by Michelle Fox
There was a roaring in my ears, the pain in my arms traveling down to my legs. I wanted to lie still, very, very still, not be picked up and carried bodily downstairs. But that’s what was happening. Colt slid his arms under my shoulders and knees, picking me up easily. I turned my face toward his chest. For the first time since I’d known him, Colt’s skin felt cool against my heated skin. I closed my eyes and hung on as he carried me out of the room and down the stairs.
Chapter Nine
Colt set me down on the soft ground beneath the pines. It was blessedly cool, and for a moment I just lay there, pain wracking my body. It was too strong for me to fight, even if I wanted to.
Something was changing inside me. Not just my body, but something deep inside my core. I wanted this, I wanted to change. I was afraid of the pain, but the desire to be a wolf was growing stronger than the fear.
“Colt…” I tried to sit up, but I could only make it to my hands and knees. I stayed there, head down, gulping in the night air. “Jericho?”
“We’re here, Red. Right here. We’re not leaving you.”
“Will you change with me?”
“We will…”
I looked up at Jericho, Colt standing behind him. “Promise?”
“Red, we wouldn’t miss this for all the world. We’ll be right there beside you, every step.”
Some kind of seismic wave of pain took my breath away. I arched up onto my knees, head back, screaming my pain into the night sky. The sound went from human to wolf, and this time stayed there.
Jericho said something, Colt answered, but their voices were muddy, muffled, words making no sense. My hands hurt, the tips of my fingers felt like someone was cutting them open with knives. I made the mistake of looking down.
My nails were splitting, the ends of my fingers widening, shortening, pulling back into my palms. Claws emerged, thick, sharp, wicked looking. I wanted to scream, but frankly I was mesmerized. Thick hair appeared, reddish blonde, and within minutes my hands—my feet—were covered. It moved up my arms and legs, and I looked down at my body. I was completely covered.
There was more, more pain, more changes. My jaw cracked, stretching. It was agony and I threw my hands up to my face, scratching my skin with my claws. The pain was nothing compared to the torture in the rest of my body. I tried to lower my arms, but they refused to cooperate, and I fell forward onto my newly formed paws. I wanted this to end, to be whatever I was supposed to be.
There was another burst of noise in my head, the roar deafening now. Someone touched me and I turned, snarling, snapping my jaws—and my very sharp new teeth—at the hand on my shoulder. It was Colt.
“She’s one of us.”
The roaring was gone. I could hear everything, see everything. Smell things I could not identify. I was a wolf.
* * *
Something pushed at my other shoulder. I turned, teeth bared. It was a yellow wolf…it was Jericho.
“It’s okay.”
I shook my head. It sounded for a minute like radio static, or bees buzzing. But then the noises cleared. The voice was his, in my mind. And he was there, standing next to me, a wolf.
“Think it, and you can talk to me. You’ll have to work at it.”
I wanted to tell him I was okay, or at least that I thought I was okay. But it was like being in a dream, where you want to scream, but it’s all muffled, like screaming into a pillow. A brief sharp pain lanced through my head, and I whined in protest.
“It’s okay. Just take it slow. You can understand me, right? Just wag your tail.”
Even as a wolf, he could make me smile. If wolves could smile. And wag my tail, right…but there was something behind me, something I could control. I glanced over my shoulder. I did have a tail, a big, lush tail, blonde tipped in red. An experimental wiggle of my back end brought a yip from my left.
“Wag your tail, not wiggle your ass. As much as I like that ass…”
I spun around. The big black wolf I’d seen on the trail in the park was sitting, head cocked, watching me with bright blue eyes. Colt. I snapped at him.
“You can wag your tail however you want.” It was Jericho again, clearer this time.
“Screw you.”
Colt and Jericho barked what I assume was wolfish laughter. “Good job, Red. You got it.”
“Leave it to Colt to make you mad enough to talk.”
“You feel like taking a walk in the woods?” Jericho wagged his tail and turned. “Follow the leader.”
I took a few experimental steps. Four legs and a tail, on a woman who had a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same time. But one step led to another, and another, and within minutes I was loping down the path behind Jericho. Colt followed. I could hear him, every footfall on the pine needles clear and sharp. I could smell him too. And Jericho. Their scent was even more intoxicating like this, mixed with trees, and foliage, and decaying leaves. It hit me like a physical blow, some place near my heart. These were my wolves.
The path I’d walked on before was suddenly full of things I’d never seen, or even knew existed. Everything was interesting. I heard something in the leaves, and couldn’t help pouncing on it. Turned out it was a shrew. I caught it, tossed it in the air. Then I backed away, my mouth filled with something that tasted horrible. Jericho’s laughed echoed in my head.
“You’ll learn what’s edible, what’s not. Those are not.”
I headed off the path, deeper into the forest. The guys flanked me, never pushing too close, but always there. I snuffled through leaves, listened to earthworms burrowing, beetles moving invisibly under cover. All of it was fascinating. I moved through a clearing, a space beneath the pines. I stopped, taking it all in. It was like a cathedral, a sacred space almost in our backyard. I wanted to come here again, as myself…or as my other self.
“Come on. You’ll love the river.”
Colt veered off, heading down the ravine. I’d never been here, couldn’t have ever walked here. It was steep and rocky, but I worked my way easily between boulders and fallen logs. If nothing else, I loved being graceful and surefooted.
The river shimmered in the dark, the surface giving off colors I never even knew existed, sounds I’d never heard with my human ears. I stood, open-mouthed, with what I thought was probably a wolf-like grin on my face.
“Beautiful, right?” Colt brushed against my shoulder, a bold move since I’d tried to bite him earlier. But the desire to snap had faded. Maybe I was getting used to being in this new skin.
“Yeah. Beyond beautiful.”
“More fun to play in. Come on.” Colt nudged me with his nose, pushing me forward. But I didn’t need any prodding.
“Race you.” But I was already sprinting toward the river. I looked over my shoulder, my two wolves right behind me.
I ran into the water. It was cold on my paws, but it ran off my fur. The rocks beneath me were slippery, but I clambered over them with ease. Water hit my muzzle, and I turned. Colt jumped from a nearby rock, water splashing over me. I barked…I think it was something like a bark. It was a sound of perfect joy.
We played in the water for a long time, jumping, splashing each other, veering off to turn over a rock in search of something hidden beneath them. I discovered a crayfish, nosing it with interest. Until it clamped one claw on the end of my nose. I pulled back, snorting, shaking my head until it came loose, sailing through the air. I heard it hit the water with a little plunk.
Colt crossed the river, and Jericho and I joined him. We started up the other side, into the park. It was the first time I’d been here since I’d met Colt and Jericho at the hot springs. It seemed a lifetime away now.
We skirted the campsites. The scent of burning wood was acrid, foreign, made me sneeze. Underneath that was the tantalizing smell of food. I lifted my head, sniffing the air, salivating. It was irresistible and I turned, following the aroma.
Jericho cut me off, a low grow rippling from his throat. I stopped. Colt stepped up on the other si
de.
“No.”
A single word, spoken by both. My hackles rose. I wanted what I wanted.
“We can’t risk being seen.”
I heard the words, let the meaning sink. I backed down, stepped away. It was hard, but I turned toward the river. The guys followed. And we went home.
Chapter Ten
“I never want to go through that again. At least not the first part. The rest...yeah, definitely. But not right now.”
The guys were hovering around the bed, pacing, not quite giving each other high fives. But they looked extremely pleased with themselves. Or maybe they were pleased with me. Actually, I was pretty pleased with myself. But I was also exhausted.
“This pacing stuff has to stop, okay? Sit or something.”
Colt perched on the edge of the bed. Jericho hovered a moment longer, then sat down on the windowsill. They still seemed full of energy. Annoyingly so.
“It’s hard coming down sometimes, for us.” Colt reached out, pulling the blanket up over my arms. “But for you, it was different.
“You think?” I turned toward Colt. Every inch of my body hurt and I winced.
“You didn’t grow up like this. We did. But you did good, Red.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Real good.”
“So I’m one of you now, for real?” I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Colt was fading in and out, Jericho behind him just a big familiar shape backlit by the light from the window.
“For real. You’re a shifter. One of us.” Jericho came into view over Colt’s shoulder. “You’re our shifter, Red.”
“Well, your shifter wants to sleep.” I pulled the blanket higher, unable to keep my eyes open any longer. And not wanting to. I wasn’t going anywhere, and I knew they weren’t.
“We can do a play-by-play later.”
The last thing I heard was Colt’s soft laugh, and the door clicking shut behind them.
* * *
I opened my eyes. It was dark, really dark. The usual house sounds were absent, and for a minute I panicked. The only clock in the house was downstairs, the big antique in the front room that didn’t keep very good time. I could just hear it ticking. Cellphone.
But I had no idea where that was right now. Tossing off the blankets I sat up. A wave of dizziness made me reconsider, but I shook my head. I was still in Jericho’s room, but like my cellphone, I really wasn’t sure where my clothes were. It really didn’t matter.
My eyes took almost no time to adjust to the total darkness. I stood up, waited through another wave of dizziness, and then decided it just might be from hunger and not some bizarre after effect of becoming a wolf for the first time. The rest of me felt pretty normal, except for the lingering aches in my joints.
I snagged a robe from the bathroom and padded downstairs. Before I’d reached the bottom I heard Colt and Jericho’s voices through the open door. They were on the front porch.
“Hey, Red. You’re back with us.” Colt was sitting on the ancient wicker sofa that seemed on the verge of collapse. He patted the cushion beside him. Jericho was leaned against the wide porch railing.
I dropped down, thankful for the softness of the cushions. My hips and knees ached, but I was starting to take a perverse pleasure in the pain. It was a badge of some kind. Shifter: Achievement unlocked.
“You feeling okay?” Jericho had a beer, held it out to me. I shook my head.
“Not bad, considering.”
“You were amazing, Red. Seriously. You did really great, for not being born to it.” Colt wrapped an arm around my shoulder, rather more gently than usual. He kissed the top of my head. “And you’re just as stubborn as any shifter I know.”
“And you were beautiful. Wish we could have gotten a picture. But…that’s not something we do.” Jericho finished his beer, set the empty on the railing, and joined us. “Your coat is like honey and fire, amazing. Can’t wait to see you as a wolf again.”
I thought about that, about the pain. “Will it always be like that? Will it always hurt?”
“Can’t say. You’re not born as a shifter. Colt and I were shifting before we even knew what that meant. It’s just how we’re wired. For you…” Jericho took my hand. “It’s a steep learning curve.”
“Why did it just happen…out of the blue?”
Jericho laughed. “Might have been the heat of the moment. Your inner wolf gets excited by strong emotions, strong desires. And you, Red, are full of strong desires.” He shrugged. “The wolf rises to the surface. In your case, it got away from you.”
“It’s something you’ll learn to use to your advantage.” Colt ran his fingers through my hair. His fingers snagged in a tangle, and I cringed, suddenly aware of how unkempt I must look.
“Just take your time. There’s no rush. You seem to think there’s some kind of clock running, like you need to prove yourself to us. Or to yourself.” Colt took my other hand. “There’s nothing you need to do, other than be here with us.”
“About that…” I held their hands, my guys…my wolves. “You said—one of you said—that until I shifted, we wouldn’t know if the mating biting thing had worked. So, now that I’ve shifted…that means…”
Colt lifted my hand, kissing my knuckles. “That means you’re a shifter, through and through. To the bone.”
“I’m glad to know I’m one of the pack.”
“What you really want to know is if you have our pups, will it be a shifter? The answer is yes.”
I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath until I breathed out a sigh. “Yeah. It’s what I really wanted to know.” Something heavy and dense felt like it was lifted from deep inside of me. I smiled, a silly loopy smile that I tried to hold back. I’d wanted this, from the start. From Colt’s first bite, from the time Jericho’s teeth sank into my flesh. I wanted to give them both a fighting chance at having a clan again. And now I knew I could.
Jericho wound his fingers through mine. “Red, hold on. First, we’re not asking you to do anything. Not to continue our clans, or make things right, or anything else. I’d…we’d…never ask that of you.”
“I know. But I want to…I can do this for you, for both of you. It’s like this…it’s…I mean…” I stumbled over the words to explain the excitement running through me. Part of my brain was still working on wolf-time, and I had the desire to wag the tail I didn’t have at the moment. Or yip and jump. I took a breath, looked between the two of them, at the identical bemused expressions, and shrugged.
“Call it instinct. Or something like that. For the first time I have a clear idea of my life. And this is it.”
Jericho held my hand, and Colt held me close. I took a deep breath, breathing it out slowly. Time stood still in one of those rare perfect little moments. The sun was rising, like it always did. And it would set, and the moon would rise, over and over, again and again. The river would rise in the spring, wash away the pools at the hot springs, and then people would come and rebuild them. Everything kept keeping on.
Something clicked inside me, like someone tuned on—or off—a switch. The chatter in my mind, meaningless static, disappeared. It was like seeing my place in the universe, touching the great wheel, and for a moment—a beautiful exquisite still moment—knowing how I fit into all of that.
And for the first time since Weatherly took me, since they’d come to get me, since they’d made me theirs, I realized not only were they right, but why they were right. There was time. Time to get used to this new life, this way of living. There would be time. Time to save their clans, time to do whatever I could, if that’s what was going to happen. Everything was going to be okay.
“Okay. No rush.” I lifted both of their hands to my lips, nibbling on their knuckles. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t start now, right?”
* * *
The guys pulled off clothes as we made our way up the stairs and down the hall, dropping shirts and pants, on the floor. It took ten seconds for Jericho to untie the sash on my robe, let
ting it fall to the floor. We tumbled into the closest room, and onto Colt’s bed, Jericho claiming my mouth with a brutal kiss even before I’d caught my breath. It was right, the harshness of it, the force, the weight of his body pinning me to the mattress. For a long moment I let him weigh me down, let him plunder my mouth, his tongue sweeping my mouth, probing, exploring.
But inside something roiled and moved, paced and stalked. Someone had called it my inner wolf, and she was on the move. She wanted out. But I wasn’t ready for her yet.
The power inside me grew, the urge to bite and snap, but I held it in check, working with her, taming her. I let my wolf know I was in control, but I let her know she was welcome to join the party.
I pushed up against Jericho, rolling him over…or he let me. Either way, it was my turn to pin him to the bed, to straddle his hips with my thighs. I broke the kiss, sitting up, a wave of triumph and arousal flooding my body.
“God, you’re beautiful, Red. I can see your wolf…feel her, taste her. Keep her in check, but don’t muzzle her.”
I leaned down, kissing him again, tugging his lower lip between my teeth. I felt his smile as I bit harder. I held onto him until he made a sound like a whine.
I ran my finger over his lower lip. “You sure about that muzzle? This might get dangerous, for you.”
“I think Jericho can handle himself.” Colt climbed onto the bed beside Jericho. I looked down at him as he stretched out, all long legs, broad chest…and a very obvious erection. It still amazed me that the guys were comfortable with this, that both were self-confident enough, or self-aware enough to be like this, with me.
“And we know Red can handle both of us.” Jericho sat up, tipping me onto my back. “Right, Red?”
I squirmed beneath him, shimmying my legs up his body. His erection slid along the insides of my thighs, coming dangerously close to where I wanted him to be. I tried to pull him closer, but he was stronger than I was, and he held himself just out of reach.
“Impatient, aren’t you?”