“Now then, let us do something special with yer hair.” Sister Maria took a strand from either side of Ilisa’s face to twist them elegantly, gathering more hair into the twist as she pulled them back. She repeated the process with several more strands before tying them together with the small piece of ribbon Ilisa had. “Ye look lovely, my dear.”
Within a short time, Sister Maria was pushing her out the door with a hug.
Ilisa paused at the entrance to St. Mary’s chapel, wishing they could’ve performed this ceremony somewhere else. Doing it here felt too much like a lie as if she were flaunting an untruth to the heavens.
Surely that didn’t bode well for taking her vows if the prioress ever agreed to allow her to do so.
Then her gaze caught on Braden who stood near the altar, waiting for her. He’d shorn his hair, the ends of it that had once brushed his shoulders now teased the neck of the dark blue tunic he wore. It made him look like a stranger. An incredibly handsome one, but a stranger nonetheless.
The change in him only unsettled her further.
His dark gaze held hers as though waiting to see if she dared to come in. She had a moment ago, but seeing this different Braden, and thinking of him as her husband-to-be, held her in place. Her stomach lurched, threatening to rid itself of the bread she’d had to break her fast.
“Come along, Ilisa,” the prioress said as she beckoned her closer with a wave of her hand. “I’m certain you are both anxious to begin your journey.”
Ilisa’s mind remained numb, but her feet did as she was bid, moving one in front of the other until she stood beside Braden.
“Now then, I determined that the fewer witnesses, the better your chance of annulling the marriage. We’ll have Alec serve as the only witness besides me. As banns weren’t read and no priest is performing the ceremony, we can claim lack of consent or some such thing.”
Ilisa frowned, surprised at the casualness with which the prioress spoke. She glanced in alarm at Braden, wondering if he thought the same. But all her worry fell away as her gaze locked with his.
“Sir Braden de Bremont, do you take Lady Ilisa Douglas...”
The prioress’s words turned into a murmur as Braden reached for her hands and held them tight.
Was this a terrible mistake or merely a temporary arrangement? With a long, slow breath, she released the question, for she had no answer to it.
Instead, she held tight to the moment, pushing aside regrets from the past and worry about the future to hold onto the moment and simply be.
Chapter Eight
Braden rode beside Ilisa unable to comprehend what had occurred earlier that morn. He, Sir Braden de Bremont, was a married man. He could hear Chanse’s laughter in the back of his mind. No doubt he’d just lost some long-forgotten wager with his brother that Braden would be the first to marry.
Damn.
“What was that?” Ilisa asked.
“Nothing.” Now he’d lost his mind as well, speaking aloud when he’d thought himself silent. What was wrong with him?
His marriage wasn’t real. It hadn’t been a true ceremony. As Prioress Matilda had said, with only her and Alec to serve as witnesses, they could claim lack of consent upon their return to Berwick.
Then why didn’t it feel as such?
Because of the way Ilisa had looked.
Because of the way she’d spoken her vows with such quiet promise.
Because of the way she’d held his gaze as if no one else mattered except him.
If he weren’t careful, he’d start believing all of that. He shook his head yet still the ridiculous notions wouldn’t cease rattling around in his thoughts.
“Are you certain?” she asked. “You seem as if you have something on your mind.”
“I’m reviewing our supplies to make certain we haven’t forgotten anything.” Thanks to Prioress Matilda, he didn’t think that possible.
The woman had worked a miracle. She’d not only managed to convince Sir Hugh de Grasse to hand over his invitation but to also provide a tent and all the trappings that went along with it so they would both look the part of a well-to-do knight and his lady and be comfortable during their stay.
Alec led a horse pulling a small cart that held everything, including extra clothing for them all that Sir Hugh and his wife, who was fairly close to Ilisa in size, allowed them to borrow. The prioress even had the forethought to include some food for their journey. How she’d managed to do all that on such short notice while remaining in the nunnery was a mystery, but something Braden appreciated.
“If you arrive with the invitation but don’t have the proper appearance and quarters, all our efforts could be for naught,” the prioress had insisted when both he and Ilisa protested.
He had to admit she was right. He hadn’t thought through all the details. Now he eagerly did so—anything to keep from focusing on the fact that the beautiful woman riding at his side was his wife.
“I think it best if we say you remained behind while I was in France,” he suggested.
A shutter closed over her expression, making him wonder at the cause. Did she know him so well that she knew he’d deliberately changed the subject?
“Of course,” she agreed. “That would match what the prioress knows of Sir Hugh and my limited knowledge of France.”
“You’ve never met him or his wife?”
“Nay. I don’t believe they’ve been in Scotland long.”
He glanced back at Alec who rode just behind them, followed by the horse and cart. “We shall call ourselves by their names from this point forward.”
The lad nodded. He’d been sullen and moody since this morn, making his displeasure evident. Braden wasn’t certain if he worried over their arrival, that he was to be a squire, or the fact that both his sisters were now married to English knights. Braden couldn’t help him with the latter, but he needed to prepare the boy for what was expected of him. “How much do you know of a squire’s duties?”
Alec scowled and lifted one shoulder.
“Use your words,” Braden bid him. It didn’t matter if he was less than pleased with the events of late. He needed to act like a squire regardless of whether he felt like one.
“None, sir,” Alec said, not bothering to look at Braden.
Braden drew his horse to a halt. “You will look at me when I’m speaking to you.” Ilisa gasped at his harsh tone. He glanced at her as well, wanting to make certain both of them understood what they were getting into. “We have two days to become a man and wife and his dutiful, well-trained squire. Our lives depend on each of us doing our part to make our story convincing.”
Alec’s face paled at Braden’s words. He shot a look of concern at Ilisa before returning his gaze to Braden. “Aye, sir.”
Braden held his gaze to make certain nothing else crossed the lad’s expression. Better that Alec heard the firm side of Braden’s tongue than someone else’s. He offered the lad a single nod of approval when the boy continued to hold his gaze, his expression respectful. A glance at Ilisa showed her lips pursed in disapproval, but she held her silence.
“We’ll be spending at least two nights along the road. Your duties during that time will be to see that our tent is up, wood gathered, a fire started, and see if you can find anything to add to our supper.”
A look of dismay passed over his expression. “Sir Brad—”
“What is my name?” Braden interrupted, brow raised. A slip such as that might cost them their lives.
Alec sighed. “Sir Hugh, I...” He paused for a long moment as though searching for the proper words. “I am not a good hunter.”
“I will aid you when possible.”
Alec nodded.
Braden didn’t like being strict with the boy, but the other squires would tease him relentlessly if he didn’t know the basics of his duties. The other knights might reprimand him as well. “Once we find a place to stay for the night, we’ll review all of what you need to know.”
Again, Alec
nodded, then seemed to think better of it. “Aye, Sir Hugh.”
Braden gave him a look of approval, which caused Alec to smile. The lad would do well. He might not believe himself to be a squire, but he knew more than he realized.
Braden glanced at Ilisa, noting how her gaze searched the area ahead. Did she look for trouble or something familiar? Or was she avoiding his gaze after the way he’d spoken to Alec? “Have you ventured along this road before?”
“Not for many years.” She didn’t offer anything more, leaving him to wonder. Yet he appreciated her caution all the same. She would need to remain vigilant from this point forward.
They passed few other travelers, speaking with them only briefly. Most were bound for Berwick as it was a market city. Some ventured there to sell their wares.
As the day drew long and he grew weary, Braden laid a hand along his horse, allowing the sensation to ground him. From the time he’d been a young lad, animals had been a big part of his life. They never questioned him or looked at him with suspicion. People, on the other hand, often caused problems, no matter how well meaning they were.
He needed all the calm he could gather, regardless of where it came from. Keeping his hand on his horse, he considered how Sir Hugh might be feeling if he were traveling to Graham’s. Somehow, he needed to put himself in the man’s head to avoid mistakes.
Starting anon, he and Ilisa needed to act as if they truly were married. The idea of convincing Ilisa to overcome her reserve when it came to him seemed an uphill battle. How could he do so in such a short amount of time?
~*~
Ilisa sighed with relief as Braden—rather, Hugh—instructed them to stop for the night. Her body hurt in places she hadn’t realized could hurt. It had been many seasons since she’d last sat upon a horse for so long. On the morrow, she’d be doing the same. The thought nearly made her groan aloud.
Hugh, her husband—she swallowed at the thought—had already dismounted and seemed none the worse despite all that time riding. How could a knight who’d been resting in bed with a terrible injury a few days ago do so much better than she?
With a frown, she shifted to dismount, only to have her muscles ache in protest. Suddenly, Braden—rather, Hugh—was at her side, lifting her gently from her mare. His hands held tight to her waist to help steady her. Between the change in his appearance, her trying to think of him as Hugh, not to mention the fact that no matter what she called him, he was her husband, her mind whirled.
“Sore?” he asked, his gentle tone causing her to bite her lip in response.
“Aye,” she admitted, too tired to hide her pain. “How can riding a horse be so exhausting?”
He smiled, brushing a finger over her cheek, making her all too aware of the dust that covered her. “’Twas a long day for me as well. Have no doubt.”
But doubt she did, for he released her then walked with ease to take the reins of their horses, showing no sign of tiredness or pain. He led them to Alec, speaking briefly to her brother. The lessons were beginning already. She might understand the reasons Alec needed to learn more about squiring, but that didn’t mean she liked it.
It felt odd when Alec didn’t seek her approval as he worked. She didn’t care for that either. Setting aside the changes this journey had created was already difficult and would take some getting used to.
She took several steps to regain the feeling in her legs. It took some time and several circles around the small clearing where her husband—she caught herself grimacing at the mere thought of calling Braden that—decided they should camp, but at last, the pain in her legs and bottom eased so she could walk without wincing.
Alec had already stacked firewood and now collected rocks to place around the makeshift hearth to make certain a spark didn’t catch the grass on fire. The surroundings were moist enough that it didn’t seem like a problem to Ilisa, but Braden insisted upon it.
She watched him as he moved, rubbing down their horses with Alec’s assistance then gathering more wood. He refused to become Hugh in her mind. Yet she understood that one slip could mean the difference between success and failure. She stared hard at him. Hugh. Hugh. Hugh.
She closed her eyes for a long moment then opened them. Braden. That was what popped into her mind when she saw him. How could she possibly change it now that he was so firmly Braden in her mind? She turned away, pondering how to remember it.
“Cairstine.” His deep voice rumbled across the clearing, but she paid him no heed. “Cairstine.” He said it louder this time.
With a gasp, she realized he said her new name. “How can I possibly remember that?” she asked, annoyed with herself. “Aye, Sir Hugh?”
Hugh shook his head, obviously disappointed with her response. He turned and said a few words to Alec who nodded and walked over the ridge on whatever errand Hugh had sent him on.
Her husband strode toward her, his expression grim.
She held up a hand, unwilling to hear the lecture he was about to give. “I know. I’m trying, but it will take time.”
“We have very little. What’s my name?”
“Hugh.” But could she remember that under duress?
He placed his large, warm hands on her hips as if he did so all the time. “What’s my name?”
Pleasure spiraled through her body, distracting her. “Hugh,” she answered again, though this time more slowly.
He leaned over her, blocking everything from her vision except him. “What’s my name?”
“Hugh.” Somehow, she was becoming less and less certain of her answer as he stared at her intently, the heat of his body seeping into her.
He grasped her tighter, drawing her against his hard form, his lips a hair’s breadth from hers. “What’s my name?” This time, he whispered the question, his dark gaze still holding hers.
She blinked several times, trying to gather her wits. “Hugh?” She no longer knew what he wanted, nor what she wanted, nor what her answer should be.
“Again,” he whispered as he drew so close that their breath became one.
“Hugh.” She said the name with more certainty, hoping he’d reward her with a kiss. Nay. That wasn’t what she wanted. Was it? She’d never been more confused than she was at this moment.
“Cairstine.” The unfamiliar name puzzled her muddled thoughts. “Cairstine.” This time, his whisper held longing, causing butterflies to dance in her belly as his gaze dropped to her lips.
“Aye.” She didn’t know to what she agreed, only that she did so.
“We should practice.”
“Practice?”
“Acting as husband and wife.”
Ilisa knew her mouth gaped open, but what other response was she supposed to have to his suggestion when she was so breathless at the possibilities? “How...do you propose we do that?”
The corner of his mouth quirked upward. “A touch here.” He squeezed her hip. “A touch there.” He lifted his other hand to draw a finger along her cheek. “A kiss now and then.”
“Now?” The question slipped out before she could stop it. Only because she wanted it so desperately.
“Aye.” He drew closer. “Now.” Then he gently took her mouth with his.
Countless sensations erupted inside her, sending her earlier butterflies into a flurry. His lips were firm and sure. The heat of his body warmed hers as his hands ran along her curves. She wanted to move even closer. While this was more than she could’ve imagined, it wasn’t enough.
Yet when his tongue teased her lips, shock had her stepping back. Or was it the overwhelming feelings coursing through her that caused her to do so?
“Cairstine?” he asked, touching her cheek once more.
Disappointment swept through her at the reminder that this wasn’t real. They were only pretending. How could she have forgotten for even a moment? She couldn’t look at him for fear he’d see that she’d become lost in his kiss.
“Hugh,” she said dutifully. “I might need an evening to adjust to...this.�
�� She gestured between them. “I’m not used to physical contact.”
A muscle flexed in Braden’s jaw, making her wonder at his thoughts. “Of course. It has been some time since I’ve experienced this as well. We have at least another day to become accustomed to one another.”
“I worry if that will be enough time.” Then she shook her head. “Pretending is new to me. I fear I’m not good at it.”
He stepped closer as though determined she grow used to his presence if not his touch. “You need only keep in mind the reason behind it. Remembering our purpose should aid you.”
She nodded though she didn’t believe it to be true. What would aid her the most was impossible—to think that Braden cared for her, that she was truly his.
But he was like every other man she’d depended on. He’d be taken from her just as her father and her eldest brother had been. Leaving her alone. Even Alec was growing away from her. The risks men took for one reason or another meant their futures were uncertain.
Leaning on Braden would be a terrible mistake. Besides, she had her own future planned, and it didn’t involve falling in love with an English knight. She couldn’t do so if she tried, she reminded herself. She need only close her eyes to see the terrible things a man such as Braden was capable of.
Somehow, she needed to find a balance between those disturbing images and the impulse to walk into this man’s arms and never step away.
Somehow...
~*~
Despite the seriousness of the journey, Braden chose to keep his words light for the remainder of the evening. He pushed Alec and Ilisa to act as they would need to over the coming days yet attempted to keep their interactions entertaining.
He teased Ilisa, touching her often as they prepared a simple meal. At first, she jolted at his touch only to catch herself and look at him as though she expected a stern reprimand. He ignored his worry over her reaction and merely offered a smile, repeating the touch each chance he got.
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