by Claire Adams
"More." The girl took over our sex and worked herself against me. I stood at the edge of the bed, enjoying the sight of her taking what she needed. I wasn't going to come. I had nothing to give due to the lack of true feeling for the stranger in front of me. In the past, I would have come three or four times through the night, but something had changed over the last year.
I wanted more.
Needed it.
I closed my eyes and let out a shaky sigh as I forced myself to make Elise become the girl from earlier in the night. Her back arched in my mind and I slid my hand up it, memorizing the beautiful curves of her body and wanting to touch all of them.
My breathing hitched as I watched her look back at me with adoration on her face. She was a princess. A queen – and she wanted me. Forever.
It was sick, but I didn't care. I needed the fantasy to find release in reality. I cried out as my orgasm hit. The girl beneath me milked me until I could hardly stand and then wanted more.
I found a way to untangle myself from her, got dressed, and stumbled downstairs to find Sam. I hated myself for sleeping around. It was the one thing I promised myself I would try to stop doing because of how I felt when it was all said and done, and yet the neediness inside of me to be loved in any manner by a woman was consuming.
"You getcha some?" Sam patted my chest and handed me the keys to his truck.
"Yeah." I took the keys and walked toward the kitchen. "Come on. I'm ready to get out of here."
"What? We just got here. There's a lot of beautiful women here tonight." He ran into me as I stopped by the door to let another horde of girls into the house.
"Yeah, and all they want is your dick." I glanced over at him and chuckled as he gave me a look.
"And what the fuck is wrong with that? My dick is officially for sale."
"Not on my watch, buddy. Let's get you home."
Chapter 5
Val
The music was way too loud at the frat party, but it always was. I tried to ignore my need to run for the door and go back to my room for the evening. Between the conversation with my mother, then my father, and then the car breaking down, I was over it. All of it.
"You look like you need a drink, beautiful." A blond frat boy I'd never met handed me a glass of something red and wagged his eyebrows at me. "It might help loosen you up a little."
"No, thanks." I handed the drink back to him and reached for the closed beer bottle Amy offered me. Her eyes lit up when she saw the guy.
"Kade Jones? Wow. I watched you totally kill it on the field last fall. You're headed for the NFL soon, right?"
I popped the top on my beer and took a long drink of it as I ran my eyes over the stud in front of me. He was eye candy, for sure, but he was looking to score and I was in a relationship. Not that I would have been interested if I wasn't. One-night stands were for the needy people in life and I wasn't one of them.
Try again.
"Yeah. And, you are?" He extended his hand to Amy, which gained him automatic points with me. Most guys treated her like she wasn't there.
"Amy, and this is my friend Valentine, but we just call her Val."
I gave her a look and shook the guys hand as he gave me a cheeky grin. "Valentine, hmm? That's a pretty interesting name."
"It's my mother's favorite holiday. What can I say? She's original." I removed my hand from his and turned to let my eyes run across the crowd of people. "Where's the rest of the crew?"
"Katelyn was with Martin out on the back patio, and Lucinda is on the dance floor in the other room." Amy gave me a quick glance before turning back to Kade. "You like to dance? Cause you know Val here loves to…"
"I do." He smiled and reached out, taking my hand again and moving us into the far too big living room. It was cleared out to make way for the dance floor. A large strobe light hung from the center of the room and people jumped with their hands in the air.
"I'm not in the mood-" I started to protest, but he turned and pulled me against the front of him, wrapping his hands lightly around my waist.
"I'm not trying to sleep with you, beautiful. I just wanted to dance. You're not from around here, are you? We're not all bad guys." He smiled warmly, and I considered the possibility that a dance was all he wanted, but the thought faded fast.
"I'm from just up the street, and I know you country boys better than you know yourself." I gave him a tight smile and relaxed a little. "My boyfriend is the captain of the hockey team at UMN."
"Oh, I know Paul. He's a pretty decent hockey player." Kade chuckled and spun me around, helping me to loosen up even more. He wasn't a bad dancer, at all.
"He's a pretty decent boyfriend, too." I laughed and took another drink of the beer. A quick memory flashed across my vision of the guy I'd met on the side of the road. Todd? Tanner? Tate. Yeah. Tate.
"Just decent, hmm?" The handsome boy in front of me pulled me closer as the music slowed. "I'm thinking someone as interesting as yourself shouldn't be tied down. You need to live a little and date a lot."
"Interesting? You barely know me." I finished my beer and handed the empty to Amy as she gave me another one. She should have been dancing with the guy, not me.
"What if I want to get to know you?" He ran his hand over my lower back, pressing in softly and forcing me flush against him. The strong muscles of his chest felt good, but one dance was all I had in me. I wasn't interested in a friendship with anyone that looked as good as this guy. He was just after one thing, and I wasn't interested.
I almost wished I could be. Jealousy ran through me for people that could simply show up to a party, find a good partner for the night, and get lost in the pleasure of being touched, fucked, and held. I wasn't that girl, though I wanted to be.
Only needy people do that.
My internal thoughts were starting to sound more and more like my mother. It was disturbing on far too many levels to think too much about.
"You want sex. I'm here to drink, dance, and laugh with my friends. Sleeping with some random guy isn't going to happen. Boyfriend. Remember?" I tried to force the logical side of my mind to close down for a few minutes. I wasn't going to go upstairs with the guy, but that didn't mean that I needed to come back at him with a rational thought to shove in his face every time he spoke.
"Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your boyfriend headed upstairs about twenty minutes ago with a blonde who looked like she ate grown men for breakfast." He touched the side of my face as my heart almost stopped in my chest. "And, I'm not thinking they’re playing poker up there."
"What?" I pulled away from him and glanced up toward the stairs. I wasn't head over heels in love with Paul, but there was no way in hell I was letting him cheat on me. I was a lot of things, but a fool wasn't one of them.
"Come back down here after you rip his throat out, and I'll make things better." Kade released me and walked back into the kitchen.
I moved to the bottom of the stairs as indecision tore through me. Someone gripped my elbow and pulled a little. Katelyn.
"Hey. Where have you been? I was looking all over this fucking place for you. You can't answer your phone?" She gave me a stern look.
I patted my butt and front pockets. "Dammit. I must have left it in my car that's getting towed. Figures."
"Getting towed?" Her face paled. "Did you get in an accident? Are you hurt?"
Martin moved up beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. His curly brown hair made him look like a teenage boy, and his smile made it even worse. He was one of the few good guys left. They seemed to be a dying breed, or maybe I was just being negative.
"No. The battery failed again, so some guy pulled over and checked it out for me. Can we talk about this later? Some guy just told me that Paul went upstairs with someone half an hour ago." I gripped the banisters and started up the stairs as anger burned through the center of my chest.
"Oh no," Katelyn mumbled behind me, but I ignored her.
I needed to let my ang
st out on someone or something. It might as well be my cheating-ass boyfriend. Some part of me hoped that it was anyone but Carolyn Jacobs. It had to be her, and chewing her out for being a huge slut would only be the beginning of my attack against her – but then again, to have to put so much emotional energy into something sounded heinous.
I heard three different couples having sex or starting to by the time I stopped and listened through the last door in the hallway. The sound of Paul's grunts sickened me, and I wondered again for the hundredth time that day why I wasn't enough. Why I wasn't more than enough for him. For any of them.
"No. You don't get to turn this around on you. It's about him being a bastard, not you being worthless." I reached out for the door as the burn of tears gave me pause. I didn't want to see him with Carolyn, and yet I couldn't walk away. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it had nothing to do with me, the feeling of inadequacy wouldn't stop crashing against me.
I opened the door and moved in as I took a quick breath.
Paul had someone pressed to the wall with his pants down and his ugly white ass showing. His grunting didn't stop, and I had my answer as to who he was with as she cried out his name.
"Paul. Harder. Fuck me harder." Carolyn Jacobs.
"Am I interrupting? Cause I can come back." I lifted my beer to my lips and forced myself to remain calm as Paul jerked back and pulled up his jeans.
"Oh my God. Val. It's not what it looks like." He worked on his pants as he walked toward me.
I lifted my hand to stop him. "No? It looks like your fucking Carolyn against the wall at a party we're supposed to be at together."
"Because that's exactly what it is. If you put out more often this kind of stuff-" She'd made the mistake of stopping in front of me, and I did the only thing I could think to do.
I slapped her. Hard.
She recoiled and let out and angry sound as I stood there in shock. "Paul, don't let her attack me!"
"Shut up, Carolyn." He kept his attention on me. "Baby. Seriously. I had too much to drink."
"Fuck you." I let the tears I'd been holding back well up in my eyes. "You two deserve each other, but you should know that tonight wasn't about her wanting you or being interested in you. It was about getting me. So, I hope it was good. Being used isn't the best feeling in the world, but one we share, I guess."
I turned as a sob lifted from the center of my chest. Bastards. All of them. I hated everyone one of them in the house, other than Katelyn. My mother and her fucked up sorority could burn in hell for all I cared.
After stumbling down the stairs, I found Amy and Lucinda in the kitchen.
Lucinda turned and reached for me with concern on her face. "Oh my God. What's the matter? You look horrible."
"Fucking Paul was upstairs screwing Carolyn Jacobs. I need to get out of here. I'm sorry." I pressed my hand to my mouth and glanced over my shoulder to find Kade watching me. "Now. Before I make another mistake that I'm sure to pay for."
"Alright. Katelyn is going home with Martin. Let's go get a few gallons of ice cream and go back to my place." Amy wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the frat house and into the freezing cold.
"Why do guys have to be such animals?" Lucinda opened the door for me before getting in the front seat with me, though there really wasn't room for all three of us up front.
"It was Carolyn more than Paul. It's always her." I let out a quick breath and pulled my shirt up to blot my eyes with it. "She's been after me since our freshman year. Stupid bitch."
"Then, you need to go after her. Pay her ass back for all she's done." Lucinda snuggled against my side and laid her head on my shoulder. "Paul wasn't right for you, anyway. He was too much of a pussy."
"What? I thought Paul was one of the good guys." Amy started the car and pulled out onto the main street. "Obviously, I was wrong."
"It's alright. Really." I closed my eyes and let my head drop back. I was surprised how quickly my thoughts returned to Tate. Being with an upper class guy like Paul was what was expected of me, but he'd been like every other jerk I'd dated over the years – selfish, greedy, and more concerned about what someone could get him in life than how they might feel after he ran over them.
"Boys suck." Lucinda turned up the heater before pressing her chin to my shoulder. "Let's go to a foreign country and find men who know how to treat a woman."
Amy snort forced my lips to lift in a smirk. "Is that a fucking joke? Foreigners are the worst about women."
"Neither of you know what you're talking about." I glanced between both of them, challenging them to combat fact.
"You're right." Amy let out a long sigh as she pulled into a large grocery store. "Let's go get something that is sure to love on us all night long and never leave our sides."
"Or our thighs." Lucinda laughed and opened the door. She slid her arm into mine as we moved quickly toward the warmth. "Anyway, I see you with a rugged, good-looking guy who's more focused on matters of the heart. You deserve a good guy, not an asshole."
"I met a guy tonight who fits the physical description, but I'm pretty sure he was a playboy, too." I let out a soft sigh as we walked into the grocery store. The warmth engulfed me and worked to thaw my fingers and the tip of my nose.
"Kade? He's a total player." Amy grabbed a cart and shook her head. "But I sure as hell would love to have him play me."
I laughed. "He's a player for sure, but I'm talking about the guy that stopped to help me when the damn car died. He was a biker guy with tats and the sexiest lips I've ever seen."
"Oh, nice." Lucinda lifted her eyebrow at me as she released my arm. "Did you give him your number?"
"No, but I got his." I slid my hands into my pockets, checking to make sure the card was still there. "It's nothing, I'm sure. He just wants to change my tire and check the engine on the car."
"He sounds hot. I'd let him look under my hood and play with my knobs any day." Lucinda bumped me with her hip before she walked ahead of us toward the freezer section.
"Hey. You okay? I know that was hell." Amy pressed her shoulder to mine as we stopped in front of the ice cream display case.
"Yeah. I really didn't want to date Paul anymore, but having it happen like this just makes me feel worthless all over again. I'm numb." I shrugged.
"Well, you're not worthless. That's your fucking mother making you think that. You're beautiful, insanely talented, and one of the best people I know." Amy patted her chest. "In here."
"Thanks." I gave her a quick hug and moved up to help Lucinda pick out a few flavors. Seeing Tate wasn't a good idea with me feeling as shitty as I did right then. Besides, my dad would have a mechanic on the nice side of town. There was no way he would pay for anything unless it was done just the way he wanted it done.
And, I had nothing other than a small allowance.
No money. No boyfriend. No hope.
Maybe I wasn't being fair by looking down on people who appeared to be needy. It was hypocritical in the worst way because the truth of the matter was that I was the neediest of them all.
Chapter 6
Tate
I laid on the couch until the sun broke through the window behind me. Sleep had avoided me since getting back from the party and taking a long shower, but I wasn't surprised. I felt dirty, angry, and used. I'd done it to myself again, and I would do it a million more times.
"You up yet?" My mom walked out of her bedroom and stopped by the opening to the kitchen.
"Yeah. I didn't get much sleep." I sat up and ran my fingers through my short hair as a loud yawn escaped me. "You sleep okay?"
"I did." She coughed as she walked into the kitchen, and I cringed at the sound of it.
"Mom. You gotta have that cough checked out, for real. Sam said that it sounded like bronchitis." I readjusted myself and pulled on my t-shirt before walking into the small kitchen.
She was busy making coffee and seemed to be ignoring my request for her to see the doctor. There
was no surprise there, either. She was just as hard-headed as I was.
"You want me to make you some eggs before you have to get off to school?" She looked over her shoulder and gave me a warm smile.
"Mom, you heard me. Get a doctor’s appointment today or have one of those doctors you work with listen to your lungs. They have those stethoscope things around their necks all the time. Tell them to use it."
"Stop worrying about me. I've survived a lot in my life. You want breakfast or what?" She handed me a cup of coffee and turned away to cough again.
"Yeah, but I'll cook. You sit down. I don't think you realize how bad that sounds." I let out the growl of frustration that I was hoping to hold in.
"Tate. I don't have the money to see a doctor, and those guys at the hospital aren't kind to me or anyone else that's not wearing a white coat and sticking their fingers up people's asses for a living. Okay?" She walked to the table and sat down before pressing her hands to her face. "And, I'm late on the rent."
"I'll pick up a few extra shifts. It's okay. We'll work it out." I sat my cup down and moved to stand behind her, rubbing her shoulders softly as my heart contracted in my chest. I needed to bring more home in terms of money, but balancing everything was getting to be too much.
"No. You're trying to get through school and manage your job. I'll figure things out. I just need you to understand why I'm not rushing to the doctor’s office. I'm sure it is bronchitis, but I'll beat it. I always do." She patted my hand. "Hurry up and make some eggs. You'll be late to your first class and then drive like a bat out of hell. That scares me more than the thought of losing this old house."
"You're not losing the house. School can take a back seat. I'll drop out and start again later next year when we're back on our feet." I squeezed her shoulders once more and moved to the fridge to start pulling out stuff for breakfast. We had a few eggs left and some cheap bacon that burnt no matter how slow you cooked the stuff. It was sad, but I was used to it. Besides, anything was better than living on the streets.