by Adelaide Bry
I also feel that the training is very spiritual and I originally did not want to acknowledge that. Werner, who himself has pursued a number of spiritual disciplines, says, "The heart of est is spiritual people, really. . . . That's all there is, there isn't anything but spirituality, which is just another word for God, because God is everywhere."
Many people have deeply spiritual, mystical, or "peak experiences" during or soon after the training. A young woman minister from New Orleans told me, "For the first time in my life I know God, not from faith but directly." Others described to me "sudden lightness," a revelatory "whooosh," and "going through a tunnel to a white light." Werner shared with me a letter he had received from a nun graduate, which said in part: "'The glory of God is now fully alive!' and it is thrilling to see and experience the impact you have in helping us to experience, discover, and realize all the potential we have."
Despite some minor objections, I feel overwhelmingly positive about the est experience both personally and professionally.
Only last week a friend of mine, an attractive and successful department store buyer, arrived at my home in tears about her life situation. "I've had three years of analysis with one of the best analysts in Philadelphia," she said, "and I understand everything that happened with my parents; how my mother was hostile to my father and how I was put down by both of them. But," she cried, "it doesn't make any difference. I haven't changed anything in my life and I still feel awful."
It was a familiar story to me. I had felt the same way through and after my own psychoanalytic therapy. All those endless, expensive hours of monologue had done nothing to lift the Charlie Brown cloud that forever hung over me. The analyst can create space for experience, but, unfortunately, many analysts and therapists I've encountered don't see self-experience as the goal of therapy.
In the est training, on the other hand, people have very dramatic and deep experiences. The type of experience differs for each person. Trainees experience to what Werner calls their "level of possibility." While a religious person might have a religious experience, another might experience love (many report rediscovering their love for parents they had emotionally, and sometimes physically, discarded), for another it might be a release of long pent-up feelings, for another it might be experiencing an ongoing problem such as loneliness or fear.
Many people don't experience any effect from the training until days, weeks, or months later. At the post-trainings I have attended, there are invariably some graduates who share that they have become free of migraine headaches, asthma, backaches, former husbands, nagging mothers-in-law, and a wide variety of problems. I was at first skeptical of these Lourdes-like miracles. Eventually, however, I realized that they were almost inevitable as people give up their pretenses and lies; they no longer need to hang on to the body ailments and destructive relationships that camouflage their truths, and they are free to move on.
Because est makes every effort to screen out those who might not be able to handle the training, the incidence of psychotic episodes is low. est statistics show that since the introduction of its screening process in 1973, breakdowns are lower than in the general population. est says, "If you have a hundred people and you send them to the grocery store, a certain percentage of them will have psychotic episodes and if you send a hundred people to est, a smaller percentage will have pyschotic episodes." No official figures are provided but it is my sense, through the professional grapevine, that such occurrences are rare.
est's brochure about the training states that it is specifically pointed out to people before they take the training that if they feel they need therapy or psychological, psychiatric, or medical services, they should see a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or physician, as appropriate.
Shortly after the training begins, the trainees are informed (warned would be more accurate) that they might experience every emotion possible, that the experience might be very difficult and painful, and that their tuition will be returned if they choose to go no further. est also makes available to the trainee's therapist the services of Robert Larzelere, M.D., manager of the est Well-Being Department, for additional information about the training.
The most definitive evaluation of est is being prepared with est's complete cooperation. Their "About est" brochure states that "studies of est graduates have been conducted by well-respected, independent researchers, including a survey of 1,400 est graduates headed by Dr. Robert Ornstein, a noted psychological researcher [his position and credits follow]. . . . The results of these studies are consistent with what thousands of graduates have reported about their experiences with est."
I called Dr. Ornstein to get a copy of the study, and I was told by his secretary that the study, although completed, was not ready for distribution. When I later spoke with him, he told me he was reluctant to issue it for the reasons he had outlined in a letter he sent to the participants of the study last June. In it he cautioned that "the study is not, strictly speaking, an outcome study. There were no control groups of non-graduates, and subjects were not surveyed both before and after taking the est training. The study is a preliminary, self-report, retrospective survey of est graduates, focusing on health and well-being changes." He also stated: "the study revealed no evidence that est harms anyone.
"This study does not demonstrate that people's health actually changes, but only that they say it does." Nevertheless, he continues, "the reported changes are strongly positive and the findings are powerful enough to warrant further research in any of the areas mentioned above. We are confident of the reliability and representativeness of the data because our response rates are high." Ornstein goes on to state that "Respondents reported strong, positive health changes since taking the est standard training, especially in the areas of psychological health and those illnesses with a large psychosomatic component. These appear to be sufficiently strong to justify controlled follow-up studies of particular physical and psychological variables."
Another study was done in 1972 by Behaviordyne, Inc., an independent psychological testing corporation, on personality changes in people three months after taking the training. Its general findings were that measurable changes in personality do occur as the result of the est training; that these changes continue to manifest themselves three months after the training has ended; that more changes were noted for the female participants than the male; and that "the psychological picture that emerges is that of a happier, psychologically sounder and more responsible person."
In conclusion, I think est's philosophy and techniques speak for themselves. Werner has created a system that encompasses and yet goes beyond the viable discipline of every age and is proving effective for both the laymen and the professionals who have experienced it.
Felice
Felice is twenty-five, thin and intense, with fiery black eyes that immediately held me. She is Hispanic-American and grew up in a poor section of Brooklyn. She works as a psychotherapist in a mental institution.
I was afraid of everything. People, the dark, bugs, animals, crowded rooms, open spaces. I knew I needed help -- that's why I went to est. I chose January because that's the time of year I get suicidal. I knew I had to live.
Now, after eat, I know I don't have to live. The intensity of my desperation is gone. My desire to kill myself is gone. Every time I feel suicidal I deal with my anger and it goes away. I have come close to death and now I see how ridiculous all that was. That simple.
If someone used to criticize me, I felt the whole world was against me. If it got too bad, I'd think about killing myself. That was my out.
Now I can take what people say and ask myself, "Is it them or me?" If someone says to me, "Felice, you're doing a lousy job," I ask them how. If they can't tell me, I laugh and tell them it's probably their problem, not mine.
Now I can fight with my boss. He was in a lousy mood one day. I asked him a question and he answered, "Why don't you look that up?" I felt hurt. So I said to him, "I feel hurt. You put me dow
n." He laughed and apologized.
I'm also using est with my patients. One patient left the unit without permission the other day. When she came back she started cluttering up the situation with a lot of junk -- excuses, reasons, justifications. I wouldn't buy it. I told her I didn't want to hear her racket. I insisted that she take responsibility for what she had done.
I felt incredibly strong. And I think she felt better because she had to be straight with me.
I'm not so afraid anymore . . . of anything.
11
The Future
"Here is where it is. Now is when it is. You are what it is." -- Werner Erhard
I heard the other day that est expects to train 50,000 people this coming year. That's a lot of people putting out a lot of money and effort to go through a lot of physical and emotional discomfort for the prize which is the est experience. Werner's intention to train forty million suddenly doesn't seem quite so preposterous.
At this writing, est has opened an office in Chicago, bringing to twelve the number of cities in which it is operating; has completed workshops in Europe; has 12,000 people enrolled to take trainings scheduled through the next four months; and gets an impressive attendance at the guest seminars held almost daily on the East and West coasts (one recent New York graduate brought twenty guests to her post-training). This, just four years after it got started in a small office above a restaurant in the girlie show section of San Francisco.
It appears that est can become as big as it chooses, and it is apparent that it is choosing to become big. At this point the momentum is so great that est could continue to grow without effort. The only barrier to its multiplying is the current limited number of trainers (14) and staff. Werner expects unqualified excellence from those who work for him. And apparently he's willing to delay est's expansion until the work can be done at the same level of excellence achieved thus far.
As est grows and increasingly reaches into the heartland of America, will it make any difference? I think it will, and I think that difference will be a significant one.
est's impact will not necessarily come directly from est, alone. Trainer Stewart Emery left est in 1975 to form his own business. Like the other trainers, he is dynamic and aggressive and I have no doubt that his variations on the est theme will be successful. If he is anything like Freud's disciples -- Jung, Adler, Horney, among others -- he will undoubtedly add his own consciousness and creativity to the master's. And in est's long future, others will probably follow.
Adding to est's expansion will be the teachers, psychotherapists, and clergymen graduating from est and actively using it in their work, as well as all the other graduates whose work and influence put them among our power elite, trend-setters, and image-makers. (In my training alone, there were two physicians, more than a dozen therapists and social workers, teachers, artists, dancers, singers, journalists, actors, business executives, bankers, high-level public relations and advertising personnel, and a television news producer.) These are the people we look to for our models and who create our value systems. A surgeon relating to a patient and a copywriter promoting deodorant coming from their est experience may have far greater impact on the culture than the so-called average American.
Werner appears to be reaching influential men and women in this country very rapidly. In addition to the standard trainings, he offers a different type of est experience -- the Communication Workshops. Because these workshops offer a way of breaking through the barriers to true communication, they draw large numbers of high-level people, among them doctors, management executives, university faculties, and professionals in the fields of medicine, education, and psychotherapy.
A graduate in training with the guest seminar leaders program said to me right after Werner spoke about training forty million people, "Can you imagine what the world out there would be like if forty million people stopped lying to themselves?" To that I add: and became (like est leaders) clear-eyed, clear-headed, open, direct, in the moment, and rid of all the mental (belief systems) and physical (aches and pains) baggage that gets in the way of aliveness? Incredible!
The main significance of est's work and impact, as I see it, is to assist large numbers of people in getting in touch with their own experience, which is what other New Age consciousness groups are doing. Until recently only the avant garde, and relatively isolated gurus, were exploring new ways of being. The enormous success of Transcendental Meditation has begun to change that; those who are practicing TM are in the vanguard of expanded consciousness.
Werner Erhard takes the consciousness movement an important step further.
What est does is alter people's experience of their belief systems, beginning with their experience of reality and ending with an experience of the self's potential to know and to be. Relating that to our daily human predicament, what it does is transform dissatisfaction, confusion, emotional pain, and physical distress into health, happiness, love, and full self-expression -- What est calls "aliveness."
You might say that's what psychotherapy and religion have been trying to do all along. True, but there are millions who have never embraced, have rejected, or haven't changed as a result of, therapy and/or religion.
Although I see est creating a revolution in the practice of psychotherapy (and perhaps in education and religion as well) by transforming those involved, est's impact goes far beyond providing people with ways to deal with their personal problems. Its most far-reaching effect will undoubtedly come from the issue of responsibility, specifically the notions of self-responsibility and of being at the cause of our lives. This will be seen in all areas relating to the human condition -- politics, economics, ecology, family relationships, war, peace, health, creativity, to name just a few.
We have seen in this book only a hint of what we may expect. If, after the training, prisoners in the maximum security ward of a federal penitentiary take full responsibility for their crimes, then it is conceivable that our increasing crime rate may actually be reversed.
If, after the training, children stop blaming their parents for the problems in their lives, then we can create a future where they learn, grow, and run their lives out of choice rather than coercion. It is not surprising that where trainings have been held in elementary schools, the schoolwork and leadership abilities of the graduates (aged 7-11) show an immediate expansion.
If after the trainings adults experience their body sensations, their feelings, and their aliveness for the first time in their lives, then we may create a future populated by awake, aware, and alive people instead of the mechanized automatons most of us still are.
If, after the training, men and women come to grips with their relationships and deal in honesty instead of subterfuge, and reality instead of belief, then perhaps divorce might decline, and millions of children be raised in a loving, accepting environment.
A colleague of mine who took the training with Landon Carter, a young, handsome, and dynamic graduate of Andover, Yale (where he was a football star), and Harvard Business School -- a Kennedy type -- had a flash of him running for office. Imagine a politician who was committed to keeping his agreements and who took responsibility for his actions!
It has long been a dream that mankind could be ethical and loving, as well as creative. I think that we are closer to that dream today than ever before.
Unquestionably est will continue to expand; the demand for what it provides is phenomenal and will probably increase. There is always the possibility, of course, it could get bogged down like other institutions in its forms and become removed from its experience. If Werner's intention persists, however, I feel the future holds great promise for est and all its graduates.
For myself, having been on a consciousness-expansion trip for twenty years, I find that I am closer to my tears and to my laughter, experiencing myself right here, right now, not so often thinking about the past or the future. I find that I have an added clarity in experiencing others. I am there with them, being with them, in a
way I was not before.
Werner says, "When you have experienced yourself, you will know it because it will take you out into the world. Not into a cave. Not into a monastery. But out into the world. And the way you go into the world is with compassion. Being out in the world is compassion itself."
If all of us who have experienced est go into the world with compassion, and if we bring with us the awareness, the creative power -- and the love -- that we each have rediscovered within ourselves through est, then we will be a mighty force for a new way of being.
I know that with my heart. And I got it at est.
Dennis
Dennis, at twenty-seven, is an ebullient young man with laughing blue eyes and curly hair. He works as a travel agent in New York.