by Meg Muldoon
I didn’t say anything, though I was tempted to let him have it. I poured him a double shot of tequila, going for a mid-shelf brand.
I may not have been simpatico with Raymond at the moment, but giving him cheap stuff that might hurt him bad the next morning seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. Even for someone like him who might have deserved it.
I slid the drink and a lime slice across the bar.
“Your tune’s sure changed,” I said.
He sucked down the tequila.
“Well, that’s what happens when you lose your job.”
My mouth almost fell open. He looked up sheepishly, and then looked back down again.
“Well, just about lost it, anyway,” he said. “Suspension pending further review.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“You know what happened,” he said. “You were there. Me questioning someone I was recently involved with in regards to a murder investigation was a violation of the department’s ethics.”
He sighed.
“That rat Botkin squealed on me.”
“But I thought you said—”
“I know what I said, Bitters,” he said, knocking back his drink. “Truth is, I got carried away.”
I didn’t say anything. Beth Lynn hailed me for another drink, and I started shaking up a Cosmo for her.
“Raymond, I—”
“Don’t,” he said. “I know it’s my fault. Hell, I know you didn’t kill Dale. I guess… I just couldn’t stand the fact that you don’t care for me the way I care for you. And that you could just move on so quick with that…”
He trailed off.
“I just screwed it all up, didn’t I?” he said.
He looked up with large, sad pit bull eyes.
And all that anger I’d been holding onto sort of just melted away right then and there.
“We’re just not good for each other, Raymond.”
“Dammit, I know that, Loretta,” he mumbled.
He looked up.
“I’ve just had a tough time letting go of you.”
This was as close to an apology as I was going to get from him. But it would be enough. I didn’t need anymore.
“I’ll be back,” I said.
I went across the bar and handed Beth Lynn her Cosmo. She was more than three sheets to the wind by now.
“Bitters, why on earth would the universe pair me up with such a nasty, rude little troll?” she shouted over the music.
I sighed.
“I don’t know, Beth Lynn,” I said. “I’m just a middleman in this.”
“Are you really sure it’s him?” she said. “I mean, what if you’re mistaken? That has to happen sometimes.”
She leaned back in her chair.
“I wish you hadn’t told me,” she said, looking down at her drink. “Better to go around stumbling blind in this world than know that you’re destined for a rude, unpleasant middle-aged reporter in a small town.”
Maybe she had a point in that.
She took a swig of her drink.
“Who doesn’t like to drink, to boot,” she said. “Can you believe that? Me ending up with someone who doesn’t like to drink?”
“What about that thing we talked about?” I said. “You keeping an open mind about all this?”
She waved her hands wildly at me.
“I gave it a shot, Bitters,” she said. “I mean, thanks for your help and all, but I think I’m just going to go my own way from here on out.”
“Yeah, because you were doing so well, what with Kirby and that kid fresh out of the cradle.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, and then threw back the rest of her drink. She leaned forward again sloppily.
“I’m not proud of that, Bitters,” she said. “I know I shouldn’t have been with either one of them. But I know I can do better than this Robert guy, too. So please, just get me another drink, and let’s forget you ever had one of those visions.”
I shook my head.
“One meeting? One lousy, half-hearted attempt at talking to the man and you’re done?”
She tapped her glass with her long nails.
“I want another,” she said.
I let out a disgusted sigh and took her glass.
“That’s it, Beth Lynn,” I said. “I’m cutting you off. You’re drunk, and you’re thinking poorly, and frankly, I’ve got a hot room tonight and I don’t have any time to deal with your drama right now.”
She puckered her lips and gave me a sour look. She got up off her stool and leaned even further across the bar.
“You’re the one’s out of line,” she slurred. “Playing with people’s hearts and claiming to have some sort of insight into who a person belongs with.”
She started pulling out some paper bills from her purse.
“I didn’t see it before, but I see it now,” she said, wobbling back and forth. “You’re delusional, Bitters Loveless. Just plain delusional.”
She threw the money down on the bar.
“Why would I listen to someone like you anyway? You can’t even get your own love life together.”
She turned and staggered across the floor. Halfway across the room, she rolled on her ankle and cursed loud enough for the people around her to hush.
She took her heels off, then stomped out of the saloon.
I bit my lip.
Maybe it was because of my already weakened emotional state, but her words had hurt almost more than Lawrence’s had earlier.
My legs suddenly felt wobbly, and that sick feeling I’d had in the base of my chest all night felt like it was climbing up my throat.
“What was all that about?” Raymond shouted over the music.
The entire saloon seemed to be closing in on me.
I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
I had to get out of there.
I slammed the bar rag down, and walked quickly through the back. Past Dale’s office, down the hallway, and out through the backdoor where we got the larger delivery shipments of booze.
I almost didn’t make the trashcan.
I heaved up everything. Everything, and then some.
Chapter 60
I hunched over the garbage can as snow swirled around me, staring down at the bile that had been in my stomach just a few minutes ago.
I stood like that for a while, my knees shaking, waiting to make sure that everything that had wanted to come out had.
Everyone was right about me.
I was delusional.
Waiting for Jacob all these years.Even though he barely called me anymore. Even though I knew that he probably wasn’t ever coming back home to Broken Hearts Junction.
I’d been living in a fantasy land, unwilling to face the thing I knew to be true.
Meanwhile, I’d been wasting my youth, my life, on a man who no longer loved me.
That was what it came down to, in the end.
No matter if he was my soulmate. The bottom line was that he didn’t love me anymore.
I felt more bile coming up. I leaned forward and heaved and coughed and sputtered out some more delusion into the garbage can.
After leaving behind everything that had been in my stomach plus more, I stood up and leaned against the cold brick wall. A stiff wind howled into the side of my face, blowing flakes of snow into my hair. But the cold outside didn’t hold a flame to the cold that I felt inside my heart.
I understood why Zerelda had thrown herself into those icy waters all those years ago.
Jacob hadn’t drowned in a river, but I’d lost him nonetheless.
And the pain was almost too much to bear.
I started crying.
This was how all my dreams and hopes for the two of us ended.
With me throwing up into a garbage can behind the saloon where we met, on a cold and snowy night. Alone, destitute, and with no hope of—
Something on the ground caught my eye, distracting me from my self-pity for a moment.
There had
been an orange burst of color that had faded quickly. I knelt down, trying to make out what it was.
I picked up the charred black paper that had been pinned against the ground, dusting off the snow that had started accumulating on it.
I looked around to see if I was really alone out here, and then peered down at it.
It used to be a photo.
Someone had burned the picture, and burned it recently. But the snow must have put out the flame before the whole thing could be destroyed.
I stared at what was left.
There were a couple of teenagers in the picture, but I could only see one of their faces. The other one had turned to ash.
The girl had bright red hair and wore pink lipstick and was smiling coyly at the camera. She was wearing a high school cheerleading uniform. Her hair was tied up in girlish, immature pigtails.
I knew right away it was the girl in my vision, the one that Dale had come running out of the ring to embrace.
And now that I got a good look at her face, I knew for sure that it was her.
Courtney.
But the other one, the other girl in the photo had been mostly burned. Obliterated by—
I let out a groan as the world around me faded and then turned white.
It felt like razor blades were suddenly scratching at the inside of my skull, and I shuddered.
The photo dropped out of my hand and blew away in the wind.
I slid down against the brick wall as the vision came at me with all the force of a freight train bound for hell.
Chapter 61
The parking lot of the rodeo fairgrounds is almost deserted. Half-eaten containers of nachos and soft drink cups litter the ground. The empty lot has the hung-over silence that comes after the Saturday night parties have all come to an end.
It’s very late. Or very early.
But one car remains. A brand new shiny Ford truck that looks like it just came off some expensive car lot.
Two teenagers sit in the truck bed, sitting close, yet awkwardly apart at the same time. A young Dale is wearing the same dust-stained shirt he wore when he was holding onto that bronco. She’s wearing the same black outfit she had on while standing in the crowd, watching him embrace the other girl.
He talks to her in hushed, regretful tones. She’s biting her lip and listening quietly.
Her heart shatters a little more with each word.
“It was my fault,” he says. “I drank too much that night. It was wrong, and it shouldn’t have happened. It’s my fault, Annie. It’s my fault.”
She looks away.
“But you… you told me you loved me,” she says, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You told me that all along, you loved me. That Courtney was just—”
“I can’t be with you, Annie,” he says, looking down ashamedly.
She reaches for his hand.
“But I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
He pulls away.
“It was wrong what we did. Do you know how much it would hurt Courtney if she found out? I mean, she’s your own—”
“I don’t care about her,” she says. “I loved you before she would even give you the time of day. I believed in you when nobody else would. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
He rubs his face.
“I know you love me, Dale,” she says. “I know you meant what you said to me. If you could just give me a—”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re wrong. You… this was just a...”
His voice shakes when he says it, and he has trouble getting that last word out. Mistake.
Because he knows it’s a lie.
“You’re just a coward,” she says. “I’m not popular enough for you, is that it? Not pretty enough for the rodeo star? You’re afraid of what people will think, aren’t you? You’re afraid of what your friends will say when they find out about us.”
He doesn’t answer. She looks in his direction.
“Well? Aren’t you going to answer me?”
He looks down again.
She’s right, he thinks.
“Say it to my face, coward,” she says.
Dale looks up, a flash of anger in his eyes. He meets hers, and says the words that ruin everything she is.
“I don’t want to be the laughing stock of the whole town,” he said. “All of this was a huge mistake. I’m never going to love you, Annie.”
She’ll never forget the words.
After a few moments of stunned silence, she slides out of the truck bed, and staggers away into the early-morning darkness, her sorrow and pain turning into something else.
He’s not going to get away with this, she thinks.
I’ll burn the whole world down if I have to.
You’ll never be free of me, Dale Dixon.
I can tell by the feeling of hate in her thoughts. She’s not bluffing.
Chapter 62
I sat against the brick wall, shivering, my hair soaked through with melted snow.
The girl’s last thoughts echoed in my mind.
He’s not going to get away with this.
And he hadn’t.
That girl in the vision, Dale’s real soulmate, had been his demise.
There was no evidence, nothing to tie her to Dale’s death.
But I just knew it in my gut.
It had been her. She had murdered him.
These visions couldn’t be for nothing.
But who was she?
I didn’t have much time to think about it. The sound of glass breaking and then screams erupted from inside the bar.
It snapped me out of the trance.
I got to my feet, dusted off the snow that had accumulated on my clothes, and rushed inside. My head was still pounding with the pain of the migraine, but I didn’t let it stop me.
The screams got louder as I ran down the hallway and then out into the bar.
My heart pounded hard in my chest.
What if she…?
But it only took me a moment to realize that it wasn’t. It wasn’t her.
“You get off of me, bacon!”
A huddle of people surrounded them. Kirby Carruthers wriggled and howled and screamed. Someone had pinned the greasy gas attendant down on the floor of The Cupid.
“Now what was that you were saying you were gonna do to Courtney?” Raymond said, leaning harder on Kirby.
He grunted.
“This don’t concern you,” he squeaked.
Raymond leaned even harder and Kirby squealed just like a little girl. I thought his big large cow eyes might just pop out of his skull.
“My hearing must be bad,” Raymond said, looking around at the crowd. “What was that again?”
Kirby didn’t say anything.
Raymond eased up.
“Now, what was it you were going to do?” Raymond said again.
“Ain’t your concern…” he started mumbling.
“I can’t hear you,” Raymond said, laying the pressure on.
“Dammit,” Kirby squeaked. “It’s just business. Dale owed the people I work for, that fool having been on such a losing streak right before... The people I work for would just like the money their owed, simple as that. But Courtney hasn’t paid up. Hasn’t given them a single dime.”
Kirby let out a sharp cry as Raymond dug his knee into his back.
“These folks don’t like being ignored,” he squealed.
Raymond grabbed a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket. He slapped the bracelets on Kirby’s thick wrists.
I noticed that Kirby’s hands were covered in black paint.
The graffiti earlier. It must have been him who put it there.
“Kirby Carruthers, I’m arresting you on suspicion of assault and conspiracy to commit murder.”
“Conspiracy to commit murder? What in the… that ain’t right!” Kirby protested.
Raymond got up, dragging the big gas attendant to his feet and then pushing him through the crowd toward
the doors.
I went after them, trying to get Raymond’s attention.
The vision was still vivid in my mind, and even though Raymond probably wouldn’t believe me, he needed to know.
The murderess was still out there.
“There’s something I have to tell you, Officer Rollins,” I shouted, pushing through the crowd.
Raymond looked back, and our eyes met for a brief second.
“I’ll be back soon, Loretta,” he said. “Soon as I take care of this piece of—”
“It’s important, Raymond.”
“I’ll be extra fast, then,” he said, looking back at me again. “But first things first.”
Everyone watched as Raymond pushed Kirby through the front doors, and the two of them disappeared outside into the storm.
A momentary silence settled in over the room.
Then all at once, everyone started talking again.
I went around behind the bar, my nerves all shot to hell. I looked around and noticed that Courtney had come out of the office, and looked as though she’d been trying to fill the drink orders that had piled up in my absence. Her face was red, like she was ashamed. It must have been embarrassing: the entire bar hearing about her money woes.
But right now, there were more important things that needed to be attended to.
The last words of the girl in my vision replayed again in my head.
I’ll burn the whole world down if I have to.
“Courtney, I need to talk to you,” I said.
She had a metal shaker between her hands and was tossing it up and down furiously.
“It’s important. It’s about Dale,” I said.
I lowered my voice.
“I think I know who killed him, Courtney. I think you might know who she is, too.”
Her mouth dropped open for a split second in surprise when I said she.
Then the shaker’s lid popped off, and the contents of the Cupid’s Slingshot she was making sprayed everywhere, drenching her silk blouse, and about four customers at the bar.
She looked at them and then back at me with that same expression of shock.
And then I saw it.
Something in her eyes… just snapped.
She dropped the shaker, and it hit the floor with a loud metallic ring.