by Grace, Aria
He doesn’t seem deterred. “Well, I bet it rides great.”
“You want to check it out?”
The twinkle in Nathan’s eye is unmistakable. “No, that’s okay. You probably have things you would rather be doing tonight anyway.”
I lean forward and kiss him gently. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Come on. Take me for a ride.”
Nathan immediately hops up from his seat, brushing crumbs off his lap as he does.
We walk to the street while I fish the keys out of my pocket. With them dangling over his open palm, I raise an eyebrow at him. “You’re sure you have a license?”
He chuckles. “Yes, do you want to see it?”
“I may need to,” I say as I drop the keys into his waiting hand.
Once he’s behind the wheel, he seems nervous. “I hope I don’t wreck it.”
“I’m sure you won’t. But I’m insured.”
Nathan takes a deep breath before he turns the ignition. I’ve never seen anyone so excited to drive a Mazda. But his happiness makes me happy, and that’s all that matters right now.
“Where to?” he asks, becoming serious as he reverses into the street.
“How about dessert?” I adjust the seat to make some space for my long legs. I’ve never actually been in the passenger seat before. “You choose.”
Nathan puts the car in drive and sets off down the road. He really is a good driver and is a bit more cautious than I am. Although, as soon as we hit the highway, he revs the engine and gets up to sixty before we’re even off the ramp.
I push the button on the center console to roll down our windows, letting the fresh evening air fly across our faces. Nathan’s wavy blond hair whips around his ears, but he doesn’t let it bother him. I’m not sure where we’re headed, but I don’t care. Just spending time with Nathan and doing something this simple makes me smile.
I close my eyes, letting the breeze carry me away until the engine slows, and the sound of a blinker catches my attention.
Looking around us, I notice we’re on the other side of town. Nathan pulls off the freeway and turns on to a frontage road heading toward several restaurants. He turns on his blinker again before we pull into a Dairy Queen. “Blizzard?” he asks as he finds a spot to park.
I can’t remember the last time I had a Blizzard. “Sounds great.”
Nathan steps around the car and meets me at the back with the keys in his outstretched hand. “Here ya go. That was fun.”
“You hold on to them. You have to finish chauffeuring me around.” I close my hand around his, folding his fingers over the keys.
Nathan grins brightly and puts the keys in his pocket. The two of us step inside the restaurant, and the cold air from the vent over the door sends a shiver through me. After we order, Nathan tries to pull out his wallet, but I slip my credit card to the young girl behind the counter before he has the opportunity to disagree.
“The least I can do is pay for ice cream after my hot chauffeur so carefully got me here.” I give him a wink, and Nathan’s face pinks up. I’m not usually good with flirting. But something about Nathan makes it easy.
Once we’re both seated with our delicious ice-cream-and-candy mixtures, I catch Nathan staring out the window. “Am I boring you?” I’m really teasing him but want to catch him off guard to get an honest response.
“No, of course not. Actually, I was just thinking that I’ve never had a date like this before…”
“A date?”
“Oh… Well, no… That’s not what I meant. I mean… Ugh.”
I laugh as he becomes flustered. “I’m happy to call this a date.”
“I wasn’t trying to say that. It’s just, this is how I always pictured a date going. But since I’ve never been on one, I wasn’t sure.”
I don’t believe that for a second. “How has a guy like you never been on a date?”
He shrugs and puts another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “I just haven’t. No one has ever been interested, I guess.”
“Then they’re idiots.” Now it’s my face that feels flushed as I meet Nathan’s beautiful eyes.
And for the first time ever, actual joy is reflected back in them.
80
Nathan
Tonight with Dodge was like a dream come true.
Something about him is different.
What I feel when I’m with him is something I’m not used to… It’s safe. And even though my problems are still there when we part ways, while I’m with him, everything else seems to fade into the background. And even if it’s just for a little while, I almost believe I have a normal life.
After bringing Dodge back to his home, I surrender the keys to his car and say goodnight.
I’m just about to step away from the front door when he reaches for my hand. “Nathan, I had a really great night tonight.”
“Me too.” I step up to his chest, wanting to be close to him even though my heart is pounding,
“If you need anything, you know I’m right here.” He points to his door. “Just across the street.”
“I appreciate that.”
“I’m serious. Even though I don’t know everything that’s going on, I know things aren’t copasetic between you and your family. So, if you just need to escape for a little while, I’m happy to keep you company. There’s a spare key under the mat if you need it. Day or night.”
His generosity is overwhelming. “I might just take you up on that offer.”
“I hope you do.”
“Thanks, Dodge.”
“You’re welcome.” Dodge leans in and presses his lips gently against mine. This kiss is different from before. Earlier, our kiss was about lust and fulfilling a need we both had.
This time, his kiss is sweet, romantic…passionate. It’s just another way that Dodge is different. He’s kissing me like I’ve never been kissed before, but I hope it’s a way I’ll be kissed many times again.
After saying goodnight, I walk back into my mother’s house. Everything is quiet, so I step upstairs to check her. A small light is glowing from the crack in her door. I tap it gently, not wanting to disturb her if she’s resting. “Mom, are you still awake?”
When I step inside, I’m glad to see from the steady rise and fall of her chest that she’s sleeping soundly. After turning off the lamp on her bedside table, I close the door and head down to the living room.
Once I put my makeshift bed back together on the couch, I lie down and close my eyes. Thoughts of my evening with Dodge flood my brain, making it impossible to sleep.
Besides, staying in this house still causes me anxiety every time I look around. My happy memories with Dodge slowly change, and I’m faced with the nightmares of Joseph coming at me all those years ago.
The clock on the mantel ticks the minutes as I stare at the ceiling. After an hour of tossing and turning, Dodge’s invitation starts sounding better and better. It’s hard for me to rest in this place. If I want to sleep, I need to get out of here.
I debate with myself for another ten minutes, wondering what Dodge would think if I did just walk over to his place and asked to sleep on his couch.
There is only one sure way to find out.
The night air is brisk as I cross the yard in the dark and quiet neighborhood. As I step onto Dodge’s porch, the front door opens, and he greets me in a pair of sweatpants. His body looks amazing, with the waistband of his sweats riding low and showing off the V that trails to his cock.
“Can’t sleep?”
I shake my head. “I was thinking maybe I could sleep on your couch.”
He ushers me inside. “You’re not going to sleep on the couch. You’re welcome to sleep in my bed. I can stay on the couch, if you want.”
“I can’t take your bed. Can we share it?”
Dodge grins. “I think that can be arranged.”
He escorts me up to his room and pulls back the covers. I slip between the sheets as Dodge climbs in on the other side. “Would it be pathetic if I
asked you to hold me?”
“It wouldn’t be pathetic at all.” He scoots closer to me on the mattress, allowing me to snuggle into his chest. His broad arms encircle me as I find comfort in his grasp. After the hour of lying restlessly on the couch, it doesn’t take me long to fall asleep in Dodge’s protective arms.
* * *
“Good morning.” Dodge is in the kitchen when I finally head down. “I made breakfast.”
The island is covered with bacon, eggs, toast, and an assortment of cereals along with orange juice and milk. “Are you expecting an army to stop by?”
“I didn’t know what you liked, so I thought I’d have a little of everything prepared.”
“You didn’t need to do all this.” I wave my hand at the spread. “You’ve already done so much for me.”
He ignores me and pulls a dish of butter from the fridge. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah.” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “I did, actually.”
“Good.”
“I should go and check on my mother first. Will all this hold for a few more minutes?”
“Absolutely. Should we bring your mom something? Do you think she might want some eggs?”
I shrug. “She might.”
“Okay, let me grab something to put them in, and we can take it over.” Dodge finds a plastic container to put a small helping of eggs in before we walk back over to my mother’s place. When we step inside, I stop and listen for sounds coming from upstairs.
It’s silent. “She’s probably still sleeping.”
Dodge goes straight to the kitchen. “I’ll just get a plate to put these on and grab something for her to drink.”
“Thanks.” I ascend the stairs, noticing the crack in the door that I’d left before heading to bed last night. Only this time, instead of light seeping through the crack, I’m met with darkness. Apparently, Mom hasn’t gotten up yet. All the drapes in her room are still pulled shut, so I walk over to the one farthest from her bed and open it, allowing the morning sunshine to pour through.
She’s always loved the sunshine, so hopefully, the bright and sunny day will bring a smile to her face as she eats breakfast.
“Good morning, Mom. Dodge made us some breakfast. Are you hungry?”
She doesn’t respond. I get closer to the bed while trying not to startle her. “Mom, it’s time to wake up and eat something.”
She doesn’t move a muscle. I hate to wake her, but I know she has to keep her strength up if she’s going to get better.
“Mom, time to wake up.” I jostle her shoulder but immediately pull back my hand. What should normally be warm, pliant skin is hard and cold to the touch. “Mom?” Moving closer to her face, I listen for the sounds of her breathing. When I don’t immediately hear anything, I know something’s wrong.
“Dodge!”
His frantic steps sound as he races up the stairs to me. “Nathan? What’s going on?”
“It’s my mother… I think…”
Dodge places his hands on my shoulders and pulls me away from the bed, then he steps into my spot. With his index and middle finger, he checks for a pulse on her neck. When he doesn’t find one, he looks up at me. “Nathan, I’m so sorry.”
Dodge doesn’t have to say anything else. My mother’s fight with her cancer had finally ended. As if something inside me shuts off and a different mode turns on, I nod and take a deep breath. “I need to call Joseph.”
“You call him,” Dodge says. “I’ll call her doctor.”
I know in my head that I should be feeling a loss. Some type of emotional breakdown seems appropriate for my mother’s passing. But it just isn’t there. I loved her. There’s no question about that. But the woman lying silently in the bed in front of me was just as responsible for my suffering in life as Joseph. Even at the end, that didn’t change.
I go through the motions of calling my brother to let him know what’s happened. Then I straighten up the room, putting her robe in the closet and removing the empty water glass and tissues next to her bed.
One nightmare from my past has finally ended, and maybe now I can finally deal with the other one.
81
Dodge
The coroner came and took the body without much fanfare. It was surreal to watch them wheel her away like a piece of old furniture. I took the day off work and stayed with Nathan. It made me feel better to be close to him, especially since Joseph was around when they took Mrs. Greenly’s body.
Joseph said his mom didn't want a service, so she will be cremated, and the ashes will be delivered to them at some point. I felt like she deserved better than that, but it wasn’t my decision to make. My only job is to support Nathan and make sure he has what he needs during this time of grief.
For the past week, Nathan’s been cleaning out the house. Based on our conversations at night, the downstairs has been easier because it's just trinkets and junk. I don’t think he’s ventured very far upstairs yet. He’s probably not ready. And that’s completely understandable. It must be hard on him to have lost her just as they were reconnecting. But I’m a bit concerned about the way he’s handling everything. It’s like he’s not in mourning at all. And I know from experience that’s not a healthy way to move on.
I’ve been trying to be the rock he needs while still giving him space when he wants it. Nathan’s been staying with me all week, which makes us both feel better. I haven’t pressed him to talk about his past, but I’ve been hinting about a future. If we're gonna have anything serious together, it needs to start with open honesty.
I guess Nathan has the same idea in mind because as soon as I walk in the door after work, he hands me a beer and we sit on the couch.
"I'm ready to talk." His voice is quiet, as if the words he’s saying don’t want to come out. But I think it will hurt less if he lets me share this burden with him. I want to help care for him. But whatever he’s holding back makes it difficult for me to really comfort him.
"I'm ready to listen.” I take a long drag from the beer and wait.
He turns, crossing his leg underneath himself so that he’s facing me.
I prop against the arm of the couch and watch him prepare to unload his pain on me.
"When I was about ten, Joseph was fourteen. He was dealing with puberty and learning what he thought it meant for him to be the man of the house. As an alpha, he thought he needed to be tough and strong. That's when he decided to start using me as his practice doll for a game he liked to call Alpha and Omega.
I cringe as he says the name of the game, somehow knowing it's going to hurt to hear the rest of his story. But I don’t say anything. I just sit there, nursing the bottle of beer and watching Nathan as I attempt to calm my expression.
"At first, he'd just boss me around. Kid stuff like make me clean his room or do his homework. Then he got violent. He'd smack me around or choke me to see how long it took for me to pass out."
My hands curl into fists, and I have to control my breathing so I don't get too worked up.
"But then things got worse. The first time anything sexual happened, I’d accidentally walked in on him jerking off over the toilet. I'd never seen an alpha penis, and it was huge compared to mine. Even though he was only about fifteen, he developed early. When he saw me looking at him, he made me stroke him until he came. At that point, I was more fascinated than scared. That is, until the next time.”
The fear in Nathan’s eyes is evident, and I want to puke at the story he’s telling me. After all these years of living across the street from them, I never had any inclination this was going on.
“A few days later, he called me into his room and told me omegas had to service alphas with their whole bodies, not just their hands. That's when I got scared. He made me kneel on the floor while he fucked my mouth until he came. If my teeth scraped him or I choked, he'd either laugh or smack me. A few times, I passed out from him holding himself down my throat for too long. Those were the days I wished I wouldn't ever wake up."
I pull Nathan into my arms and hold him. He curls against me, but his gaze drifts to the empty fireplace as he tries to get through the terrible memories.
"Then when I was twelve, I hit puberty and had a growth spurt. Joseph must have been waiting for that because the first day we were alone after my birthday, he pinned me to his bed and shoved his fingers up my ass to see if I was wet. I wasn't, of course, but that didn't stop him from shoving himself into me and filling me with his knot. I thought I was gonna die. Every fucking time he touched me felt like the worst pain I could ever suffer through. But then he'd be done and leave me alone for a few days. I knew he'd never stop, but I didn't know what else to do. I told my mom he was hurting me, but she thought I meant he was picking on me.” Nathan stops and takes a breath as a few tears splash down onto my chest.
“I’ve got you. You’re safe now,” I whisper into his ear.
“She said it's what big brothers do. I tried to tell her he was touching me in bad places, but she wouldn't listen. I think she knew what I was saying but didn't know how to respond, so she tried to convince me it wasn't happening. She said I needed to learn to get along with my brother. I suffered for four more years before finally getting the courage and enough money together to escape."
“And that’s when you left?”
Nathan nods. “Joseph doesn’t know this, but he got me pregnant the last time he raped me. It was my first heat and I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into the house. I was barely surviving myself. I had to leave so I could have an abortion. I couldn’t even think of having his child.”
“I understand,” I say, running my hand across his shoulder. “You did what you had to do.”
His tears turn to sobs as he tries to get the last part out. “I didn’t have a lot of money, so I went to some back-alley doctor who assured me he could take care of everything.” Nathan’s tears flow freely as he sobs into my chest. “He botched me up, and now I’ll never be able to have children.”