Damned

by Lynda O'Rourke

  I felt like Raven had just slapped my face. What was she going on about? How could she accuse me of such things? “Raven… why would you even think like that of me? What have I done to make you believe that I’m somehow possessed by Doshia?”

  Raven backed away some more until she was pressed up against the wall. Her eyes darted to the right, seeking out the door handle. “Keep away from me,” she hissed. “I don’t trust you anymore. If you were on my side you wouldn’t think twice about using that knife on Jude. Stay away!” Her fingers curled around the handle. “You’re evil… I can sense it… there’s something dark inside you!” Yanking open the door, her eyes met mine and she whispered, “Jude killed your friend… I’ve handed you a knife to get rid of him, yet you won’t do it! Not even for Hannah. That says a lot to me. If you’re not possessed… then it must be what’s travelling around inside your veins. You’re changing! If you ever want me to trust you again, you’ll do the right thing and use that knife tonight!” Raven backed out the door and disappeared into the dark hallway.

  I stood in the middle of the room, the knife still in my hand. I wasn’t possessed! I knew my own mind… I knew what I was doing. I was totally aware of myself and my actions. My thoughts were rational. The will to live and to not be taken by the Cleaners surely showed that I was me and not being governed by Doshia. Wouldn’t I know if I had a demon inside me? Wouldn’t I hear someone else’s voice in my head, telling me to do things I would never do in my own right mind? Raven needed to take a look at herself. The conversation she’d had with me hadn’t exactly been rational. It sounded to me like it was her who was changing. But as I stood staring out into the dark hallway, that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach started to drag down upon me. It hadn’t been too long ago that I’d found myself crawling across the ceiling downstairs with no idea how I’d got up there and no idea as to how I was able to crawl about. That wasn’t normal behaviour. Was I possessed? The thought scared me. Was that why I wouldn’t kill Jude? Was it Doshia stopping me? That little seed of doubt now had me questioning myself. I brought the knife up in front of my face and caught my reflection in the blade. I was changing. The colour of my eyes had gone from blue to a strange kind of yellow, they had an almost translucent quality. Tilting the blade down just a little, and turning my head slightly, I could see those ugly black veins. There were more of them and I could only begin to imagine how many more there were under my clothes. I looked at the handle of the knife. My nails were thick and sharp. Some twisted up underneath my fingers and others twisted around like a corkscrew. I suddenly felt shaky. I staggered back over to the bed and flopped against the pillow. Trying to think rationally, I asked myself why I wouldn’t go and kill Jude. I had wanted to. I’d had thoughts about getting revenge for Hannah’s death not too long ago, but now that I had a chance, what was stopping me? As if a light had been suddenly switched on inside my head, I knew the answer. A long time ago, Jude would have been just Jude. He would have lived his life like everyone else. That Jude wasn’t the same Jude who now acted like our friend. His body was the same but his mind was no longer his. He was controlled by Doshia. The original Jude was long gone but that was my problem. It wasn’t Jude killing all these people, it was what lurked inside him that made those decisions. So could I really go and hack him to pieces when really it was what lived inside that I really needed to destroy? I felt like I would be killing the wrong person. Wasn’t it the same for Ben? Could I really destroy him? There was still some of Ben fighting the demon in him. His mind and thoughts still existed, still fought against Quint. But should I be letting my sympathies for what Ben and Jude once were stop me from destroying them? Where was this going to end for me if I continued to walk about wearing blinkers? I had to face the truth. They were demons, and if I didn’t destroy them then they would destroy me.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Ben

  As if I’d just opened my eyes from a deep sleep, I found myself staring, from a distance, at a thick bank of fog. Looking around at my surroundings, I realised I was halfway down a deep valley. The fog was below me, and although I couldn’t see through it, from my position on the side of the hill, I could see over it. The fog seemed to swarm and circle around tall fencing. Straining my eyes, I could just make out the top of what looked like a large iron gate.

  Taking shelter under a huge tree from the onslaught of rain, I spoke to Quint. “What is this place?”

  “It was once Cruor Pharma’s sister company,” answered Quint. “An old work colleague resides here, although I don’t believe he uses this place for its true purpose anymore.”

  “You’re talking about Doctor Langstone who was once my work colleague,” I corrected Quint. “The only work you two ever did certainly wasn’t for medicine.”

  “Feeling bitter, Ben?” sneered Quint. “I thought you’d be more than happy, what, with me bringing you here to see Kassidy.”

  “How can I ever be happy with you surviving inside of me?” I snapped. I was feeling on edge. Not knowing what Quint had in mind for Kassidy made me feel sick. But then even if I did know, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t make me feel any better. Still, if I had some insight into what the plan was, maybe I could hamper it in some way? Fight against Quint and stop him somehow. I was feeling stronger within myself, for once. My head seemed less hazy. I wasn’t sure if that was a deliberate move on Quint’s part or whether it was because I had actually gained more strength over him. But I certainly felt more like myself than I had in a very long time. And that feeling only made me feel stronger – more determined.

  “So why have you brought us here? Why the sudden need to see Kassidy?” I pushed.

  “You like Kassidy, don’t you, Ben? I know you do. I’ve seen you push her away when she’s got too close but… I know… I’ve felt you longing to touch her… feel her body… taste her. You want her, Ben. And you know, I can’t blame you… I’m sure she’d make a great fuck!”

  “Enough!” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear your sick, fucked-up fantasies.”

  “But they’re your fantasies, too, Ben. Don’t pretend to be whiter than white. I hear your thoughts… not all of them… but enough to know you’ve got it hard for Kassidy… enough to pique my interest in her.” Quint laughed.

  “Laugh all you like, Quint,” I said, “But I hear your thoughts, too. I know you have more on your mind regarding Kassidy than how good a fuck she’d make. She means more to you than that. I don’t know what that is yet but I’m sure that mask you put inside my head will slip at some point and then I’ll see what it is you really want from her.”

  As if my words had somehow weakened the cloud in my head put there by Quint, I suddenly saw a quick flash of a past memory – a very old memory, way before I had even been born. It was of a young woman with long, blonde hair. She wore an old-fashioned gown and she waited under a tree for someone. She called out a name…”Quint.” The memory vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

  “Who was that woman I just saw?” I asked Quint.

  There was no reply. Quint had retreated away for now. “I guess she has something to do with Kassidy,” I pushed. “Who was she, Quint? Was she a good fuck?” I goaded. “Nothing like tasting a bit of your own medicine, eh, Quint!”

  With the poison in my head shrinking to silence, and my own thoughts and feelings returning stronger, I sat down under the tree and watched the fog as it thickened against the tall fencing. I knew why it was here. It seemed that everything wanted the volunteers, myself included. But not because I meant them any harm but because I knew I couldn’t let any of the demons have them. That was why I had helped them to escape, and now, as I stared down at the fog, I knew I had to get to Kassidy, even if it did mean taking Quint to her. I had believed for so long that Quint was just an evil demon, killing for fun. But as I felt more like my old self, the more I could see of Quint and what he had done in the past and what his feelings were now. He spoke of the most atrocious acts and seemed to relish in what he said,
but I was beginning to see something quite different in him. I was beginning to see and feel that Quint didn’t kill for the fun of it but more out of the need to do it. All those past volunteers had suffered, and yes, Quint had killed them. But perhaps it was done more out of pity. As I searched what had gone on over the years, the more I felt a sense of empathy as Quint put them out of their misery. Yet what I didn’t understand was why Quint had stayed at Cruor Pharma for so long. I had always believed that he was unable to leave, or perhaps didn’t want to, but at times when he had left he always went back. But something had changed. This was the furthest Quint had ever ventured and it showed me that he had always been able to leave. So why now? There was a connection of some sort between the young woman I had just seen from Quint’s memory and Kassidy. I hoped that my suspicions that Quint wasn’t after the volunteers for the same reasons as Middleton were correct. Whatever it was, Kassidy seemed to be the link.

  “Having fun trying to decipher my past?” asked Quint. He didn’t sound his usual self. More quiet, more reserved.

  I leant back against the tree trunk, looked up at the overhanging branches, and replied, “I wouldn’t call it fun… but getting an insight into the monster that has lived in me for so long is certainly eye-opening.” I wiped the rain from my face with my arm and shifted myself to the left, turning my back on the wind that pounded into me. “But now I’m wondering if you truly are the monster you so like to make out that you are. You’ve clouded my head for so long that I’ve been blinded by what you’ve been up to. So many times the clouds have lifted and I’ve found myself with blood on my hands and believed it had been another pointless death committed by you. But my eyes are beginning to open. You didn’t kill that priest for the fun of it. You did it to stop him from suffering a painful death by the Cleaners. You didn’t kill Wendy in the morgue for fun… you did it because you knew she was suffering, and suffer more she would if you had left her for the Cleaners to finish off. You didn’t step in and stop me from helping Sylvia and her friends escape. You sat back and let me get Kassidy out. That’s not very monster-like, is it?”

  Quint fell silent again. It was obvious I was hitting a sore spot within him, but there was still so much in the past that I was yet to uncover. And would I? My thoughts returned to Kassidy. How did I really feel about her? Quint had been right about me liking her and I had pushed her away. Not because I wasn’t interested, far from it, but because I believed that if I got too close to her then Quint would probably have me kill her. But I wasn’t so sure of that now. I wanted to see her. I did want to touch her and I did want to feel her body next to mine. I shuddered at the thought of us together. I wanted that human touch – needed it so badly – but not how Quint had put it. For the first time in years, I could actually see a future. One that had Kassidy and me together. Could it be possible? Could I really live alongside Kassidy with Quint in me? Could I be the stronger one and finally feel free?

  I stood up and looked down at the fog. I had to get through it. I had to find Kassidy.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Kassidy

  “Do I want my life back?” I murmured, pacing back and forth in my room. “Do I want to survive? Do I put myself first or allow demons to win?” I shook my head. This was crazy. I was crazy. Of course I wanted to survive. That’s what this whole journey had been about. I’d escaped from Cruor Pharma to survive. “Think about what those creatures have done to you.” I continued to pace up and down. I had to act. I had to do something. “Or you’re gonna fucking die, Kassidy!” I nodded my head as I continued to have this debate with myself. I looked down at the knife. It glinted in the candlelight, shimmered as if to say ‘use me.’ I picked it up. Would it be sharp enough? It sliced through flesh easily, Raven had demonstrated that… but… taking off limbs? I pictured myself entering Jude’s room, knife concealed, the act of pretending I liked him – wanted him, just so I could get close. I played out the scene in my head of how I would entice him to the bed. We would lay down next to each other. I didn’t have to take it too far… I didn’t want to… I couldn’t. Not with a demon that had killed my best friend. I would tell Jude I was feeling sleepy and then wait for him to doze off.

  I continued to pace about the room contemplating my next move. Thoughts of Hannah spurred me on. “Yes,” I mumbled. “Wait until he’s asleep and then…” I closed my eyes. “Then I’ll stab him in the throat and use the knife as if it were a saw.” I opened my eyes. But could I do it quick enough before he grabbed hold of me? I circled my room like a caged animal, slashing the knife like I was cutting through dense jungle. My body tingled with VA20 as my heart rate started to race. I felt sick. I felt infected. The room was cold, yet I was covered in sweat. My hands shook. The overwhelming urge to kill frightened me… excited me. I could feel tears running down my face. I tried to drop the knife but my hands gripped it tightly. I raised it up above my head, the blade pointing down. What was happening to me? There had to be another way… another solution. I couldn’t kill Jude… I couldn’t… “Think of Hannah, think of your dad,” I blurted out. “Think of yourself… of Max and Raven! Kill him. Kill him!” My voice became angrier. I shook with rage.

  Yelling, I brought the knife down hard. It sliced through the pillow on the bed and straight through the mattresses. I pulled it out quickly. I stabbed it again and again and again. I gasped for breath. Sweat and tears ran down my face. Turning on my heels, my feet thudded across the room.

  I dashed out into the dark hallway. Eyes left then right. Which room was Jude in? Voices filtered up from the kitchen. I listened. It was Max and Raven. I turned back down the hallway, my breathing heavy. My head was filled with hate. A warm glow seemed to be coming from underneath one of the doors.

  “Got you!” I hissed, clutching the knife. I stormed down the hallway. Fuck the plan of seducing him… I’m gonna go right in there and kill him. He has to die… he’s a killer… he’ll kill me if I don’t. My head swarmed with murderous thoughts. My body felt like it was on fire. I was sick. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew I was ill or possessed, yet I couldn’t seem to shake it off. Conflicting voices inside my head were screaming at me to kill him. The other voice, my voice, was too weak. The urge to kill Jude was too strong. He’d hurt me. He had to go.

  I reached the door and raised the knife above my head, both hands firmly on the handle. I kicked out, striking the door with my foot. The sound echoed down the hallway. I kicked it again. The voices in my head screamed. Egged me on. Why wouldn’t they shut up?

  “Leave me alone!” I growled in a voice that didn’t sound like my own. “Shut up! Shut... the… fuck… up!” I couldn’t concentrate. My brain felt stretched – pulled. Too many voices. I swayed on my feet, my vision out of focus. “Open the fucking door!” I lashed out with my foot, desperate to get in. Desperate to get this over with. The voices. I had to get rid of those voices. They were tearing my mind apart. I brought the knife down. It hit the door. Splinters of wood dropped to the floor. I pulled it out. Raised it high above my head. The door handle turned. I gasped in air. Sweat ran down my face. The door yanked open. I felt my jaw drop. I blinked. Then gasped.

  Sylvia hurled herself on me. I lost my footing. Stumbling back, I hit my head on the wall. Stunned, I flung my arms up. The blade flashed in the dark. Sylvia screeched. I struggled to fend her off. I couldn’t see. Sylvia’s hands were in my face – snatching – grabbing – disorientating. The voices had gone. My own inner thoughts came crashing through. What the hell was I doing? What had I just planned to do?

  Snatching a fistful of my hair with one hand and her other squeezing hard on my wrist to get at the knife, Sylvia slurred, “No… give it to me!” Her crazy eyes peered through the dark. Her mouth hung open revealing those black, stumpy teeth. I was surprised that she was no longer wearing handcuffs.

  I reached out with my free hand. My palm smacked into her face. I pushed with all my strength. She was strong and pushed back harder. I yelled out as she tugged at my hair.r />
  “Get off!” I shouted, feeling the rage stir within me.

  “Give it… want the knife,” spat Sylvia, tightening her grip on my wrist. She slammed my arm into the wall. Over and over again. Each time, harder and faster.

  The knife slipped and clattered to the floor. Sylvia let go. Before I could blink she was already on the floor, snatching up the knife. I went to stop her, crouching over her slumped up body but I stopped. I wasn’t going to stand a chance. Not with Sylvia and a butcher’s knife. I backed away. Slowly. Quietly. Edging my way around her. My eyes darted along the hallway. The door to my room was still open. Could I make it back – shut the door – lock it? I glanced back at Sylvia, my heart racing fast. She was kneeling up, looking at the knife which she held in both hands. Her breathing was loud, raspy, like her lungs were filled with gravel. Goosebumps spread over my skin as she started to laugh. I backed away as she began to get up. The distance between us was small. Sylvia only had to take a swipe at me with the knife and she’d get me. I took another step away, fearful that if I made a sound she would launch an attack. She still had her back to me – still seemed to be more interested in the knife. Had she forgotten I was here? I silently wished that was the case. If I could just creep away, I might make it back. I took a few more steps along the hallway, arms outstretched to my sides, feeling my way backwards. I was too scared to turn away. I had to keep Sylvia in my sight. The mellow glow from my room was getting nearer. It bathed the floor in a faint light. I could only be a few steps away now. My heart beat with urgency. My shaky legs felt weak. Sylvia, still wearing the white hospital gown, suddenly spun around. I froze. She stood at the end of the hallway, shoulders rounded, head drooped forward and her matted, dirty hair hung across one eye. She lifted her arm and the knife gleamed in the dark. She made a noise that sounded more like it had come from an animal than a human. I tried to take a breath but it seemed stuck in my throat. Sylvia suddenly shuffled forward – just a few steps, but enough to cause me to wobble on my feet. I staggered back. My eyes bulged as she suddenly leapt up onto the ceiling, knife still clenched in her hand. She scuttled toward me, the blade clanking against the ceiling. As if waking from my frozen stance, I spun around. Panicked, I ran for my room. I charged through the open doorway. My fingers snatched for the wooden door. I turned to slam it shut. Sylvia’s face appeared. Her head hung down from the ceiling just outside the top of my door. She opened her mouth and snarled. With all my weight, I flung the door shut. My fingers franticly turned the key. I gasped in air and leant up against the door, waiting – expecting some kind of force from the other side. Would Sylvia try to kick the door in? I turned my head, pressing my ear up to the wood. It was silent out there. Had she gone – given up already? I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing.