by Nhys Glover
I nodded resolutely and let him pull me to my feet. I wondered what I looked like. I knew my eyes were puffy from all my tears, I knew I needed a bath. But no one had tried to force me to leave this room in the last two days so I could get one. They had seemed to understand how frightening it had all become to me. Though there was pressure to act, they had allowed me the time I needed to grieve and then prepare to take up my life again.
I wasn’t ready, even now. But if I waited until I thought I was, my life might be over. I might have spent every day of it hidden away in fear, overwhelmed by what I faced. That was no way to live a life.
And there were too many people depending on me. The longer my uncle had control, the worse would be the results. He might sell off the gladiators; dismantle the whole breeding program and the barracks. Gods only knew what he might do with all that power.
In the missive Pater had written to me in his own shaky hand before his death, he said Natalinus would do what he could to block Etruscus’ attempts to take control until I could return a married woman. He told me that he hoped I would be happy enough with the choice of Marcus as my husband. That even though he was still very young, he was sure the boy would grow into a man I would someday come to love and respect. And until then his family would protect what was mine. He told me not to grieve for him. That although he wished he could live long enough to know I was safe from the Parthian prince, he was still happy to be joining Mater. “Be happy for me, my dearest daughter,” he wrote, “because I go to join my greatest love.”
And so I did my best to be happy for him and not to grieve. Though I knew in my weaker moments I would cry more lonely tears for him, and for my dear mater who had gone before him.
“We can stay a few more days if you aren’t up to travelling yet. It’s been a lot to come to terms with. And you were exhausted even before... everything.”
I looked up into Orion’s bright-blue eyes, so filled with concern and love. Those feelings had always been there, I now knew. But since he had shared his past, and come to terms with it, he seemed more content to allow those vulnerable emotions to show through. His strength sometimes humbled me.
I smiled up at him, placing a tender hand on his softly bristled cheek. Since undertaking this journey he and his brothers had not wasted time on their beards and the bristles were evidence of it. In Orion’s case, the new growth was a darker shade of blonde from the hair on his head. Over-long hair curled almost to his shoulders, as that too had gone untended over the months. But at least it was clean, unlike my own.
Running my fingers through my oily tangles, I grimaced. “Is there time for me to attend the baths? I know I will get dirty fast enough on the roads, but it would be good to wash away the vermin I’ve collected from this place.”
Orion grinned and chuckled. Relief radiated from him in waves. “Of course. We have horses and can always ride faster to catch up with the caravan. Only the safety of numbers is keeping us with them, after all.”
My fingertips followed the outline of his lips. They were cracked from too much dry heat, but they still drew me. I missed the feel of them on mine. I missed a great deal more than his lips.
As if my eyes gave away my thoughts, Orion’s mouth came down to stroke gently over my own in a tender kiss that I felt to my toes.
“I thought you wouldn’t be able to find your way back to us from that dark place,” he confided, as our lips parted again. I saw pain in his eyes. “It is only two days. You can take more for yourself. None of us want to pressure you,” he repeated his offer with more determination this time.
“No, Orion. Thank you, but no. I could stay here forever and not be ready to face what lies ahead. But I am stronger now, and I will grow stronger still with each passing day. The sooner I get to Marcus, the better. Natalinus can legally only do so much until I am married to his son.”
“You are reconciled to marrying Marcus?” he asked tentatively, the underlying jealousy not quite hidden. Maybe someone else might not have seen it, but I knew him too well now to miss the small shifts in his expression that gave him away.
“Marcus is a good friend. And he will require nothing of me but my friendship. It is the perfect solution for him and for me. If I cannot marry all of you, then I may as well marry Marcus.” I could not hold back the deep sigh the admission carried with it.
“He will want children. His father will demand them of him,” Orion pointed out as if the words hurt him to utter.
“Marcus will not want children of his own with me. We talked about this when he helped me escape from Camellia. He cannot perform with women. Not even with someone as delightful as me,” I quoted my dear friend with a laugh.
“Then I pity him. Because he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” He kissed me more deeply this time, stirring feelings that had been dormant since his killing spree.
Had the news about Pater not followed so swiftly on that bloody event I might have reconciled to what I had seen far sooner. But for the two days of my voluntary imprisonment I had tied those bloody deaths to Pater’s in my mind. And I couldn’t bear to think of Orion putting his hands on me again.
Now that the darkness had lifted, I was relieved to realise that my antipathy to him had gone with it. Orion had done what he had to do, what he was trained to do. Just because I had witnessed the bloody carnage, did not deny that truth.
“I am not a monster,” Orion said into my hair. “I may have enjoyed killing more than I should... but those men stole you from your father. They were responsible for his death.”
“I know, I know. I am sorry if I gave you the impression I saw you that way. I do not. You did what was necessary. I wanted them dead. I would be a hypocrite to hold it against you for being the one who made it happen. If they had had their way it would have been your body bleeding out in that alley. I know that. I do.” I kissed his mouth again, lightly but lingeringly. The other pack-mates were waiting for us downstairs. There was no time for more.
I felt his relief in his kiss. Had he really believed my darkness had been caused by his actions? Gods, I was such a self-centred woman sometimes.
When our lips parted, I saw tears glistening in his eyes. I smiled again, more confidently this time.
“Orion, I love you with everything I am. I thought that was how much I loved you before you shared your deepest secrets with me. But now I know those feelings were a mere shadow compared with how I feel for you now. You made me a woman in more ways than just physical. And I will never regret a moment of the time we spent together.”
I stroked his cheek before going on. “I do not know what the next stage in my life will bring. Somehow, I doubt my uncle will sit back and wait for me to marry and steal what he believes should be his. I do not even know what marriage with Marcus will mean for us. For all of us. But as the darkness fades, I am filled with a growing sense of certainty that there will be an ‘us’ in some shape or form. Because we were right in our reflections. We are fated to be together. All of us. Somehow. We will make it happen!”
Orion’s expression shifted to confidence and hope. I saw it set his blue gaze on fire.
“You are the love of my life, little she-wolf. I will never be happy unless I stand at your side. And for at least the next few months that is exactly where I will stand. As will my brothers. Your uncle can do what he will to get in our way, but we will not let him. Because, remember, we never let anything stand in our way!”
I grinned happily at the memory of the words that had linked us from the start.
He was right. We would never let anything stand in our way!
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