Certainly I was relieved to see the white walls of Tir el-Alisaad rise up before us, shimmering in the heat waves coming off the desert sands. I’d enjoyed a measure of freedom on the journey that I did not have when immured in the palace, but not having to continually look over one’s shoulder did have its merits.
That relief was short-lived, however, for after Besh and I had made our goodbyes and a smaller group of the guards had guided Marsali, Lila, and me back to my suite, I made a most unwelcome discovery.
“But where are my maids?” I demanded of Miram when I saw only the one other of the Keshiaari maids, the woman I had left behind, hurrying forth to assist Lila and Marsali with unpacking my things.
Miram’s face was expressionless. “They were sent home, Your Majesty.”
“Sent…home?” I said, my tone blank with confusion. Certainly I was very tired. Perhaps I had not heard her properly. “How is that possible? Under whose orders? For certainly I did not request such a thing.”
Just the barest tightening of her thin lips before she said, “They complained of the heat, of missing their homeland. I asked the seneschal what to do, and he went to the chancellor, as this was not a simple domestic matter, but one involving the Hiereine’s household. Then the chancellor decided they should be sent back to Sirlende, as a ship was just about to sail there, bearing a load of spices. Have no fears, Your Majesty. We will replace them with Keshiaari women — ”
“No,” I cut in. What the true story was behind this, I couldn’t begin to guess. However, since just a few weeks earlier I had been wondering how on earth I would keep eight women occupied with looking after me, I saw no reason to have Miram bring in more strangers. Four servants were quite enough to manage my apartments and my person. Lila I liked, and Marsali, although reserved, seemed thoroughly unobjectionable. I would not risk having anyone else assigned to my service, for I might not be so lucky with one of them. “I do not see the need to have any replacements sent to me. You four will manage well enough, I think.”
And I let the matter go there, although in my mind that was certainly not the end of it. I would not trouble Besh with my silly domestic affairs, as he had a great many more serious matters to occupy his attention, foremost being the search for whomever had hired the men who attacked us in the desert. Most likely the same questions were occupying the chancellor as well, but since it was his direct order that had sent my countrywomen back to Sirlende, I did not scruple at questioning him further on the matter.
* * *
He could not delay me forever, but he did make me wait until the following afternoon before agreeing to an audience. Not in my chambers, of course; the only man allowed there was my husband, and he did not seem terribly eager to exercise that right.
But Azeer Tel-Karinoor met with me in the outer, public chamber of the suite of rooms reserved as his offices. Miram attended me, as I could not be left alone with any man not my husband, although I heartily wished that I could have had this conversation without her listening in.
I waited as the chancellor’s manservant brought us cool, sweet tea tasting of mint, and fine light cakes to go with it. After sipping the tea and taking a dainty bite of one cake, I decided that custom had been met, and it was time to go to the heart of the matter.
“Chancellor, I do wish you had consulted me before sending my servants back to Sirlende.”
He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers under his chin, dark eyes watching me carefully, but with no real expression. “A thousand apologies, Your Majesty, but it was clear they were not happy with their situation. And because a ship was available to take them home, I thought it best to see them safely on their way.”
How very convenient, I thought, that such a ship should be here precisely when I was away from the palace for an extended period. I picked up my tea glass in its elegant pierced bronze holder and took a sip. “I see your point, Chancellor. All the same, I must ask that such matters be brought before me before any decision is made. Yes, there was a ship ready to sail for Sirlende, but many such ships ply their trade between the two realms, and I do not see how waiting a few days could have made any difference.”
Save that I might have returned before the next one sailed, and put a stop to the whole thing.
“Of course, Your Majesty. I understand your concerns. His Most High Majesty gives me a good deal of autonomy to manage such matters as I see fit, and so I assumed that you would also allow me the same kind of liberty.”
“I have no doubt that in most things such a policy is wise, but as these were my personal servants, the decision should also have been mine.”
Azeer pressed his hands together and bowed slightly. “I understand, Your Majesty. It will not happen again.”
Of course it wouldn’t, for I had no more servants left that he could dismiss in such a way. But I also knew that to continue to argue the matter would make very little difference. Those women were gone, on their way back to Sirlende, and now I was very much alone here, surrounded by people whose motivations I did not clearly understand. True, Lila seemed friendly enough, but she was only a servant girl. She certainly had no power, and she could never be my friend, even if I had attempted to make such an overture, for I was the consort of the Hierarch.
As there was little else I could say, I replied, “Thank you for understanding, Chancellor. I know you are a busy man, and so I will take no more of your time.”
“My time is yours to command, Your Majesty.”
Correct words, the response custom demanded. I knew he did not believe them, not really. Fair enough.
Neither did I.
* * *
Although I promised myself I would not bring up the matter to Besh, he did learn of it somehow. A few days after we had returned to the capital, he murmured to me as we were leaving dinner, “My lady, I have recently heard how your servants were sent away from here. I must apologize on behalf of my chancellor, for I would never have approved such a thing if I had known of it in advance.”
“I thank you for your concern,” I told him, “but there is nothing any of us can do about it now. Besides,” I added, essaying a laugh, even though the handling of the situation still rankled, “I had meant to say something to you on the subject, to tell you that eight attendants was really unnecessary. So perhaps your chancellor read my thoughts somehow and did as I wished, even though I had never mentioned it.”
Besh did not appear amused. Mouth unsmiling, he replied, “Even so, it was ill done. If any of your servants were to be sent away, it should have been some of the Keshiaari women. I did not want you to feel alone here, with no one of your homeland to keep you company.”
I would not admit that I had been thinking something very similar. It warmed me, though, that he was showing such concern for me. “My lord, how can I feel alone, when I have you for a husband?”
It was precisely the wrong thing to say; I saw it as soon as the words left my lips, for his jaw tensed, and he glanced away from me, frowning up at the dark heavens above. “The skies tonight are not clear enough to bother with the observatory. I will take you back to your apartments.”
My heart seemed to shrivel in my breast, but I somehow managed to keep a note of polite concern in my tone as I asked, “Oh, do you think so? It was quite clear when we went in for dinner.”
“Look now.”
I did as he asked and saw that the heavens were covered by a thin blanket of clouds, just enough to blur and obscure the stars and the one moon that had risen, making it a pale smudge of light off to the east. “That is unfortunate. I did not think you had much in the way of clouds here until the rainy season.”
“We do…sometimes. But they will not bring rain.”
And that appeared to be all he wanted to say on the subject, for after that he led me to my apartments, bade me a rather brusque good night, and was gone.
As there was nothing else for me to do, I went into my suite, allowed myself to be undressed, and fell into my solitary b
ed.
* * *
The days passed after that, blending into one another, until they became weeks, and then months. I took up my writing again, as there was little else for me to do, and in finding something to occupy my time, I attempted to learn something of Keshiaar’s tales and legends from Lila. After being startled at first that I would care about such matters, she would tell me what she could — as long as Miram and the other two maidservants were not around to overhear. I supposed that since she was the youngest, she felt they all had some right to govern her actions, even though of course my voice should overrule all of them.
But I did not wish to cause her any trouble, and so I always waited until Marsali and Alina were scrubbing the bath chamber, or occupied in some other task, before I would ask Lila to draw her chair and her embroidery close to the table where I sat with my papers. Then I would write, hearing her speak of enchanted caves of gold and magic lamps and carpets that flew and all manner of wonders. I did not ask if someone else had set down these tales, as what I did now I did for myself to occupy my mind, even if it could not fill the emptiness of my heart.
For truly, as the endless blistering summer finally gave way to the shorter days of autumn, I had begun to despair that I could ever do or say anything to touch Besh’s heart. Ever since the attack, his councillors and captains of the guard had been consumed with discovering the miscreants behind the vile assault on their Hierarch. For some time I’d begun to think Besh did have an idea as to the identity of the guilty party or parties, but when the days and weeks wore on and no arrests were made, I thought perhaps I had been mistaken. Still, it seemed strange that no progress had been made, even with the crown’s vast resources massed to hunt down the perpetrators.
Besh used that preoccupation to hold me at arm’s length, and although he did not bar me from the observatory altogether, he did manage to find one excuse after another as to why star viewing was not suitable every night. We did go to make those observations three or four times in a month, just enough that I could not claim he had forbidden me the activity altogether. I knew better than to question his motives; I guessed well enough what they might be. We had begun to grow too close, and he had not wished to allow me any further intimacy.
Perhaps if I had been made of sterner stuff, I would have confronted him, told him outright that if he truly wished to continue the line of Kel-Alisaad, then perhaps he should not be doing quite such a good job of avoiding me. But I did not wish to force such an encounter. He would only retreat that much further into his shell, and I would be left worse off than I was now. All I could do was hope that perhaps one day he would realize I was not Hezia, and that I would never betray him.
* * *
It was a morning in late Octevre, the heat finally abating somewhat, when I sat with Lila in my chambers, writing down a story of a horse made of ebony that could fly to the sun. Marsali and Alina were off attending to the washing, while Miram had excused herself to oversee the selection of silks and linens for a new set of bedclothes. Very seldom was I left so alone, and as I enjoyed Lila’s company, the time was passing more quickly than it normally would.
Then the door to my suite was flung open, and I heard a childish giggle just before the door was slammed shut again. Startled, I looked up from my writing table to see a young girl of perhaps five or six come running into the room. Upon glimpsing Lila and myself, the girl came to a skidding halt, hand going to her mouth.
“Someone lives here!” she squeaked.
“Yes,” I said gently, wondering who she might be. The palace was vast, with apartments provided for some of the most favored courtiers and their families, and so I thought this child must belong to one of them, and perhaps had escaped her nanny. “I have lived here for many months now, but I have never seen you before. What is your name?”
“Nadira,” she said, staring at me with wide amber eyes.
Amber eyes….
I had only seen one person here in Keshiaar with eyes that color.
Was it possible? Had Hezia born Besh a daughter? There had been much mention of there being no heir, but here in Keshiaar — as it was back home in Sirlende — a girl child could not inherit the throne.
No, surely he would not have kept such a thing from his own wife. We were not intimate, and he hid much from me, but surely he would have told me he had a child.
Lila was looking on, aghast, but then quickly bent back down over her embroidery once she saw my gaze travel in her direction. Seeing her expression, I doubted very much whether she would willingly volunteer any information as to the girl’s identity.
So I went to this Nadira, then knelt before her so our eyes were nearly level. “I am Lyarris. I am the Hiereine of this land. Do you know what that means?”
She nodded, regarding me with those eerily familiar eyes. “It means you are married to my father.”
It was as if someone had delivered a powerful blow to my stomach. Somehow I couldn’t seem to draw in a breath, could only stare into the little girl’s guileless features, delicate and pretty, with heavy black lashes framing her extraordinary eyes, and her mouth a pretty rosebud pout.
“Did he — did he tell you that?”
A shake of her head, disarrayed black locks tumbling over her shoulders. “No, Nurse told me Father had a new wife.”
“And you — you did not mind?”
Nadira’s head tilted slightly to one side. “Father had to get a new wife because my mother was a whore.”
Once again it felt as if the breath had been slapped from me. Who on earth could be saying such things to an innocent little girl? Her nurse? “Nadira, your mother made a terrible mistake.”
“No, she was a whore, and they killed her because of it.”
Good gods, had no one thought to shelter the child from the reality of what her mother had done? “Nadira, who has said these things to you?”
Her shoulders went up, just a fraction, and she replied simply, “Everyone.”
In that moment I heard a frantic knocking at the door, and Lila set down her embroidery and hastened to answer it, clearly glad of the distraction. As soon as she opened the door, a heavy-set woman garbed in black hastened in, recriminations and apologies tumbling over themselves, as if she did not know which she should be saying first.
“Ah, Your Majesty, a thousand apologies for this intrusion! Nadira, you naughty girl, you know you were never supposed to come to this wing of the palace! Your Majesty, she is now at the age where she can outrun me, and I — ”
I raised a hand. “It is quite all right. No harm done. In fact, I am very pleased to make Nadira’s acquaintance.”
The woman, who I assumed must be the nurse, went pale then, as if she had just realized truly how unfortunate it was that I had seen the child at all. “That is — that is most gracious of you, Your Majesty. But I will take Nadira back to her rooms, and we will trouble you no further.” She advanced toward us, bowed in my direction, and then seized Nadira by the arm, hauling her back toward the door.
Perhaps I should have made some attempt to stop her, but I was feeling so unbalanced by the entire encounter that I could only watch wordlessly as the nurse, moving quite quickly for a person of her bulk, pulled Nadira through the entryway and then shut the door behind them.
For the longest moment I stood there silently, as Lila watched me with wide dark eyes, seeming to wonder what my next words would be. Did she think I would berate her for being in on the secret? For clearly she had known of Nadira’s existence.
But no, I would not take Lila to task for such a thing. She was only a servant; if she had been told to keep her mouth shut, then I could not fault her for that.
Besh, on the other hand….
* * *
It was the first time I had ever requested an audience with him, had not been content to wait for our brief interactions at dinner or directly afterward. I did not know if it was because of this that he accepted my request, but I would not question his reasons for doing so.
His suite was, of course, magnificent — more than a suite, really, but an entire wing of the palace, with an audience chamber, a library, offices and bath chambers and bedchambers and much more, opening off a central corridor. At least he saw me in his library, a far more intimate space than some of the others, and one I liked immediately, with its tall bookcases of carved warm-hued wood and the beautiful sconces of dark wrought bronze and alabaster. Then again, the presence of books, the very scent of the leather bindings and the aged paper, had always comforted me.
After his manservant had shut the door behind me, Besh stood off to one side of his desk, arms crossed. A slight frown pulled at his brow. “What is it, my lady?”
It was odd seeing him in even the filtered daylight that passed through the latticework which covered the windows. Always we met by lamplight and starlight and moonlight, as if the light of the sun was too real, too harsh to be allowed to beat down upon us.
For the past few hours I had been debating the best way to go about this. I realized, though, that no polite words, no carefully couched phrases, would make any difference. “I have met Nadira,” I said simply.
A long silence as he watched me, face blank. Something flickered in those eyes, that glinting amber so like his daughter’s. “Ah,” he said at last.
Anger flicked through me then, anger that he could be so cool about it, could show so little reaction. “That is all you have to say? You have hidden your child from me! To what purpose, may I ask? Did you think I did not have the constitution to be a stepmother? What possible good could it do, my lord, to conceal the existence of your only daughter from your wife?”
One Thousand Nights (Tales of the Latter Kingdoms Book 6) Page 12