“I’ve found my wedding dress.”
How the day had gone so quickly down the shitter, Gavin would never know. All he was sure of was that his sister wasn’t talking to him and his girl had not only gone shopping for a wedding dress—he’d somehow become an accessory to it.
The worst part was Azure had looked so happy when he picked her up, and yet Gavin could barely fling a smile in her direction. He could tell his mood was taking a damper off her day, but he couldn’t help dreading the argument that was surely going to come.
They had been having such a great time. Making love non-stop, spending countless hours together, just hanging out, and somehow Azure had taken it to mean more. Not that the time spent with her didn’t mean the world to Gavin, it just didn’t equal marriage to him.
With a heavy heart, he carried the trunk into her condo, feeling as if the heirloom case was weighed down by the weight of the world.
Azure, on the other hand, was off the wall with excitement. She had talked non-stop since he picked her up, which was a good thing since he had little to say.
“Just sit it here.” Azure cleared off coffee table. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“So…” Rubbing her hands together like a child at Christmas, Azure looked from the trunk to Gavin’s frowning face. “What should we do first? Look at my dress or talk about what’s upsetting you?”
“I’m not upset.”
Azure raised a brow. “Talk it is.”
“Really, it’s nothing.”
“If this is any of that ‘men are from Mars and women don’t have a map there’ bullshit, you’re going to have to let me know, because I’m the type of person who’s upfront at all times. I thought you were like that too.”
“I am.” Usually, Gavin added to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with Azure, especially when he knew it was going to end badly. “I just have some issues.”
“Who doesn’t?” With a sigh, Azure uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry if I inconvenienced you by asking you to pick me up today. You could have just said so. It wouldn’t have been a big deal.”
“It had nothing to do with picking up the trunk.”
“Then what is it?”
“You bought a wedding dress.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them, but instead of being upset by his statement, Azure looked amused.
“Scared you, huh?”
“Of course not.” Terrified was a better word.
Azure shook her head in mirth. “Okay, this is entirely my bad. I guess any guy would be a bit freaked out if a girl he had only been seeing for awhile called him up and said, ‘Hey, I bought a wedding dress.’”
“You think.”
“I was just so excited to finally find a dress like it.” Excitement crept into her voice. “Do you want to see it?”
Hell no, was his first response, but he was able to keep it at bay. “Sure.”
Gavin wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but a plum velvet dress wasn’t it. Looking up from the dark dress to Azure’s shining face, Gavin wondered if he was missing something. How in the world did she look at that dress and think wedding?
Tired of waiting for his response, Azure shook the dress, causing the material to shimmy. “What do you think?”
Was it a trick question? “It’s…purple.”
Azure lowered the dress with a frown. “Nothing gets by you. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“I don’t claim to be an expert at this sort of thing, but aren’t wedding dresses normally…white…and not so…confining?”
“This dress is late nineteenth century, so confining was something of a must and back in the day most wedding dresses weren’t white. Women would wear their best dress when they married.” Azure pressed the material to her body and spun around. “Isn’t it just divine? I’m thinking of altering it.”
“If you want it to fit I think you should. I think the previous owner was a bit…husky.”
“I’m just going to keep talking like you never interrupted.”
“Okay.” He chuckled.
“I think I’m going to shorten the sleeves a bit and open up the neckline. I want to make it more modern but still keep some of the historic feel to it.”
“You really know what you want.”
“Of course I do.” Azure rolled her eyes. “I’m a wedding planner remember. I do this stuff in my sleep.”
“And marriage, that’s something you want as well.”
“Well yes, someday. Doesn’t everybody?”
“I don’t know about everybody. I can only speak for myself.”
“Very true.” As if sensing the seriousness of the impending conversation, Azure gently folded the dress, carefully wrapping it back up in the paper. “So speak for yourself—do you want to get married someday, Gavin?”
“No, Azure, I don’t. Not again.”
Azure nodded her head as if he had just asked her if she wanted one or two lumps of sugar in her tea. “Marriage isn’t for everybody.”
Surprised she was taking his announcement so well held Gavin rooted to his spot. “No, it isn’t. You can love someone and want to be with someone and still choose not to marry.”
“That’s true.” She smiled. Turning away, Azure placed the dress in the trunk, pausing to rub her hand lovingly across the material. When she stood back up, she walked over to him, and hugged him. “Thanks so much for picking me up. If I recall correctly, I have an IOU to deliver.”
Shocked at her easy dismissal of marriage, Gavin pushed her back until he could look down into her upturned face. Could it truly be possible that she was willing to forgo marriage and just be with him? “Did you understand what I said, Azure?”
“Of course I did. You don’t want to get married again.” Azure reached for the hem of his shirt. “It was pretty clear. Now let’s get to the loving.”
Something felt off. “Work with me a bit here.”
With a sigh, Azure stepped back. “Okay.”
“You know I don’t want to get married and you’re perfectly fine with me?”
“Of course I am. Like you said, marriage isn’t for everybody. I think it’s commendable of you to be so upfront about it.”
“I’m…amazed.” That was putting it lightly.
“Why?”
“I didn’t think you’d be willing to give it up.”
Now Azure was the one with the confused look on her face. “Give what up?”
“The idea of getting married.”
Startled, she stepped back. “Why would I give up on getting married?”
Did he step into the twilight zone? “You just said…”
“I just said marriage isn’t for everyone, not that marriage wasn’t for me. I have every intention of getting married someday, Gavin. All this means is it won’t be to you.”
Chapter Seven
“You say ‘not to you’ so cavalier.”
The boy was mad. There were no two ways about it. “I think I’m a bit confused. Do you want me to be upset that you don’t want to marry me?”
“Yes.” After a second of hesitation, he added, “No.”
Azure tossed her hands in the air in frustration. “Okay, now everything’s cleared up.”
“Don’t go getting pissy with me. You’re the one who wants to see other people,” he fumed.
“I never said that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” Pausing, Azure took a soothing breath, trying to find her chi. If she didn’t calm down, she was going to bash Gavin’s head in with her beautiful new trunk. “What I’m saying is, it’s okay if you don’t want to get married. I enjoy spending time with you. No, scratch that. I love spending time with you. These last three months have been three of the best months of my life, but I’m not going to put my dreams on hold, just because the idea of getting married scares you.”
“It doesn’t scare me.”
“Right.” Azu
re drew out the word, putting all of her disbelief and amusement in it. “What I don’t understand is, why are we fighting? I’m not the clinging type. If you say you don’t want to get married, I say okay. I didn’t go into this relationship looking to get married anyway.”
Instead of her words easing the tension between them, it only seemed to add more. “Then what were you expecting?”
“To have fun with you. Enjoy the time we’ve been blessed with.”
“So I’m just someone for you get a few kicks with?”
“Are you being daft on purpose?” This wasn’t exactly the way Azure had pictured the day going.
Truth be told, when she’d first spotted the gown, she’d envisioned herself walking down the aisle towards a smiling Gavin. He’d played guest star in all of her fantasies of late, but his words dashed away any hope of her dreams coming true.
His attitude, although disappointing, wasn’t surprising. Azure had pretty much figured out that he’d either come out of a really bad break-up or marriage just from what she’d learned from Gail. She’d never asked him point blank. She figured if he wanted her to know, he’d offer, but now Azure realized she’d been mistaken. Maybe if they had talked about his little phobia beforehand, they wouldn’t be in this position now.
“No, I’m not.” With an animalistic growl, Gavin ran his hand through his hair as if in frustration. “I don’t like the idea of you marrying someone else.”
Finally, something they could agree on. “But you don’t want to marry me yourself?”
Sighing, Gavin slumped down on the couch like a perturbed child. His disgruntled expression was amusing and adorable all at the same time. Unable to ignore his pouty appeal, Azure walked to him and climbed on his lap, with her knees on either side of him so she could face him.
Gavin encircled her hips with his hands, securing Azure to him. “It’s not that I don’t want to marry you.”
“It’s not?”
“No. Hell, if I were ever to marry again, it would be to you, but I just don’t see myself wanting to do that. Ever.”
Although his words broke her heart, Azure refused to allow him to see it. “I don’t know what happened in your past relationship, Gavin, but it has nothing to do with us.”
His snort showed his disbelief. “The relationship wasn’t the bad part, Azure. It wasn’t great by any means, but it was better than the divorce.”
“Was it ugly?”
“Ugly isn’t even the word for it. The only thing I’m grateful for was we didn’t have kids. I mean she fought me for a blender she never used.”
“Not all marriages end in divorcee.”
“But the majority of them do.”
Azure wanted to roll her eyes at his pessimism. Yes, marriages failed. Yes, the success rate was lower than the failure rate. Still, when it was right—like it so obviously was with them, percentages didn’t matter. When it came down to it, Azure was willing to risk it all for a chance at forever. Unfortunately, Gavin couldn’t say the same.
“If it makes you feel better, I have my own blender.”
Her attempt at humor didn’t fall on deaf ears. “That does ease the pain a bit. The way I see it, we’re at an impasse. You know what you want and I know what I want. The only question is, is there a middle ground?”
In a situation like this, Azure didn’t see how there could be. “I don’t really think there’s a middle ground on something like this.”
“We could move in together.”
Azure eased off his lap, needing to put a little space between them. Moving in together wasn’t a compromise. They would be no closer to being married than they were now. While she was fine with the state of their relationship now, Azure really couldn’t see herself moving in with Gavin, knowing it would never go farther. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because there isn’t really a point to it.” Azure shrugged her shoulders.
“The point would be for us to be together.”
“We’re together now. Besides we’ve only known each other for three months.”
“But if I proposed to you, the three months wouldn’t matter.” The anger in Gavin’s eyes was nothing compared to the ire growing deep inside of Azure.
“This is not a competition. There is no right or wrong answer here.”
“Sure there is.” Gavin snorted. “It wouldn’t be too soon for us to get engaged but it’s too soon for us to move in with each other.”
“All of this because I needed help bringing home a trunk?”
“No, all of this because you’re not willing to compromise.”
“And how are you willing to compromise, Gavin? Moving in together—which I’d like to point out we’ve never discussed before today—will get you ass twenty-four-seven, but gives you enough space where you don’t feel suffocated. What exactly is in it for me?”
“I guess I’m not enough.”
“I could ask you the same thing.” Azure stood, and moved away from the couch, putting as much distance between them as she could without leaving her condo. “I’m not your ex-wife, I’m not any screwed up girlfriend from your past. I’m just me and I won’t let you judge me by other women’s mistakes.”
“This argument is the mistake,” he argued, standing as well. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just…”
“Just what…”
“I just don’t want to lose you.”
Damn him, just when she was getting all worked up, he had to go say something semi-nice. Asshole. “I really don’t know what to say to make you feel better and Lord knows I don’t want to fight either, especially about something as pointless as this.”
“I don’t consider you seeing other men pointless.”
“I never said anything about seeing other men.”
“But you will. One day, you’re just going to get tired of waiting around for something that’s not inside of me.”
“Or one day, you’ll realize that it is. Either way Gavin, I live for today, not for tomorrow. And today, we have something that’s really, really good. I’m happy with the way things are.”
“But for how long?”
Gazing up into his soulful eyes, so full of hurt and confusion, made Azure want to do nothing more than to kiss his pain away.
Gavin was at a crossroads, and there wasn’t anything she could do but love him and wait for him to realize just how much he loved her back.
“For as long as it takes.”
There was a lot to be said about a man who didn’t take no for an answer. Azure couldn’t help smiling as she signed for her third delivery of flowers this week. Although she was a lily girl, a dozen long stemmed roses had a way of getting a girl’s attention.
But it wasn’t just the flowers—it was the candy she dare not eat, and the cute stuffed frog she couldn’t stop caressing. Gavin was acting like a man on a mission, and damn him, it was working. If he wasn’t bowling her over with romantic gestures, he was making himself at home in her place. Every day, a few more of his things would appear, finding themselves at home amongst her things.
Ever since their talk, Gavin had gone out of his way to make himself indispensable to Azure. He was doing everything in his power to make sure she knew how wonderful things could be, if they only lived together.
Pulling out the card, she stared long and hard at the simple message inked out across it. Everyday like today.
It was a hard message to ignore, just like the previous ones had been. One thing was for certain, even though she wasn’t going to give in to what he wanted, she had surely given in to the man himself.
Finding an empty vase proved to be an impossible task, so Azure took her time cutting the roses short and filling a clear bowl with water before laying the buds on top. Setting her new centerpiece on her coffee table, Azure moved towards her newest obsession, her trunk.
The cedar trunk was nowhere near as old as the dress itself, but still it was just as beautiful. The workma
nship told of obvious handmade master craftsmanship and a sense of pride that just wasn’t as evident in today’s machine-made products. The real find, of course, was the dress.
Azure inhaled deeply as she opened the trunk. She knew it was odd, but there was just something about the stale air, the smell of the old leather and cloth she adored. This was actually only the second time since she’d bought the dress she’d opened the trunk, for fear of sun damage to her find, but today was special. Her dress form had finally come in, and Azure couldn’t wait to see the dress the way it was meant to be seen.
Whoever owned the dress before she did obviously cared for it very well. Not only was it encased in the trunk, it had also been wrapped in acid-free tissue and placed inside an acid-free box to preserve its quality as much as possible.
Azure closed her blinds so direct sunlight wouldn’t fall on the dress and possibly fade it, even though she knew it was a bit silly. She had bought it to wear, but still, she wanted to baby it as much as possible.
Shaking her head, she laughed at herself. “It’s just a dress.”
The words echoed around the empty room, making her feel even crazier than before. Not only was she babying the dress, she was talking to herself.
After unwrapping the dress, Azure placed it on the form, smoothing lines and creases as she went. The sight of the dress, filled out as it should be, actually brought tears to her eyes.
It was all Johanna Lindsey’s fault. If she had never fallen in love with Lindsey’s books in the eight grade, Azure would have never become obsessed with history and historical clothing and she wouldn’t be in this position now, crying over an aging dress.
While other brides yearned for Vera Wang, Azure salivated over a one-piece princess-line gown in silk taffeta with a fitted bodice. Probably made by someone’s mother. Still…it was perfect, and the wedding dress of her dreams.
With a smile, Azure went back to the trunk and rewrapped the paper and placed it into the box. When she went to place the box back inside, a rip in the fabric of the trunk caught her eye.
“Doggone it,” she muttered, leaning forward to see if she could possibly fix the rip. When she ran her hand over the tear, Azure was surprised to find the side bulkier than it should have been.
Something Borrowed, Something Blue Page 5