Perfect Husband: A Fake Marriage Romance

by Leslie Johnson

  Smiling, I reached for several cans of peaches. “I’ve been meaning to call, but I didn’t want to come across as too desperate. Your advice is what keeps me going, Ernest.”

  “Hmm.” He seemed somewhat mollified. “How are you getting along, young girl? Miss Denton already?”

  That was an understatement. Lately, I was having trouble falling asleep at night because I’d gotten used to Denton spooning me from behind. My back felt cold and breezy without him to warm me.

  “Of course I do,” I said truthfully. “I mean, I did live with him for six months. I’m used to having him around.” After some hesitation, I asked, “What about him? How’s he doing these days?”

  “If you were secretly hoping Denton was depressed and sulking around, then sorry to disappoint you, child. He’s a North man. We don’t act out with asinine behavior.”

  “Alright. Then what is he doing? Do tell.”

  “He’s been busy in the office and filling most of his waking hours with work. And he’s been spending extra time with me. Probably thinks I’m going to keel over any day now.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Never better. Although the chilly weather is making my bones ache like you wouldn’t believe.”

  After a few more minutes chatting about the weather and his lovely Go-playing friend, Miriam, I carefully asked if Denton was seeing anyone of the female variety.

  Ernest chuckled. “You know Denton, always surrounded by beautiful women. Is he seeing someone exclusively? It’s too early to tell, but I don’t see how. He barely has time for a social life these days.”

  His words should have comforted me, but instead, I felt queasy and a little sick.

  “Stop worrying, young girl,” Ernest said, quickly picking up on my gloominess. “Have some faith in my grandson.”

  When we hung up with promises to talk again soon, I took my shopping cart to the cash register. I was eager to get home and get some couch time. I’d only had two ESL classes today, but for some reason, my body felt tired and a little sore.

  Probably that time of the month again. I sighed, irritated.

  At least someone was cheerful. Rach had exchanged numbers with the cute guy who’d towed her car, and tonight, they were going out on their first date.

  “How do I look?” She twirled in a circle in her black dress and suede fall jacket. With her ruby-red lips and thick sandy hair brushed to a shine, she was a knockout.

  “You are so going to get laid tonight,” I said, laughing.

  “Nope, not until we reach our third or fourth date. He could turn out to be an ogre, for all I know.” Blowing air kisses at me, she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

  I was alone for the evening.

  I’d lived alone since my college years. It was something I’d grown used to. But after living six months with Denton, I found the loneliness crushing. Eating alone, watching TV alone, sleeping alone… I had no idea how I’d survived before.

  My fingers reached for my phone, and before I could stop myself, I called Denton.

  His voice was like manna from heaven. “Is this Drunk Cute Girl?”

  “Hey, Blondie.” I felt happier already. My emotions were like a roller coaster these days.

  “I thought we decided not to stay in touch for three months?”

  “New plan. Each person is allowed three calls during this period. Emergency calls.”

  He instantly grew worried. “Is something wrong? Is there an emergency?”

  “No, nothing like that. I… I just wanted to know how you were doing.” Talking about him with Ernest had brought him so close in my mind that I couldn’t hold out any longer.

  “I’ve been staying busy and avoiding the penthouse as much as possible. You?”

  “Just teaching my ESL classes and getting ready for our European Christmas trip. Why are you avoiding the penthouse?”

  “Because it reminds me of you. I can still smell your scent on my pillows.”

  “Uh… maybe it’s time you washed them?”

  He laughed. “They are freshly laundered. It’s mostly phantom scent, I think.” His tone quickly turned serious. “Tiffany, why did you really call?” When I didn’t reply, he added, “You’re checking up on me, aren’t you? To see if I’ve started dating again.”

  “No.” I blinked back tears. “This period is about returning to our single lifestyles, so I don’t have a say in whatever you choose to do.” Damn, I was feeling all emotional again. “I’m sorry if my call burdened you. I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Hang on, Tiffany. I wasn’t criticizing you.” His voice softened. “I’ve been tempted to call you numerous times as well, so I’m really glad you reached out.”

  We spent the next twenty minutes just catching up and talking about mundane issues, avoiding what we really wanted to talk about, and yet unwilling to be the first to end the call. But eventually, we ran out of trivial things to say.

  “I guess I’d better let you get back to work.” I sighed, my heart feeling as heavy as the day I’d left the penthouse.

  “Tiffany…” Denton paused, as if unsure of what to say next. “You know I’m glad you called, but you were right about not staying in touch for a while. We’ll just fall back into our old habits and routine, and that’s not going to help us in the long run.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “The emergency call is a good idea, though, so let’s keep that.”

  “Okay. Good night, Denton.” I hung up before my voice started trembling.

  Right now, being away from Denton felt like trying to get out of an addiction. I craved my fake husband like some might crave salty French fries, steak, a glass of wine—or something stronger. It affected me physically.

  Fourteen

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Rach reached over to touch my forehead.

  I was lying in bed, hugging one of my plush pillows. With a tired smile, I gave her the thumbs-up.

  “I’m just tired, that’s all. No big deal. I may have to cancel my classes today, though.” The thought of canceling my classes made me wince. I’d never done it before, and it was an indication that I actually was unwell. But damn, I felt like I’d caught a bug or something.

  “I finish early today, so I’ll get some chicken soup on the way.” Rach was still staring down at me with a concerned expression.

  “Sounds great.” My eyes closed again. “Get the spicy version. I want the soup to burn my tongue.”

  The rest of the morning was uneventful. I laid in bed, dozed, got up to pee, and then slept again. When I tried to eat a donut around ten, I felt queasy and quickly lost my appetite. I wondered if it was that time of the month and it had somehow left me more susceptible to germs. It would be just my luck to get sick and have my period at the same time.

  Wait, though.

  That’s what I wondered a couple of days ago.

  Standing in the kitchen, I stared out the window, trying to remember the last time I had my period.

  I pivoted and hurried into my bedroom, flipping through my mini calendar.

  I’d skipped my period.

  Skipped.

  This had never happened to me before, ever. I was one of those blessed women whose period came like clockwork. I’d been so consumed with Denton and the separation and everything else that I hadn’t bothered to check my cycle.

  “Please don’t let me be pregnant.” I pressed my palms to my eyes. “Please, please. That’s the last thing I need right now.”

  Not to mention Denton would probably freak out. Although Ernest might finally get that great-grandchild he kept asking for.

  I called Rach and when she picked up, I asked her to get a pregnancy test kit on the way.

  “What!” She shouted the word, nearly bursting my eardrum. “Are you kidding me? Wait… is that why you’ve been feeling so crappy lately?”

  “It might be. Just get me that damn kit, alright? I’m really nervous.”

  Roughly two hours
later, Rach and I stood in the bathroom, waiting for the results. I was hoping for one result: not pregnant. There was no way I could raise a baby right now.

  “Two lines.” Rach glanced up at me, her lips thinning. “I see two definite lines. You’re knocked up, kiddo.”

  At the news, the room went swimmy, darkness closing in from the sides of my vision. The last thing I remembered was Rach’s arms closing around me.

  “I’m fine, really.” I swatted Rach’s hands away. “Actually, can you bring me the soup? All I had today was one bite of a stale donut.”

  “Good thing they ran out of the spicy version.” She poured the warm contents of the container into two bowls. “I bought the chunky soup instead.”

  She joined me on the couch to eat our meal. The soup was delicious, with lots of chicken pieces, vegetables, and just the right amount of seasoning. I hugged my bowl, enjoying the warmth seeping into my body.

  “Are you going to tell Denton?” Rach asked, looking serious.

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t want my pregnancy to influence his ultimate decision. He either wants me or he doesn’t.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. I’ll tell him after the three-month period.” With a regretful sigh, I rearranged myself in the cushions. “Ernest would be so happy to hear the news, though.”

  “Then tell him.”

  “I can’t. There’s no way he’ll keep it a secret from Denton.” I resumed eating my soup. “He’ll have to find out when everyone does, I guess.”

  Silence settled between us, each lost in our own thoughts.

  There was a tiny fetus growing inside me. The concept felt foreign and wonderful at the same time. Would it be a boy or a girl? Blond-haired or brown? Would it look like Denton or me?

  Thinking about that brought a strange sense of comfort. I won’t be lonely ever again. I’ve got my little baby.

  “I guess this means the European Christmas trip is canceled,” Rach said, trying to hide her disappointment.

  “No, don’t do that. I want you to go.”

  She looked indignant. “Well, I’m not going alone! Imagine spending Christmas all by myself in Europe. That’s not fun, it’s just insane.”

  “You won’t be going alone. Give my ticket to what’s-his-name.” I was referring to the cute guy who’d helped tow her old car.

  Her eyes lit up. “You mean Dylan? Are you sure? Should I ask him to pay half of the costs?”

  “It’s a lot of money to cough up in such a short time. It’s the least I can do, Rach. I’m staying at your apartment for free, after all.”

  “Yeah, but you bought me a new car, and I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas.”

  “I won’t be alone.” I smiled, the first true smile I’d had in days. “I’ll be spending Christmas with my mom.”

  That seemed to soothe some of Rach’s concerns, but she kept repeating, “Are you sure? You won’t regret it?” until I finally put a stop to it by pretending I was going to bed.

  The thought of spending Christmas with Mom made me want to cry, and in a good way. It would be nice to spend some quality time with family—Mom, me, and the baby growing in my womb. We could binge on turkey and sugar cookies, exchange presents (I’d be able to get her something decent this time), and just watch TV all day long.

  And if I felt brave enough, I might come clean about what I’d done, and my current knocked-up situation.

  “Ugh.” Crawling into bed, I tried to block out the nightmare I’d gotten myself into.

  I spent the evening trying to relieve some tension by watching YouTube videos of talking dogs and guinea pigs, while finishing off Rach’s chunky chicken soup. Rach stayed in the kitchen, making a batch of cookies and other delicious-smelling treats.

  Around seven p.m., there was a knock on the front door.

  Rach hollered something rude and yanked open the door, which was quickly followed by loud curses. The male at the door spoke in a placating voice, trying to calm her down.

  “Who is it, Rach?” I called out, padding into the hall in my woolly slippers.

  She didn’t need to answer my question. Andy stood in the doorway, his gaze narrowing as soon as he saw me.

  “I knew it,” he said, inviting himself inside. “That day when you came to Tiff’s Coffee, I knew something was up.” Dropping a bag of fragrant croissants on the coffee table, he pulled off his scarf and made his way toward me. “My god, Tiff, you look a frightful mess. What did that fucker do to you?”

  “Nothing. He didn’t do—” Andy smothered the rest of my sentence by crushing me to his chest. When I tried to pull away, he tightened his hold on me.

  “I told you it wouldn’t work out, didn’t I? I told you not to jump into this marriage. And now, you’re going to be divorced at the age of twenty-three!”

  “Hey, asshole, no one invited you in,” Rach broke in, rage filling her face. “And how did you know Tiff was staying with me anyway? Were you spying on us?”

  “I noticed her hanging around the neighborhood more often than usual, so yes, I kind of followed her a few times.” Andy’s worried eyes returned to me. “I’m here for you, Tiff. Do you want to talk about it? We could order some Thai takeout like we used to and just relax.” He gave me a grin. “My treat, of course.”

  At the mention of free Thai food, Rach’s fury quickly disappeared.

  Rolling my eyes, I decided, why not. “You can stay if you get me the mild chicken curry and noodle salad. What about you, Rach?”

  She rattled off a long list of dishes that were sure to cost Andy a small sum, as payback for his unannounced visit and prior assholery. Then she took a deep breath and demanded several bottles of expensive white wine from the liquor store across the street.

  Without missing a beat, Andy grabbed his phone and put in the orders.

  Fifteen

  Andy’s surprising generosity led to a night of binging and a very drunk Rach. When he reached over to pour me a glass of wine to go with my salad, I held up a hand.

  “No wine for me tonight.” I gave him a forced smile. “I’m trying to cut back on my alcohol intake.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “Because she’s going to have a ba—”

  I shot Rachael a warning look. “Uh, Rach, could you get me a glass of juice? You’re closer to the fridge.” She looked at me sheepishly and swayed into the kitchen, bumping into chairs and appliances along the way.

  When she was gone, Andy’s worried gaze returned to me. “Please say she wasn’t going to finish that sentence with ‘baby’.” When I stayed quiet, he rubbed his hands over his face. “Shit.”

  “I only found out today,” I whispered, staring down at my salad.

  “Does he know?”

  I shook my head. “No, and I don’t plan to tell him. At least not yet.”

  “Why not?” His tone was aggressive.

  “Because I’m just not ready, okay?” Upset, I rose to my feet, but Andy put a hand on my arm.

  “Sorry,” he said, lowering his voice. “I didn’t mean to sound angry. Your news caught me off guard, that’s all.”

  Sighing, I flopped down again. “Can we change the subject to something else?”

  “Sure. What happened to your new job as a personal assistant?”

  Another subject I didn’t want to discuss, but I decided it was slightly better than talking about my pregnancy.

  “I quit,” I said, shrugging. “It wasn’t a long-term position anyway.”

  “So you’re unemployed again. How are you surviving?”

  I was definitely not going to tell him about the life-altering sum of money sitting in my bank account. “I’ve got some money saved up.”

  “Yeah, but what about three weeks from now? A month? Three months? What then?”

  “She’ll be fine,” Rach said, returning with my juice and a cup of coffee for herself. At least she’d sobered up a little. “You think Denton wouldn’t provide for her?” She took the spot beside me and
sipped her coffee, handing over my juice at the same time. “Our little Tiff is well cared for.”

  I should’ve been grateful she hadn’t mentioned the whole six-month contract and subsequent million dollars deposited straight into my account, but even this was too much information. I shot her another warning glance.

  “He pays my credit card bills, and I’ve been teaching ESL students,” I said before Rach could open her mouth again. “Like I said, I’ll survive.”

  Andy scratched his neck. “Well… if you ever need a job in the future, let me know. Tiff’s Coffee could use a barista like you.”

  Just thinking about those long hours and below average pay made me shiver. It hadn’t been enough even when I was single, but with a baby on the way? No thanks.

  Still, I didn’t want to sound ungrateful, so I mumbled “thanks” and returned to my food.

  The mood changed considerably after that.

  For one thing, Andy didn’t seem so eager to hang around anymore. After he finished his pad thai, he hastily put on his coat and scarf.

  “I still have some work left to do, so I’d better go.” He gave me a small smile. “I’ll come visit again, Tiff, if that’s okay.”

  I nodded. Right now, I needed my friends and their support more than anything. Andy might have been a jerk boyfriend in the past, but as a friend, he was really stepping up.

  “Thanks for the food,” I pulled him in for a quick hug, “and for stopping by.”

  “Anytime. I’ll see myself out.” With a nod at Rach, he left the apartment.

  “That was odd,” Rach said, picking at her fingernails. “Wonder what made him just take off like that.”

  I had a strong feeling it had a lot to do with my unexpected pregnancy.

  The weather kept getting colder, and my tired ass preferred staying in bed all day. My morning sickness got to the point where I had to take an indefinite leave from my ESL classes. This only caused my mood swings to worsen.

  Then one morning, Rach threw open a large traveling backpack with a wide grin. It was time to go on her European Christmas trip with Dylan.