by Byron
SCAMP:I needs must confess I’m embarrass’d.
INKEL: Don’t call upon Scamp, who’s already so harass’d With old schools, and new schools, and no schools; and all schools.
TRACY: Well, one thing is certain, that some must be fools.
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I should like to know who.
INKEL:And I should not be sorry
To know who are not: – it would save us some worry.
LADY BLUEBOTTLE: A truce with remark, and let nothing control
This ‘feast of our reason, and flow of the soul.’
Oh! my dear Mr Botherby! sympathise! – I
130
Now feel such a rapture, I’m ready to fly,
I feel so elastic — ‘so buoyant — so buoyant!’ —1
INKEL: Tracy! open the window.
TRACY:I wish her much joy on’t.
BOTHERBY: For God’s sake, my Lady Bluebottle, check not
This gentle emotion, so seldom our lot
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Upon earth. Give it way; ’tis an impulse which lifts
Our spirits from earth; the sublimest of gifts;
For which poor Prometheus was chain’d to his mountain.
’Tis the source of all sentiment – feeling’s true fountain:
’Tis the Vision of Heaven upon Earth: ’tis the gas
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Of the soul: ’tis the seizing of shades as they pass,
And making them substance: ’tis something divine: –
INKEL: Shall I help you, my friend, to a little more wine?
BOTHERBY: I thank you; not any more, sir, till I dine.
INKEL: A propos – Do you dine with Sir Humphry to-day?
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TRACY: I should think with Duke Humphry was more in your way.
INKEL: It might be of yore; but we authors now look
To the knight, as a landlord, much more than the Duke.
The truth is, each writer now quite at his ease is,
And (except with his publisher) dines where he pleases.
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But ’tis now nearly five, and I must to the Park.
TRACY: And I’ll take a turn with you there till ’tis dark. And you, Scamp –
SCAMP: Excuse me; I must to my notes,
For my lecture next week.
INKEL:He must mind whom he quotes
Out of ‘Elegant Extracts.’
LADY BLUEBOTTLE:Well, now we break up;
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But remember Miss Diddle invites us to sup.
INKEL: Then at two hours past midnight we all meet again, For the sciences, sandwiches, hock, and champaigne!
TRACY: And the sweet lobster salad!
BOTHERBY:I honour that meal;
For ’tis then that our feelings most genuinely – feel.
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INKEL: True; feeling is truest then, far beyond question:
I wish to the gods ’twas the same with digestion!
LADY BLUEBOTTLE: Pshaw! – never mind that; for one moment of feeling
Is worth – God knows what.
INKEL:’Tis at least worth concealing For itself, or what follows — But here comes your carriage.
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SIR RICHARD [aside]: I wish all these people were d—d with my marriage!
[Exeunt.]
THE VISION OF JUDGMENT
By Quevedo Redivivus
SUGGESTED BY THE COMPOSITION SO ENTITLED BY THE AUTHOR OF ‘WAT TYLER.’
‘A Daniel come to judgment! yea, a Daniel!
I thank thee, Jew, for teaching me that word.’
PREFACE
It hath been wisely said, that ‘One fool makes many;’ and it hath been poetically observed,
‘That fools rush in where angels fear to tread.’ — Pope.
If Mr Southey had not rushed in where he had no business, and where he never was before, and never will be again, the following poem would not have been written. It is not impossible that it may be as good as his own, seeing that it cannot, by any species of stupidity, natural or acquired, be worse. The gross flattery, the dull impudence, the renegado intolerance and impious cant, of the poem by the author of ‘Wat Tyler,’ are something so stupendous as to form the sublime of himself – containing the quintessence of his own attributes.
So much for his poem – a word on his preface. In this preface it has pleased the magnanimous Laureate to draw the picture of a supposed ‘Satanic School,’ the which he doth recommend to the notice of the legislature; thereby adding to his other laurels the ambition of those of an informer. If there exists any where, excepting in his imagination, such a School, is he not sufficiently armed against it by his own intense vanity? The truth is, that there are certain writers whom Mr S. imagines, like Scrub, to have ‘talked of him; for they laughed consumedly.’
I think I know enough of most of the writers to whom he is supposed to allude, to assert, that they, in their individual capacities, have done more good, in the charities of life, to their fellow-creatures in any one year, than Mr Southey has done harm to himself by his absurdities in his whole life; and this is saying a great deal. But I have a few questions to ask.
1stly, Is Mr Southey the author of ‘Wat Tyler?’
2dly, Was he not refused a remedy at law by the highest judge of his beloved England, because it was a blasphemous and seditious publication?
3dly, Was he not entitled by William Smith, in full parliament, ‘a rancorous renegado?’
4thly, Is he not poet laureate, with his own lines on Martin the regicide staring him in the face?
And, 5thly, Putting the four preceding items together, with what conscience dare he call the attention of the laws to the publications of others, be they what they may?
I say nothing of the cowardice of such a proceeding; its meanness speaks for itself; but I wish to touch upon the motive, which is neither more nor less than that Mr S. has been laughed at a little in some recent publications, as he was of yore in the ‘Antijacobin’ by his present patrons. Hence all this ‘skimble scamble stuff’ about ‘Satanic,’ and so forth. However, it is worthy of him – ‘qualis ab incepto.’
If there is any thing obnoxious to the political opinions of a portion of the public in the following poem, they may thank Mr Southey. He might have written hexameters, as he has written everything else, for aught that the writer cared – had they been upon another subject. But to attempt to canon-ise a monarch, who, whatever were his household virtues, was neither a successful nor a patriot king, – inasmuch as several years of his reign passed in war with America and Ireland, to say nothing of the aggression upon France, – like all other exaggeration, necessarily begets opposition. In whatever manner he may be spoken of in this new ‘Vision,’ his public career will not be more favourably transmitted by history. Of his private virtues (although a little expensive to the nation) there can be no doubt.
With regard to the supernatural personages treated of, I can only say that I know as much about them, and (as an honest man) have a better right to talk of them than Robert Southey. I have also treated them more tolerantly. The way in which that poor insane creature, the Laureate, deals about his judgments in the next world, is like his own judgment in this. If it was not completely ludicrous, it would be something worse. I don’t think that there is much more to say at present.
QUEVEDO REDIVIVUS
P.S. – It is possible that some readers may object, in these objectionable times, to the freedom with which saints, angels, and spiritual persons discourse in this ‘Vision.’ But, for precedents upon such points, I must refer him to Fielding’s ‘Journey from this World to the next,’ and to the Visions of myself, the said Quevedo, in Spanish or translated. The reader is also requested to observe, that no doctrinal tenets are insisted upon or discussed; that the person of the Deity is carefully withheld from sight, which is more than can be said for the Laureate, who hath thought proper to make him talk, not ‘like a school divine,’ but like the unscholarlike Mr Southey. The
whole action passes on the outside of heaven; and Chaucer’s Wife of Bath, Pulci’s Morgante Maggiore, Swift’s Tale of a Tub, and the other works above referred to, are cases in point of the freedom with which saints, &c. may be permitted to converse in works not intended to be serious.
Q.R.
Mr Southey being, as he says, a good Christian and vindictive, threatens, I understand, a reply to this our answer. It is to be hoped that his visionary faculties will in the mean time have acquired a little more judgment, properly so called: otherwise he will get himself into new dilemmas. These apostate jacobins furnish rich rejoinders. Let him take a specimen. Mr Southey laudeth grievously ‘one Mr Landor, ’ who cultivates much private renown in the shape of Latin verses; and not long ago, the poet laureate dedicated to him, it appeareth, one of his fugitive lyrics, upon the strength of a poem called Gebir. Who could suppose, that in this same Gebir the aforesaid Savage Landor (for such is his grim cognomen) putteth into the infernal regions no less a person than the hero of his friend Mr Southey’s heaven, – yea, even George the Third! See also how personal Savage becometh, when he hath a mind. The following is his portrait of our late gracious sovereign: –
(Prince Gebir having descended into the infernal regions, the shades of his royal ancestors are, at his request, called up to his view; and he exclaims to his ghostly guide) –
‘Aroar, what wretch that nearest us? what wretch
Is that with eyebrows white and slanting brow?
Listen! him yonder, who, bound down supine,
Shrinks yelling from that sword there, engine-hung.
He too amongst my ancestors! I hate
The despot, but the dastard I despise.
Was he our countryman?’
‘Alas, O king!
Iberia bore him, but the breed accurst
Inclement winds blew blighting from north-east.’
‘He was a warrior then, nor fear’d the gods?’
Gebir, he fear’d the demons, not the gods,
Though them indeed his daily face adored;
And was no warrior, yet the thousand lives
Squander’d, as stones to exercise a sling,
And the tame cruelty and cold caprice -
Oh madness of mankind! address’d, adored!’ – Gebir, p. 28.
I omit noticing some edifying Ithyphallics of Savagius, wishing to keep the proper veil over them, if his grave but somewhat indiscreet worshipper will suffer it; but certainly these teachers of ‘great moral lessons’ are apt to be found in strange company.
I
Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate:
His keys were rusty, and the lock was dull,
So little trouble had been given of late;
Not that the place by any means was full,
5
But since the Gallic era ‘eighty-eight’
The devils had ta’en a longer, stronger pull,
And ‘a pull altogether,’ as they say
At sea – which drew most souls another way.
II
The angels all were singing out of tune,
10
And hoarse with having little else to do,
Excepting to wind up the sun and moon,
Or curb a runaway young star or two,
Or wild colt of a comet, which too soon
Broke out of bounds o’er the ethereal blue,
15
Splitting some planet with its playful tail,
As boats are sometimes by a wanton whale.
III
The guardian seraphs had retired on high,
Finding their charges past all care below;
Terrestrial business fill’d nought in the sky
20
Save the recording angel’s black bureau;
Who found, indeed, the facts to multiply
With such rapidity of vice and wo,
That he had stripp’d off both his wings in quills,
And yet was in arrear of human ills.
IV
25
His business so augmented of late years,
That he was forced, against his will, no doubt,
(Just like those cherubs, earthly ministers,)
For some resource to turn himself about
And claim the help of his celestial peers,
30
To aid him ere he should be quite worn out
By the increased demand for his remarks;
Six angels and twelve saints were named his clerks.
V
This was a handsome board — at least for heaven;
And yet they had even then enough to do,
35
So many conquerors’ cars were daily driven,
So many kingdoms fitted up anew;
Each day too slew its thousands six or seven,
Till at the crowning carnage, Waterloo,
They threw their pens down in divine disgust —
40
The page was so besmear’d with blood and dust.
VI
This by the way; ’tis not mine to record
What angels shrink from: even the very devil
On this occasion his own work abhorr’d,
So surfeited with the infernal revel:
45
Though he himself had sharpen’d every sword,
It almost quench’d his innate thirst of evil.
(Here Satan’s sole good work deserves insertion –
’Tis, that he has both generals in reversion.)
VII
Let’s skip a few short years of hollow peace,
50
Which peopled earth no better, hell as wont,
And heaven none — they form the tyrant’s lease,
With nothing but new names subscribed upon’t;
’Twill one day finish: meantime they increase,
‘With seven heads and ten horns,’ and all in front,
55
Like Saint John’s foretold beast; but ours are born
Less formidable in the head than horn.
VIII
In the first year of freedom’s second dawn
Died George the Third; although no tyrant, one
Who shielded tyrants, till each sense withdrawn
60
Left him nor mental nor external sun:
A better farmer ne’er brush’d dew from lawn,
A worse king never left a realm undone!
He died — but left his subjects still behind,
One half as mad – and t’other no less blind.
IX
65
He died! — his death made no great stir on earth;
His burial made some pomp; there was profusion
Of velvet, gilding, brass, and no great dearth
Of aught but tears — save those shed by collusion.
For these things may be bought at their true worth;
70
Of elegy there was the due infusion –
Bought also; and the torches, cloaks, and banners,
Heralds, and relics of old Gothic manners,
X
Form’d a sepulchral melodrame. Of all
The fools who flock’d to swell or see the show,
75
Who cared about the corpse? The funeral
Made the attraction, and the black the woe.
There throbb’d not there a thought which pierced the pall;
And when the gorgeous coffin was laid low,
It seem’d the mockery of hell to fold
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The rottenness of eighty years in gold.
XI
So mix his body with the dust! It might
Return to what it must far sooner, were
The natural compound left alone to fight
Its way back into earth, and fire, and air;
85
But the unnatural balsams merely blight
What nature made him at his birth, as bare
As the mere million’s base unmummi
ed clay –
Yet all his spices but prolong decay.
XII
He’s dead – and upper earth with him has done;
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He’s buried; save the undertaker’s bill,
Or lapidary scrawl, the world is gone
For him, unless he left a German will;
But where’s the proctor who will ask his son?
In whom his qualities are reigning still,
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Except that household virtue, most uncommon,
Of constancy to a bad, ugly woman.
XIII
‘God save the king!’ It is a large economy
In God to save the like; but if he will
Be saving, all the better; for not one am I
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Of those who think damnation better still:
I hardly know too if not quite alone am I
In this small hope of bettering future ill
By circumscribing, with some slight restriction,
The eternity of hell’s hot jurisdiction.
XIV
105
I know this is unpopular; I know
’Tis blasphemous; I know one may be damn’d
For hoping no one else may e’er be so;
I know my catechism; I know we are cramm’d
With the best doctrines till we quite o’erflow;
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I know that all save England’s church have shamm’d,
And that the other twice two hundred churches
And synagogues have made a damn’d bad purchase.
XV
God help us all! God help me too! I am
God knows, as helpless as the devil can wish,
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And not a whit more difficult to damn
Than is to bring to land a late-hook’d fish,
Or to the butcher to purvey the lamb;
Nor that I’m fit for such a noble dish
As one day will be that immortal fry
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Of almost every body born to die.
XVI
Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate,
And nodded o’er his keys; when, lo! there came
A wondrous noise he had not heard of late –
A rushing sound of wind, and stream, and flame;
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In short, a roar of things extremely great,
Which would have made aught save a saint exclaim;
But he, with first a start and then a wink,
Said, ‘There’s another star gone out, I think!’
XVII
But ere he could return to his repose,
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A cherub flapp’d his right wing o’er his eyes —