“Trouble in paradise?”
Barging through the door, hair wild and braided in pink dreads and smart-ass mouth on her like always, my sister had the guts to wink at me. If I wasn’t so thankful for her help, I probably would’ve called her out on it. I needed her too much to be an asshole.
“Not exactly. But I am late for work.”
Apparently, whatever Lia’s new job was, she could pick and choose her hours. I’d yet to ask her about it because I was a big dickhead. Still, my brain was all over the place nowadays, and I blamed it all on Addie. The woman made me forget things, not care about anything but the here and now. It was a blessing and a curse because I wanted the girl so badly I could barely breathe whenever she was around.
Problem was that the girl in my arms needed her more.
“I don’t know where Addie is, and I don’t have time to wait for her either.”
“Did you try to call her cell?”
“She wouldn’t answer it anyway, especially if she were driving.”
“Huh.” Lia clicked her tongue and reached for Chloe. Right away, the little stink stopped crying and started nuzzling into my sister’s neck. I groaned. What was it with women and their ability to calm babies?
“That’s not like her, is it?”
“No.” I tried to ignore the twinge in my chest at Lia’s observation. To distract myself, I reached for my belt and strapped it on, not bothering to look in the mirror. It was time to go.
“Have her call me when she gets here, would ya? Need to talk to her about things.” Not true. Just needed to hear her voice, breathe it in, know she was good. Safe.
Lia kissed Chloe’s hair and went to the kitchen. She was quieter than usual, not normal. Part of me wondered if that Travis trash from the other night was messing with her mind. Max didn’t know shit about the situation, so I’d have to do some investigating myself. For now, though, I had to get to work.
I was out the door five seconds later and on the main roads in less than ten. Damn, would I be glad to have day-shift hours soon.
This wasn’t my forever career; nobody wanted to be a rent-a-cop for the rest of his life. My plans were to join the PD one day. But for now, until I had the time and the money to go to the police academy, I needed to keep something stable for insurance purposes.
Traffic was thicker on the main road out of town, more so than the rush hour I usually ran into on my way to work. Teeth gritted, I switched lanes, deciding to take another way. I could still see the main road from the access road, and what I saw had my stomach churning. Fire trucks, cops, and an ambulance all sat with their lights running. And there, in the small ditch running off the side of the road, I saw a car. Addie’s car.
“No.” Panic washed over me, and my palms started to sweat as I turned the steering wheel. I did a U-turn up at the next set of lights, and my heart raced as I pushed the pedal to the floor.
If that really was her car…
Please, fucking please, don’t let it be her.
At the thought, I drove even faster, brakes squealing when I finally slammed down on them to avoid hitting an ambulance. I shut off my truck, threw open the door, and raced like fire was in my ass toward the crowd. At the top of the ditch, I stood frozen, knees locked at the view. On a gurney fifteen or so feet ahead, sitting up and smiling, was Addie—my Addie.
My pulse seethed in my temples. My head ached. And no matter how hard I pushed it away, I was transported back in time to that day.
The call.
* * *
“I’m sorry. There was nothing they could do, honey. They said she didn’t suffer. It was blunt-force trauma to the head and—”
“Stop it,” I growl through the phone, not wanting to hear it. “Let me talk to Dad.”
“Oh, Collin, please. We—”
Unable to take my mom’s comfort, I scream through the line again. “Put Dad on the fucking phone. Now.”
Knees against my chest, I rock back and forth, the sand blowing up in my face, the sound of my brothers talking under their breath around me. All’s quiet on the front now, but inside my body…inside, I’m breaking—breaking so bad I can’t think, can’t speak.
“Get it together, Son. Mom and I love you, and we’re going to help you get through this. But you’ve got to keep it together.”
“Just… Dad, tell me this is some sort of sick joke.”
“No, Collin Matthew. Why would we ever do something so cruel?”
Teeth gritted, I roar, turning to punch the Humvee. On contact, my knuckles bleed, but I feel no pain other than my heart ripping from my chest.
It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad…
“We’ll keep her safe. Don’t you worry about nothing but coming home alive right now. Chloe’s in good hands here with your mom and me.”
Chloe. My baby. Our daughter.
Fuck.
No!
“I’m gonna—Shit, watch out!” I toss the phone into the sand and puke all over everything in my path until I can’t breathe.
Fucking gone. Amy’s gone. I couldn’t save her. Left her alone so I could be here in this motherfucking desert.
Dead.
Gone.
Alone.
A hand presses against my shoulder, squeezing. Max? Gavin? “Colly, we gotta move out.”
I shake my head, hot tears falling from my eyes. My throat burns so bad I can’t breathe, let alone lead my unit out.
“I need to go home. Should’ve been there. Should’ve been—”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Colly. But you can’t lose it right now, not when you’re all Chloe’s got left. One more ride out, brother, then we’ll go home. All of us. This is it.”
* * *
My hands were clasped behind my head and I was on my knees.
I wasn’t in Iraq.
I wasn’t in the desert.
Addie was alive.
Addie was not Amy.
Cold rain fell on my forehead, cooling my hot skin. Frantic, I jerked my chin up, finding Addie’s eyes shut and her chin in her chest. I blew out a slow breath, taking her in as a whole, willing her to look up at me at the same time. A white bandage covered her forehead, but her lips were moving. She was on her cell phone.
“You okay, son?”
I nodded and stood as a cop approached my side. “Yes, sir.”
“United States Marine Corps.” The cop pointed at the gray T-shirt I wore beneath my white uniform button-down. Respect held his eyes to mine and he reached for my hand, probably thinking I was some PTSD case. “Thanks for your service, young man.” And then he tipped his hat and walked away.
I shut my eyes, hating myself—hating who I’d become. More than anything, I knew I had to get myself together, and it would all start with the girl sitting fifteen feet away.
Needing to see her, I started to close the distance between us. But two steps in, I couldn’t make her out over the tall paramedic standing in front of her and making her laugh. Hair down to his chin, big muscles—the guy looked like the epitome of a California surfer. I kept moving until I stood a foot behind him with my arms crossed over my chest.
I cleared my throat, sizing him up when he turned and faced me. Guy was smiling, all white, straight, pretty-boy teeth. Could already tell I didn’t like him.
“Collin?”
I moved to stand by Addison. Reaching for her hand, I pressed it against my chest, not knowing what to say or do. She studied me, eyes narrowed in obvious confusion. Even bandaged and bruised, the girl was beautiful.
“I just got off the phone with Lia. I’m sorry I didn’t call.” Her voice shook. Paramedic Guy patted her on the arm before walking toward his ambulance. I curled my lip, watching him go.
“Why aren’t you at work?”
I looked back at her. “Why am I not at work?” I squeeze
d her hands. “You were in an accident, Addison. I saw you down here. Wasn’t gonna just keep driving knowing you could be hurt.”
“Well, as you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”
“Doesn’t look like it.”
She sighed, her shoulders drooping. Just when she opened her pretty lips to say something else, the douche bag of an EMT came back over. I looked at his name tag—Jones. Would have to ask Gavin about him.
“You ready, Addie?”
Smiling that genuine smile, she said, “As I’ll ever be.”
He waggled his bushy eyebrows her way and then looked toward me. “Will you be riding with her in the ambulance?”
I opened my mouth to say hell yes, but Addie beat me to it. “No. He’s got to get to work. And you said yourself, I’ll just need a few stitches, right?”
“And maybe an X-ray on your wrist.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s not broken. I’m fine.”
The guy rubbed her shoulders, and my lip curled. “I’m gonna ride with her.”
“No.” Addie batted her lashes at the douche bag. “He’s got to go to work, and his car is here.”
“Mind talking to my face, sweetheart?” I moved closer to her, lifting her chin with my finger.
“Go to work, Collin.” She bit her lip, then rolled it between her teeth. “I’ll be back over on Friday. Lia’s going to cover for me tonight.” She shivered, and the guy wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, only to settle her down on the gurney.
“That necessary?” I growled at the EMT again.
“Procedure.” He patted Addie’s thigh. “We like to take good care of our patients.” He winked at her. Again. Made me want to cut his eyelid off.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She dismissed me with a wave before staring up the EMT with my smile. The one I wanted for only me.
I watched her being pushed away, watched her being lifted into the back of the ambulance too. And it was only when the lights flashed on top of the ambulance that I realized what had just happened.
I’d been dismissed.
And I didn’t like it.
Chapter 21
Addison
I was sent home that night, rather than staying at the hospital, since I was cleared of a concussion and only needed a few stitches in my temple, along with having my sprained wrist wrapped. Granted, my car was totaled, so I had to take a cab home, but I survived, even though I felt like a two-by-four had been rammed into my neck.
To stop feeling sorry for myself, I gathered the energy to shower the stink off me and then headed into the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast. It had been a long night of tossing and turning because sleep didn’t come easily when all I could envision were Collin’s wide eyes as I was being whisked away in the ambulance.
Just when I sat down with my cereal bowl, a knock sounded at my door. Thinking it was my order off Amazon or maybe one of my neighbor’s little daughters, I didn’t bother with the peephole. But the second I swung open the door, I discovered how big of a mistake that was.
With his face contorted as though in pain, Collin stood there, surveying me from head to toe. He opened his mouth and closed it again, only to finally say, “Get dressed. I’m taking you out for breakfast.” Uninvited, he pushed his way in, scrunching his nose the second he walked into my apartment.
“Well, good morning to you too.” I fidgeted with my shirt, trying to yank it down over my belly button, even though it hit just below my breasts. I hadn’t planned to do anything but lounge on the couch, so getting dressed wasn’t on the agenda today. “What are you doing here?”
Ignoring me, he walked into my living room. “You’re a neat freak. Might have to pay you more so you’ll clean for me and the guys.”
Trying not to draw attention to myself, I moved toward the table and sat down by my bowl. At least sitting there, he wouldn’t take notice of my tiny shorts and shirt.
Quietly, he moved around the rooms, examining the pictures on the walls of me and Kenna. He was a nosy thing. Luckily I was too tired to argue about it.
“You two been friends long?” He tapped his finger against the glass of my favorite picture, Kenna and me on a spring-break trip to Cancun when we were twenty-one.
Forgetting that he’d barged into my apartment without an invitation, I couldn’t help but smile at his question. “Since college. But it feels like a lot longer.”
He grunted with one of what I liked to call his caveman noises. All the while, his fingers seemed to linger over my images in every frame.
“Where’s your family?”
I stiffened with the spoon just centimeters from my lips. “They’re around.”
“Kind of vague.”
Lips pursed, I stared down at my bowl. My family was a sensitive subject, one I didn’t just openly discuss with anyone. Still, he’d shared secrets about Chloe’s mom, so I owed him a piece of me too. Not sure why that was, but I wasn’t going to stop and think about it.
“I don’t have much of a relationship with them anymore. Not for a few years, at least.”
“Why?” He turned to face me, eyebrows pushed together.
“Do you want the long or short version?”
“Short. I’m hungry.” He reached down into my laundry basket and grabbed a hoodie and some jeans, not once making a comment about my panties and bra hanging over the edges.
I shoved my cereal away. “I didn’t live up to their standards. They wanted me to be a part of their family business, and I wanted to forge my own path.”
College, teaching, the works—normal stuff that didn’t mean a damn thing to them, but meant everything to me.
“Know how it is.” He tossed the clothes into my lap and turned the chair next to me around to sit in it. With his elbows propped along the back and a hat pulled down over his head, he looked like an adorable boy next door…with muscle mass.
“I did the college thing, got a degree in criminal justice. Was going to be a cop until I decided I wanted more first.”
“So you joined the marines out of college then.”
He rubbed a hand over his mouth and stared down at the table. “It was kind of always my plan, ya know? Just didn’t tell everyone about it because I didn’t want anyone to worry.”
I could relate to that. “Everyone has a path in life. Sometimes you hit the ground running and do what you planned the way everyone else wants, while other times you tend to indulge in detours along the way.”
One side of his mouth tipped up into a grin—a genuine grin that only added to his look today. He’d also shaved away his scruff. The scruff that I’d imagined feeling between my thighs.
My face grew hot at the thought, so I stared down at the chipped polish on my fingernails to avoid his gaze.
“What’s got those cheeks all red, oh brilliant one?”
I blinked and met his stare again, not even bothering to acknowledge his brilliant one nickname. “Nothing. Just warm is all.”
He smiled in a way I’d only seen him smile at Chloe, his friends, and Lia…not yet me.
Until now.
In that moment, I felt like I’d just been handed a pass to a special club, and Collin was the president.
“You going out in that?” His eyebrows arched as he peered over the edge of the table, eyes locked on my breasts.
I stared down at them and cringed. My God…my nipples had a mind of their own. “Let me…” Again, my face grew hot. And again he smiled when I looked back at him.
My heartbeat tripled at the view of his lips all curled and friendly—not Collin-like in the least. What did I suddenly do to deserve it?
“Do you mind, uh…” I motioned for him to turn around with my finger. He’d already viewed what little I had on, so I’m not sure why it mattered that he looked away this time. Pride, maybe? The fact that I didn’t want t
o like that he watched me move around in little to no clothing? No, that wasn’t it at all.
Liar.
He chuckled under his breath but stood and moved to the living room to give me my privacy. In a rush, I ran to my room, the clothes he’d tossed me draped over my arm. By the time I was dressed, I was somewhere between being composed and completely flustered. His eyes raked over me in my hoodie and jeans when I came back out, but he said nothing as he reached for my pink coat and hat along the back of my couch.
“Cold outside.”
“Thanks.” I pulled the coat to my chest, shivering when his fingers grazed mine.
In the truck, Collin stayed focused on the road, only occasionally glancing my way. It was kind of like it had been the night he took me out for food. Only this time, it felt different. Not so tense—easier. Like two friends just going to breakfast. Because that’s all we were: friends. Employer-employee.
We pulled up to a quiet café near the corner of Main, just one block from the coffeehouse. Hustling, Collin popped out of his door and sprang to mine, opening it with a nod. Inside, we chose a booth buried in the far corner, the one with a pink chandelier hanging over the top. He was so tall that he hit the light when he sat down, and I giggled when he rubbed the top of his head.
“You think that’s funny?” One of his eyebrows arched, but his lips twitched at the same time, so I knew he was kidding. Teasing Collin was fantastic.
“Sorry. I don’t laugh a lot.”
He huffed. “Laughed yesterday with the paramedic.”
He’d noticed that? “He was funny.” I tilted my head to the side, studying his face. What would he say if I told him the truth? How Paramedic Man asked for my number, and I’d told him no because I was too busy thinking about a pair of dimples on another man.
“Yeah. Doubt it.”
Aaaaand broody Collin was back.
I sighed in disappointment and decided to flip through the menu to ease the new tension. Still, I felt his gaze on me more often than not, the heat of his stare, the intensity I’d never grow used to.
Squirming, I continued to play on my indecisiveness, lasting until the waitress approached the table.
Reckless Hearts Series, Book 1 Page 14