by Jill Shalvis
He thought she was part witch, part angel. He thought he might haul her off and have his merry way with her in the parking lot. He thought… Oh, hell. He thought he was in love with her. In love with a woman afraid of the word. “I think… I know I want you. Delia, I want you more than I want my next breath.”
“I want you, too, but—”
“The but,” he muttered. “There’s always a but.”
“Sometimes there has to be.”
“I don’t know why.”
“Because this is complicated.”
“There’s another word I don’t like.”
Her expression saddened. “I’m not capable of uncomplicated unattached sex,” she said, and while he wanted to laugh, he couldn’t.
He knew Delia would never give herself without love. But could she love? “What if it’s not just sex?” he asked.
“It’s not anything more,” she said quickly. “It can’t be.”
“Why?”
“Why?” She let out a small laugh that didn’t fool either of them. “What a silly question.”
“Not silly. Answer it.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, obviously scrambling for thoughts. “It’s not more because…because I have too much going on, that’s why. I have my sisters, the ranch, Jacob—”
“Excuses.” Gently he cupped her face. “All excuses.”
“The truth,” she said firmly, but her rapidly rising and falling chest told him the real truth.
She was afraid. He knew that, just as he knew he wasn’t ready to admit his own feelings to her.
Didn’t know if he ever would be.
Jacob called her just then, and Zoe was about to toss her bouquet, and for the rest of the evening, Delia made sure she was too busy to give Cade more than a glance, though glance she did, and often, in a way that made it clear to him she was unsettled and off balance.
Well, good, he thought grimly.
That made two of them.
Delia knew that Cade hoped she would go to his room that night. She also knew that making love with him would be the most sensual erotic experience of her inexperienced life. He was amazingly in tune to her, and so damn sexy her knees went weak if he merely smiled.
He’d opened his wounds for her, had made himself vulnerable. She knew he expected the same of her.
She couldn’t do it. She’d never done it, bared her heart and soul completely, other than that time out by the river where she’d sobbed in his arms. Just thinking about it brought a flush to her face. Of course when she remembered what followed, of how he’d touched and kissed her as though she was the most precious woman on earth, that flush of shame turned into something else entirely. Her entire body tingled at the memory.
Now, without further thought, she might have gone to Cade, might have followed her body’s cravings, if it hadn’t been for the phone call.
It was Scott.
“I’d like to see you before the judge’s ruling,” he said. He sounded surprisingly open and friendly.
She was alone in the office. Zoe and Ty had stayed in Rawlings for their wedding night. Maddie, Edna and Jacob had already gone to bed, and Cade… She had no idea where Cade had gone, only knew that she wasn’t going to easily fall asleep when she remembered that last hungry all-consuming look he’d given her.
Now Scott was on the phone, as pleasant as if they’d never had any harsh words between them. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she said.
“Please?” His voice softened even more. “I haven’t been as honest as I could, and I know that. I think we can work this out…”
While she knew Scott hadn’t faced any job repercussions—yet—she had hopes that he would. Did Scott know they’d sent the judge a letter outlining their concerns about him as Jacob’s social worker?
No, he didn’t know, she decided, or he never would have bothered to call her now. “Are you withdrawing your request for custody?”
“I know how much Jacob means to you,” he said. “I’ve seen you with him.”
“He’s my family. So have you, Scott? Have you withdrawn your request?”
“You know, this is too important to discuss over the telephone.”
He was right about that much.
“We’re meeting the judge in two days,” he said urgently. “All I’m asking is that you come in one day early and meet with me. It’s your brother’s future, and yours. But if I’m asking too much…?”
“No,” she said. “Of course not.”
They agreed on a restaurant to meet the night before the judge’s ruling, which meant tomorrow night.
So close, and yet an eternity away.
For a long time after she hung up, Delia sat there alone in the dark office. She didn’t have to be alone. She could seek out Cade, open her heart and spill her worries. He’d welcome her.
She could tell him everything, then ask him to come with her to L.A., and he would, she knew, without hesitation.
But her old fierce independence reared its head. She had to remind herself she didn’t need him, though that was getting more and more difficult. In fact, it was almost a pretense now, because the truth was she did need him. Too much for her own comfort.
She’d deal with that after Jacob, she promised herself. One way or another.
Chapter 14
Cade couldn’t believe it when he finally got Zoe to admit that Delia had left for Los Angeles to meet Scott. Alone.
He’d thought they’d made strides in the trust department, but apparently he’d been wrong. She didn’t trust him, she didn’t need him. Didn’t that just about sum up the sorry existence he’d been living? He didn’t want to trust, either, and sure as hell didn’t want to need, but he did.
And though he hadn’t imagined himself ready to say these things to a woman ever again, he thought maybe he was ready to say them now.
To Delia.
Only she didn’t want to hear them.
Dammit, he’d blown everything. He should have told her sooner. He thought of little else on the long flight to California.
When he finally caught up with her in the restaurant Zoe had named, sitting opposite Scott at a cozy little table as if they were fast friends, he had trouble keeping calm. Until he got closer and had a good look at them.
Scott was grim-faced, Delia pale as a ghost.
Uninvited, Cade grabbed a chair and sat at their table, without a thought to sensibilities and politeness. Never taking his eyes off Delia, he leaned forward and put her icy hand in his. “Hey.”
Delia blinked him into focus and made a startled sound before surging to her feet.
Standing, too, Cade reached for her shoulders, concerned at the way she was shaking. “Delia? Talk to me.”
“Not here,” she said, closing her eyes briefly, then leveling them on Cade in that deliberately cool steady gaze he now knew meant she was struggling for control. “We’re out of here.”
Her hand still on his, which gave him a tiny bit of comfort, she started to make her way to the door.
Scott called after her and she paused.
“What are you going to do?” he wanted to know.
A look of fear and something deeper and darker flickered across her face, but then was gone. Delia lifted her chin. “I’m going to win without playing dirty,” she said, and then kept walking, head high, hips swaying gently.
A haze of red fury settled across Cade’s vision. He wanted to demand answers, wanted to pound Scott for putting that look in her eyes, but he had a feeling Delia wouldn’t appreciate any caveman techniques.
So he went with her silently, seething for her, at her, until they were standing on the sidewalk in the uncomfortably warm Los Angeles night.
Delia fumbled through her purse. “My keys,” she muttered. “They’re…here.” Then calmly, she unlocked her rental car, and Cade might have thought she’d already forgotten Scott except for the tremor in her hands.
“Delia.” He took the keys from her shaking fingers. “Talk to me.”
<
br /> “I’m fine.” But she stared down at the opened car door as if she’d forgotten what she was doing. “I’m just fine.”
“Is that how you want to play this? As if you’re superwoman?”
“For now,” she mumbled, but when he reached for her, she clutched his shirtfront and held on tight. “I…I want to go to my hotel. Now.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
“You’re coming with me?”
She seemed shocked, and embarrassed, too, as if she knew he was good and angry. “I’d go with you to the ends of the earth,” he said quite seriously, “if you asked.”
She looked as if she was going to cry, which was the last thing he’d intended. “Get in,” he said, gently pushing her into the car. “Move over.”
“But what about your car? And how did you find—” She squeaked when he nearly sat on her and she hastily scooted over.
“The hotel,” he said firmly. “We’ll play twenty questions there, but you’re going first.” He slammed the car into gear. “And, Delia? I’m going to want to hear every bit of it. No half-truths, no holding back. I want it all.”
She blinked at him slowly, then gave him a watery smile. “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m done being a coward.”
What did that mean? But before he could ask, she set her hand on his thigh, leaned in close and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.
The touch of her lips on his skin had him almost quivering like a pathetic puppy, which annoyed the hell out of him. He wanted his anger back—it was much easier to handle. “What was that for?”
“For caring for me.” Her gaze was rueful. “I haven’t made it easy, have I?”
He had to smile at that as he pulled the car out of the lot. “Delia, easy is just about the last thing I’d call you.”
She’d already checked into the hotel, so they went directly up to her room.
By the time they got there, Delia’s heart was threatening to bounce right out of her chest. She’d been alone, handling Scott, doing just fine despite his attempt to blackmail her with an episode from her past she’d rather forget, when Cade had walked in.
Clearly furious, edgy and just a bit dangerous-looking, he’d made her heart soar. Never in her life had she been so glad to see someone, and that it was Cade who made her feel that way no longer shocked her.
Right then and there, in the middle of an emotional battle for her brother, for her future, for everything, the truth had come to her. She was indeed a coward. She’d actually become more terrified of Cade’s smile than of the outcome of the custody battle.
How sad was that?
Especially when the truth was, being with Cade, talking with him, laughing with him, just existing with him, made her feel whole.
It was time, past time, to get over her fear of letting Cade really know her. It was time to get over her virginity, too, she decided. Maybe then she wouldn’t be so…uptight. She had no idea what would come of it, but she was tired of feeling so wound up, so vibrantly aware of the tall, dark and brooding man behind her.
Why hadn’t she seen it sooner? Making love with him would help. It would have to help.
He opened the door, his eyes on her, deep and full of things that made her heat up from the inside out. He was still angry. He was most definitely full of questions. And so taut with tension every muscle she could see was delineated.
Did he still want her? She hoped so. She wanted him.
Right now, as a matter of fact.
They entered the room in silence, Delia’s thoughts racing as she planned her seduction. Cade was quiet, too quiet.
Until she shut the door.
Tossing his jacket on the bed, he turned toward her, his hands fisted on his hips, his shoulders tight, mouth grim. “Did he threaten you? Hurt you in any way?”
Because her thoughts had been running in an entirely different direction—did he have any idea how sexy he looked?—she had a hard time keeping up with him. “What?”
With an oath, he crossed to her, grasped her arms and hauled her close. “Dammit, you’re driving me crazy! How could you still shut me out, after all this time? You still won’t let me in your head. When I figured out what you’d planned, I nearly had a heart attack.” He drew in a shuddery breath, then let it out slowly. “Never mind. I’m sorry, it doesn’t matter now. None of it does. Just tell me…are you okay?” He held her slightly away from him.
“Yes, I’m…quite fine.” Breathless and strangely achy, maybe. Definitely nervous, but first-time jitters were to be expected, right?
“Tell me everything.”
“Okay. On the phone, Scott said he wanted to meet with me and apologize, but that was a lie. He had me investigated and…found something he can use against me if I don’t withdraw my custody request.”
“What?”
Delia stepped farther away and turned her back to him, wishing she didn’t have to say it. “I shop-lifted once.” She stared hard out the window. “I was arrested. It’s on my juvenile record, which is sealed, so I’m not sure how—”
“Oh, Delia,” he breathed softly. “How did—”
“I was fifteen,” she said, “and Maddie had gotten herself restricted. She’d missed dinner, then overslept breakfast, and on the way to school, she nearly passed out. We didn’t have any money, and there was the doughnut shop, so…” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but it did. Still did. She’d never forget the owner’s anger, how he’d insisted on filing charges for one lousy doughnut, how roughly she’d been treated at the police station, even though she was a minor on a first offense. She’d been terrified, and even now, the memory made her cringe.
“No, no, sweetheart. I meant, how did Scott find out?” She felt his hands settle on her shoulders again and glide up and down her arms in a motion that was unbelievably comforting.
Too comforting. She stepped away. “I don’t know.”
“The point is, he’s threatened you, and we’re going to tell the judge. No one is going to hold your actions as a teenager against you. Delia, you were trying to feed your sister, for God’s sake. No judge is going to consider you a criminal when he hears the story.” His voice sounded tight, full of carefully restrained emotion, and she knew it was for her.
It was such a small thing, really, but to Delia, it felt like the world. He cared for her, and though she’d realized it before, it was as though it finally sank all the way in.
“Why did you go to see him alone?” When she didn’t answer, he turned her back around to face him. “Why, Delia?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I wish I hadn’t. The moment I saw you, I was so relieved. I knew you’d help.”
“Always.”
“I wanted to take care of it myself, but the minute I sat down at the table and saw him, I knew I was wrong. I should have asked you to come.”
The tension drained from his shoulders, and his eyes softened. “That asking part, it’s so hard for you. I wish it wasn’t.”
“It’s getting a bit easier.” Now she wanted his hands back on her, on all of her, so she closed the distance between them, and slid her hands up his chest. “I need your help now, Cade.”
“I know. We’ll call the judge first thing in the morning, before the ruling. We’ll—”
“That’s not what I meant.” She lifted her lashes and looked at him with all her yearning. She wasn’t sure she had the look right. She’d never seduced a man before, but given the way his eyes widened, the way his mouth opened as if he had to do that simply to breathe, she thought maybe she’d come close. To be sure, she moved nearer, brushing her hips against his.
A groan escaped him and he tried to pull back. “Delia…” he said unsteadily.
“Make love with me, Cade.”
He stared at her as if his mind had gone completely blank. Another sound escaped him, darker, thrilling.
“Is that a yes or no?” she asked, as if her heart wasn’t in her throat, as if her body w
asn’t tingling in anticipation.
He framed her face with his hands, his mouth close enough to kiss hers, but he didn’t. Instead, he searched her gaze. “What’s going on, Delia?”
It annoyed her that desire had sharp claws, and that they were still digging into her so that she felt raw with this need for him, especially when he obviously didn’t feel the same need for her. “What’s going on is, I was obviously mistaken about your wanting me.”
“You weren’t wrong,” he said roughly, even as his fingers drew soft little circles on her skin. “I want you so much I can’t even think straight. But…why? Why now?”
“I’ve always wanted you. I was afraid, though.”
“Of me?”
He looked so horrified, she had to smile. “Of me. Of how you make me feel. Jittery. Hot. Cold. Kiss me, Cade.”
“Kiss me back,” he whispered, and brought his mouth down on hers.
It was perfect. She poured everything she had into the kiss, all the longing, all the pent-up regret, all her…yes, dammit, all her love. She loved him, and the knowledge made her tremble.
He pulled back, skimmed his fingertips over her jaw. “You’re shaking. I don’t think—”
“Good. Don’t think,” she said, pulling him back down for another kiss. How to keep his attention? she wondered frantically. She knew the technicality of the whole thing, of this whole seduction, but she wasn’t sure how to actually accomplish it. In her dreams, it hadn’t seemed so difficult. She closed her eyes, drew a deep breath, stepped back and pulled her sweater over her head, which left her standing there in her pastel-yellow bra. Without waiting to see his reaction, she quickly pulled his head down to hers again and kissed him with far more eagerness than finesse.
For one eternally long moment, he hesitated, then with a small moan, pulled her close and kissed her once, then again from a different angle, then another, while he ran his hands down her back to her bottom and buried his face in her hair.
“What’s under the skirt?” he asked hoarsely.
“Just…panties.”
With characteristic boldness, he slid his hands down the backs of her legs, then up beneath the skirt, making her gasp.