With one wary eye on the cave, I patched through to the others. “Vash was definitely here. I found one of the Vlachian disciples who went with him - dead. It looks like something else might’ve been here, and I’d say there’s about a 300% chance our monk and whatever monster finally got the better of him is in this cave.”
“Suri copy. ETA on the Ixa’whatsit?”
“Give me another five minutes! Copy! Roger!” Rin said.
“Copy-Roger that. I’ll join Hector at the cave entry.” Suri’s tone was thick with amusement.
“Uhh… Rin copy? I’m just sealing the broken filter now, and then it should be safe to transport. Will Karalti be able to pick it up?”
“Assuming it’s less than five hundred pounds, sure.” I stood up and ran an inventory while the girls packed their way around the lake. I had ten healing potions, a few antidotes for different classes of poison, a few potions to cure each of the four families of disease. "I'm setting up a camp so we can respawn as close to the fight as possible. Whatever is in there took out the guy who king-hit a three-ton dinosaur. I'm thinking we might be going up against one of those slime worms."
Suri and Cutthroat came into view, with Karalti flying ahead of them. The dragon backwinged and hovered, kicking up dry ice like dust, then wheeled to land on solid ground just in front of the cave mouth. She darted her head to sniff around while I set up our temporary spawn point: a small camp, which was little more than three bedrolls, a firepit, and a basket. Suri slid from Cutthroat’s back as she approached. Her Corona was flashing warningly from the mana in the air, but her health seemed to be stable.
“Here,” I said. “See if you can set this as a spawn point.”
Suri grimaced, but complied. After twenty seconds or so, she shook her head. “Says ‘Error: Invalid Seed Request’.”
“Shit. Sorry. Thought it was worth a try.”
“It’s always worth trying.” Slowly, Suri's gaze drifted to the fallen Baru. "So, is this slime the same narcotic as the stuff that took out those allos?"
"You know, I'm not sure." I took my still-slimy knife blade and touched it to my cheek. There was no torpor alert. "Nope. No reaction. Just feels kind of wet. It zapped me when I first touched it."
“Static from the ice.” Suri scuffed her foot on it.
“Yeah. Dry water. See something new every day.”
"That slime doesn't smell the same to me." Karalti rumbled in her chest, leaning in to sniff, then lick my face. "Kind of tasty, actually. Like... eel?"
“Eel?” There were all kinds of eels that could make our lives hell. Electric eels, poison eels, giant bukkake eels. “Okay. Well... you girls ready to have a bad time?”
Suri swung her sword off her back and around with one hand. The edge of it hit the ice with a metallic clang, the blow hard enough to send hairline cracks through the clear surface. “Point me at it.”
“Yeah! Boss fight!” Karalti tossed her head with a throaty barking cry, which Cutthroat echoed, hissing and snapping and weaving her neck.
“Guys! Wait for me!” Rin squeaked as Hopper ran toward us, Lovelace gecko-crawling over the ice behind her. “I fixed it! Are you okay? What are we doing now?”
Chapter 20
As we advanced through the cave, there was less ice and more slime. A lot more slime. More slime than I ever needed to see or experience. It was white, thick, and the jokes were so obvious I couldn’t bring myself to make them. The apple hung so low that it brushed the suggestively sticky floor.
“Down here in the snot cave, looking at snot stuff!” Karalti sang in my head. “Snot land!”
“I feel like we’re walking through some teenage boy’s secret cum sock drawer,” Suri muttered behind me.
“That’s nasty, gurl. Why you so nasty?” I was in the lead, moving slowly, carefully, and cautiously. Suri was mounted on Cutthroat, who had buffs for rough terrain and sharp claws to cut through anything that stuck to her feet. Karalti followed up the rear, only barely able to fit through the slimed-up tunnel.
“Well, am I wrong? It fuckin’ stinks in here.”
“No.” I eyed a snot stalactite hanging from the ceiling. “This is the place where unwashed Fleshlights go to die.”
“Eww! Hector!” Rin exclaimed.
Suri groaned. “Somehow, you just managed to make this experience even worse.”
“Now you just hold on there a minute. You went there. I restrained myself, but no. You saw that slippery white slope, and yet you slid all the way down. You WALLOWED in it.”
"You can stop now."
“It’s way too late to stop now, sugarplum.”
She rolled her eyes. “Spoken like every man in the world.”
A vibration passed through the soles of our feet, followed by a brief rumble from somewhere beneath us. We froze, rooted to the spot.
“It’s still far away,” Rin said uncertainly. “Below?”
“Yup. And to the right.” Karalti gestured with the tip of her muzzle, nostrils flaring. “Smells like dead things.”
“Sure does.” I began walking again, trying to place my feet as lightly as I could. “This place is starting to give me a giant spider vibe. But where are the little mobs?”
Suri held the torch up, highlighting dark forms trapped under layers of mucus, entombed like flies in amber. “Right about here, I reckon.”
We hadn’t seen a single living thing since entering the Snot Caves. No monsters, no insects. Nada. Part of me was grateful that we didn’t have anything attacking us and sucking up our precious potions. The rest of me was on edge about it. It did remind me a lot of the slime fish’s lair, though this was much larger than the waterhole where the Allosauruses had met their maker. “I hope we aren’t in something’s stomach.”
Suri grunted. “Don’t worry. She’ll be right.”
“Who’s ‘she’?” Rin asked.
Suri groaned. “It’s a saying, Rin. Like, as in, ‘it’ll be okay’.”
“Why don’t you just say that, then?”
“I dunno. Why can’t you UNAC cunts say ‘aluminum’ properly?” Suri made an orc face and crossed her eyes. “Aloo-mi-num! It’s ‘Aloo-mini-yum’, you dorks. It’s got a second ‘I’.”
Coming to a fork in the passage, we headed left - and there, like a sign pointing the way, was another dead acolyte of Burna. He was bound to the passage wall with slime, his shaven head hanging loose. There was at least an inch of ooze over his entire body, just translucent enough for us to make out his face.
“Man. This got really dark, really fast.” I stayed just behind Suri, ready to Jump at the first sign of life.
“Is this our man?” Suri asked.
“Nope. He’s got no hair.”
We continued on. The cave system got narrower, forcing Karalti to crawl. It was tempting to get her to use her new Polymorph ability, but if we did, she’d be stuck like that for an hour - and we couldn’t afford it. She huffed and struggled behind us as we came up on a point where the tunnel narrowed dramatically into a tunnel of bluish-white slime. It was caked on like web, forming a downward-sloping funnel into… somewhere.
I eyed the black hole and nodded. “Boss arena.”
“Yeah.” Rin swallowed. “I-I still have nightmares about Andrik, guys. I don’t know-”
“You can do it, kiddo. We need every bit of help we can get.” Suri was unusually serious as she lit another torch from the one in her hand, then threw it down the hole like a burning javelin. It sailed through the darkness about twenty feet, then landed and caught on the slime. We could see that the tunnel opened further down.
Karalti rumbled anxiously behind us. “I can’t fit down there.”
“Can you dig it out?” I asked her.
She nodded. “Yeah, but it could take a while. If Vash is down there…”
“Then we don’t have a while.” Fuming, I turned to look back at the hole, and ran over my choices. “I’d rather have you strong and late than weakened and with us from the start of the figh
t. Once we have time to train you in human combat, we will. But for now, we need to go ahead and see if we can find our monk.”
“Okay. I’ll be digging the whole time.” Karalti snorted, pulling herself another few feet forward. “And when I catch up…?”
“Torch ALL the things.” I rubbed her cheekbone, then clapped her on the neck and went to join Suri at the front. “Get your buffs ready, guys. You got spare mana, Rin?”
“Yes. I was able to siphon some from the Ix’tamo, too.” Her eyes were wide as she stamped her feet, trying to steel herself.
I regarded the others levelly. “We work in a triangle formation: me, Suri and Cutthroat. If it’s a swarm boss, Rin, I want you to focus on defense. Try to stay in the center of the triangle. If it’s a single boss monster, hang at the back of the arena. If you can find the limit of its Area of Effect attacks, hang back there and only come in to cast spells. Suri, if it’s a single monster, you need to take point and tank it out while I flank. If it’s a swarm, let me take point - I have some moves that can hit up to ten bogeys at a time. Sound solid?”
“Cutthroat’s got a Pack Tactics bonus to her damage if she’s within twenty feet of us,” Suri said. “I’ll try to keep her in range. Your Jump carries you about 40ft, right?”
“Yeah, if I combine it with a dash. Up or forward or a bit of both.”
She nodded. “Good to know. I’ll be on foot and try and keep you both at eleven and six o’clock. Cutthroat fights better when she doesn’t have a rider.”
I nodded. “Sound good otherwise?”
“Sounds good.” Suri gave me a short nod.
“Rin?” I looked to her.
“Uh… yeah? Sure.” Rin was regarding us with something almost like awe.
“Then let’s go and yee-haw this bitch harder than it’s ever been yee-haw’d before.” Suri and I high-fived without even looking at each other, knowing the other’s hand would be there.
We made our way down slowly, leery of traps. The slime had the same static charge that the stuff at the cave entry had, discharging with little pops as we clambered over it. Unlike the slime used to trap the monks, it was firm - almost like soft rubber. Electricity - or mana - flashed through the substance in hairline patterns of light. It reminded me a lot of the mana-infused crystal that made up the visor of my helmet, except squishier.
“What’dya bet something’s listening to us walk?” Suri remarked as another rumble reverberated under the floor.
I grunted. “Oh, yeah - it knows we’re here all right.”
The tunnel was only about sixty feet long, narrowing to a point small enough that Cutthroat had to chop away some slime to squeeze through. It deposited us into a large cavern hung with bioluminescent stalactites and giant pink jelly mushrooms. The ceiling cast a soft blue light over the roughly textured, hard, slime covered ground… which deepened into a liquid pool of the stuff at the center-rear of the cavern. It was just like the Swamp Hag’s slime trap, but larger. Behind the pool was another door, which was sealed with a glowing plug of crystallized slime.
Suri clicked her tongue, and pointed to her left while she split to the right. Cutthroat’s feathers stood on end as she took her position, fitfully snapping her claw arms. She got within twenty feet of the pool before it began to vibrate, and then the ground shook as something began to tunnel beneath us. Quickly.
“Okay, Rin - start buffing.” I shifted into position, took a deep breath, and puffed it out.
The thing that pulled itself up out of the pit of slime wasn’t a Swamp Hag. Maybe it had been, once upon a time. The core of it was that of a giant, purplish eel-like creature, with no eyes and a small three-lobed mouth. But this one was covered in segmented plates of armor, and walked on eight long, prehensile limbs, like extendable, metallic tentacles covered in spines. It slammed its three-clawed feet into the crystallized floor of the cave, anchoring itself as its bulk slithered out of the pit of slime that lubricated it's passage.
I felt a tic start at the corner of my eye. “Alright. The spider vibe was more relevant than I really wanted it to be.”
The ‘head’ of the [Swamp Hag Broodmother] oriented on us as we all took a big step back toward the entry. Its little mouth lobes opened, as if in surprise, and then unfurled into a parasol of spines, slime, and... electricity.
“It’s turbocharged. Great.” I concentrated until dark energy shot down along the haft of my spear. “Watch out for AoE!”
“Spera, Cil, Kain!” Rin cried from the back of the party. Her spell suffused Cutthroat with a dim blue light.
Karalti roared in the distance as Suri, Cutthroat and I charged the Broodmother, breaking up to flank it from either side as it screeched and whipped its body back and forth. Slime flew everywhere as I Jumped, Spear raised to strike, and got knocked off course by a wad of electrically charged goo that hit me like a taser.
[Broodmother uses Electroweb! 375 HP damage!
[You are Stunned!]
The electricity sucked the strength from my limbs and sent me sprawling. My teeth clacked together, my arms and legs spasmed. My nose filled with the stench of burning hair as I clawed my way up in time to see the writhing worm lunge at Suri, who turned its maw away with her sword. Cutthroat screeched as she leapt on it with all four limbs from the other side, slashing, kicking and biting.
[Cutthroat uses Multiattack! 268 damage!]
“Wait for the boss pattern!” Rin called from behind us. “Hector, hold still! Spera, Cil, Kain!”
A blue aura suffused my body, and suddenly I felt lighter and faster - a Haste spell. Rin was buffing all three of us while her turrets fired on the Broodmother. I chugged a potion.
Suri charged in with a roar, red energy rippling over her sword. The Broodmother tensed, and the electricity crackling in the fan of its mouth surged, forking across its entire length like a suit of armor. Cutthroat was blown off, yelping and smoking. Suri’s sword hit the field and bounced off it in a shower of sparks that sent her stumbling. She snarled with pain, her hair standing on end. The Broodmother smashed all eight of its feet into the ground as its body continued to ripple with rings of brilliant azure light.
“AOE! Get off the floor!” I shouted on pure instinct, leaping off the ground to cling higher up on the wall with Spider Climb.
Rin shrieked and jumped onto the back of her turret, but there was nowhere for Suri and Cutthroat to go as the Broodmother hunched over and then unleashed a torrent of electricity across the ground. The Plasma Blast swallowed them both, knocking them to the floor. Their HP rings drained into the orange zone. We’d hardly even hit the damn boss yet.
“Okay, you big zappy bitch!” I kicked off the wall like a cricket before the monster could recover from the power move, and at the peak of the leap, I discharged my own atom bomb. A fan of lances rained down on the Broodmother as I rammed the Spear into its soft flesh. My AP drained to almost nothing as the crackling spears of darkness impacted the giant worm like Stinger missiles, shattering and reforming into Rain of Glass. It did a lot of damage, but not as much damage as I’d been expecting.
[Broodmother shrugs off Darkness! Half damage!]
[You hit Broodmother for 1983 damage!]
“Fuck! It’s a Light elemental! Karalti, can you use Biosca-AANN?” The broodmother caught me with a backhand, a blow that electrocuted me even as it slapped me off the monster’s body. I flew back and slammed into one of the webs of slime. 130 HP vaporized into thin air.
“Okay! Hold on!” Karalti stopped digging and concentrated. The air around her throbbed and darkened, and then the Broodmother’s information appeared:
Swamp Hag Broodmother
Stranged Boss Creature
Sex: Hermaphroditic
Level 32
HP: 12,449/15,000
MP: 500/500
Weak Against Gravity
Strong Against Darkness
Fuck fuck fuck. We were all out of Gravity magic.
“Spera, Kia, Bah’in!” Rin cried from the ba
ck of the room.
The Broodmother was suffused with a cool white aura that warped the air around it, and its movements became sluggish and ponderous. A Slow spell!
“I’m almost through!” Karalti resumed clawing at the slime plugging the entryway. “Hold on!”
“Focus buffs on Hector!” Suri snarled. She threw down her sword, pulled her axes, and hunched down into a feral crouch as a wave of heat pushed through the air around her.
[Suri activates Boar’s Armor!]
I cut the slime around myself and dropped to the floor as our tank rushed in, half again as fast and strong as she’d been before. The Broodmother lashed down to bite, but Suri dodged the blow and spun in like a dervish, wielding her sword like a butcher’s cleaver. Ichor sprayed from the wounds.
[Broodmother is Bleeding! HP: 11,706/15,000]
The monster hissed, striking down like a snake at Cutthroat as she sprinted forward and latched onto the worm’s flank.
The Broodmother stiffened and then began to secrete slime - lots of it.
[Broodmother uses Restoration! Heals 1500HP!]
[Broodmother’s Damage Reduction has increased!]
“That thing just used fucking healing magic!” I charged in while Suri kept the mouth end occupied, slashing with the Spear until I built up enough AP to pull off the high-damage moves again. It was resistant to my element, but the lances of Darkness still took out a significant chunk of HP. We whittled her down to 10,000 in a matter of minutes, and then she began to arc with coils of electricity like a massive Tesla Coil.
Kingdom Come Page 21