“You know what, Becca?” I spoke loudly. “The Phantoms are a family. Why the hell can’t you have a kid if you want one?”
A couple of women stared at me as if I’d ordered them to strip naked and do the hokey-cokey. “Are you serious, Shadow?” Princess, a fairly new assassin who got her tag because of her love of diamonds, asked.
Isaac stepped up beside me after leaving Bullet to scoop Annie into her arms and introduce her to all her new family. Taking my hand in his, he addressed the others. “I have a few things to clear up. For one, no one has ever come to me asking to extend our family. I’m not sure why you all think this is beyond the rules. As Connie said, we are a family. We take care of each other and that includes each other’s children. Two,” he continued as everyone turned to respectfully listen to their master, “Shadow is now to be addressed by her name. Her proper name.” I couldn’t help but smile at the warm feeling inside as Isaac squeezed my hand. “And three.” He paused and looked to Devlin, who frowned and looked rather nervous. Isaac took a big breath and looked back to the crowd. “Connie and I are retiring.”
A range of gasps rang out and every single wide eye stared at Isaac in shock as a few hushed whispers reverberated around the room.
“Devlin will be your new master.”
Devlin’s eyes grew so wide I swore they were going to pop out and drop at his feet. “Are you shitting me?”
Isaac shook his head. “You have shown me more loyalty than any fucker ever has. Although I’ll still be overseeing things from wherever Connie, Annie and I end up, things will very much be left in your rule. I trust you. You’ve served the Phantoms and me well and I love you for your astounding support.”
Devlin smirked but his expression showed every bit of his growing astonishment. “You love me? Wow, I must say I’m honoured.”
“Fuck off!” Isaac grumbled, but grinned and pulled Devlin into a hug when he came over and slapped Isaac respectfully on the back.
“Connie,” Annie whispered as she nervously came to me and tugged on my hand.
Smiling down at her, I crouched and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
She leaned into my ear, her cheeks tinted pink with shyness around the others. “Where’s my daddy?”
Grief twisted my gut and for a long moment I stared at her in frozen numbness. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at her wide pleading eyes. My mouth dried and it fell open and closed many times before Isaac came to rescue me.
Scooping Annie up into his arms, he smiled at her. “Connie and I need to show you your new room. I think you’re going to love it, munchkin.”
Isaac looked over at me, his expression full of pity yet his love giving me so much strength. “You ready to do this?”
For over ten years I had been tortured and had tortured. I had killed and been killed many times over. I had put bullets into many people, I had even received a few myself. I had fought with my bare hands, I’d been whipped to within an inch of my life. Yet, right then, I knew the job I now had to face was going to be the most painful thing I had ever undertaken.
Blowing out a breath to calm my anguish, I nodded then silently followed Isaac through the mansion to the north wing. I’d been gone for eighteen months but my things, my home comforts all welcomed me back as though I had never left. My own belongings eased the rage in my heart and gave me the strength to face what I had to do.
Annie climbed into my lap when Isaac sat beside me on the sofa. Her eager expression tormented my soul and when a sob finally broke from me, Isaac smiled sadly.
I watched in stunned silence when he pulled a dice from his pocket and handed it to Annie. She peered at it curiously as she turned it around in her fingers and my despair grew when I realised Isaac had kept the thing that had both granted me death and saved my life.
“You see this?” he whispered as he took Annie’s tiny hand in his own. “This belonged to your very brave daddy.”
“It’s okay,” I cut in. “I can do this.”
“Are you sure?” he whispered softly as he wiped away one of my tears with his thumb.
Nodding, I turned to Annie. Taking the dice from her hand, I softly rolled it between my fingers. “Your daddy saved my life, Annie.”
“He did?” Annie beamed at me. She had the most amazing smile and for a moment I could only stare at the mirror image of my beautiful sister. How fucking cruel was life? How bitter and sick was the person who decided who lived and died? I made a promise that day, that if anyone ever hurt this little girl again, I would annihilate them until all that was left was the dust from their despicable souls.
I nodded, smiling at her through the tears threatening to strangle me. “Do you know how much your daddy loved your mummy, Annie?”
“Lots and lots and lots,” she answered eagerly.
“He did,” I confirmed with a nod. “And your daddy missed your mummy so, so much, his heart hurt without her.”
Blowing out a breath I squeezed her hand so tight I was worried I was hurting her. “Well, the angels came and asked him if he wanted to be with her.”
Her eyes filled with huge drops of grief. She understood what I was trying to tell her. A long, piercing whine burst from her lips and she buried her face into my chest as her little fat fingers clawed at my clothes. The look of utter desolation on Isaac’s face will forever be etched into my heart when he heard the wretched sound that broke from Annie that day. It will forever fuel my nightmares, and for the first time ever, I watched as a tear slid down Isaac’s face and dropped from his chin onto his strong chest.
“But he loves me too,” Annie sobbed.
Oh dear God.
“He loved you so very much, Annie, don’t you ever think he didn’t. He also loved me too.” Isaac tipped his head to the side and regarded me softly. “And he knew how much I longed for a little girl to love. He gave us both a gift when he went to live with your mummy. Everything is so hard right now, but when you’re much bigger and your heart doesn’t hurt as much as it does now, then things will be easier to understand. But I can promise you that Isaac and I love you with every single piece of our hearts. Your mummy and daddy will always be with you, sweetie, always. Their souls will both comfort and protect you every day.”
“Is he happy now?” she whispered.
“He was happy, Annie…”
She shook her head but smiled. “Whenever we went to visit Mummy’s grave he would be so sad that it made my tummy hurt. He had a photo of her in his drawer beside his bed…”
I smiled through the pain threatening to rip my heart from my chest. “He’s happy, baby. And he wants you to be happy. And I promise you that you will be. I promise Annie,” I swore as I wrapped a strand of her hair around my finger and tugged it gently.
She nodded, snuggling into me again. I looked up at Isaac who was staring at me curiously. His expression was soft, his head cocked to one side as he regarded us like some priceless artefact. Reaching out slowly, he took a piece of my hair and a lock of Annie’s matching ebony strands and wrapped them both around his little finger. “My girls,” he whispered. “My family.”
Turning in my hold, Annie smiled at him. “I like you,” she said shyly.
I couldn’t help but chuckle when the grin that covered Isaac’s usual stern face broke all records and his happiness with her statement made my own smile hurt my cheeks.
I knew he longed for a child of his own. The loss of our daughter had hardened Isaac in so many ways, and it was in that single moment that a four-year-old girl managed to smash through the ice that had formed around his heart and annihilate all the hatred he had held for so long.
Annie was the start of living for Isaac and me. She allowed us to breathe and, for the first time ever, to take life and enjoy it. In the years to come, Annie always said that Isaac and I were her saviours, but she was so very wrong. Because she saved us, in so many ways. She was the first proper beat of our hearts, and she was the obliteration to the hatred we both held.
She was our decimation, our salvation and our beginning.
July 2015. Aged 30.
THE SUN BEAT down on my bare chest. Sweat poured from my brow. My muscles had never ached so much. And I had never laughed as damn hard as I was right then.
Both of my girls squealed in delight when I tore after them, the sand whipping up behind me as I ran. They each wore red bathing suits, and they were the prettiest girls on the whole beach.
Annie looked over her shoulder, trying to see how far behind I was. When she spotted me hot on her tail, she screamed and forced her little legs to move faster.
“You’ll never escape!” I roared.
“You big mean Toad King!” Annie grumbled when I scooped her up, slung her over my shoulder and raced after Connie who had managed to gain some distance.
“The Toad King is gonna gobble you up, little girl!”
She beat playfully at my back, her tiny fists pounding at my flesh. I was secretly proud of how hard she could already punch. My girl was going to annihilate any fucking boy that came near her. Her little legs kicked, her heel catching me in the eye and blinding me for a brief moment. “Shit,” I cried out as I dropped her and pressed the heel of my hand into my throbbing eyeball.
She stared up at me, a delighted grin on her face, before she took the opportunity to escape and belted after Connie. “Traitor!” I shouted after her when Connie laughed loudly upon witnessing her niece’s no holds barred fighting skills.
“Good girl!” Connie high-fived Annie and pulled her into her arms as they both made their way down to the crystal clear waters of St Lucia.
“Run!” Bullet shouted to Connie and Annie as she lay curled in Panther’s arms. Vaulting over their lazy arses, I scowled at Bullet on my way past. She poked her tongue out and then disappeared under Panther’s body when he rolled her very pregnant body over and stuck his tongue in her mouth.
“You’re too fat!” Connie shouted over her shoulder to me. “Out of shape, my love.”
I growled and sped up, desperate to get my hands on my wife’s delicious curves. Her arse wiggled deliciously at me from behind the scrap of red cotton hiding her gorgeous backside from me. “Be careful!” I shouted back. “Don’t forget Annie is with Bullet and Panther for the night. You, my love, are all mine when the sun goes down. And unfortunately,” I chuckled when I pounced on them both and brought us all tumbling into the softness of the sand, “you’re going to be punished for that smart remark.”
Annie took off running up the beach as I captured Connie beneath me and pinned her down. “I’ll get help!” she shouted before Panther screamed at her and chased her in the opposite direction.
Connie rolled her eyes then winked. “Annie seems to think I need help.”
I snorted, burying my face in her neck and tickling her soft skin with my stubble, raking it up and down until she slapped me and squirmed underneath me. “Scream for help, if you dare.” I chuckled.
She grabbed my hair and moved my face to hers. “Help me,” she whispered. “I’m being devoured by a huge fat guy.”
“You cheeky bitch!”
She laughed loudly when I rolled her beneath me, checked up the beach to see if Annie was in sight, then brought my hand down sharply on her arse. She gasped, the dirty little minx. “Again?”
“Oh God, yes please,” she panted as she lifted her backside slightly.
“Jesus H Christ!” Bullet huffed as she skipped into the water beside us. “Control yourselves.”
“You’re only jealous ‘cos you don’t get any of this,” Connie joked, cupping her very nice tits in her hands and wiggling them.
Bullet rolled her eyes. “Only ‘cos I can’t get fucking near you with this humungous belly.”
“Aww,” Connie cooed as she managed to pull out of my hold to stroke Bullet’s belly as she paddled beside her best friend. Bloody women.
Lying on my back, I looked up at the bright blue sky, marvelling at the calm in my chest as the warm waters rolled over my toes. The last year had been the most challenging of my life, but the very best. I wanted to repeat every single minute of it.
We were happy, and every time I saw the perfect smile on Connie’s face, I finally knew I had achieved something good. My life had been far from normal; it still wasn’t normal, but now we had the house of our dreams, the things we’d longed for, we even had the puppy that we’d promised to Annie. Yet, looking at my wife as she came to lie beside me, I knew that material things didn’t matter; she did. Her and my surrogate daughter. They were my life now. I wasn’t ashamed to say I’d killed dozens of people. I had tortured, maimed and slaughtered, however now I had something to kill and punish for; my family. I would protect them with my very last breath. If anyone was to threaten our perfect life, a life Connie had only dreamed for in all her suffering, then I wouldn’t take another breath until I had torn out their hearts.
“You okay?” she asked as she nuzzled into me.
Annie came bounding over to us and curled up at the other side of me as I opened my arm and pulled her in. Both Connie and Annie grinned at each other from opposite sides of my chest. “I’m happy,” I whispered as I sank a kiss into her soft hair. I grimaced at the tightness in my throat, the restriction making my words sound as choked as I felt.
But Connie didn’t look at me as though I was a wuss for showing emotion, she looked at me like I’d given her the stars and the moon. She looked at me with every single bit of love she had for me. She smiled and ran her finger across my gruff chin, her eyes shining with devotion.
Feeling another finger on the other side of my face, I turned to look at Annie who was grinning mischievously as she mimicked her aunt and dramatically stroked my chin. Then sighing with happiness, she turned her face and looked up to the sky. A huge smile covered her face and she shot up.
“Holly!” She clapped her hands in delight when the most delicate blue butterfly fluttered its wings around my little girl. “You came back!”
Connie gasped and stared open-mouthed at the butterfly. “Oh my God,” she breathed when from behind the first butterfly the most vibrant yellow one fluttered its large strong wings. They both danced around Annie’s head before they shivered in the breeze and flew away.
“Goodbye,” Connie whispered beside me as tears streamed down her face and she blew a kiss to the butterflies.
Annie turned to us and grinned. “I’ve decided what my Phantom tag will be.”
Connie coughed and I spluttered at her sudden statement.
“I’m going to be the Blue Butterfly,” she declared as she watched the two pairs of gentle wings dance into the sun.
No way was she ever becoming a Phantom.
Yet, as with the rest of my life, Annie showed me just how strong and remarkable she was. She grew into the most beautiful creature ever to grace the earth. And beside Connie and me, she blossomed from her cocoon and emerged as the most formidable assassin ever in the history of all the Phantoms.
The two butterflies visited Connie and Annie on many occasions throughout their lives, but none were ever as significant as that time because at long last, my wife, my beautiful strong wife finally said goodbye. And that was all she’d ever hoped for.
The End
Keep reading for a sneak peek of
AUNTIE CONNIE SMILED softly as she sighed heavily and came to sit beside me on the bed, placing a small box beside her on the light grey duvet. “You okay?”
Was I? Would I ever be?
“Strangely, yes,” I answered truthfully as I stared down at my hands, turning them over as if I expected them to still be covered in blood. She gripped hold of them tightly and I looked up to her face. She looked sad, pained even. Her teeth were worrying her bottom lip as her throat dipped with her anguish.
“The first is always the worst, Annie, but I won’t lie and say it doesn’t get easier.”
“How can it ever get easier?” Nothing made sense in my head. But it wasn’t the guilt or the disgust eating
me up, it was the fact that I didn’t feel either of those emotions that made my gut clench with nausea. “How can I even feel like this?”
Connie smiled, her eyes foretelling her love for me. She had watched me grow into a twenty one year old. She had nurtured me like a mother, taught me right from wrong, and last night she had trained me exactly how to gut a man with the minimum outflow of blood.
“You’re so very much like your mother, Annie.” Her sadness was extreme, the potency of it swallowing my tears and forcing my dry eyes to blink in effort to release the wetness that never came. Since I was four, the day I had cried at the death of my father I had never shed a tear again. It wasn’t that I was heartless, or even cold, it was just a case of nothing could ever match the pain from that day. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t suffered as a child, or missed out on anything, Connie and Isaac had loved me enough for what I had lost from the death of my parents, yet a part of me would never be filled with their absence.
I smiled in reply to her words but when she reached out to me with something in her hands, my mouth dried and the heartache tripled with what my eyes witnessed.
“Your father’s journal,” Connie whispered as we both stared at it. “I wanted to give it to you so many times but it never quite felt right. But now, now you’ll understand.”
Tentatively I took it from her, the feel of it heavy in my hands, and my soul. “Have you read it?”
She nodded. “Yes. It’s not light reading Ann, in fact it’s fucking heart wrenching at times, and nauseating at others, but maybe it will help you to accept who you are.” As if reluctant, she pulled something else out of the box she had carried in. She stared down at a folded piece of material and my heart twisted when a lone tear rolled down her cheek. Slowly, she raised it to her face and inhaled its scent, then passed it to me. “And this was something very dear to your mother. At first I didn’t understand how significant it was to her, until I read Daniel’s journal.”
The soft pink cotton opened in my hands until a long pink slip lay across my lap. “This was my mother’s?”
The Beginning of Connie and Isaac (The Blue Butterfly #3) Page 16