by Zoe Lynne
Ash gripped the wheel tight as she pulled up to the curb—brakes squealing, motor humming a little too loudly. She put it in park, and her little beater backfired loud enough to knot Ash’s gut. She didn’t unfasten her seatbelt and climb out, didn’t assume Jenna wanted to be caught dead with the likes of someone like her, and she was just about to say “forget it” and drive back to her own side of the tracks, when Jenna said, “You wanna come in?”
“Is it okay?” Ash asked.
“Sure. My parents don’t mind me having company.”
“I meant….” Shut up, Ash. Shut. Up. “Never mind. I’ll come in.”
“You won’t get in trouble, will you?” Jenna asked. “Do you have a curfew or something?”
“Or something.” Ash climbed out of the car, the door squeaking so loud it echoed through the quiet, empty streets of suburbia. Jenna followed suit, then started toward the driveway. Ash kept talking. “My dad is probably still at work, and when he gets home, he usually goes right to bed. He works like… three jobs now, I think.”
“Oh wow. Do you ever get to see him?”
“Not really.” Ash shrugged. “Between school and the band, I’m gone all the time anyway. And when he gets home, I’m usually in bed already. Sunday is my best chance to see him.”
“That has to be hard.”
“Eh.” Ash shrugged. “It is what it is.”
Jenna dug around in her purse, probably searching for a key. She muttered quiet curses about how her purse sucked and she could never find anything in that black hole of a handbag. Ash only half-listened. Her attention stayed on Jenna, but more the way Jenna looked under the coppery streetlight—the way it made her creamy skin look a lot more tan and almost glowing, the way the light shimmered in her hair. Ash sighed
God, I want to kiss her.
“Found it!” Jenna proclaimed as she tore the key from the mess inside her purse.
She bounced up the concrete steps. Ash followed her down the path, past the little arrangements of colorful flowers, past the proud American flag whipping in the wind. For a moment, just one brief moment, Ash wished she had a life like Jenna’s. She wished she lived in this kind of neighborhood and came from money. She wished she didn’t have to fear for her life every time she got near her apartment.
She kept telling herself this was a huge mistake. She didn’t belong there and shouldn’t have gone there. Fate might’ve put them in the same room, but it wouldn’t take away all their hurdles, the things that would drive a wedge between them if they ever tried to spend any real time together. Kids like her and Jenna didn’t become friends, and they damn sure didn’t date each other. Not that she wanted to date Jenna or—or did she?
“You coming in?” Jenna asked.
Ash hadn’t even noticed her opening the front door. Now Jenna stood in a halo of white light and cream-colored walls. The scent of cleanliness—like sandalwood and furniture polish—wafted out from behind her.
“Maybe I should go,” Ash finally said.
“Why?” Jenna asked as she stepped back out onto the porch.
“Because I don’t belong here.”
“What do you mean?” Jenna frowned. She looked sincerely disappointed, and for a moment, Ash thought she could push aside her concern just to be close to the other girl.
“I gotta go, Jen. I….” Ash shook her head. “I’ll see you Friday, ’kay?”
Before Jenna could say another word or ask her to please stay, Ash spun on the hard soles of her heavy boots, then quickly took off down the driveway.
She reached her car and immediately climbed inside, swearing to herself she wouldn’t look back up at Jenna. But the moment the girl’s name flitted through her brain, she turned her stare toward the house.
Jenna still stood in the doorway, beneath the glow of the bright white light behind her, arms crossed over her chest. She kept her eyes on Ash, and Jenna’s stare made her feel ten times worse. This cowardice and weakness, this stupid envy, wasn’t like Ash. She was the strong one in her crowd of friends, the fun one, the social one, the one everybody adored. She was the free spirit and the comedian.
This shy, scared little girl had to go.
Chapter Three
Admittedly, watching Ash drive away hurt a little bit. Jenna didn’t know if it was something she’d said or done. She didn’t understand why Ash would think she didn’t belong there. Why Ash would get all the way out to Wood Grove, then speed away before they had a chance to hang out or talk or—anything, really? It just didn’t make any sense.
Sighing, Jenna turned and went inside, then locked the door behind her. Her parents were sitting on the couch, watching one of those Discovery Channel shows they both loved so much. Jenna wouldn’t bother them. She planned to sneak on by and head up to her room, but then her father called her name and stopped her before her foot hit the first step.
“How was your night?” he asked when she appeared in the arched doorway leading into the more than abundant living room.
“Good, Daddy. Same old thing, really. We had a new girl come in.”
“Yeah?” They both sat up on the couch, curiosity painted all over their faces.
“Yeah, she actually brought me home.”
“What happened to Stella?” her mother asked.
“She wanted to go out dancing. Ashlynn was going to hang out, but she decided not to.” Jenna shrugged. “I don’t know why.”
“Hmm….” Her dad frowned. “It is pretty late. Maybe she had to go home.”
“Maybe. I think I’m going to head to bed.”
“Okay,” he said. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Daddy. Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, sweetheart. Don’t forget you’re going shopping with me tomorrow,” her mother added as Jenna headed out of the dimly lit room. She acknowledged her mother with a nod and a smile, then took off up the stairs to her bedroom.
She didn’t really think about shopping with her mother. In fact, she didn’t think about anything or anyone other than Ash. The purple-haired doll should’ve been there right now, should’ve been following Jenna up the stairs to her bedroom, where they would’ve watched movies and hung out. They would’ve gotten to know each other and made plans to hang out again. What sucked the most was she hadn’t thought to get Ashlynn’s number before the girl had taken off.
Epic-freakin’-fail, Jenna.
Eh, it was probably for the best anyway. Usually, when people found out about Jenna’s true ethnicity, they freaked a little. Some bolted. Some didn’t. The black kids didn’t really accept her because she looked so white, and the white kids didn’t accept her because her hair wasn’t like theirs and her skin had a sheen to it they didn’t understand. People tended to fear what they didn’t get.
There were a few exceptions to the rule—Stella being one of those special few, and the second she thought about Stella, a text came through. It said, Hope you’re having a good time, with one of those little winky faces Stella always loved to use.
Jenna debated not replying, but she almost never left Stella hanging like that. They shared absolutely everything, news about girlfriends—or rather, potential girlfriends—included.
She didn’t stay, Jenna replied, and almost immediately, the phone rang.
“What do you mean ‘she didn’t stay’?” Stella asked. The surprise in her voice wasn’t lost on Jenna. In fact, her bestie almost sounded a little disappointed.
“She got out of the car, acted like she was going to come in and hang out, but she didn’t. She said she had to go and she would see me Friday night.”
“What’s that all about?”
“I don’t know.”
“Damn, sweetie, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah,” Jenna said with a sigh. “Me too. She acted like she needed someone to talk to, and I thought I was going to be helpful or whatever. I planned on listening and answering any questions she might’ve had, but she didn’t give me a chance to, like… be there for her or whatever
.”
“Maybe she wasn’t ready yet,” Stella suggested. “Maybe she didn’t realize how late it was. Maybe she had to get home.”
“Maybe. Hey, I don’t hear music. I thought you went dancing.”
Stella didn’t immediately say anything. Jenna heard the door close and what sounded like sheets rustling. She heard Stella take a deep breath, then exhale sharply. “I went to the club, but I wasn’t really feeling it. Besides, I wasn’t dressed for dancing, ya know? I ended up going to Starbucks to grab a coffee and change in the bathroom. The place wasn’t busy, so no one noticed a boy stepping out of the women’s restroom. I came on home and decided to go to bed early.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. It’s fine,” Stella said, but she didn’t sound fine at all.
“You can always spend the night here if you want to.”
“Maybe tomorrow night. I’m already in bed.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Night, baby girl.”
“Night, Stella.” Or was it Steven now?
SO, so very, very stupid, Ash silently repeated to herself all the way home. For thirty long minutes, she beat herself up for running away from the first girl she’d been genuinely interested in, like… ever. Jenna was so beautiful and the exact type of girl Ash once wanted to be—actually still wanted to be. Not to mention Jenna had to be the most interesting person Ash had ever met. Jenna had already been through and dealt with all the things Ash now faced. Yet Ash still ran away like a scared little girl.
No, you did what was right, she told herself.
The sad truth of the matter was they were from two very, very different worlds. Jenna lived in a bright, clean palace in the ’burbs, while Ash lived in a dark, dank hell on the forgotten side of town. Jenna had a perfect family. Ash came from a broken home. It just wasn’t meant to be.
That was supposed to make her feel better about bolting out of there before things had a chance to get too deep, but for some stupid reason, it really didn’t.
Her car squeaked and squealed as she pulled into the parking lot. One flickering light hung over the space. It wasn’t safe, and Ash refused to get out of the car without a can of mace in her hand. Her daddy made sure he kept her well stocked. Even he knew the rat-hole apartment they lived in wasn’t the best place for a teenage girl, but he worked his ass off to give her what he could. She respected the crap out of him for everything he did.
Since her mother had bailed about ten years ago, things had gotten really hard for them. They went from a two-income family to a half-income family. Her daddy didn’t have any education and no real skills to speak of, but he was strong and didn’t mind working hard. He loved her and wore himself down to care for her. And while Ash appreciated it, she secretly wished things could be different. She wished she could have a life more like Jenna had, but she would never, ever say such a thing in front of her daddy.
Climbing the stairs, she kept an eye on her surroundings, looking out for the “bad guys” her daddy liked to warn her about. She slipped the key into the lock, wiggled the knob, then bumped her hip against the door a few times until it finally cracked open.
Inside, the air was warmer than usual, warmer than it was outside, which meant the AC had probably broken again. Ash groaned as she dropped her backpack on the couch. She went straight to the fridge to look for something to eat, but only found two-day old pizza and a carton of God only knew what. She ended up grabbing a bottle of water instead.
Kicking her shoes off on the way, she trudged into the dark confines of her tiny bedroom, turned on the stereo loud enough to drown out the building noise, then flung herself onto her bed. The next hour was spent staring at the ceiling and becoming lost in the music… well, lost in thoughts of Jenna. She honestly regretted not staying there and getting to know the girl from the meeting better.
Friday. She would do it Friday. Somehow, she would get over herself, get over where she came from, and try to accept the fact Jenna didn’t seem to be getting off her mind anytime soon.
“Winning Days” by the Vines started to play. The lyrics brought a smile to her face. Underneath, there was gold, and yeah, she would totally stop hiding because now, she could truly see what she wanted. She wanted to be a part of Jenna’s world, not because it was so much better than her own, but because Jenna was the light Ash finally realized she wanted to see.
Chapter Four
FRIDAY evening came, and Ash couldn’t have been more stoked about going out. Her dad had left for work early, so they’d missed their normal dinner date together, but that also gave her a little extra time to get ready to leave.
The purple in her hair had started to fade and left lilac highlights in her natural blonde. Instead of dyeing it again, she left it as it was, thinking she’d just go back to blonde anyway. Jenna probably liked natural colors better than she liked something a rainbow puked on, and why not do something to impress someone else for a change?
Ash took out her septum ring and left it on the vanity, then put on a little light makeup. Nothing obnoxiously loud like she normally wore, just light shades that complemented her pale skin and golden hair. Ironically, she liked the look. It made her less… scary, she supposed.
Her combat boots were traded for a pair of black dress flats. A slim-fit, black, girly tee replaced her normal ratty tank top. She still went with the skinny jeans, but this pair didn’t have rips all along the legs. Last but not least, she sprayed on some of the perfume her mother had left behind. Ash treasured the bottle and used it very sparingly—really, only for special occasions—and tonight would be special. Hopefully.
When Ash pulled into the parking lot, she immediately spotted Stella’s car, and her heart started to beat a little faster. She knew Jenna had ridden with Stella last week and just knew Jenna would be in there waiting, looking completely adorable like she had last Friday night. Ash still had it in her mind that she was going to right the wrong from last weekend. She wasn’t going to pull the sad, emo, poor-girl card this time. This time, she would totally talk to Jenna and maybe, just maybe, they could actually hang out and really get to know each other.
She bebopped through the door and into the community center, humming the new tune her band had worked up a few days ago. It was catchy as hell and so much fun to play, and as that perfect little testament to her musical prowess wound through her mind, so did the words she would speak to Jenna.
Ash thought she would say something funny, just to hear Jenna laugh. Then, when the laughter subsided, she would say something serious, something that would appeal to Jenna’s intellect. Finally, she would top it all off by asking Jenna out for coffee or something, because Jenna was totally the kind of girl who appreciated good coffee.
Freakin’ perfect!
Only when Ash finally made it down to the room where they held their meetings, she didn’t spot Jenna. The advisers were there. Stella and the boys were there, but no Jenna. Ash’s heart slipped down inside her chest and collided with her stomach. Her perfect plan was all of a sudden ruined.
Quietly sitting down next to Stella, Ash did her best to stifle her disappointment before she asked Jenna’s BFF why the girl of her dreams wasn’t here tonight. Ash didn’t want to come off as some freaky stalker, so she had to ask with tact.
“Why isn’t Jenna here?” she finally asked in a demanding sort of whine.
There goes that tact.
“She has SATs tomorrow morning, so she wanted to spend the night studying,” Stella said. Ash tried not to pout but apparently didn’t do as good of a job as she thought she had, because Stella immediately grinned and reached for a piece of paper. “She won’t care if I give this to you.” She wrote a number down on the paper, then put it in Ash’s hand. “Call her. I know she’ll want to hear from you.”
“Really?” Ash perked up.
“Really.” Stella’s smile widened.
The remainder of the meeting was pretty much a blur. Ash didn’t hear or t
ake part in any discussion like she had the first night. Even their silly ’round-the-circle games were nothing but background noise. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jenna, eagerly waiting for the moment she could break free of the room and sneak in a call. If she left now, she couldn’t come back in. That was the rule, and well….
Screw it! Talking to Jenna is more important.
She popped up from the bench she’d been sitting on, grabbed her backpack, and started for the door. One of the advisers calling her name stopped her. She turned back around to find the entire group staring at her like she was a great big elephant and all the fine china just exploded all over the floor… or however that saying went. Ash was used to performing and having people watch her, but this intimate group thing—and the looks on their faces—had a way of unnerving her.
“I’m just… I’m, um… gonna go,” she said.
“That’s fine, but you can’t come back,” the adviser warned.
“I know. I’ll come back next week.”
Ash didn’t waste another second messing around with the other kids or the advisers. She took off out of the room and to the parking lot, fishing her phone from her pocket on her way.
As she punched in the digits Stella had given her, her fingers started to shake. She’d had this elaborate plan to talk to Jenna, but that plan had fallen apart. Now she didn’t know what to do or what to say, and holy crap, she was freaking out already.
“Hello?” Jenna said from the other end of the line.
Ash froze. She opened her mouth but couldn’t speak.
“Hello?” Jenna said again.
“Hi, um… I….”
“Ash?”
Resume normal heart rate in three—two—one….
“Yeah,” Ash said a little breathlessly. “Yeah, it’s Ash. Um, Stella gave me your number. I hope that’s okay. She said you wouldn’t mind.”