“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t.” I held up a hand in a stop sign. “Please don’t give me your sympathy. I don’t need it.”
He held his hands up in a surrender sign and fell silent.
For some reason, I found myself on a roll, telling him the ins and outs of it all. Maybe some part of me did need to talk it out with someone ‘outside’ of the situation, or perhaps I hoped he might ease up on me a bit.
“I needed help when I came out of hospital. I figured it was the least he could do considering he caused it, so he became my carer twenty-four seven. Unfortunately, that also gave him an opportunity to plead his case.” I stopped and looked at the ripples fading on the water’s surface. “Ten years together, that’s a long time to throw away because of a three-month affair. That’s what he kept clinging onto and eventually, he got his way. I agreed to try and make a go of it. He assured me he didn’t love Alyssa, my sister, it was just a fling.”
I hesitated, unsure whether he really wanted to listen to this or not. I became very aware of sounding like an idiot, doubting my reasons for being such a jumbled mess.
In a soft voice, he asked, “Did he then admit to loving her or something?”
I closed my eyes, the painful last argument we’d had playing out in my mind. “Alyssa announced she was pregnant two weeks ago.” A few more tears released themselves, running down my pale cheeks. “The due date is the date Ben and I were supposed to get married. Talk about irony, huh?”
He let out a low whistle, and shuffled on the log.
“I completely lost it—that was the last straw. I couldn’t cope with the thought of it. We had a massive row last week when I demanded he tell her to get rid of it.” I paused and clasped my hands together. “We’d been trying for a baby for over a year. In the heat of the moment, he turned around and said at least my sister could have his children.”
He raised his eyebrows and clenched his jaw. “What an absolute douche.”
I nodded. “The worst bit is, I fell out with my best friend only a few hours before it all happened. She’d tried to tell me that Ben was seeing someone else and I just...blew up at her. I called her all the names under the sun and told her not to speak to me ever again. I went home and, well, the rest is history.”
“Ouch. Does she know what’s happened?”
“Yes. She sent me flowers and things whilst I was in hospital. It was still too sore to speak to her. The weeks have all kind of merged into a mess since, and now it’s more a case of being too embarrassed. After I told Mum about our latest row last week, she called Zoe and organised for me to come out here. John is Zoe’s uncle.”
“Ah, I see. That’s really good of her though. Surely that’s enough for you to pick up the phone and speak to her again?”
I stood up to stretch my legs out. Running my hands through my hair, I fussed over stones and rocks on the bare earth. “I don’t think you quite realise how much of a bitch I was to her. I...” Tears started falling again. “I need to figure out me and Ben first. One thing at once.”
He nodded and stood up, running a hand over his stubble dashed chin. “So, why did your mum and Zoe send you out to a ranch?”
I smiled, a couple more tears squeezing their way from my eyes. “Horses have always been my solidarity in life. They have an amazing ability to transport me to this place in my mind where nothing matters, I’m free of the world, my life. I’ve not had a horse in my life for nearly eight years and I miss them more than anything.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess they thought it was the perfect fit.”
A shrill whistle cut through the air, breaking the intimate peace between us.
He wiped his hands on his jeans. “Sounds like we’re getting ready to move.”
I nodded. “Sure. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”
He faltered, his dark eyes lingering on me for a second or two before he turned and made his way back to the group.
I let out a long breath, feeling as though a tonne of bricks had been lifted from me. I walked back to the hay cart feeling strangely happy with the evenings’ events.
BY THE TIME I GOT BACK to my room, darkness had fallen, wrapping everything in its night time promises. I flicked the TV on and climbed under my duvet, snuggling into my pillow. I was so relaxed, I jumped when my phone started ringing. I looked at the display with a frown as it was my works number.
“Hello?”
“Soph?”
My heart stopped before doing a triple backflip. “Ben?”
“Hey, gorgeous.”
My tongue tripped over itself as my brain struggled to string words together.
“Are you ok? Sophie?”
Finally, my mouth cooperated with my mind. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I needed to speak to you. I...I miss you.”
“Leave me alone, Ben. I came here to get away from you for a bit, not be harassed by you. What the hell are you doing on my works phone? Who let you in the office?”
“Tania. Look, please come home, baby. I didn’t mean what I said, it was just a heat of the moment thing. I think jetting off somewhere for weeks was a bit of an extreme reaction to a silly argument.”
My body began shaking. My hands trembled as a mix of anger and sadness swamped me. “A silly argument? Are you kidding me? You had a three-month affair with my sister!”
“But we got past that, baby. Come home, please?”
My voice crept up another ten decibels as I erupted into a fit of fury. “Got past it? Are you kidding me, Ben? How am I ever going to get past the sight of you and her in our bed? Let alone deal with a living, breathing reminder of you both?” I stopped as a laugh came from nowhere. “I’d be its Aunt but also its Step-mum. How messed up is that? It would be a daily reminder that she gave you something I can’t. I can’t...I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I slapped myself on the forehead. “What the hell am I apologising for? I need some space and I need some time. Don’t call me again.”
“But I love you, Soph. Please.”
“Well, I loved you. Perhaps I should get pregnant by another guy and see how you feel about that. What would you do then?”
He paused for a moment. When he spoke, he sounded like he’d just swallowed a bunch of lemons. “I’d forgive you.”
I laughed. “Of course you would. Coming from the guy who became jealous of the bond I had with a horse. A horse.” I clutched at the side of my head, desperate to make him understand, make him see what he’d done to me. “Just leave me alone. If I want to speak to you, I’ll be in touch.”
I hung up and sat for a few seconds, processing the brief conversation. In nothing but sheer frustration, I let out a scream and hurled my phone across the room. How dare he call me when I asked for space?
All the unbridled emotions charging around me had my head in a spin. I didn’t know what to do except dissolve into a thousand tears. How could he not see it from my perspective? He’d torn my heart from my chest, stamped on it, and shredded it into millions of pieces. There was nothing he could do to fix the deep wound inside me.
A gentle knock at the door ceased my sobs. I dabbed at my face in an effort to look half respectable. Opening the door, I was surprised to see Brady stood there. He held his hat in his hands, and his handsome face wore a nervous smile.
“Evening.”
I faked a smile, squirming as I realised he was seeing me at one of my worst moments. “Hi.”
“Are you ok?”
I nodded.
“I err...I heard you shouting...”
My heart thudded with a dead beat. Had I really been that loud? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb people.”
“No, you didn’t disturb anyone. I was just walking past and heard you. Just thought I’d check if you were ok.”
His thoughtful gesture had more tears springing to the surface. “Thank you. I’m honestly ok.”
He fidgeted from foot to foot. “You err...” He lifted his arm, making a tentative
move with his hand towards my face. “You have some mascara on your cheek.”
I wiped at it straight away, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “Thanks.”
He placed his hat back on his head and nodded to me. “I better let you get some sleep.”
I said nothing and started to close the door.
“Don’t cry over him. He’s not worth it.”
My face burned to a hundred degrees in less than second. My heart raced its own record sprint. Was his attitude towards me changing? Or was this just pity?
I bid him good night and headed back to bed. I hung on to the possibility that perhaps the hot cowboy might actually care about my pain. That thought alone issued a smile on my face. It had been a long time since I last went to bed smiling.
Chapter Eight
The following morning after breakfast, John informed me I could have a lesson on Cody. When he continued to tell me Brady would be my instructor, a mixture of dread and apprehension accompanied me down to the barn. After our chat last night, I hoped he would be different towards me, but part of me told me not to be so naïve. Guys like him didn’t care about stranger’s lives, it was just small talk to pass the time.
I made a beeline for Cody, my eyes on stalks watching for Brady. He sauntered out of the barn, his blue checked shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest. I struggled to keep my eyes from lingering across his smooth, honey brown skin. His ripped denim jeans enveloped his legs in a tight hug. He looked good.
He strode towards me with a warm smile on his handsome face. “Need a hand getting on?”
I shook my head. “I’m good, thanks.”
He walked to Cody’s head, taking hold of the reins anyway. I tried to calm my racing heart as I settled in the comfy leather saddle.
“Is your wrist ok today?”
“Yes, thanks.”
I was lying to a degree—it ached but I didn’t want to lose my riding time. I wasn’t prepared to beg anymore for it.
He narrowed his eyes at me but said nothing. “Ok. Let’s work on that stuff I told you on Tuesday.”
“Sure.”
I walked Cody into the arena, my mouth drying out with every second that passed. Despite the sun beginning to scorch the earth once again, it was purely Brady’s presence which drove my nerves, and sweat glands, to breaking point. For the next fifteen minutes, he kept me between walking and jogging, detailing me on relaxing my posture and trusting my horse more.
He asked me to come in to him, instructing me to take my feet from the stirrups. “Let your legs hang loose, just relax, like you’re in an armchair.”
I shuffled my bum more underneath me and stretched my legs as far as I could.
“Good.” He smiled at me as he stepped to my side. “Now, I want you to keep your leg here whilst you go walk and jog for me.”
He lifted his hand and grabbed my calf muscle, pushing it against Cody’s side. A warm fuzz crept through me, snaking up my leg before descending over every part of my body. My cheeks flushed at his touch and I couldn’t help the goofy smile which tried to cover it.
A twinkle in his eye told me he knew what he’d done. As he drew his hand away, he slid it down my leg a few inches. His grip wasn’t firm but it wasn’t loose either. It was just enough to leave me questioning whether he was flirting with me or not. Either way, my heart leapt into a new beat.
After another ten minutes of deep concentration, I relaxed into this new style, grateful he’d taken the time to show me. Cody’s ears were flicking back and forth, listening to my voice as I talked to him. He jogged along in his own relaxed state, seeming more comfortable with every passing minute.
Brady called me back into him. “Fantastic. You’re a quick learner. Can you feel him relaxing more as you relax your body?”
I nodded, smiling.
“Good. Now, I want to teach you one handed. Think you can handle that?”
“It can’t be that hard, surely?”
He grinned. “Harder than you think. It’s far easier for a Western rider to adapt to English than vice versa, just remember that.”
I smiled. “I’m doing ok so far.”
“Pride comes before a fall.” He winked. “Now, drop your reins on his neck.”
I did as he asked. When he took my hand in his, I struggled to hide the hitch in my breath. He held my hand in a gentle grip as he moved the reins between my fingers. When he finished, he rested his hand on top of mine for a brief second. Warmth, edged with a little something I couldn’t quite name, lined his dark eyes. An unspoken statement seemed to pass between us both in that moment.
I followed his instructions for the next fifteen minutes as I got used to riding one handed through all the paces. It was odd to begin with, but after a while I began to feel like a proper cowboy, loping around the desert one handed.
He motioned me back to him. “Now comes the cool part. Neck reining.”
A big grin broke out across my face.
“Cody here is a pro. He was a champion reiner not so many years ago so you have to be gentle and slow. For your sake, not his.”
For the following twenty minutes, I played with the amazing horse beneath me. He was so responsive and obedient, none of my dressage horses could even compare to his foot perfect performance. As I got used to Cody’s sharp reflexes, Brady let me finish my session with a couple of speedy spins.
I dismounted beaming from ear to ear. “What an incredible horse.”
Brady gave him a pat on the neck. “He is. That’s only the tip of the iceberg with what he can do but we’ll leave that for another day.”
“I look forward to it.”
He smiled at me as I handed him the reins. “Do you want to help me sort him out?”
I hesitated for a second, not sure why he seemed to be having a complete one-eighty with me. “Sure.”
We took Cody back to his stall in silence. I eased over my awkwardness by patting Cody’s neck as we walked, talking to him about what a good boy he was.
As we turned into his clean stable, Brady pointed to a crate in the corner of the barn. “There’s some apples in there.”
I nodded and picked out the biggest, juiciest apple I could find. I hid it in the corner of the stable and helped take his tack off. Whilst Brady was taking his boots off, I went for the saddle. As I slid the heavy saddle from his sweaty back, I stumbled back, not in the best position to take the weight of it. It was surprising how much heavier these things were than English saddles.
Brady stood watching me, a curious look on his face. “You ok with that? Can your wrist manage?”
Before I could even answer, he slipped his arm underneath the saddle. His hand brushed against mine and I couldn’t help but blush. He leaned forwards to take the weight of the saddle, spiking my heart rate to dangerous levels.
“Thanks,” I said, my voice coming out no less than a squeak.
We were within inches of each other. He smiled and lingered for just a fraction of a second. My breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t realised quite how nervous he made me.
He walked out with the saddle leaving me to finish Cody’s boots. I let out a deep breath. The tension now rising between us was becoming something else entirely.
As I stood up from doing the last boot, I brushed against the hay rack, my hair snagging on the rough, dried grass. I pulled my ponytail loose and shook my hair, picking the stubborn bits out.
I gave Cody his apple and turned to walk out, stopping dead as Brady stared back at me over the stable door with a grin. I smiled back and made my way to the door. Before I knew what was happening, he reached out to me, pulling at the hair around my face.
My heart stopped. My stomach somersaulted. His hand was so close to me I thought he was going to touch my cheek. I held my breath, expecting it, wanting it. My cheeks were burning so hot I was sure he could feel the heat from them.
He pulled back and presented me with a strand of hay.
I exhaled, almost going light headed from the lo
ss of tension. “Thanks.”
“Any time.”
He turned and walked off. I couldn’t help but trail my eyes over his fine masculine form as he gradually disappeared from sight.
I settled into bed that night, thinking of his hand, so close, so near to touching me. I dozed off wondering what it would be like to have his fingers caress my cheek, gliding over my soft skin.
Chapter Nine
At breakfast the next morning, John informed me I no longer needed to bother with the itinerary if I didn’t want to. I looked at their plans for the day, my eyes lighting up when I saw they were going hiking.
“Sorry, Sophie, but with your wrist, I’d rather you waited until after the weekend. If you fall again, you’re going to make it worse.”
I sighed and nodded my agreement. “I understand. I’ll have a lazy day by the pool, turning myself into a lobster.”
He gave me a sly smile. “Well, don’t cook yourself too much. We’re going out this evening for tea.”
I frowned, wondering what he meant. “What, a cook out again?”
He shook his head. “No, but you may want to think about how a cowgirl looks if you catch my drift.”
A huge grin spread across my face at the mention of dressing like a cowgirl. I immediately thought of what I’d brought with me, and what I hadn’t. I didn’t have a checked shirt nor a hat. The jeans and the boots weren’t a problem.
“Is anyone going into town later? I may need to get a few things.”
He laughed at me. “I’m sure whatever you need we can dig out here, but Brady is running into town after he’s finished up in the barn.”
My wanton thoughts from last night reappeared, my insides churning at just hearing his name. I thanked John before taking a deep breath and heading towards the barn. I stepped inside the cool shade, grateful for a moments reprieve from the early morning sun beating down on me.
“Good mornin’.”
I jumped, turning around as Brady appeared from the stall behind me. “Hi.”
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