Wednesday,” I say, glaring at Jade.
“That’s the fifth?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“How come you didn’t tell me?”
“Because it’s no big deal, and I’m not celebrating it this year,” I say, looking around the room.
“Bullshit!” Jade speaks out. “We haven’t really celebrated your birthday the last few years because you were a thousand miles away. You better fucking believe we’re partying this year!”
“You came to visit me last year. We partied for three days when I turned twenty-one! I thought I was going to die from alcohol poisoning,” I remind her.
Jake starts chuckling. “You guys thought I looked bad earlier? You should have seen these two by that Sunday night. We even had to postpone our flight back because Jade wouldn’t have made it to the airport.”
“That’s only because of the cheap booze Kacie’s friends brought over before we went out the night before,” Jade defends herself. “I should’ve known better than to drink that crap!”
“Oh, I guess it had nothing to do with the outrageous number of shots you had,” Jake comments.
“Can I help it if guys were buying us shots all damn night? It would have been rude to say no!” Jade says.
“It would have been smart to say no,” Jake says, sighing.
“Anyway, so what do you want to do?” she asks, remembering her original question.
“Really, Jade. It’s been a rough few months and I’m not up to celebrating yet.” Evan is rubbing my back. “I’m going to head home. I’ll see you guys later.”
“Fine. We’ll discuss it later, but this conversation is not over.” Jade can be very stubborn when she doesn’t get what she wants.
I grab Evan’s hand and we leave by the back door. Instead of going inside of Gram’s house, he sits in one of the lounge chairs. He drapes his long legs over the sides of the chair and pats it for me to sit with him. “You want to sit outside?”
“Why not? The view looks amazing from here.” I look up to see the stars lighting up the sky. Evan helps me onto the chair. My knees bend up to my chest and my arms surround them. It’s not cold out by any means, but it’s comforting. “Did you really think you’d get away without telling me about your birthday?” he whispers.
“Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it. I’m sure it would have come up in the next few days.” I relax back into him. He really is nice to snuggle with.
“If it’s okay with you, I’ll try to get someone to cover for me at the club and we’ll do something. Even if it’s something low key. I’d just like to spend your birthday with you.” He squirms a bit as he digs his phone out of his pocket.
“Okay,” I whisper. I can tolerate something low key.
“You decide what you want to do,” he says, fidgeting with his phone, “and I’ll make it happen.” When he’s satisfied with whatever he is doing, he sets it down on the small table next to us. He pulls me in closer to him and holds me tight. Music begins playing and I recognize the song immediately. It’s one of my favorites.
“You like this?” I ask, curiously.
“As of recently,” he kisses my cheek, “it’s probably my favorite song ever.” We sit there for a long time, not saying anything to each other, looking up at the stars and listening to “You and Me” by Lifehouse over and over again.
Chapter Seventeen
Kacie
All day yesterday, I felt like I was recovering from a week long drinking binge. It’s probably because of not sleeping well and being on the go for the last few days. Evan stayed over Monday night after hanging out at Jade’s house. We woke up a little before noon and made breakfast together, but he had to leave shortly after we ate. He was nervous about being away from the club for over forty-eight hours. Apparently, that hasn’t happened since his uncle went on vacation. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening lounging around, watching movies. Everyone needs a lazy day once in a while, right?
Shit is starting to get a little more intense between Evan and me. We aren’t able to keep our hands off of each other. It’s only simple caresses or a few kisses here and there…simple caresses or kisses that have me longing for much, much more. Frankly, I hate when he’s close by and we aren’t touching in some way. I know it would be best to take a step or two back from the situation, but it’s getting harder to do that, especially now that he wants to sleep in my bed. While he was at work last night, I could only fall asleep after lying on the pillow he had used.
Today, I woke up later than I had planned, but decided to head out for my run anyway. I figured if it got too hot, there were enough places along my route to take a break. Actually, that’s exactly what ended up happening. About three-quarters of the way through, the heat was getting to me. I stopped next to a lake and sat down on a large rock. Looking out over the water, I thought only of Evan. Mostly, I tried to convince myself that if I told him how my parents are threatening to take the house and the rest of the nonsense they’re putting me through, he’d still want to be with me. But, the truth is, he wouldn’t. Who really wants to be around someone with crazy parents who are constantly causing trouble? And what about how he mentioned nothing having to change with us? Did he mean it? Is that his way of saying he’s not interested in anything more? Who the fuck knows? It will only make me nuts trying to analyze this shit. Needless to say, I didn’t sit there very long.
Left Behind: Left Behind Series #1 Page 21