by Byron
Them on where each would foremost bleed;
But could not o’er myself evince
The like control — But to resume:
295
I loved, and was beloved again;
In sooth, it is a happy doom,
But yet where happiest ends in pain. –
We met in secret, and the hour
Which led me to that lady’s bower
300
Was fiery Expectation’s dower.
My days and nights were nothing – all
Except that hour which doth recall
In the long lapse from youth to age
No other like itself — I’d give
305
The Ukraine back again to live
It o’er once more – and be a page,
The happy page, who was the lord
Of one soft heart, and his own sword,
And had no other gem nor wealth
310
Save nature’s gift of youth and health. —
We met in secret — doubly sweet,
Some say, they find it so to meet;
I know not that – I would have given
My life but to have call’d her mine
315
In the full view of earth and heaven;
For I did oft and long repine
That we could only meet by stealth.
VIII
‘For lovers there are many eyes,
And such there were on us; – the devil
320
On such occasions should be civil –
The devil! — I’m loth to do him wrong,
It might be some untoward saint,
Who would not be at rest too long,
But to his pious bile gave vent –
325
But one fair night, some lurking spies
Surprised and seized us both.
The Count was something more than wroth –
I was unarm’d; but if in steel,
All cap-à-pie from head to heel,
330
What ’gainst their numbers could I do? —
’Twas near his castle, far away
From city or from succour near,
And almost on the break of day;
I did not think to see another,
335
My moments seem’d reduced to few;
And with one prayer to Mary Mother,
And, it may be, a saint or two,
As I resigned me to my fate,
They led me to the castle gate:
340
Theresa’s doom I never knew,
Our lot was henceforth separate. —
An angry man, ye may opine,
Was he, the proud Count Palatine;
And he had reason good to be,
345
But he was most enraged lest such
An accident should chance to touch
Upon his future pedigree;
Nor less amazed, that such a blot
His noble ’scutcheon should have got,
350
While he was highest of his line;
Because unto himself he seem’d
The first of men, nor less he deem’d
In others’ eyes, and most in mine.
‘Sdeath! with a page – perchance a king
355
Had reconciled him to the thing;
But with a stripling of a page —
I felt – but cannot paint his rage.
IX
‘ “Bring forth the horse!” – the horse was brought;
In truth, he was a noble steed,
360
A Tartar of the Ukraine breed,
Who look’d as though the speed of thought
Were in his limbs; but he was wild,
Wild as the wild deer, and untaught,
With spur and bridle undefiled —
365
’Twas but a day he had been caught
And snorting, with erected mane,
And struggling fiercely, but in vain,
In the full foam of wrath and dread
To me the desert-born was led:
370
They bound me on, that menial throng,
Upon his back with many a thong;
Then loosed him with a sudden lash –
Away! – away! – and on we dash! –
Torrents less rapid and less rash.
X
375
‘Away! – away! – My breath was gone –
I saw not where he hurried on:
’Twas scarcely yet the break of day,
And on he foam’d – away! – away! –
The last of human sounds which rose,
380
As I was darted from my foes,
Was the wild shout of savage laughter,
Which on the wind came roaring after
A moment from that rabble rout:
With sudden wrath I wrench’d my head,
385
And snapp’d the cord, which to the mane
Had bound my neck in lieu of rein,
And, writhing half my form about,
Howl’d back my curse; but ’midst the tread,
The thunder of my courser’s speed,
390
Perchance they did not hear nor heed:
It vexes me — for I would fain
Have paid their insult back again.
I paid it well in after days:
There is not of that castle gate,
395
Its drawbridge and portcullis’ weight,
Stone, bar, moat, bridge, or barrier left;
Nor of its fields a blade of grass,
Save what grows on a ridge of wall,
Where stood the hearth-stone of the hall;
400
And many a time ye there might pass,
Nor dream that e’er that fortress was:
I saw its turrets in a blaze,
Their crackling battlements all cleft,
And the hot lead pour down like rain
405
From off the scorch’d and blackening roof,
Whose thickness was not vengeance-proof.
They little thought that day of pain,
When launch’d, as on the lightning’s flash,
They bade me to destruction dash,
410
That one day I should come again,
With twice five thousand horse, to thank
The Count for his uncourteous ride.
They play’d me then a bitter prank,
When, with the wild horse for my guide,
415
They bound me to his foaming flank:
At length I play’d them one as frank –
For time at last sets all things even —
And if we do but watch the hour,
There never yet was human power
420
Which could evade, if unforgiven,
The patient search and vigil long
Of him who treasures up a wrong.
XI
‘Away, away, my steed and I,
Upon the pinions of the wind,
425
All human dwellings left behind;
We sped like meteors through the sky,
When with its crackling sound the night
Is chequer’d with the northern light:
Town – village – none were on our track
430
But a wild plain of far extent,
And bounded by a forest black;
And, save the scarce seen battlement
On distant heights of some strong hold,
Against the Tartars built of old,
435
No trace of man. The year before
A Turkish army had march’d o’er;
And where the Spahi’s hoof hath trod,
The verdure flies the bloody sod: —
The sky was dull, and dim, and gray,
440
And a low breeze crept moaning by –
I could have answer’d with a sigh –
But fast we fled, away, away –
And I could neither sigh nor pray;
And my cold sweat-drops fell like rain
445
Upon the courser’s bristling mane;
But, snorting still with rage and fear,
He flew upon his far career:
At times I almost thought, indeed,
He must have slacken’d in his speed;
450
But no — my bound and slender frame
Was nothing to his angry might,
And merely like a spur became:
Each motion which I made to free
My swoln limbs from their agony
455
Increased his fury and affright:
I tried my voice, – ’twas faint and low,
But yet he swerved as from a blow;
And, starting to each accent, sprang
As from a sudden trumpet’s clang:
460
Meantime my cords were wet with gore,
Which, oozing through my limbs, ran o’er;
And in my tongue the thirst became
A something fierier far than flame.
XII
‘We near’d the wild wood – ’twas so wide,
465
I saw no bounds on either side;
’Twas studded with old sturdy trees,
That bent not to the roughest breeze
Which howls down from Siberia’s waste,
And strips the forest in its haste, –
470
But these were few, and far between
Set thick with shrubs more young and green,
Luxuriant with their annual leaves,
Ere strown by those autumnal eves
That nip the forest’s foliage dead,
475
Discolour’d with a lifeless red,
Which stands thereon like stiffen’d gore
Upon the slain when battle’s o’er,
And some long winter’s night hath shed
Its frost o’er every tombless head,
480
So cold and stark the raven’s beak
May peck unpierced each frozen cheek:
’Twas a wild waste of underwood,
And here and there a chestnut stood,
The strong oak, and the hardy pine;
485
But far apart – and well it were,
Or else a different lot were mine –
The boughs gave way, and did not tear
My limbs; and I found strength to bear
My wounds, already scarr’d with cold –
490
My bonds forbade to loose my hold.
We rustled through the leaves like wind,
Left shrubs, and trees, and wolves behind;
By night I heard them on the track,
Their troop came hard upon our back,
495
With their long gallop, which can tire
The hound’s deep hate, and hunter’s fire:
Where’er we flew they follow’d on,
Nor left us with the morning sun;
Behind I saw them, scarce a rood,
500
At day-break winding through the wood,
And through the night had heard their feet
Their stealing, rustling step repeat.
Oh! how I wish’d for spear or sword,
At least to die amidst the horde,
505
And perish – if it must be so –
At bay, destroying many a foe.
When first my courser’s race begun,
I wish’d the goal already won;
But now I doubted strength and speed.
510
Vain doubt! his swift and savage breed
Had nerved him like the mountain-roe;
Nor faster falls the blinding snow
Which whelms the peasant near the door
Whose threshold he shall cross no more,
515
Bewilder’d with the dazzling blast,
Than through the forest-paths he past –
Untired, untamed, and worse than wild;
All furious as a favour’d child
Balk’d of its wish; or fiercer still –
520
A woman piqued – who has her will.
XIII
‘The wood was past; ’twas more than noon,
But chill the air, although in June;
Or it might be my veins ran cold —
Prolong’d endurance tames the bold;
525
And I was then not what I seem,
But headlong as a wintry stream,
And wore my feelings out before
I well could count their causes o’er:
And what with fury, fear, and wrath,
530
The tortures which beset my path,
Cold, hunger, sorrow, shame, distress,
Thus bound in nature’s nakedness;
Sprung from a race whose rising blood
When stirr’d beyond its calmer mood,
535
And trodden hard upon, is like
The rattle-snake’s, in act to strike,
What marvel if this worn-out trunk
Beneath its woes a moment sunk?
The earth gave way, the skies roll’d round,
540
I seem’d to sink upon the ground;
But err’d, for I was fastly bound.
My heart turn’d sick, my brain grew sore,
And throbb’d awhile, then beat no more:
The skies spun like a mighty wheel;
545
I saw the trees like drunkards reel,
And a slight flash sprang o’er my eyes,
Which saw no farther: he who dies
Can die no more than then I died.
O’ertortured by that ghastly ride,
550
I felt the blackness come and go,
And strove to wake; but could not make
My senses climb up from below:
I felt as on a plank at sea,
When all the waves that dash o’er thee,
555
At the same time upheave and whelm,
And hurl thee towards a desert realm.
My undulating life was as
The fancied lights that flitting pass
Our shut eyes in deep midnight, when
560
Fever begins upon the brain;
But soon it pass’d, with little pain,
But a confusion worse than such:
I own that I should deem it much,
Dying, to feel the same again;
565
And yet I do suppose we must
Feel far more ere we turn to dust:
No matter; I have bared my brow
Full in Death’s face — before — and now.
XIV
‘My thoughts came back; where was I? Cold,
570
And numb, and giddy: pulse by pulse
Life reassumed its lingering hold,
And throb by throb: till grown a pang
Which for a moment would convulse,
My blood reflow’d, though thick and chill;
575
My ear with uncouth noises rang,
My heart began once more to thrill;
My sight return’d, though dim; alas!
And thicken’d, as it were, with glass.
Methought the dash of waves was nigh;
580
There was a gleam too of the sky,
Studded with stars; — it is no dream;
The wild horse swims the wilder stream!
The bright broad river’s gushing tide
Sweeps, winding onward, far and wide,
585
And we are half-way, struggling o’er
To yon unknown and silent shore.
&nb
sp; The waters broke my hollow trance,
And with a temporary strength
My stiffen’d limbs were rebaptized.
590
My courser’s broad breast proudly braves,
And dashes off the ascending waves,
And onward we advance!
We reach the slippery shore at length,
A haven I but little prized,
595
For all behind was dark and drear,
And all before was night and fear.
How many hours of night or day
In those suspended pangs I lay,
I could not tell; I scarcely knew
600
If this were human breath I drew.
XV
‘With glossy skin, and dripping mane,
And reeling limbs, and reeking flank,
The wild steed’s sinewy nerves still strain
Up the repelling bank.
605
We gain the top: a boundless plain
Spreads through the shadow of the night,
And onward, onward, onward, seems,
Like precipices in our dreams,
To stretch beyond the sight;
610
And here and there a speck of white,
Or scatter’d spot of dusky green,
In masses broke into the light,
As rose the moon upon my right.
But nought distinctly seen
615
In the dim waste would indicate
The omen of a cottage gate;
No twinkling taper from afar
Stood like a hospitable star;
Not even an ignis-fatuus rose
620
To make him merry with my woes:
That very cheat had cheer’d me then!
Although detected, welcome still,
Reminding me, through every ill,
Of the abodes of men.
XVI
625
‘Onward we went — but slack and slow;
His savage force at length o’erspent,
The drooping courser, faint and low,
All feebly foaming went.
A sickly infant had had power
630
To guide him forward in that hour;
But useless all to me.
His new-born tameness nought avail’d,
My limbs were bound; my force had fail’d,
Perchance, had they been free.
635
With feeble effort still I tried
To rend the bonds so starkly tied –
But still it was in vain;
My limbs were only wrung the more,
And soon the idle strife gave o’er,
640
Which but prolong’d their pain:
The dizzy race seem’d almost done,
Although no goal was nearly won:
Some streaks announced the coming sun –
How slow, alas! he came!
645
Methought that mist of dawning gray
Would never dapple into day;
How heavily it roll’d away –
Before the eastern flame
Rose crimson, and deposed the stars,
650
And call’d the radiance from their cars,
And fill’d the earth, from his deep throne,