by Abbi Glines
Blushing, I thought about the ache between my legs and wondered if I had actually touched myself while sleeping. I thought I must have masturbated, because I did feel used. I was a little sore. I chuckled, thinking how insane I was becoming. Next I’d be role-playing in my sleep. I needed help.
I had lain in bed this morning and considered going back to Vegas and looking for him. I didn’t have many morals. Did I even care that he had knocked up a girl? I mean, I doubted he was going to marry her, and I just needed him out of my system. If I could prove that the memory was more fantasy than reality, it might help me. But then I decided I didn’t want this dream ruined. Even if it happened only while I slept, it was still mine. I still got to hold it close. He belonged to me then, and he made me very happy.
My life had been full of disappointment. I didn’t want more. If I had to find happiness in my dreams, how did that hurt anything? It was my life. It didn’t affect anyone else.
The ringing of my doorbell interrupted me, and I sighed, hating that the real world was about to enter my life and the night was truly gone now. I had to live in reality. I set my Greek yogurt down and hopped off the bar to answer the door.
It was ten in the morning. No one should be up and visiting me at ten in the morning. Didn’t they know I slept late?
I jerked the door open without checking to see who it was first, because honestly, this was Rosemary Beach, and we were safe here. Except from annoying guys like Major who were determined not to go the hell away.
“It’s early,” I said to him, unable to hide my annoyance. Had he not felt the lack of chemistry between us last night? We were as boring and uninteresting as whole-wheat toast.
“It’s time for your run. Want company?” He grinned, and I didn’t even think it was pretty anymore. I’d been ruined.
“Uh, well, I guess,” I replied, not knowing if I should just be a rude ass and tell him no or give him one last run and hope he got it that we were over.
He beamed and stepped inside. His gaze traveled down my red wrap and bare legs, then back up again, as if he was appreciating the view. “You look gorgeous first thing in the morning.”
Was he flirting for real? After last night’s awkwardness? “Thanks,” I replied, then turned to go back to my yogurt and juice.
“Got coffee made?”
Did I have coffee made? Was he still living in the last decade? “I have a Keurig, Major. I don’t have ‘coffee made,’ ” I replied with a roll of my eyes.
He laughed like I was trying to be funny and began looking for a cup. I let him search. He’d been in my house enough that he should know by now where the damn cups were. Was he seriously that stupid? “You’d think I’d know where they were by now,” he said in his happy tone.
“You’d think,” I agreed with annoyance.
He didn’t respond to my attitude or even acknowledge that I wasn’t being friendly. Which got on my nerves more.
“Are you just out to prove you can ruin whatever friendship we have left? Because I’m not sure why you keep coming around and trying. There is nothing between us.” There, I’d said it. He could put on his big-boy panties and deal with it.
Major put his cup down, since he’d finally found them after opening five cabinets. “Is that what you think? We have nothing left?”
“I know. There’s no thinking to it.”
He looked sad, but he was good at the sad thing. He used it to get his way. It also made him appear weak, and I didn’t like weak. I wasn’t weak, and I didn’t want to be around anyone who was. “I care about you. If you weren’t busy being so cold and indifferent, you’d see that we have something here. If we hadn’t had something then, you wouldn’t have been so hurt with me before. Now you just won’t forgive me and give us a chance.”
If that were true, then I could accept it and work with it. But he was wrong. Completely and totally wrong. “I was lonely. You came along, and I thought you being with me would fill that hole. It didn’t. You weren’t enough. You will never be enough. You’re weak, you love yourself too much, and you are self-centered. I can’t love that, and I can’t fill my void with it.”
He didn’t like that. The anger in his gaze was the first sign of strength I’d actually seen from the guy. “And you aren’t?” he asked, his voice a notch higher than normal.
“I’m not weak. The other things might be true, but I own them. I know myself. But you pretend you’re perfect. You think your looks make it OK to be all those things. You aren’t perfect. You’re annoying.”
He looked off balance, like he had no idea what to do or say to me. I was smarter than him. Another check in my corner. “You are weak. If you were stronger, you wouldn’t go searching for a man to complete you. That’s weakness, Nan.”
I let that sink in, because he was right. Score one for Major. “Then we’re just alike. Haven’t you heard that opposites attract? We are so alike we’d kill each other.”
There, let him argue his way out of that one. I wasn’t going to deny my faults. I knew them more than anyone. Once I’d made excuses for them, but I’d stopped that. I was getting on my own nerves.
I doubted he’d ever get on his own nerves. He’d go look in a mirror and fix his hair and admire his face and forget he had seriously annoying flaws.
“I’ve heard people talk about your coldness. I didn’t believe them when they warned me. I thought someone who looked like you couldn’t be that bad. You had to have something in you worth loving. But they were right. All of them, especially Mase. He told me there was a reason he didn’t love you or want anything to do with you. You’ve got ice in your veins, and no amount of beauty can fix that shit, Nan. You’ll die old and lonely. No kids or husband to love you. Because you’re a bitch. A raging, cruel bitch with so much bitterness you can’t acknowledge a good man when you see one.”
His face was getting red as he said these things to me, and he was getting louder and louder. He’d be yelling at me soon.
Did he think he was hurting me? That others hadn’t said these exact same words to me before? Maybe he didn’t know that although I had my weaknesses, I was not completely weak. I had a strong core that held up under verbal attacks. I’d been dealt these blows my entire life, starting with my mother.
“Are you about done?” I asked before taking another bite of my yogurt. I really liked this yogurt. It had the fruit on the bottom, and it gave the tart flavor a sweet kick. Only one hundred thirty calories a serving. Couldn’t be better for my figure.
“Yeah, Nan. I’m about fucking done,” he said, his voice going back to normal. “With you,” he finished, as if that was going to hurt me. Silly boy. He knew nothing.
“Show yourself out. The maid will get your cup.”
He stared at me, and I lifted my gaze from the cup of yogurt I suddenly was in love with and smiled. I was as cold and bitter as he accused me of being.
I didn’t need or want Major Colt. God help the woman stupid enough to love his ass. He’d never love anyone as much as he loved himself. If he only knew how much work he needed in the bedroom. I could yawn thinking about how vanilla sex was with him.
“This is it, then? This is how you want to end it?” he asked, setting his cup down after only one sip.
“It’s been over. Just took you longer to figure it out than it did me.”
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe a word I was saying. “Crazy bitch,” he muttered.
I was done with him calling me a bitch in my own house. If he wanted to call me a bitch, then by all means, he could do it, but for God’s sake, not in my house. Did the boy have no manners at all? “Call me a bitch to my face one more time in my house, and I’ll slam a fucking frying pan over your head and smash your perfect nose,” I warned him, with a calm, bored voice. Then took another bite of my yogurt, because it was delicious.
He opened his mouth, and I cocked an eyebrow at him as if to say that I wasn’t kidding. He glanced up to a corner of the kitchen,
shook his head, and walked away.
I waited until the front door closed behind him and let out the breath I was holding. “Thank God his ass is gone. Jesus, that was exhausting. I need another yogurt.”
Cope
Thank God his ass is gone. Jesus, that was exhausting. I need another yogurt.
There were things we could do with that yogurt she seemed to love so fucking much. The grin she brought to my lips wasn’t foreign anymore. She’d made me smile so damn much lately that I expected it. Savored it.
She didn’t go back for another yogurt, though. She debated a moment while looking into the fridge, then turned and went to put on her running clothes. The tight little shorts she wore was my favorite article of clothing she owned.
I’d slap her for this later. Maybe wrap my hands around her neck and gently squeeze. She was teasing me and anyone else who saw her with her body. Made me feel violent, yet I wanted her at the same time.
My phone vibrated, and it was Major. I ignored him. He knew I could see the stupid move he’d just made. He had gone against orders. I could send a text, and within seconds, his phone would be cut off. He’d be ordered to evacuate the apartment he was living in immediately. And I’d be gone. He wouldn’t be able to find me.
Major wouldn’t be continuing his work with us. He’d made the wrong choice. However, he’d live. At least, if DeCarlo said he would. If DeCarlo ordered a hit on him, I couldn’t stop that.
He was never cut out for this world. Captain had been wrong. But then, Captain hadn’t really been cut from my cloth, either. He had been on a train for revenge. Or vengeance, as he called it. Me, I just liked the kill. The feel of control and knowing that I was righting a wrong.
Nan walked out of her house, and I knew it was time to start the new plan. Major was out, and Gannon was back in. Because Nan loved what Gannon gave her, and he’d be able to tease out the info from her without the drama Major came with.
Tonight Gannon would call her a bitch during their sleepy sex session. See if she used that sass on him. God, I hoped she did.
Nan
A part of me worried that Major was stupid enough to show up on this run. But when I’d finished my seventh mile without seeing him, I felt confident that he was finally gone. Now to keep myself from going home and locking myself in a dark room to sleep in hopes of another dream. That would officially make me a psycho. I wasn’t going there just yet.
I could go to Vegas.
If I really wanted to . . . I could just go.
There was a good chance I wouldn’t find him again, but his pregnant whatever-she-was worked there. She’d been wearing a showgirl costume. I could at least find her. She might punch me, and I wouldn’t be able to hit her back, because she was pregnant and that’s just wrong.
Listen to me. She was pregnant with his child and I was considering going to find the man. I was crazy. He needed to be focusing on the woman he had knocked up. I wasn’t her.
My hand went to my stomach automatically, and I felt an ache there because that was true. I wasn’t pregnant with his child and never would be. She’d have a connection to him that I’d never have.
God, I was a wreck.
“Good morning, Nan.” Blaire’s Southern drawl caught me by surprise, and I looked up to see her walking toward me from her car. She had a plate of what looked like cookies in one hand and was holding Nate’s hand with the other.
“Aunt Nan!” He let go of his mother to run toward me. “Me and Momma made you cookies. Oatmeal ones with ganic flour and raisins. They’re good for you, and they taste yummy. Must be the ganic.”
Blaire chuckled. “He means organic.”
I smiled, pulling him to me. I had gathered as much. I was good at speaking Nate’s language. But I didn’t tell Blaire that. It would sound rude, and she had brought me Nate and made me cookies.
“Thank you very much. I love ganic cookies,” I told him, and kissed his little head. Then I lifted my gaze to Blaire. “I was in need of cookies and Nate today. Thank you.”
She smiled and nodded. “Rush mentioned you might need some company. We thought we’d make you a treat to bring.”
Her stomach was in the perfect shape of a basketball on her tiny frame. She was careful to eat only healthy, nonprocessed foods and feed the same to Nate. Even Rush had given in and begun eating healthier. I needed to tell her about my yogurt. She’d love that.
“I even have some almond milk in the fridge that would taste delicious with these cookies. I need a snack after my run. Want to share one with me?” I asked Nate.
He looked torn for a minute, then leaned into me. “Could we both get our own? I like a whole cookie.”
Laughing, I stood up and took his hand. “Yes, we can. I need to splurge. A whole cookie it is.”
“Yay!” he cheered, and held on to my hand tightly. We followed Blaire and the plate of cookies inside the house.
If I did decide to go to Vegas, I wouldn’t hunt Gannon down. I’d just see if he would find me. That was sane. Wasn’t it?
“Deep thoughts?” Blaire asked, looking at me as I stepped into the house.
I could talk about this with her. It made sense to get her opinion. Or someone’s opinion. But I was worried that the opinion would be to leave him alone and move on, and I didn’t like that opinion.
Not even a little bit.
“It’s a guy,” I blurted out, surprising myself and Blaire, judging by her wide-eyed expression. We weren’t close. We had learned to coexist because we loved Rush and Nate. But as for being buddies, I never saw that happening. Some bridges were too burned up to rebuild.
“Then he must be special,” she replied, closing the door behind Nate and me. Nate let go of my hand and ran toward the kitchen, calling out that he’d get the milk.
“He is,” I confirmed.
Blaire nodded. “Good. It’s time you found special. You deserve it.”
Those words weren’t all-powerful or magical or anything. But I wondered if the bridge between us wasn’t as unsalvageable as I thought.
Major
He moved quickly.
The landlord stood at the door to my apartment with two cops, waiting while I packed my bags. It appeared I was being evicted for a number of reasons that were false, but there was no sense in arguing. This was Cope’s doing. Not the innocent landlord’s. I would have called Cope, but my phone service had also been terminated.
This wasn’t for me. I didn’t like Cope. I hated the motherfucker. I’d go my own way. They didn’t want me to work for them. Hell, I’d fucked up an easy job. If Nan hadn’t been so damn needy in the beginning, I would have been able to reel her in. The woman wanted me just to herself. I wasn’t a one-woman man. Never would be. Couldn’t get tied down when I wanted adventure.
There had to be plenty of operations like DeCarlo’s out there. Preferably one without a Cope in the mix. He ruined all the fun. Every ounce he squeezed. I doubted the man had been laid in ten damn years. DeCarlo needed to get his right-hand man a stripper to ease him up some. Release that tension that radiated off of him.
Picking up my one duffel bag, I gave my short-term home a nod and headed for the door. “Well, it was fun, folks. Don’t let all this Rosemary Beach excitement and danger become too much for y’all,” I quipped, as I walked out of the place with a smile. They were puppets, and they didn’t even know it.
I wasn’t a puppet, though. Not any longer. This gig blew. I needed something better. One with guns and shit. Not females who were too needy.
When I looked toward my truck, I saw an empty spot where it had once been parked. Shit. They’d taken my vehicle, too. What did they expect me to do, walk?
A familiar truck pulled into the drive, and I could see Captain behind the wheel. They’d called him and sent him to get me. Great. I guessed they figured he had to clean up his own mess. Me.
I walked over to the passenger side and climbed in.
“Hey, guess you’re the welcome wagon,” I said as I set my b
ag between us.
“They were going to send someone else. I offered to come. Told you this wasn’t something you’d like.” He had warned me a couple of times, but he felt I was hard-core enough to handle it and be a deadly weapon with my pretty face. Those were his words, not mine. Although I did like my face. He hadn’t been wrong to assume that.
“Can’t work with Cope,” I said.
“Cope is a master. You failed because you couldn’t stay focused on the job.”
Fine. He loved fucking Cope. Whatever. “Nan is a bitch. You try and stay focused on one woman who is a raging bitch.”
Captain glanced over at me. “She wasn’t a bitch to you last time I spoke with you. She was all about you. You pissed her off with your man-whore ways, and the bitch came out like it does in all women. So you failed.”
I didn’t feel like arguing. He was going to win. “This wasn’t the kind of job I signed up for,” I grumbled.
Captain laughed. “Hell yes, it was. You liked the idea of chasing a hot tail around. You thought it sounded like fun. You failed, Major. Admit that shit.”
Fine. I failed. I had to eat that and deal. “Doesn’t matter. I’d never be able to work with Cope. He’s a bastard.”
Captain nodded. “That he is. Never knew his dad and was kicked out on the streets at ten by his junkie mother. That’s all DeCarlo has told me about Cope. And that wasn’t until recently. Cope’s a mystery to everyone. He has no soul. He’s a god in this world, though. He can’t be killed. He can track like a motherfucker, and he is brilliant. Speaks ten different languages and taught himself how while living out of Dumpsters. He is the only real badass. You’ve made him an enemy. You shouldn’t have done that.”
Great. Now I had to worry about the genius multilingual psycho killing me. “If I disappear like he told me to, won’t that save me?”
Captain shrugged. “I don’t know. No one knows what Cope will do next. But stop pissing him off. DeCarlo is surprised he’s let you live this long. Now, I am done with this world. Only came to get you because I owed it to them. I got you into this world, and it was time to pull you out. They’ll find you and give you an ultimatum. Do whatever you must to live, and then walk away.”