by Abbi Glines
“Probably not,” I replied with complete honesty.
“I didn’t think so.”
Again, I laughed. Something I hadn’t done in a very long time. Nan brought a lot into my world. Including a reason to laugh. Something I’d had very little of in my life.
“I don’t know what to do with you. I thought I loved Gannon, but he doesn’t exist. It was a role you were playing. I don’t know you. We’re having a child together, and I may not like you at all. I may hate you.” Her honesty was part of her charm that people couldn’t handle.
“The man you knew is the me that no one has ever gotten but you. It was real. I didn’t pretend to be anyone other than myself. I gave you the man I’ve never given anyone. I trusted you with me. Like I knew we would, we clicked. Locked into place like two lost pieces waiting for their match.”
She didn’t respond to that. We drove on in silence for a while.
I let her think about it and work it out in her head. I didn’t need to force her to accept what I was telling her. I needed her to believe me and allow me to show her that this was the truth. Gannon had been more me than the man I’d been showing the world since I was ten years old.
The only bullying I would do with her was when she had doctor appointments and when she needed help. I would be there for those. She wasn’t alone anymore. In time, she’d realize that. I was patient. I had time.
“You know where my doctor is,” she said simply when I pulled into the parking lot.
“Yes. I make sure I know everything important. This is important.”
She didn’t move to get out when I parked. Instead, she sat with her hands in her lap. “I loved Gannon.”
“I know.”
She nodded but didn’t look at me. She kept her gaze focused straight ahead. “I need time to get to know Cope.”
“He’s the same man, but I understand. I’m here when you’re ready to give me a chance.”
“I’m ready.”
“Good.”
Nan
I had fallen asleep on the way back from hearing our baby’s heartbeat. It had been strong, and the doctor had been pleased. The relief must have been enough to relax me, because I’d taken a nap, completely unconcerned, with Cope at the wheel.
He had woken me when we arrived home, then tucked me into my bed. Sleep had come back once again, snuggling me up and pulling me in. Napping had never been so delicious. I did it often these days.
When I opened my eyes, I smelled something appealing drifting up the stairs from the kitchen. A glass of ginger ale was beside the bed, and I took a long drink before getting up. He’d known this was what I would want when I woke up. He knew everything. I wasn’t sure if that was creepy or endearing.
The way he had held my hand while we listened to the heartbeat fill the room had made my heart squeeze. I had expected to do that alone, but in that moment, I’d been so thankful that I had someone there who was as overwhelmed and awed as I was. I got to share it with him.
He’d said he was the same man as Gannon, but there were things about him that made me disagree. Cope was softer than Gannon. He showed love where Gannon had not. I realized Cope made me feel secure in a way that Gannon had not. I always felt as if Gannon would vanish at any moment, but the man I’d been introduced to as Cope I trusted to stay. Even as I fought the fact that I wanted him here, I knew he wouldn’t leave.
I didn’t want him to.
Standing up, I headed for the door and downstairs. I wanted to see him in my house. Cooking in my kitchen. These were dreams I’d never experienced because I had been afraid to. This wasn’t what I knew in men. It was something that men did for the Blaires and Harlows of this world. Not the Nans.
But no one had explained that fact to Cope. Because there he stood at my sink, washing up the dishes he had dirtied. His gaze was on mine the moment I stepped into the room.
“I’m baking chicken with spaghetti. Did you sleep well? Sure sounded like it.”
“Sounded?” I asked, frowning.
“You snore. Loudly.”
I rolled my eyes and walked over to sit on the bar stool across from him. “No, I don’t.”
“The hell you don’t. Like a freaking saw.”
I wasn’t sure if he was teasing or serious. “Really?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“I’ve never been told I snore before.”
“You do. Trust me. ”
“Must be the pregnancy.”
“Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. I’ve watched you snore for months.”
“You’re an ass,” I muttered. Then I froze. Watched me? “How did you watch me for months?” My heart sped up, and I felt slightly panicked.
He didn’t move from where he stood, and I stared at him, knowing he’d be honest, no matter how much I didn’t want to hear it. “Surveillance.”
Holy mother of God. He had seen me sleep? What else? Bathing? Dressing? I felt exposed in a way I never had. “Who all saw me?” I asked, needing to sit down, to run and hide, to wrap myself up in a ball and cry. This was my home. My safe place. I hadn’t realized that surveillance meant they watched me inside my home.
“Just me. Only me. From day one.”
Just him. That fact eased some of the panic but not all of it. My mind raced to all the things he’d seen. All the privacy that was now ripped from me.
“I fell in love with you before I met you. Watching you. I knew everything about you.”
Oh, God. I was going to be sick. I backed away, shaking my head. “You watched me,” I said, letting it sink in further.
He nodded. “And it was me who made love to you those nights.”
The dreams . . . they weren’t dreams.
The world I had accepted was now blowing up in front of me with colors and images I wasn’t ready for. Deep down, had I known those weren’t dreams and that accepting it made me feel wrong in some way? Was I fucked up in the head?
“You came to me at night.” I had to say it out loud. Taste the words on my tongue. Face the truth. Decide if I could handle it.
“Yes. After having you in Vegas, I couldn’t stay away. The night Major kissed you, I lost my mind. Those notes were my words. That date I planned out, and he got all the credit. He’d done nothing but buy you damn roses. So I came to you. Needing to reassure myself that it was me you wanted. It was selfish, but you drew me in without fear. So easily.”
I had. Believing he was a dream was easy. Those notes had been from him. It made sense. Major wouldn’t think of something like that. The secret garden and the meal had all seemed as surprising to Major as it had to me. I’d been confused by that, but now it made sense.
“I wanted to be the one with you. Not him. I pushed him to get close to you, all the while terrified he would.”
I stared at him, letting his words play through my head. Soaking in the realness of all this. Understanding that so much of what I thought wasn’t true. I had been played in many ways. Tricked so much but for what? To protect me? To prove my innocence? Was this man taking care of me, cooking for me, and showing me more love than any man ever had worth forgiving? It was a lot to forgive. I knew the answer, though.
Yes. He was.
I was imperfect. I was pregnant because of my selfish choices. I had gone after him when I thought he’d knocked up another girl and wouldn’t take care of her. I had begged him to fuck me over and over, knowing nothing about him. He held his secrets close, but I wanted him anyway.
Yet he loved me. With all the craziness he knew about me. He still loved me. He accepted my faults and my mistakes and my selfishness. He took it all and loved it. He found beauty in it. In me. When no one else had ever done that. He was my gift in this world. My one stroke of luck. Sure, he was screwed up and possibly insane, but so was I. We fit perfectly. A match, just like he said.
If he left me now, I would never recover. The little I’d been given of him wasn’t enough. I wanted it all. Looking at him, I said all of that
without words. I knew he could see it in my eyes. He would be my reason for waking up every day and smiling for the rest of my life. I couldn’t lose this. Not now that I had found it.
He dried off his hands while watching me. I dropped my gaze and acted like I wasn’t looking at him, but it was hard not to. I liked the way he looked and how his body moved. It was hard not to watch. He was hard not to want. I was done trying to pretend I didn’t. I thought I had proven to both of us that I wanted him very much.
When he started to come around the bar, I tensed, unsure of what he was going to do next. The space between us had been my last safety net. Now that my decision had been made, I would need to trust him without question.
He stopped inches from me and cupped my face in his hands. “I’ll love you until I take my last breath. No one will change that. Not even you.”
The sincerity in his voice and the way he looked at me broke down the small wall I was still trying to maintain in hopes of protecting myself. There was no point. You couldn’t protect your heart from everything. Loving Cope might be the biggest chance I’d ever take, but it would be one I would never regret.
With him, I felt complete.
“I love you,” I whispered, needing to say the words aloud.
“I know.”
Cope
Seven months, two days, and five hours later
He had ten perfect toes and ten perfect fingers. The head full of blond hair and the pink cheeks almost made him too pretty to be a boy. But then, looking at his mother, he had no choice but to be beautiful.
Nan was sleeping after ten hours of contractions and thirty minutes of active pushing. She had been just as strong as I’d expected, although I could see the fatigue on her face near the end. When the doctor had placed Copeland Finlay Roth, a.k.a. Finn, in her arms the first time, she had smiled so brightly that I would swear there was nothing that breathtaking on this earth.
I had never held my last name with pride. Once I’d made my way in the world, I had dropped it, not needing more than a simple name. Until I’d needed a cover in Vegas, I hadn’t used my last name. When Nan and I had stood before a minister, with family and friends surrounding us, and I’d given her my last name, it had once again become important. Something I was proud of, because it was me giving Nan all that was me.
Now, as I held my son in my arms while my wife slept, my name meant even more. It was a part of him. The man who had given me that last name wasn’t a father. He’d never been more than a sperm donor. But that name was mine, and I’d make it something my wife and son could be proud to carry, too. My past was a part of the man I was today. It couldn’t be changed, and I didn’t want to change it.
I had been given a life men dream of, and if the road I had to travel was what it took to get me here, I would cherish it. Because this was worth it all.
Finn opened his eyes and stared up at me with pale blue eyes. I could see parts of me in him, but mostly, he was his mom. That only made him even more special, if that was at all possible. He had two parents who hadn’t been raised with a parent’s love. We were both damaged in our own ways, but together we had found the happiness we deserved. We had healed each other.
“You’ll be loved even when you color on the living-room walls, break a window with a baseball, and get a speeding ticket you can’t afford. I look forward to every moment,” I whispered, before pressing a kiss to his nose and then one to his forehead.
“He’d better not color on my walls,” Nan said with a smile in her voice.
I looked up, my eyes locking with hers. “He probably will do worse than that. I’m his dad.”
She laughed softly. “Good point. I need to prepare myself, I suppose.”
We had a lifetime of memories before us. I couldn’t wait to experience them all with her by my side. “You like me, don’t you?” I asked.
“A touch,” she replied.
Life didn’t get any more perfect than that.
Acknowledgments
To write a book, you need support. While writing this book, I had the best support team around me anyone could ever hope for. My granny became sick, and while I was working on Up in Flames, we soon found out she had cancer. She wasn’t just my only grandparent still living, she was the one I was closest to. Losing her scared me, and without friends who surrounded me and encouraged me, I couldn’t have written this book and turned it in when I was supposed to.
Monica Tucker—I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You’ve kept my world in order these past few months, and there aren’t enough words to adequately thank you.
Heather Howell—When I thought I was going to lose my mind, you kept me sane. Or maybe you just kept me laughing. Either way, it worked.
Jane Dystel—You’re not only the best literary agent in the world, you’ve been so supportive and understanding through all of this. I’m thankful to have you.
Jhanteigh Kupihea—I don’t think any other editor would have put up with me the way you have. You’ve been so important in making this series what it has become. Thank you for everything.
Ariele Fredman—As far as publicists go, you’re the best. Hands down.
Lauren Abramo—Thank you for always being there when I have questions about my foreign books and travel requests. Swimming through the confusing world of international publishing would be impossible without you.
Judith Curr—For seeing my vision for the Rosemary Beach series and making it even bigger than I had hoped. Knowing you’re there to move forward and try new things makes it exciting to be a part of Atria.
The rest of the Atria team—Y’all rock.
Austin Glines—For understanding that I need to write and the trash doesn’t take itself out.
Annabelle Glines—For giving me more female drama ideas than any one writer could ever need.
Ava Glines—For making me smile daily with your imagination.
JBS—Without you, this story never would have been written. You were the inspiration behind it, and I’ve never been prouder of any of my novels than I am with this one. Thank you.
MONICA TUCKER
ABBI GLINES is the New York Times, USA TODAY, and Wall treet Journal bestselling author of the Rosemary Beach, Field Party, Sea Breeze, Vincent Boys, and Existence series. A devoted book lover, Abbi lives with her family in Alabama. She maintains a Twitter addiction at @AbbiGlines and can also be found at Facebook.com/AbbiGlinesAuthor and AbbiGlines.com.
MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
authors.simonandschuster.com/Abbi-Glines
Facebook.com/AtriaBooks
@AtriaBooks
ALSO BY ABBI GLINES
In publication order by series
The Rosemary Beach Series
Fallen Too Far
Never Too Far
Forever Too Far
Twisted Perfection
Simple Perfection
Take a Chance
Rush Too Far
One More Chance
You Were Mine
Kiro’s Emily (novella)
When I’m Gone
When You’re Back
The Best Goodbye
The Field Party Series
Until Friday Night
The Sea Breeze Series
Breathe
Because of Low
While It Lasts
Just for Now
Sometimes It Lasts
Misbehaving
Bad for You
Hold on Tight
Until the End
The Vincent Boys Series
The Vincent Boys
The Vincent Brothers
The Existence Series
Existence
Predestined
Ceaseless
We hope you enjoyed reading this Atria Books eBook.
* * *
Join our mailing list and get updates on new releases, deals, bonus content and other great books from Atria Books and Simon & Schuster.
CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP
or visit us online to sign up at
eBookNews.SimonandSchuster.com
An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 by Abbi Glines
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Atria Paperback edition June 2016
Cover photographs © Shutterstock
and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or [email protected].
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
ISBN 978-1-5011-1539-4
ISBN 978-1-5011-1540-0 (ebook)