“I did not want it to be like this.” His stillness told her he was absolutely ready for her.
Good.
She charged and called on her bear. Nothing. Her animal self was right there, raging inside of her, but she couldn’t shift.
Saskia reached inside of her as if she could tear out her bear, but when she swung at Azarius, her fists were still human. She bellowed as if her war cry could rally forth her animal self.
Azarius leapt up onto the windowsill. “I’m not going to fight you. Not when you know I’m right.”
What the fuck? He tricked her sisters and murdered her dad. There was nothing right about that. Not anything at all.
He betrayed her. All these years, even after she poured her heart out to him, he lied.
And to think, she grieved over him. She nearly broke when she’d heard he was dead.
No way. She was going to kill him.
Launching herself at him, he suddenly wasn’t in the window. She didn’t even blink. No one could move that fast.
She stumbled as she caught herself before she was jerked backward. Azarius wrapped his arms around her in a fierce bear hug. More than his arms. Bigger, stronger, wider. Wings? But she couldn’t see anything other than his arms.
“Bastard!” Saskia couldn’t get her legs up to kick. Her arms were completely immobile. Even her head seemed fit into a brace.
“Fight all you want.” His voice was infuriatingly calm.
She would. With every ounce of her strength.
“You never had any psychic talent.” Azarius didn’t ease his hold. “And I’m not insulting you. I’m merely stating a fact. You always liked I was straightforward with you. I never ceased to be. I just couldn’t share certain things until the time was right.”
Saskia wanted to tear open his throat. Sink her teeth into it and shake him, like when a bear catches a fish or a seal. Would she be able to taste his blood in the astral plane? She’d like to find out.
“Your sister does. A remarkable talent. She might even sense I’m here now. If only she would have listened to me.” He sighed, seemingly oblivious of her constant struggle. “Yet you do feel your token pulling to mine. I feel it too. That is the biggest truth you need to know. All the totems want to be together. They want to be fixed, and it’s all I want too.”
“Liar.” Saskia snarled, focusing her strength in her legs. Just one good kick to break the hold.
His breath was warm near her ear. “You were my best student. My favorite. I’ve never lied to you. I have been telling the truth. Why would I want anything else other than putting the pole back together? I’ll be fixing it the way it was meant to be. I’ll be righting Bear’s and Raven’s crime.”
She snorted. She couldn’t listen to him. He tainted her for years. All that time spent with him was nothing now. The person she became because of him…
Revenge. It’s all that remained hers.
Her toes could wiggle. Her feet could flex. Now to bend her knees. Just a little ways.
“You will listen.” He hissed in a low tone. “Remember the old myths. Bear and Raven made the pole. Why? To take power away from shifters. To stop them from being able to do what true shifters can do.” He paused as if waiting for her to ask what, but she didn’t. “To change into any form. They stole that power away, and I’m going to give it back.”
Lies. Yes, maybe he could change into any form, but it didn’t mean that it was the truth of things.
“And why didn’t you tell me this before? Why can’t you work with us?” Her knees bent a little more.
“I was working with you. Then the giant nearly killed me. I didn’t mean for the others to think me dead, but afterwards, I admit I used it to my advantage.” His hold did loosen. “I came immediately for you, traveling up north. You were fighting the Jinxioc. I beckoned you to come with me, but you would not leave Bear. He will kill me knowing what I am.”
Her chest tightened not from his grasp. What she’d believed to be Death had been Azarius. He had been there, but it wasn’t Sedge she hadn’t been willing to leave. She’d been protecting a child from the vicious gnomes. If Azarius would have helped her, they could have more easily defeated the Jinxioc before the tribe arrived. She might have gone with him then.
“Knowing you’re a fucking traitor?” She spat.
“No. Knowing I’m a true shifter.”
Sedge would kill him for so many other reasons than that. But Sedge wouldn’t get a chance. Saskia claimed Azarius’ death for herself.
She tensed her legs and kicked backward. She hit his knees, and he grunted as he dropped her and stumbled back.
Saskia spun, ready with a punch, but he nabbed her wrist and threw her against the wall. He pinned her there with a hand on her throat. His black eyes narrowed and gleamed.
All she could do was tremble. None of her limbs would move. She couldn’t even catch a breath. Did she need to even breathe here? It wouldn’t matter if he crushed her throat.
A blur flew in from her right and tackled Azarius. They tumbled to the floor in a tangle of flailing limbs. Saskia regained her footing and gasped, holding her throbbing neck.
The kikimora. The house spirit fought like a rabid badger, and all Azarius could do at the moment was block the attacks.
Yes! This was Saskia’s chance. If she had a knife, anything sharp, she could stab him through the eye.
Go! A screech in Saskia’s head made her cringe. I can only hold him for a few more seconds.
That’s all Saskia needed. She rushed toward them, ready to stomp on Azarius’ head.
Go! The kikimora repeated. You can’t defeat him here. He’s too strong. Run now. Use my husband’s gift in your realm. Kill this bastard for me.
Saskia was not going to miss this chance.
Azarius flipped the spindly spirit over and smashed her head on the floor, twisted as he repeated the action.
Oh, shit.
Maybe it was better to fight when she could turn into a bear. But how to get out of the astral plane? How?
GO! One last scream sent Saskia reeling, and she opened her eyes with a shout in her bed.
The door to the bedroom swung open and banged against the wall. Sedge rushed in, fists clenched and teeth bared. His chest heaved as his gaze swept the room and focused in on Saskia.
Each breath burned in her throat as she sucked it in. For a brief second, she attempted to pretend nothing had happened. She knew it to be a stupid plan even as she thought it.
Sedge took two steps closer to the bed and growled. “He hurt you.”
“I’m fine—” Saskia didn’t get any other words out before he threw his head back and bellowed. The man better not turn into a bear in the house. There was nothing he could do.
He went suddenly silent and still, head back and lips slightly parted.
Saskia stood and approached him cautiously. “Sedge?”
Ransom skidded to a stop just outside of the room with Kinley, Ametta, and Lucky right behind him. “What’s going on? Kin felt Azarius here.”
“In the astral. I…” Saskia walked a slow circle around Sedge. Coming back to his front, she leaned in close. His eyes were almost all the way closed, but the sliver that was left revealed the white of his eyeballs. “What’s wrong with him?”
Kinley slipped around Ransom. “I think he projected.”
“What? No. He can’t.” Saskia raised her hands to shake him, but paused. “Will something happen if I touch him?”
“No, but you can’t make him come back.” Kin nipped her lower lip.
“How is he just standing there?” Ametta then narrowed her eyes and pointed at Saskia. “And what happened to your neck?”
Saskia’s hand fluttered to her neck. The tenderness told her she had bruises. Her throat burned as she spoke. “Az was there. I projected, wanting to find the domovoi, who is dead by the way, and Az was here in the attic. The kikimora saved me, but she’s likely dead now too. Sedge can’t go—” She hissed out a breath be
cause clearly he already had. “Az is too powerful there. How do we bring Sedge back?”
“Grandfather,” Lucky said with a long exhale and dipped his head. Ametta wrapped an arm around him.
“I can go get him.” Kinley offered.
Saskia shook her head. “Don’t you dare go there right now.”
“Can I at least call him to come back?” Kinley wrung her hands.
“Yes.” The faster, the better. Who knew what was happening on the astral? It could be World War Three with Sedge and Azarius.
Kinley put her hand on Sedge’s shoulder and closed her eyes. She took a couple of deep breaths and went still for a few seconds before she opened her eyes.
Almost immediately after, Sedge’s eyes snapped open. Kinley and Ransom stepped back, but Saskia didn’t budge. Did he really think he could go after Az on the astral like that? By himself? He’d given her shit earlier about wanting to be the one that baits Az, and—
“What were you thinking going there alone?” Sedge’s jaw hardened as he stared at Saskia.
Saskia raised her chin. “I was thinking about talking to the domovoi and getting some answers.”
Sedge’s eyes narrowed. “You haven’t let me see yet.”
Like he would know. So maybe he might, but everything he said rubbed her the wrong way at the moment. Putting her anger in a stranglehold, she would do what was best for everyone. And it was just this one thing.
She nodded once. “Well then, look.”
Someone sighed with relief in the hall.
Sedge locked his gaze with hers as he lifted his hand and slid his fingers around the back of her neck. Slow and deliberate. Goosebumps raised on her arms. He cupped her neck and leaned his head in as if going for a kiss.
Her lips fought not to pucker.
How could she still desire him so much after he turned his back on her? She wanted to please him, to make him groan, to have him claim her over and over again. But Sedge didn’t do anything that didn’t have great meaning. His actions in the den said it all.
She struggled not to punch him and not to whimper as he released her and stepped back.
“I feel only your bear and the salmon totem. There’s nothing else there.”
Saskia scowled. Did he not believe her? “It’s most certainly there. I can feel it down in my throat… squirming.”
“Ew.” Ametta shuddered, and Saskia raised her brows at her.
Lucky squeezed Ametta’s shoulder as he asked, “Could the totem be masking the gift? The power of the tokens is huge.”
“No, unlikely.” Sedge shook his head. “I know Saskia too well. I’d be able to feel it.”
Saskia raised her brows. Knew her too well? No, no, no.
She wouldn’t hit him. She wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t. She stomped toward the door.
Sedge caught her by the hand. “Saskia.”
That voice, commanding, chastising, and yearning. Her abdomen clenched.
“No.” Saskia yanked her hand free. “You’ve had your look. I know it’s there. You’re wrong.”
He spread his hands. “I don’t kn—”
“That’s the only right thing you’ve said. You don’t know.” Saskia couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. She spun and stormed out of the room. Her sisters and their men parted to make way for her. “You don’t know me.”
Heavy footsteps followed. A heavier voice rose. “We need to talk. Don’t turn your back to me.”
At the top of the stairs, Saskia let out a wordless shout. “No. You don’t get to fucking say that to me.”
Did he just cringe a little? “You’re running. I know you—”
“You don’t know me!” She shrieked and slammed a fist against the wall. “The only person who really knew me betrayed us. He killed my father. He will probably kill all of us. All for the power of the totems. And he’s only doing it because you robbed his kind of their powers. All this is your fucking mess!”
Except her hand pointed to her chest instead of everything else.
Saskia took off down the stairs. Yeah, so maybe she was running. But she couldn’t talk to him right now. Not to anyone.
She’d earned the salmon totem by being wise, by accepting her feelings for Sedge no matter her fears and allowing herself to love him. She still loved him, but maybe wisdom was telling her it wasn’t working. All he thought about was himself. All that sulking back in the den was about him. She stayed with him all that time. For him.
She didn’t want an apology for that. It was when she needed him that he turned his back to her. So she couldn’t rely on him anymore. She’d fight against their common enemy beside him, but she was on her own in life.
Sedge called for her and ran down the stairs after her.
Saskia flung open the front door and shifted into her bear form as the frigid night air smacked her in the face. She didn’t plan on staying away, but she couldn’t be in that house right now. Not with him.
Both her sisters yelled her name, and one of them said she’d go after her. It was ridiculous. She didn’t need a babysitter. Azarius wasn’t going to attack them in the physical world. Not her anyway. He was smart. He’d do it on the astral plane where he had the advantage.
Snow streamed by her as she picked up speed. Neither of her sisters could catch her. Each of them had a token, so no one had the advantage.
Even if they could track her, she had better endurance. All she needed to do was run for a while, just be away from Sedge. Perhaps she could lose them if she went down to the beach and into the sea. She veered left toward the coast, and something streaked by between the trees.
Could she have been wrong about Azarius?
She slowed and braced herself as she sniffed the air. No bird. And Kinley was several dozen yards behind her. That meant…
A lynx emerged out of the shadows and paced her. Stinking cat.
Ransom had more speed than she did. Dammit. Now she really did need to get into the water. It would be so much easier if she were a bird shifter. She could just take off into the endless sky, and none of them would be able to catch her.
Saskia peered up at the cloudy night sky. She just needed to be alone. To get away. Her chest ached with the desire.
The clouds grew larger, nearer. If only she could zoom into them and disappear.
Wind whipped against her with more force and pushed her up as it lifted her wings. Her legs kept running. Her two skinny, furless legs.
She opened her mouth and screeched. High-pitched and warbling.
Oh shit. She was a bird!
Her body was suddenly too small, too light, too foreign. She couldn’t flap properly and spiraled to the ground, nosediving hard into the snow.
Saskia kept her limbs all tucked when she smacked into a snowdrift. She wasn’t a bird. She couldn’t be!
Coldness lashed out at her as she shifted back into her human form. She stood fast and shook the snow from her. Nothing broken. No feathers or scrawny legs. She summoned clothes, hopped out of the drift, and looked all around her.
Was it a hallucination? A magical trap? Maybe she’d wished for it so much that she… What?
Ransom leapt on top of a log and changed back into his human form. Totally naked. “Holy shit! You turned into a hawk!”
“I didn’t!” Nope. It was impossible.
“You did.” He nodded emphatically. “One second you’re a lumbering bear, and the next you’re streaking off into the sky. It was fucking awesome.”
“I can’t. I don’t…” Saskia’s very bones felt it. She’d turned into a bird. This must be the gift the domovoi had given her. She hadn’t even thought she might be able to shift into another animal. “I turned into a hawk.”
Kinley trotted into view and stopped beside the fallen tree. Snow sprinkled her fur as she panted, catching her breath.
“Did you see that, babe?” Ransom leaned over and hugged the bear. “Your sister turned into a bird!” He whooped and laughed. “That bastard is never going
to expect you to be able to chase him in the sky. And as a hawk, you can tear that filthy raven apart.”
Saskia paced, nipping at a knuckle. She could rip Azarius to shreds. Or at least do enough damage that he couldn’t fly.
Kinley shifted and wrapped her arms around her naked self, keeping crouched down. “This is the gift from Grandfather. He’s… he was a house spirit. So it meant he could change shape. Can you shift into other things?”
“Yeah.” Ransom bobbed his head and rubbed Kinley’s shivering form. “He could be making this an even battlefield. If you can turn into anything like Azarius, he has no advantage.”
Anything? Saskia hadn’t meant to change into a bird. It just happened. She could feel her bear inside of her. She knew the shape, the feel, the very soul of her animal, but other creatures? “I don’t know.”
“Give it a try.” Ransom encouraged.
“Think of a sled dog. You’ve been around them all your life. You know how they act, what they smell like, how their tails curl.” Kinley gave her a little smile.
Dogs. Easy enough. So many of Saskia’s friends raised them and participated in sled races. It couldn’t be that much different from turning into a bear, right?
She shut her eyes and willed her body to shift. When she opened them again, she was a bear. She huffed.
“Bring all your senses to mind and make a clear mental image. What a dog looks like, how they feel, how they sound, the scent.” Kinley coaxed.
Saskia closed her eyes again. Thick and fluffy fur, wagging tail, pointed ears. Smaller than a bear. Smaller paws, thinner legs. And that musky dog perfume. Wet dog didn’t smell good at all. Half her friends let their dogs in their houses and, damn, that stench got into everything.
Really, she felt like a kid playing at make-believe. It was stupid.
“Come on. Use your imagination. You gotta have some creativity in there being a carpenter.” Ransom’s voice ruffled her fur.
Of course Saskia was creative, and she wanted to whack him for suggesting she wasn’t. Maybe years ago, she thought being artsy was for geeks like her sisters. But when she took up woodwork, things changed. The pleasure she got out of making something beautiful from a hunk of wood was more than she’d ever expected. It had been her catharsis after she stopped training as a Black Shaman.
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