“Who’s next?” I asked, not wanting to move.
Addie sighed. “I told McKenna I’d call her before I opened her present. Might as well get that over with. No doubt it’s some extravagant gift that cost a fortune.”
My hands tightened around Addie’s waist, wishing I could keep her close. I nuzzled my nose into her hair, groaning five minutes later when she stood. Chloe had fallen asleep against my calf, a little baby snore coming out of her nose. Then a louder snore sounded from the couch, where Gavin’s eyes were shut and his arm hanging off to the side.
Like uncle, like niece, I thought to myself before looking at Addie’s ass as she bent over to grab a long envelope from under the tree.
Lia was on her phone, probably texting the dirtbag she’d been seeing from that club, so I took the spare minute to get my mental state in order and grabbed Chloe to put her to bed. She didn’t make a sound as I changed her diaper and tucked her in her pajamas, only whining when I had to take her thumb out of her mouth to get her shirt off. In a way, I didn’t want to leave her room because that’d mean the day was over, that I’d have to feel the rejection every time I looked into Addie’s eyes. She didn’t want to live with us yet. I got it. But why did I still feel like I was losing her?
Out in the living room, Lia was getting her coat on. “You leaving?” I asked.
“Yeah, figured I’d swing by Travis’s house before I headed home.”
Any other day I’d have told her what I thought about this Travis guy. But I figured since it was Christmas, I’d let it go.
“You okay?” She motioned her head toward the kitchen, where Addie was talking to someone, I assumed McKenna, on the phone.
“Don’t start with the I-told-you-so’s.”
“Collin.” She squeezed my shoulder. “It’s been, what? Almost three months? Don’t rush it.”
Didn’t realize my hand was shaking ’til I ran it up and down my face. “I know. I just…I fucking love her, Sis. I don’t know how to handle the way she makes me feel sometimes. Tangles me all up.”
She reached for me and pulled me into a hug. “I know, Big Brother. But you have to remember that she’s been through a lotta crap in her life with her parents. Give her time to adjust to being loved like crazy by a man who’d do anything for her.”
I shut my eyes and pressed my chin against Lia’s shoulder. “I’m trying.”
She patted my back. “I know you are.”
After she left, I lowered my forehead to the door. The place where it had all started between Addie and me. At the time, I thought I was just some screwed-up guy in need of a piece of ass. But thinking back on it, I knew I’d been lying to myself. I didn’t know love until the second I knew Addison Booker. And if I had to wait a little while longer to make her feel the same way, I would. Just prayed she wouldn’t change her mind in the end.
* * *
Addison
My eyes watered as I pulled Kenna’s present from the envelope. A plane ticket to Maine blurred before me.
“It’s one week, Addie. That’s it. You told me you needed some space to get your head together.”
“But that was before he apologized and asked me to move in with him. I feel like if I go now, he’ll think I’m running.”
McKenna sighed from the other end. “Isn’t that what the plan was? To run for a bit until you realized that it wasn’t what you wanted after all?”
“No.” I frowned, flicking the paper between my fingers. “I just want to make sure is all. I love him so much, but he’s so…” I squeezed my eyes shut, Passionate was the first word that came to mind, and filled with love. The way Collin reacted to situations wasn’t just him being a bossy ass. It was just him being him: a man who loved hard and fought harder for what he wanted. Still, every time he tried to tell me what to do, all I could think was: Am I my mother after all? “I mean, what if I don’t move in right now and he decides later I’m not good enough after all?”
She laughed. “No guy like Collin will change his mind that quickly. The guy is flipping nuts about you. I saw it that night in the bar.” She huffed. “Besides that, even if he did decide not to wait, he’d be crazy and definitely not worth your time.”
I was nuts about Collin too. So nuts, in fact, that I’d almost told him yes when I opened that key chain tonight, though I knew deep down that I was still not one hundred percent ready.
Being on my own for a little while longer in my apartment and paying my own bills was for me and me alone, not because I didn’t want Collin, but because I was looking for solidification in my life—to prove my father wrong, though he’d never know. To be able to take care of myself and prove to the world that, financially, I could be the person I was required to be in order to be a stepmother to Collin’s daughter some day. I was almost there, believe me. But not quite yet.
“Just talk to him. Tell him I bought these tickets because I want to spend New Year’s with you. Because, in truth, that’s what it comes down to.”
I shut my eyes. “I will.”
“All right. The little nugget kids are calling. Gotta go do the last-minute, nighttime auntie…things.” She paused a second. “Being around all these little germy boys makes me realize that I do not want children anytime soon. Maybe never.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “Don’t knock it yet. You still have a lot of years left.” I twirled the ends of my hair and stuffed the ticket into my jeans pocket, storing it away for later.
“Yeah, but the supply of men to help me make them is severely lacking.”
This time I laughed out loud, just as Collin came up beside me to lean against the counter. “Gotta go,” I said to Kenna. “Talk tomorrow.”
“You’re coming to Maine. We will drink all the problems away with the new year.” She yelled through the phone, so loud that Collin cringed.
Holding my breath, I clicked End and waited for the inevitable bomb to drop.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hey.” He lowered his chin to his chest and rubbed the back of his neck.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” He looked at the floor, obviously avoiding my eyes.
“Collin, I don’t have to go.”
Silently, he leaned closer and pulled the white ticket from my pocket.
I shooed it off, trying not to make a big deal about it. “It’s nothing. Just a dumb gift from McKenna. I’m not gonna go.”
“New Year’s?” he asked.
“Yeah, I mean, I know it’s last minute so—”
“You’re going.”
I swallowed hard. “No. There won’t be anybody to watch Chloe and—”
“Said you’re going. Suzie’d love to watch Chloe. It’d probably be good for her to spend some time with her grandmother.” He handed me the ticket, not meeting my stare. I stuffed it back into my jeans, ignoring the metaphorical weight against my thigh.
“Oh. Well, yeah, that’s probably true…” If it was, then why did I feel like he was dismissing me? My eyes burned. Before he could look at me, I walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I took a long drink, begging the lump in my throat to go away.
“Ready for bed?”
“Yes.” My voice cracked. I turned around, scared to see his face, his expressive eyes. If they were blank, it’d hurt more than anything else.
Before I could get a good look, he flicked the lights off. Still, he reached for my hand, not hesitating to lock our fingers together. I took another deep breath, but my heartbeat still pounded like an out-of-control drum cadence in my chest.
Palms pressed together, he pulled me to the living room, avoiding my eyes as he flicked all the lights off along the way, leaving Gavin asleep in the living room, snoring.
The tension flowing off Collin’s body had my skin burning with unease. I wanted to speak but had no idea to say. Collin was a
man who always said what was on his mind, but the second he got me into his bedroom, he switched off the light and pressed his mouth to mine.
Wordless and greedy for anything he could give me, I pulled him closer, desperate for him as I grabbed the front of his shirt. He pulled me down on top of him on the bed and immediately gripped the bottom of my sweater. Still, he hesitated to pull it up, always asking before he took. When I nodded once, he drew it up and over my head, only to let his hands run down my sides. Seconds later, he worked at the button of my jeans, flicking it open and slowly slipping them down and off my body.
When I couldn’t take the silence anymore, I grabbed his arms and settled them against the bed. He didn’t fight me, just lay there, eyes shut. “Look at me, Collin.”
The curtains on the window to our right were open, revealing the moon reflected off the new dusting of snow outside. The light outlined his face just enough that I could see his eyes when they opened, shiny and blue and filled with a dangerous emotion that nearly stole my heartbeats.
Collin was scared.
I lowered my head to his, the move he’d always done to me. “I love you, Collin.”
His fingers tightened around mine. The power in his arms was no match for me as he flipped my body beneath his, then nuzzled his nose in my hair. “Never wanna lose you.” The whispered words were tender and shaking.
“You won’t,” I said, needing his skin on mine, needing to feel his heartbeat closer.
Minutes later, he was free of clothes. Kissing me with a burning fervor, he reached for the straps of my bra to tug them down over my shoulders. Then his hand was on my breast, kneading and pulling, tugging my nipple, until his mouth replaced his fingers.
I moaned, wiggling to get my panties off. I needed him inside me. I needed to prove to him that I loved him by doing to his body what he always did to mine. But when I finally shook off the last leg of my panties, I knew he had other plans. Kissing his way down my stomach, he took his time to caress and lick my nipples, until he landed between my spread thighs.
“Collin,” I cried just as his tongue and mouth crashed against me.
With a low groan in his chest, he gripped my thighs tighter, the pleasurable ache only sending me closer to the edge. He licked and nibbled, sucked, then licked again, as lightning bolts of desire and pressure pulsed between my hips.
Before I could reach the end, he stopped, leaving me gasping as I arched my back. I didn’t have a moment to cry out at the loss because he was there on top of me, his erection at my center, pressing inside.
“Deeper,” I hissed as he filled me. “Faster,” I begged as he pushed inside a little more. Still, he was wordless, only staring at me with pain and pleasure and more love than I’d ever known.
His hips were relentless yet slow, savoring yet desperate. Never once did his beautiful blue eyes leave mine.
This man…this brilliantly hard-loving man was treating me with kid gloves. The kind that made me feel fragile. The kind that made me want to cry out with frustration but hold on to him forever.
He pushed me close to an edge I wasn’t afraid of, only to pull me back from it every time. Forty minutes turned into fifty minutes, until an hour passed. All of those minutes were torture to my heart, pain to my soul, but brought perfect pleasure every second they lasted.
Finally, when sweat had coated our bodies completely and when our breaths had turned into pained gasps, I found my release, calling out his name with I love you. Soon after, he followed, but with the sort of finality to his cries that made tears flow down my cheeks when it was all said and done.
Collin had made just made love to me like he was saying good-bye…and I could do nothing but let him.
Chapter 38
Collin
“I’m going. Booking a flight at the airport, then leaving.” I grabbed my rugby duffel in the closet and dumped all my crap on the floor. Then went back to my room and threw in a spare set of clothes and underwear. Back in the living room, I looked at Max, who was feeding Chloe in her high chair.
“Not a good idea, man.”
“She hasn’t answered my calls since she left this morning. Hasn’t bothered to text me either. What if something happened to her? To her plane?” I paced the floor, rubbing a palm over my chest.
“Calm down. She only left this morning. Short Stuff’s probably not even settled yet.”
“I’ll be back.” I grabbed my keys off the end table by our couch, kissed Chloe, and took off, ignoring Max’s groan about how pussy whipped I was.
“Collin!”
Was at my truck when I turned to look at Gavin on the porch. With his shirt off, no shoes, and half-buttoned jeans, he stared at me from the top step, the streetlights just flickering on. “Where are you going?”
“Airport.”
Gavin laughed. “Damn. You made it longer than I thought you would.”
“Fuck you.” My hand hovered over my truck door, nerves eating me alive.
She’d left not even nine hours ago. I’d been the one to take her to the airport, the one who’d dropped her off at the terminal. The one who kissed her so hard I couldn’t breathe.
Then she’d said to me: I don’t have to go.
And because I loved her, knew that she needed this, I said: Yeah, I think you do. Even though I knew it was right at the time, saying that didn’t stop the paranoid sensations going through me. Did she get lost and abducted on the way to Kenna’s brother’s house? Or worse yet, was she avoiding me?
“Damn it.” I rubbed a hand over my forehead, hating the rational part of my brain for taking over.
I couldn’t leave.
Had a daughter who needed her dad and a job that relied on me.
Footsteps slapped against the cement as Gavin came up from behind. Least he’d put on a sweatshirt.
Hands in the back pockets of his jeans, he leaned back against the bed of my truck, just staring at me.
“What?” I barked.
“You run on two speeds in life. You know that? Don’t give a fuck, and give entirely too many fucks.”
I frowned. “There a point to this?” My hand fell away from the door handle.
“The point is, if you want this girl to be yours forever, you’ve got to step back and let her go for a while.”
I opened my mouth to tell him I didn’t have a clue how to do that just as Lia pulled up to the curb. Her rusted, black Beetle rumbled and squeaked as she stopped. Pink hair pulled back, she shoved open her door and headed our way. Her black motorcycle boots thudded on the cement and crunched in the two inches of snow we’d just gotten that morning.
“Going somewhere?” She folded her arms over her stomach, smirking.
I cringed. “No.”
She tucked her arm through mine, grinning. “Good boy.” Rolling my eyes, I followed her inside, ignoring Gavin’s laugh from behind as he held the door open for us. I was too tired to fight right now.
“Are you wearing a Batman mask?” Lia skipped into the room. Apparently it was another happy day for my sister.
“So what if I am?” Max lifted it up on his head, grinning, eyes only on my sister. “Chloe Bean loves when Uncle Max plays superhero with her.”
“Jesus, you’re nuts,” she snorted, plopping down on the chair.
I blew out a breath, trying to keep my pride intact as I said, “I need help.”
All eyes zeroed in on me, even Beaner’s. The air seemed to be sucked out of the room. Nobody spoke, so I cleared my throat to try to curb the tension.
“I love her, but I don’t know how to knock that love down to an acceptable kind. The kind where I don’t seem…” I winced. “Crazy.” My face burned at my admission. In all my years of boot camp and missions, middle-of-the-night base evacs and raids, I’d never been more nervous than I was admitting to my best friends and sister that I didn’t know how to l
ove a woman the right way.
And what the hell did they do when I bared my fucking soul to them?
They. All. Laughed.
And the laughs weren’t just loud. They were hard and so damn big that by the time everyone was done, they were all wiping their tears.
“Screw you all.” I walked over to Chloe, needing her with me. At least she didn’t think I was an asshat.
Lia spoke first, in between coughing and laughing. “You, my brother, are growing up.” She kissed my cheek. “Very proud of you.”
I frowned and wiped at the spot she’d kissed.
Max was next. “Sorry.” He laughed some more and shook his hand in front of his face. “Can’t talk. Laughing.”
“Hardy-har.” I pointed at him. “Laugh at the dude who’s got issues. Just wait ’til you get all messed up over a woman.” His face fell, and his eyes dropped to the floor. This was the second time he’d reacted like that when I mentioned him finding someone besides the harem of woman that he called on a weekly basis.
Gavin frowned and said, “You’ve got to tone it down a little. Don’t get so mad when she’s got an opinion about something. And when she tells you she’s not ready for a step, don’t jump to the conclusion that she’s going to run away.”
“Yeah, man,” Max said after finally wiping the last of his tears. “Girls wanna be loved. Chased, even. But they don’t like to be pushed.”
“Never tried to push her. Just came out that way is all.”
Lia walked over to me and sat on the arm of my chair. “It’s all right, Collinator. It’s in the Montgomery blood to get what we want when we want it.” She winked. “But when it comes to the person you love, you need to make sure those wants of yours are a two-way street.”
Gavin—the wise owl he was—put a lot in perspective for me, but Max and Lia made sense too. But I knew it wasn’t normal for me to let things happen naturally. Not when I was used to being the one who made them happen. Still, I knew I’d have to try—for Addison. Probably had known that for a real long time.
“Holy shit!” We turned to face Max, finding him at the edge of the coffee table, arms stretched toward Chloe. My throat closed off as Lia stood and gasped.
Reckless Hearts Series, Book 1 Page 27