by Jill Shalvis
Zoe hadn’t been nearly as kind. She’d come right out and told Delia she’d made a huge mistake to let her pride ruin everything.
But to imagine swallowing her pride and telling Cade she was wrong, that she did need him, she did want him, more than anything in the entire world…she didn’t know where to begin.
And yet, lying there alone and chilled to the bone because she didn’t have his warm loving arms around her was far worse, and she thought maybe if he walked into the room right now, she would be able to find the right words.
The same thoughts still haunted her the next morning at the crack of dawn. Staggering into the kitchen, desperate for caffeine, Delia whimpered pathetically at the smell of coffee already on the counter.
“God bless you, Maddie,” she muttered, pouring herself a cup.
“Morning, Delia.”
She nearly dropped her cup, then whirled around. Cade stood by the far wall, his own mug in hand, casual as you please. He was even smiling, though it didn’t quite meet his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, when what she really wanted to do was throw herself at him, feel his arms come around her and haul her close. She wanted him to kiss away all her fears and doubts so that there was nothing left but the heart-and-soul connection she’d had only with him.
But she didn’t make a move toward him, nor did he toward her. “I have a job here, at least for the moment, remember?”
Yes, she remembered. She didn’t know why she’d expected him to walk away from it. She should have known that Cade, like her, had changed. Just as she’d learned to let people inside, he’d learned to not blame himself for his family’s death. As a result, he would never walk away from something he started, especially not at the Triple M, not when he cared so much about her sisters and Ty.
“I’m taking two of the guests on a snowmobile trip today,” he said. “We’re cruising the back country, going to tear up some of this new snow.”
He looked so good standing there, in his snowmobile gear and boots, with attitude written all over him. Tell him, the voice inside her head urged. Tell him all the things you promised yourself you would tell him if only you could have the chance.
But before she could open her mouth, he crossed to the counter, set down his coffee and headed for the door, almost as if being with her was too much to bear.
“Cade?”
He didn’t even look at her. “Have a good day, Delia.” Then he was gone.
Four hours later, with no warning whatsoever, a rogue storm hit.
At the ranch house, the windows rattled and the lights flickered.
Radio contact with Cade was abruptly lost, which at first was no cause of concern. Everyone knew they were fully equipped to spend the night out in the wilderness, if they needed to.
The storm took a turn for the worse, and unforgiving and fierce, it raged on. Everyone in the house, including the two guests’ wives, bit their nails as the wind and snow pelted the house.
They lost power, and the opaque darkness felt all-consuming, even more so because everyone knew there were three people out in that storm, people they cared deeply about.
Ty had the generator up and running in no time, but nerves were strung tight as everyone worried.
Actually “worry” didn’t come close to describing what Delia felt—“terror” was more like it—and she didn’t draw a single breath without thinking about Cade, out in this dangerous storm.
To help occupy their thoughts, Delia dragged out her old beauty supplies and gave the wives manicures, but it didn’t help ease her own fear one bit. Still, the women were suitably distracted with the service. So were two of the other guests.
Zoe and Maddie jumped on the opportunity, showing off some of Delia’s designs and handmade clothes. Every single female guest ordered something.
Ironic, Delia thought, with more than a little bitterness, that she’d found her niche on the ranch, that she finally had worth, that she actually felt as if she belonged—and none of it mattered. Not without Cade.
She made her way down the hallway to the kitchen, where she stared out the window into the wicked storm.
Please be okay, she prayed silently. Please come back to me, safe and sound. I’ll never push you away again. I’ll even tell you how I feel, without hesitation.
“Delia, honey, you okay?”
Delia didn’t have to turn to see Maddie’s face to know that she was deeply worried, too.
“I want him back, Maddie. I want him home and dry and warm and not hurt.”
“You love him.”
She felt Maddie’s arm slip around her waist, and because she could, she leaned on her sister’s shoulder. It felt good to be able to do that. “I let him leave angry and hurt,” she whispered, her throat tight. “I can’t believe I did that.”
“You can tell him when he comes back. He is going to come back, Delia. You won’t lose him, not now that you’ve learned to let him love you.”
Delia’s vision blurred as tears gathered. “I…I didn’t tell him.”
“He knows.”
But Delia was sure he didn’t; she’d been too stingy with her affections for him to know. And as the long day continued, she did her best to keep the guests and her brother busy. For Jacob, that wasn’t too difficult, this ranch living was new enough that everything was an adventure. When she ran out of fingernails to paint, she switched to toenails. Her sisters enjoyed it, too; she could see the approval in their eyes. Even Jacob thought she was cool.
But she wanted Cade.
The truth was, she loved him with all her heart, and she was pretty sure she had since he’d first flashed his killer smile. No, she would never have control over him—or the elements, she thought with another wry glance out the window. She wouldn’t be able to control her future, either, but she thought that was okay, maybe even good, because wasn’t risk-taking a part of life?
Of course it was, and that it’d taken until now to see it made her angry at all the time she’d wasted. And as the day dragged on into night, and the night dragged on, too, tearing at her nerves, she used every excuse possible to stay glued to a window, torn between fear and anticipation, because she couldn’t wait to have Cade back at the ranch and have the chance to tell him what she should have told him long ago.
Chapter 16
It was a morning of new beginnings, Cade told himself, as he and the two guests he’d taken out the day before rode their snowmobiles toward the ranch.
The day was glorious, the sun on the newly fallen snow making it shimmer like a sea of crystal.
It was almost as if the raging storm had never happened. But yesterday, Cade had found himself many miles from anywhere, completely responsible for Mike and Tim, two winter novices. They couldn’t ride back, not in the whiteout, it was far too dangerous.
Thank God he hadn’t caved in and taken Jacob as the boy had wanted. Cade broke out into a sweat just thinking about it.
In the end, they’d done all right, thanks to the emergency kit Cade always carried in his backpack and his ability to dig them a warm cave beneath a clump of trees.
But they were hungry, wet, cold and exhausted as they rode within sight of the Triple M. It was early—they’d headed out before dawn, as soon as the storm had broken—but every light in the ranch house was on and blazing a bright welcome.
When they were close enough to see clearly, Cade saw everyone standing in the yard, waiting anxiously. And when they came to a stop, Mike and Tim were mobbed by their wives, who’d no doubt been terrified by the experience.
Cade regretted that, just as he regretted his radio failure. But he couldn’t regret the experience, he thought, as he looked at Delia, standing on the porch, apart from her sisters and Ty, watching him as though if she blinked he might disappear.
Maddie and Zoe flung themselves at him, hugging and crying and laughing and talking all at the same time. Even Ty gave him a hug, and Cade knew a barrier had been crossed in his own mind.
He let go of his past. He’d never forget, but he could let go, and most important, he had room in his heart to love again.
Unfortunately the woman he wanted didn’t want that love, but he would survive that, too.
He broke away from the happy group to head inside, wanting food, a shower and sleep, and not necessarily in that order.
Delia was still standing there on the porch, and as he moved past, his body brushed hers.
“Cade?”
God, that voice. In all his life, no matter where he ended up, he knew he’d never forget her.
When he looked at her, she said, “I’m so glad to see you.”
Great. He was dying here at the all-too-welcome sight of her. He wanted to shake her and demand she love him back. He wanted to grab her close and never let her go.
And she was “glad” to see him. “Me, too,” he managed. “I’m going in.”
He made it upstairs to the room he’d been given before letting his weary body sag with more than just the physical exertion. It was seeing her again, because the terrible yearning she always caused in him hadn’t diminished. He flung off his clothes and let them stay where they fell, then stepped into the adjoining bathroom for a shower. He was so shaky that he wasn’t certain he shouldn’t sleep for a year first, but the promise of hot water warming his chilled body was too much to pass up.
He stayed under the hot spray until he felt too weak to remain standing. When he staggered out, he ran directly into Delia.
They both nearly fell to the bathroom floor, but he managed to catch her and keep them upright. “Delia—”
“Shh.” She covered his lips with her fingers. With her other hand, she flipped off the light.
He was naked and dripping all over the floor, which left him feeling at a sore disadvantage, even without the light. “What’s going on?” he asked, removing her fingers from his lips.
“I need to talk to you.” Her voice faltered a bit when she stepped closer and brushed against his damp body.
“In the dark?”
“Just at first. Cade, I…”
She broke off unsteadily, and he knew she’d come close enough to realize he’d gotten aroused. Angry at his own inability to control his body, he tried to turn away, but she held him close, taking his hips in her hands and backing him with her until she was against the bathroom counter.
“What are you doing?” he asked, all the more baffled when she slid her arms around his neck and brought her body flush to his. “Delia—”
Her kiss cut him off, and what happened next was another sort of storm, equally powerful. He felt a blinding flash of need, an intense heat in his loins and a surge of love for her. With a groan of surrender, he gave in.
Before he could draw another breath, Delia had ripped her sweater over her head and undone her jeans. “Here,” she said. “Right here. Please, Cade, love me.”
“I do. I do.”
“No, I mean…” With a soft sound of need and impatience, she ran her hands down his chest, then lower, cupping him, dragging a moan from his lips.
He thrust into her hands, and she fumbled with her belt. Coming to his senses enough to help, he slid the jeans down her legs and lifted her off the floor.
“Hurry,” she whispered.
“Hold on, then,” he managed. “Hold on to me…there, oh, yeah, just like that.”
Then, using the counter for leverage, he entered her, making them both cry out at the unbelievable connection. “I have to see you.”
“Cade—”
“Have to,” he said stubbornly, and reaching out, he flipped the light back on.
And if he thought himself aroused before, at just the feel of her, it was nothing compared to how he felt now that he could see her. Everything he felt was mirrored in her eyes—hunger, passion and a driving need he wanted to hear her admit, but knew she never would.
She closed her eyes, to hide from him, from this.
“No, no, sweetheart, don’t. Open your eyes. Watch.”
She blushed but opened her eyes and kept them open, seeing the love he couldn’t hold back.
“Now tell me.” With an effort that had him quivering, he stayed still. “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you,” she responded immediately, holding on to him for dear life.
“Tell me you need me.”
She bit her lip, and when he withdrew almost all the way from her body, controlling her pleasure, she protested with a small cry.
“Tell me, dammit. Tell me now when I’m buried inside you and there’s nothing between us but this.” Slowly, torturously, he slid back into her, then withdrew again, and when she whimpered, arching toward him, he thrust hard. “Tell me.”
“I need you.” Her fingernails dug deeper into his back. “I didn’t understand this,” she gasped. “Not until now. Don’t stop loving me, Cade.”
“I won’t.” His voice was like gravel, his body primed and ready, so that when she tossed her head back and started to shudder, he couldn’t hold himself back.
Long after the pulsing ended, his body continued to tremble, but it had nothing to do with his adventure in the wilderness and everything to do with holding Delia in his arms again, feeling her against him and knowing he wasn’t ever going to get over her.
Delia was sagged against him, still damp and panting. Uncertain he could even move, much less get them both into the bedroom, Cade brushed her cheek with his and murmured her name.
She relaxed her legs and slid down his body, then lifted her head to let him see into her teary eyes.
“Hey,” he whispered, gently sliding his fingers over her face, his heart twisting. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“You’re killing me.” At his horror, she let out a sound that was half laugh, half sob, and tightened her arms and legs around him. “I thought it mattered who I was, where I came from,” she whispered. “It mattered to me, you know, and because of that, I was certain it mattered to you, too.”
“Delia—”
“No, listen. Please, listen. I thought I was a nobody whose own parents didn’t want her. Then when I found out I wasn’t the heir, I felt even worse.”
“I don’t care where you come from. I never did.”
“I know,” she said in awe, cupping his face. “You just…love me. No matter what. I still can’t quite believe it.”
“Believe it,” he said. “I always will.”
“Oh, Cade…” There were tears in her eyes again and he nearly swore. But then he saw the smile curving her lips, the hope and love shining in her eyes.
“I do love you, Cade McKnight,” she murmured. “In spite of myself, I do. And you know what?” Her voice broke and she drew a long unsteady breath. “I always have.”
“I want forever,” he said with steel conviction. “I want it with you.”
“Forever sounds good to me.” Her tears fell freely now. “Can we start right away?”
The fist around Cade’s heart loosened for the first time in weeks, maybe years. He hauled Delia close and hugged her. “Right away,” he said. “Right now. Besides, I’m just where I want to be. Home.”
“Home,” she echoed.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-7120-7
THE DETECTIVE’S UNDOING
Copyright © 2000 by Jill Shalvis
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*The Heirs to the Triple M
*The Heirs to the Triple M