I gripped her hair in my fist and pumped faster, opening her up, getting her ready. I reached around and pulsed my hand on her clit and she arched her back. I pulled her head back and she cried out, her body clamped down so hard, I couldn’t hold out any longer. I growled as I released inside her. All the tension, the built up anticipation, everything I had spilled inside her. I tried to catch my breath as I stilled her hips; my forehead fell to her shoulder. Her body was spent underneath mine.
“I’ll always take care of you. Remember that,” I whispered against her ear and her body trembled again. She had to know, she needed to know. No matter how far I pushed her, I’d always make sure to give her what she needed.
The heavy fabric of Bennett’s beige down comforter felt extravagant against my skin. My body was still on fire, still sensitive from his touch even now as the morning sun spilled across the bed. Bennett broke me down on that couch last night and I loved every minute of it. I was changing; the things I thought I needed, seemed simple. I felt like how I thought a real woman should. I felt desired and beautiful. He did things to me, made me see myself in a new light. He never needed to say much, he didn’t have to tell me how he was feeling. I felt it in the way he tried to dig himself deeper into my body. I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me, like right now. He was on his side, silently watching me.
Normally, in the past, I would have felt embarrassed, like after a night of drinking when the regret of things said and done still lingered, but not with Bennett. I didn’t cringe at the words I spilled during climax, or the way I reacted to each one of his perfect strokes. I didn’t care about the guttural groans he evoked from me, because right now, he was staring at me like I could do no wrong.
“Good morning.” My smile was small. I was beginning to learn, he liked my timid behaviors. He preferred me shy. He was so powerful, even now with his hair ruffled with sleep; he still demanded to be seen. I couldn’t help but be meek with him.
He pulled down the bedding just past my hip. His eyes scanned my curves while my nipples hardened with the cool air and his jaw clenched. He brushed his thumb across my nipple and I gasped. “Good morning, Selene.” He grinned and leaned in, taking the peak into his mouth. My eyes closed and I wrapped my hand in his hair. He nipped at the tip before he chuckled. His breath was warm against my skin. He peppered kisses along my collar bone and nuzzled his nose in my neck, then let out a deep groan.
“I have to fucking work.” He pulled away, sat up, and got out of bed.
“Me, too. Well, kind of. I’m working on my audition piece again today.” I sat up as well and stood. My clothes were still out on the couch, and I was dying for a shower.
Bennett handed me a pair of sweats and a T-shirt he’d pulled from his dresser. “Here, wear these; it’s getting cold in the mornings.” He gave me a light, lopsided smile; for the first time he actually looked his age, or maybe even younger. He was standing here, in this lavish apartment, fully naked with a hard-on. I laughed out loud.
“What?” he asked. His grin growing larger.
“You just seem different this morning… younger, I guess.” I smiled as he raked his fingers through his hair.
“Come take a shower with me before you go. Talk to me about this audition.” His eyes fell down my body and he pulled his teeth across his bottom lip.
“Okay.” I placed the borrowed clothes he’d handed me on the bed.
He offered me his hand as we walked into his bathroom. The dark slate was a contrast to the light décor of his bedroom. The glass shower was a walk in, and I’d had the pleasure of using it the last time I was here. It had five shower heads, and after last night, my sore muscles could use all the help they could get. It felt medieval, but I liked that I could still feel that twinge of pain between my legs. It was like he’d marked me and I wanted it. I wanted to be Bennett’s. The admission made me nervous, but, wanting that didn’t change anything. I’d still go home, then go to the studio and practice. Practice my heart out to make sure I got that coveted teaching spot.
The water felt soothing, and it helped that Bennett’s hands were sent from the gods. He worked every muscle as he washed me, starting with my hair and ending at my toes. I told him a little bit about the audition process to become a teacher, leaving out the fact that it was in L.A. He listened as he worked his magic along my limbs. I decided I should return the favor. The loofa in my hand skated along his ink, the deer head tattoo was intricate and made me curious.
“This is an interesting tattoo. Does it mean something?” I asked and watched as his eyes darkened.
“It’s on the Monterosso coat of arms,” he said as he took the loofah from my hand to place it on a hook on the wall before handing me the bar of soap. “I want only your hands on me, Selene.”
I nodded. He conjured this need deep inside of me, a need I never knew existed. I craved obedience, but only for him. The bar of soap lathered in my palms, and I placed it in the soap dish. My hands moved over the solid planes of his chest and down his rigid stomach. His erection teased me as it lightly dusted across my stomach. The physical relationship we had was fire, he reacted to me just as much as I reacted to him, but I needed more. I needed to know more, I needed more Bennett.
“I’m sorry… I know you miss your family.” I brought my hands gradually up his chest again, pausing on the ink. My fingertips drew out each line.
“I do.” He brought his hands to my cheeks and kissed me gently. He pulled away just as I began to lose my breath. “The way they died, it wasn’t right. They got caught in the crossfire of something they shouldn’t have. I feel responsible. I got this tattoo after their death.” He pointed to the eye of the stag. “This eye is always watching me, watching my heart, and I’ll make amends, Selene. I’m working so hard to make amends.” He pulled away from me and ran his body under the water, removing the soap suds.
I knew he wished himself dead instead of his parents, but I wasn’t sure what he meant. It felt like he was leaving out a huge chunk of the story. “Bennett, correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds as if you feel like you had a hand in their murder… that’s not possible… so why do you—”
“Monsters, Selene. You think you could spot one… in broad daylight?” The water of the shower began to run cold as his eyes pierced through mine. “Black and white, right and wrong… the older I get, the harder it is to decipher it anymore. I may not have been the one to pull the trigger, but—”
My lips began to tremble. “But what, Bennett?” I took a step closer to where he was standing, desperate for his warmth. “They were murdered leaving a play. How does that have anything to do with you?”
He walked past me and turned the shower off. He grabbed two towels from the rack just outside the glass and handed me one. It smelled like cotton and the detergent scent reminded me of Bennett. “It’s all in the company you keep.” He wrapped the towel around his waist and left me standing in the shower utterly confused.
I followed behind him. “You’re confusing me, Bennett. Do you know who killed your parents?”
His back stiffened and he didn’t face me. “It was a hit.”
I sucked in a harsh breath. “A what?”
“He was supposed to kill the man my parents were with, but he messed up, killed the wrong people.” His tone was eerily flat.
My voice shuddered. “How… how do you know this?” I wasn’t sure what to think.
“My family made friends with the wrong people, Selene.” He exhaled sharply and dropped his head. “The guy they were with… they didn’t know… they didn’t know he was bad, but I did. I’d found out some things, but I never told my parents. I couldn’t. We’d known him for so long, accepted him, it would’ve broken my parents to know. My choices… they ruined everything.” He released his towel and it fell to the floor as he walked to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of boxer briefs and slipped them on.
“Your choices?”
“Enough, Selene.” He raised his voice silencing me and wal
ked into his closet. I swallowed nervously, my confusion worse for the wear.
I quickly dressed in the clothes he let me borrow, feeling very unsure of anything anymore. Everything he admitted flowed through my head. It was like I was missing something, some key point. I tied my hair into a top knot and walked into the living room to gather my things.
“I’m sorry.” His repentant tone caused me to turn. He was dressed in black tailored slacks, a belt, and white button-down. His green and silver striped tie draped loosely around his neck. His hair was still wet from the shower. “I should have told them, Selene. I should have told them who Frank was, but I didn’t and now they’re dead. Because of me.” He shook his head and flicked his eyes to the floor.
“Yes, you should’ve told them that this Frank guy was bad news, but Bennett, you didn’t pull the trigger.” I walked to where he was standing and enclosed my arms around his waist. “What-ifs… they’ll only make you crazy.”
He nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I got upset.”
“I shouldn’t have pried.”
“You’re just trying to get to know me, I can’t fault you that.” He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Can I see you tonight?”
“Yes, but I can’t stay. I have to work the brunch rush and it’s insane. I need my rest.” I smiled as the darkness left his eyes and his mouth pulled into a devilish grin.
“And I wouldn’t let you rest?” He cocked his eyebrow and I laughed.
“We both know the answer to that.”
He pressed me against him and took my mouth in a heated kiss. No, he definitely wouldn’t let me rest, not until I was completely undone.
“I’ll make dinner. I have something I want to talk to you about.” He smiled as he stepped away from me. His capable fingers worked his tie into a perfect knot.
“Oh yeah? Sounds intriguing.” I picked up my purse from the counter and opened it, removing my cell. Dead. “Well, shit.”
“What?”
“My phone’s dead and I don’t like riding the subway without a phone.”
“Take a cab.” He wrinkled his brows.
“I can’t afford it,” I whispered. I hated admitting that to him.
“Ride with me. I’ll drop you off.” He smiled and my mouth mirrored his.
“Thanks.”
“Like I said… I’m always here for you, Selene.” He laced his fingers with mine. We moved toward the front door and his words seeped through my chest and filled it so full, too full, my ribs couldn’t expand and I felt out of breath. Breathless with the feeling of him, I was falling, and the more he let me in, the harder it was to slow the descent.
“Why you waste your hard earned money staying in that hotel when you can stay here, with your family? I’ll never understand it. Honestly, Gage, do you like to torture me. My boy. The only child I was blessed with, who I haven’t seen in five years, in town, but won’t stay with his own mother. It’s asinine.” My mother’s guilt trips made me smile and roll my eyes.
“Come on, Ma, I’m thirty-two years old.”
“I’m sixty and the Pope, I think, is nearly dead. Jesus, Gage, who cares. You’re in town, you stay with your mother.” She pointed the knife she was using at me.
“Only you would use the lord’s name in vain in the same sentence you speak of the Pope.” I chuckled as she narrowed her eyes. Her hair had gone gray over the years and I missed her, I missed my father.
She stepped from the counter and wiped her hands on her apron. She was wearing it to protect the dress slacks and the expensive button-up blouse she had on. My mother came from a middle income, Italian immigrant home, but met my father working at her family’s restaurant in Little Italy. He was just rising to fame as a lawyer and he’d told me that when he met her, he hadn’t hesitated to scoop her up. I wanted what they had, but I wasn’t sure my tastes mixed well with family life.
“You don’t think the Pope swears?” She locked her brown eyes on mine.
“No, Ma, I don’t think he does.”
“You’re right.” She clicked her tongue and made the sign of the cross. “You gonna stay for dinner, baby?” She turned and opened the fridge.
“I don’t want you to trouble yourself for me. You should rest. Let me take you and Pop out for dinner. I know a few good places.” I smirked as she pulled a large container of sauce from the fridge.
“You’ve been gone too long. There are no more decent restaurants in the city.”
“In the entire city?” I was incredulous.
“Nope, not one, so you sit there like the good son I know you are, tell me about this dangerous job you do, and let me fatten you up. You’re too hard.” She poured the sauce into a pan. My mom had probably spent the whole day yesterday preparing, knowing I was coming today to help Dad with his car. He may be getting old, but he still loved to restore old cars.
“It’s called muscle, and it’s actually quite healthy. And I’m not allowed to talk about my job.”
“Well, a job you can’t talk about… you know my feelings.”
“I do.” She hated my job.
“And… all that muscle and no girl. I worry.” She set a pot to boil.
“Come on, Ma.” I laughed again, and my shoulders shook. “You worry way too much. I’m fine. Girl or no girl. I’m fine.”
“He’s fine, he’s fine he says… no girl… no good, Gage. I’m gonna die before I get a grandchild.”
“Christ. I’m gonna head to the garage, meet up with Dad. I’ll be back in a few.”
“Yeah, see if you can find a girlfriend on the way there.” She didn’t realize I could hear the smirk in her voice as I moved through the kitchen door.
My father’s garage was in walking distance from my parents’ brownstone. This was his personal shop. When I was growing up I remembered how I tried to reconcile my father into two categories… the lawyer and the mechanic. My father had two sides. He loved the law and expensive things, but he also loved the grit and oil of his garage floor. He’d come home in three-piece suits, dress down into a T-shirt and jeans, and head to his garage. Hours later, he’d come home filthy. This was one of my favorite things about my dad. He could be upper crust, but he understood the salt of the earth; it’s what had made him a great defense attorney.
I was about a block away from the shop when my phone started to buzz.
Bennett.
“I didn’t expect you to call so soon.” I tried to hide the smile in my voice as I spoke into the phone. I was ready.
“I’m going to speak to her about it tonight. If she’s not—”
“On board… I know. But we both know she’ll be on board. Have you told her about me?” I was curious, but a part of me didn’t want her to know. I wanted to see her face as I walked into the room for the first time. All that need she shoved down when she looked at me, would she let herself feel it?
“No. I will tonight. She has to work tomorrow morning, which means tomorrow night should work.”
“That soon?” I furrowed my brow. “I thought you wanted more time?”
“I’m ready, Gage. She’s… she’s—”
“You have feelings already. It’s okay to care about her.” I stopped just outside the door to my father’s garage.
“Gage. I’m in trouble.” His voice wavered and I swallowed awaiting his admission. “I’ve gotten into… I mean I’ve gotten myself into…” He exhaled loudly into the phone. “I just can’t care about anyone right now.” Lie.
I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to break down and confess his sins to me until now. My friend. I wanted so badly to help him.
“You already do, Bennie. Talk to her, see how she feels about it. Come tomorrow night, it’ll be like old times.” I smiled down my nerves. Old times? I wasn’t sure what it would be like to go back there, but I knew I couldn’t turn away, not from her.
Subtle notes hung in the air as my fingers gripped tight on the bow and pulled it once again across the strings. The light pressur
e made the music soft; it yearned, wanting to build, waiting to be released. It was a caged bird, and I was its captor. My eyes were closed as I reached the crescendo, my light strokes turned powerful, and I bit my lip as I felt the music flow through my body. It swelled through my veins, and for a minute, I let myself cry. This song, it was everything, and it was my ticket to my dream. The sound fell quiet again as I neared the end. When I pulled through the last note, I sucked in a deep breath and my eyes filled with more tears. That was the first time I’d played through my audition piece without one error.
The studio door flew open. “Selene, oh my god, that was it! That was fucking it.” Darren smiled from ear to ear. He owned this small recording studio in Brooklyn, and I’d known him since I started at NYU. He’d been one of my biggest supporters all through college, and he’d been the one to suggest the Par Amour Music School in Los Angeles. “I got it all recorded. This was it. I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but that’s the best you’ve ever played. Shit, Selene, there’s no way you won’t get the job.”
“I think you’re right. I felt it Darren.” I stood and leaned my cello in its stand. I wiped the tears from under my eyes.
“I’ll mix it and send it first thing.” He leaned his body against mine in a large embrace. Darren was six-foot-two and as lanky as they come. He pulled away and let his hand linger on my shoulder. “Par Amour would be out of their minds if they didn’t take you.” He shoved me playfully and started to break down the sheet music stand.
“God, I hope they do.”
“They will. We should go celebrate. Dinner?” he asked with a grin.
“I’ve got a date.” My mouth pulled up at the corners.
“Let’s double? I’ll bring David.”
“He’s making me dinner.”
“Oh, at his place? Sounds serious.” He chuckled.
“I’ve been there a couple times.” I let my gaze fall to the floor.
“You dirty girl… I need all the details.” He shoved me playfully again, and I felt the blush in my cheeks fill all the way to the tips in my ears. His eyes widened with my reaction. “Well, shit… don’t be bashful, I need to hear this.”
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