“The cavy-who?” Beau asks with a frown.
“Just Google it, bro.” Shaking my head, I walk away and take another drink order. The rest of the night seems to go into fast forward—taking drink orders, mopping up spills, taking out trash, replacing dirty mugs and cashing out tabs. By the time I cut on the lights for last call, I’m dead on my feet.
Parker locks the door after the last customer leaves. Only Beau and Wyatt remain. They set up our usual table in the back, complete with a deck of cards, several bags of tortilla chips, salsa and beer.
It’s time.
Chapter Six
Cole
I nod at Parker. “Check Beau’s stuff first.”
Rolling his eyes, Beau places a Target bag on the table. “Hurry up, man. I’ve been jonesing for this shit.”
Parker sifts through it, pulling out the bags one by one and inspecting them carefully. “Hmm. Smarties with an S this time and not a Z. Sure you didn’t screw with it first?”
Beau flips him off and the rest of us laugh. He grabs the candy from my brother and stuffs all but one back into the Target bag. “I’m so gonna kick your ass tonight.”
Parker makes kissing noises at him. “Love it when you talk dirty to me. Please sir, may I have some more?”
I slice my gaze to Parker. He’s a regular comedian. God, I wish I could get him out of this town and into one of those Ivy League schools. Then again, what in the hell would I do without him? With our mom living at Gentle Winds, it’s up to us to pick up the pieces. Living. Ha. More like drying out.
Beau grumbles unintelligibly into his beer and Wyatt picks up the stack of cards, shuffling them and dealing us two each.
Too bad my mother fell so far that not even our rich grandparents will have anything to do with us. They’ll pay for her treatments, but the rest….I slam my bottle of beer down a little harder than necessary.
I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I stare at my –I twist my lips—shithand of cards. I sneak a glance and catch Wyatt giving Parker a look. Parker shrugs then narrows his focus on his hand.
We play a couple of rounds, but I can’t concentrate. All I can think of is Rae. How gorgeous she is, from the top of her purple-tipped hair down to her matching sneakers. The tiny diamond piercing in her nose. Her full pink lips.
A part of me is shamed that I pictured her while Madison and I were screwing. The other part, doesn’t give a damn, because without that vision I’d never had gotten my nut off.
Jesus, I’m an asshole, just like my old man. The only comfort I have is that Madison doesn’t expect more from me.
But I expect more from me.
Conversation flows around me as my friends and my brother fall into a familiar pattern of sarcasm and low blows.
“Stop eating the money, Parker.”
“It’s not money. It’s sugary currency, therefore, fair game.”
“Hit me.”
“We’re not playing Blackjack, Wyatt.”
“Still a good idea though.”
“I miss West. He always brought Gummy Worms.”
“West doesn’t miss you.”
“Please. I bet he’s crying every night.”
“He’s found a new group of guys to play in his dorm.”
“Bastard. Wait until he comes home for Winter Break.”
“Remind me why the Reese’s Pieces are worth more than—”
“Swear to God… Beau, alien always trumps dude in purple suit.”
One of my legs begins to shake, a habit leftover from childhood, until the entire table is moving with it. Reece’s Pieces, Smarties and Warheads bounce.
No one says anything, but I feel compelled to say, “Sorry,” anyway. I calm my leg then search my pockets. I pull out a pack of cigarettes and grab the first one, lighting it. It might be against the law to smoke while the bar is open, but once we’re closed for business-fuck it.
With a smug grin, Wyatt tosses two packs of Smarties and a handful of Reese’s into the middle. “Call.”
Oh hell, he’s already won. I place my cards on the table. “I’m out.”
Parker is next to fold.
“Not me.” Beau tosses more candy into the pot. “Raise you ten.”
Wyatt’s mouth drops open. “Seriously, you just can’t let me win?”
Beau grunts. “What for?”
Throwing his cards on the table, Wyatt rakes a hand through his hair. “War Card.”
“What the fuck is a War Card?” I ask, taking a pull of my beer. I grind the cigarette into the heel of my boot, then shove what’s left of it in an empty bottle.
“I am not playing kids’ games,” Beau says, looking offended as hell.
“Seriously? We use candy as money, bro,” Parker points out.
“Parker has a point,” I grunt.
Eyes narrowing, Beau tips up his chin. “Of course he does.”
My jaw clenches. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that Beau has a really hard time with one syllable words that aren’t tits and ass,” Parker chimes in.
Yeah, that’s helping things. I start making little piles of my candy.
“Actually War Card means I get my way because I survived a damn war,” Wyatt says, trying to ease the tension.
“It means that your baby brother needs to man up sometime and quit hiding behind your skirt,” Beau sneers. Again, this is not one of my oldest friends talking. I know him. Despite being cocky as hell, he’s actually a nice guy. Shoots his mouth off a lot, but where it counts: he’s always had my back. Even if he and Parker rub each other the wrong way.
But Parker’s my brother. Blood wins out every time.
My hands begin to shake, palms growing damp as my fingers curl into fists. Nothing happened to tonight. No one looked at me or my brother sideways. No one hit on the waitresses or gave them crap about their tabs. I had thought spending a couple hours with Madison would have helped. But I was wrong.
I shove my chair back from the table and stand, leaning down to get in Beau’s face. “Why don’t you come outside and we can discuss my skirt. Or does Paisley have your balls in her trophy case, right next to your dick?”
Beau shoots to his feet, bumping me with his shoulder. “Don’t push me, asshole.” He shakes his head and walks away, but I follow, refusing to let him get off that easy.
“Chicken shit motherfucker,” I taunt. “Come in my bar, flashing your daddy’s money and thinking we should kiss your ass.” None of what I said is true. Beau didn’t always have his dad’s money. Hell, Beau can’t stand the guy. But I want a reaction.
“Don’t do this, Cole,” Wyatt calls out. A quick glance over my shoulder lets me know that he and Parker are shadowing me.
“Yeah, Cole, stop being Parker’s mommy,” Beau taunts and I lunge for him. Wyatt comes out of nowhere, getting between us and shoving me away.
“You don’t want to hit him,” Wyatt says, voice calm, but his face is drawn tight.
My heart’s racing and I’m roaring to go. Red colors my vision. “The. Hell. I. Don’t.” I take a step forward and this time Wyatt grabs me.
“Let him.” Beau crosses his arms over his chest. He’s a little taller than me and leaner, but the kid can fight dirty as hell when he wants. “I haven’t given anyone a good ass-whipping in a while. Not even the girls who wanted one.”
Usually that kinky shit he likes to throw out there would have me rolling my eyes or laughing. Usually.
Wyatt’s hands tighten on my biceps, and he gives me a little shake. “Nah, he’s good. Isn’t that right, Cole?” His brows lift as he waits for my answer. “You want to hit someone tonight, bro? Better be me.”
We stand there, face to face, not moving a muscle. A minute passes, then another, until the red tint bleeds away from my eyes. I scrub my hand over my face and take a deep breath. “I’m not hitting you.”
Wyatt lets his hands fall. “Didn’t think you would.”
Suddenly, Beau pipes up, his voice all scrat
chy as he says, “Cole…I’m sorry. Parker, too. I…it’s—” He plops down in the nearest chair and says the one thing that could make me forgive him, “It’s their anniversary.”
Ah, hell. Now I feel like a total dick. I walk to him, Wyatt and Parker at my side. “Hey, whatever you need. We got you.”
“I need to forget. Y’all got something for that?” Beau asks, then he stands and walks out of the bar.
Parker punches me in the shoulder and I turn my attention to him. “What the hell’s your problem?”
“I don’t need you defending me all the time,” he says, his green eyes all hard.
“Excuse me for giving a shit.” I kick a chair, the same one Beau had been occupying. It crashes into a nearby table and falls to the floor.
Wyatt strolls up to me and I know I’m in for it. “Tomorrow. You. Me. Sully’s Place. Four o’clock.”
“Fine,” I grunt.
“I’m out of here. Give me a ride home, Wy?” Parker throws his bottle in the trash.
“Sure.” Wyatt slices his gaze back to me. “You okay?”
I smirk. “Never better.”
He pats me on the shoulder, following Parker out the door.
Smirk falling away, I look around the place, then amble to the overturned chair and pick it up. Honestly, I’d like to throw the damn thing through a window. But the only one we have is in the back office and money ain’t exactly flowing around here.
“Dumbass,” I mutter.
After cleaning and locking up the bar for the final time, I head home, listening to AWOLNATION’s Sail. For some reason, I slow the Jeep down as I pass by the Givens’ house. There’s a light on and I wonder if it’s Rae’s room. Then my dirty mind starts to wonder what she’s wearing while sitting in the middle of a big bed. All alone, waiting for me.
Wouldn’t that be something? To have someone waiting up for me, like I mattered to them. I love my brother and sister, I really do, but it’s not the same. I want something different.
Blowing out a breath, I hit the gas.
Something different will never happen to me. It’s just not in the cards.
***
The next morning, Parker, Kelly and I head to Gentle Winds instead of taking Kelly to church. Once a month we’re allowed to visit my mother at the rehabilitation center. I pull into the nearest parking spot, get out, then grab the flowers we’ve brought for Crystal.
Parker helps Kelly out of her booster seat, swinging her up in his arms. As much as we carry that baby girl everywhere, I’m surprised she ever learned to walk or talk for that matter. The slightest grunt or chubby finger pointing at anything and we’d run to get it like Pavlov’s dogs.
Inside the place smells like bleach, soothing music playing as we walk along extra zen-like corridors to the communal visiting room. My grandparents chose this place, because it was new, near and kept their patient list under wraps. And the staff had no clue about the tricks Crystal liked to pull, because the Newtons had paid off every other rehab to keep quiet.
Way to go grandma and granddad. I roll my eyes.
As soon as we walk into a brightly painted room, Kelly squeals in excitement and wriggles out of Parker’s embrace. She’s not jaded like us. Not yet anyway. But Parker holds her back, waiting for our mother’s reaction
Sneaking a glance at me, she smiles at the flowers in my hand. I shake them at her, a smirk on my lips. The last time we were here, Crystal pitched a fit and threw a temper tantrum because we didn’t bring her flowers. This time I made sure she had her damn flowers. There was no way in hell Parker and I were going to let that woman make Kelly cry again.
Crystal opens her arms wide and Parker lets go of our sister. Kelly rushes in, her curly hair flying out behind her.
I glance at Parker as he says,. “Looks like she’s better this time.”
“It’s a fucking miracle,” I mutter as we amble over, sitting in the two chairs opposite of Kelly and Crystal.
“Look how much you’ve grown, baby girl!” Crystal says, peppering Kelly’s face with kisses.
“Do you like my pretty dress, momma? I wore it just for you,” Kelly says, then gets distracted by cookies that have just been set out. “Can I go get a cookie?” She asks me and not Crystal. I know I’ll pay for this later. It doesn’t matter that I’m the one taking care of her.
I nod. “Sure.”
Parker stands, holding out his hand. “Let’s see if they have any with sprinkles.”
Crystal glances at the dress, her nose scrunching as she shoots me a look. “Isn’t this a little small for her and too young?”At least she waited until Kelly was out of earshot before making her snide remark.
I clench my jaw. “It was a present from the Evanses.”
She rolls her eyes. “You mean hand-me-down.”
“Does it matter?” I hiss, raising my brows at Kelly who thankfully has been distracted by the cookies an orderly has just put out. “It’s not like you’re the one putting clothing on anyone’s back.”
Tears fill Crystal’s blue eyes, hair the color of honey falling forward as she looks down at her hands. “Why do you have to be so cruel?”
“Our reality isn’t kind.”
Her head snaps up, tears gone. “Then pretend.”
“Like you, with pills or smoking up? Hell, Crystal, this last time you were arrested, you were caught in a meth lab. Hard to pretend with that plastered all over the local news.” I clench my fists. Always, it ends up like this. When I was younger, I thought she was the prettiest woman I’d ever seen. I thought she’d hung the moon. She’d been sweet and kind and loving, then my sperm donor left her for good and it was all downhill from there.
“Fuck you, Cole,” she says this with a smile, because another family has come in and God forbid they think we’re not happy. “You brought me flowers?” She turns to the mom and dad of the group and gestures to the bouquet in my lap. “Isn’t he the best son? I don’t deserve his support at all.” Gazing at me, with hatred shining in her eyes, she says, “I love you so much.”
I inwardly flinch. She has no idea how much she still can hurt me. How much I actually do still love her. I don’t trust her, not for anything, but I do love her.
They give us wobbly smile, falling for her act. I barely restrain myself from rolling my eyes. As soon as they leave, she hisses, “That’s how you pretend.”
I stand, holding out the flowers and not saying a word. The hatred fades from her eyes, replaced with a wariness that I don’t like. She’s scared of me, of my height that towers over her.
For all her faults, she has been abused by men. She has been taken advantage of by men, men she pleaded with me and Parker to call daddy so they’d stay and love us.
But it still doesn’t give her the right to treat us like shit. Weaker preying on the weaker is like truly believing two wrongs make a right.
Finally, she takes the bouquet and I walk away, finding a place in the corner by the window. I look out over the hills, the manicured flower beds and the zen garden in the back. Crystal might be in a prison but it’s nicer than the freedom we live in.
I rub a spot over my ear and glance at my mother. She’s laughing at something Parker’s saying. Kelly is sitting firmly in Crystal’s lap, her little arms around our mother’s neck. Kelly will live off of this for days, weeks even.
And I’m okay with that. She needs her mother more than I do.
I have my brother, my friends and my bar. That’s enough for me.
Crystal’s eyes narrow at me, hatred coming off of her in great waves. I press my thumb against the corner of my eye and rub the spot slowly.
Or so I try to convince myself.
Chapter Seven
Violet
Since driving any car was out of the question for three more months, I had to come up with my own workout plan instead of going to the gym each day. So the woods behind Nana’s house have become my track/obstacle course.
I have been running for what seems like hours, thinking ab
out Cole and my life. Okay, so mostly about Cole. I can’t get him out of my head and it scares me.
This was how it started with Jaxon. A chance meeting, heavy flirting and then six months later, I’m backstage at his first sold out concert, losing my virginity on a couch in his dressing room. Three years later, I’m still not sure what I regret more: giving Jax something I considered special or wasting all my time and energy on him.
Not that it matters anymore. He’s obviously moved on and so should I, but it’s not that easy for me.
Stopping by the creek that marks the property line between Givens and Perry land, I stare at the water. It’s completely translucent. On the bottom is nothing but soil and large smooth-looking rocks. Minnows swim by and dragonflies hover above the waterline. Cattails sway in the breeze, the wind cooling my skin as it blows.
When I was little, this was my secret spot. Countless hours were spent playing here. Sometimes I was a pirate, captaining my ship and searching for buried treasures. Other times, I was a fairy-princess, ruling over my land.
But now I’m grown and have no control over anything. Solitude and privacy are my priceless treasures. Rare and near impossible to find.
Until now. And I’m hot as blue blazes. Sweat trickles between my breasts and down my back.
Plopping down on the grass bank, I take off my shoes and socks, then dip my feet in the creek. The water is cold on my feverish skin and I fight the urge to pull my feet out. Closing my eyes, I lean back on my hands. The opening hymn from this morning’s service suddenly comes to mind. I hum the first few notes and before I know it, I’m singing.
And for the first time in a long time, it feels good. It feels right. And there’s no one around to hear me. So I sing louder, keeping my eyes shut tight. I don’t want the real world intruding. The words wind through me, easing the pain in my heart just a little. Though I don’t think I deserve forgiveness, in that moment I feel it. So real and true that I want more.
I touch the stitches sewn into my stomach.“Please…I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.”
The door opens and my ex-boyfriend is suddenly by my side.
Live For You (Boys of the South ~ Book 1) Page 4