by Derek Haines
When he arrived back at the flat, he sat down, lit a cigarette, looked out the window and thought, ‘What the fuck do I do with my day?’ He didn’t have an answer. He felt useless, unimportant, worthless and pathetic. ‘At least a fucking shopping trolley has a purpose,’ he thought.
Steve arrived back. He hadn’t spent the night at the flat. He saw David on the sofa looking pensive.
‘What’s on your mind? It looks heavy,’ Steve joked.
‘Hi Steve. Well, I can’t decide whether to throw myself head first or feet first off the balcony. What do you think?’ David said with only a half smile.
‘Doesn’t really matter Dave. But if you’re planning suicide, could I suggest you try jumping from something a bit higher than a second floor balcony. You’ll probably just cripple yourself. That would be a pisser huh? Thought about a bridge at all? Why not go for jumping in front of a train if you really want something messy.’
‘Thanks Steve. I’ll check the train timetables.’
‘Not having a great day huh?’
‘Just the same as always Steve. Bored fucking shitless. I spent most of the morning studying shopping trolleys.’
‘Boy, you are in a bad way. Why don’t you get away for a while? Take a holiday somewhere. You know, just get away. Bali, Hawaii, North Queensland. You and Tony are coping badly, I know.’
‘Thanks Steve. I thought I was coping so well. At least I haven’t belted the crap out of anyone.’
‘Would you feel better if you had?’
‘Truthfully? No. It’s not me. A wimp huh?’
‘No, just a fucking gentleman Dave. Nothing wrong with that.’
‘Well, I’ll think about a holiday. It’s not a bad idea. So, what’ve you been up to? Haven’t seen you in a few days.’
‘Do you really want to know Dave?’
‘That sounds ominous. Do you think I’d be better off not knowing?’
‘Probably.’
‘Well, I might be a bit of a wowser Steve, but I know you’re involved in drugs of some sort. And that’s your business. I know they’re expensive. So maybe it’s better I don’t know huh?’
‘Dave. I think you have enough on your mind with suicide and shopping trolleys,’ Steve laughed. ‘Maybe we should find a couple of toys to play with. It’s been a little while. What do you think Dave?’
‘Steve, could I ask you something?’
‘Sure.’
‘This might sound a bit direct, but, why do you make women your playthings?’
‘Dave. All three of us have a problem. Or problems. We all feel a pressure in our lives. If we’re honest, we all have women problems. Tony released his pressure with violence. I release mine by degradation. I take great delight in degrading a woman. Not dissimilar to Tony really I suppose. Just that I think my way’s more fun. But you Dave, how do you release your anger and frustration?’
‘I don’t know Steve. I’ve never thought about it. But, I don’t hate women. Just two are pissing me off at the moment.’
‘Dave, you’re as angry as hell. And it’s all bottled up inside you. For one, I’d hate to be around you when you explode. And it will.’
‘Well, if I have to chose, I chose your way over Tony’s. It’s a fine line though.’
‘Yes it is Dave.’
‘Let’s go and have some lunch huh? Fancy a steak sandwich at the Drover’s Dog?’ David asked Steve.
‘You must’ve read my mind. Should we wake Tony up?’
‘No. Let him sleep. I’ll leave him a note. He can join us if he wakes up.’
David and Steve had a quiet lunch. David lost in thoughts about life, shopping trolleys and trains. Steven lost in thought about getting paid later that afternoon for the three cars he’d stolen the night before. He was back to riding his luck. Tony woke shortly after two o’clock. He read David’s note, but decided to pass on lunch. He rang his father instead. He hoped his father could give him some direction. All he could suggest was to come home to his family. Tony said he would think about it once all the matters had been sorted out in Sydney. It could be some time. He wished he could go back to Fremantle that instant though.
Turbulence
Tensions were building in the minds of three disturbed men. David and Tony from the effects, both material and emotional, from their respective marriage breakdowns. For Steven it was his return to his old way of life. All three placed the blame squarely at the feet of the women in their lives. Anyone with a sense of fairness and objectivity would have tried to argue with them that there were always two sides to a truth. Two sides to a situation. Two sides to all of their stories of woe. They weren’t to know what their women suffered too. How could they? There was no one to tell them.
Tony had to swallow his pride. He started work as a truck driver. Delivering cleaning rags. He would’ve preferred to drive long hauls, but even he knew he couldn’t handle that responsibility yet. The thought that the extra money he could make driving semis would be lost in child support, was probably a consideration. He wouldn’t admit it to David or Steve, but he enjoyed getting out of the flat for the day. Their company was fine, but not all day everyday. Even with his menial job, he hated his existence.
David had become very reclusive. He had enough money to survive for a while at least. It might’ve been better if he was broke. At least then he would’ve had some motivation. Instead, he withdrew into himself. Only going out to shop for basic requirements and alcohol. Spending hours on his new found skill at writing bad poetry. He played his violin. He discovered chat programs on the Internet. Within this, he encountered a cyber world of lonely people who gladly shared and participated in his, and their own miseries. He was lost in himself, a computer, his poetry and his violin. And two friends. His social life revolved around a few of Steve’s toys. Steve and Tony let him be. David hated his existence.
Steve was very busy. He was now very much the most enthusiastic of the three. He now only spent a few days a week at the flat. Entertaining David and Tony with a few toys every so often. His life was busy with a little bit of theft, a little bit of fraud, a little bit of drug dealing and even practicing an old skill. Accounting. Steven was enjoying his existence. And his luck.
It had been four months since this trio started life together in their small flat. Life had settled for them. There was some form of routine. For David and Tony it was depressingly boring and pointless. For Steven it was just a revival of old habits. But now with some class.
Steve joined his two mates for a Saturday night out. Just for a change, they decided to go to the Drover’s Dog. By nine o’clock they were pleasantly drunk and verbose.
‘I’ve had enough of this fucking life,’ David announced after a quiet moment.
‘Shit Dave, are you still looking for a train? There are thousands around Sydney. Surely you should’ve been able to find one by now. You’ve been talking about it for months,’ Steve laughed.
‘If you’re having problems Dave, why don’t I just run you over with my little truck,’ Tony joked.
‘Thanks Tony. You’re a real pal,’ Dave smiled. ‘No, what I mean is the total fucking uselessness. I feel like I’ve been reduced to nothing. Totally unimportant.’
‘You are. We all are,’ Steve replied. ‘What do you expect? We’re all totally fucking unimportant.’
‘That’s made me feel a whole lot better Steve,’ David muttered.
‘What would you want to do? I mean what could you do to feel useful? Get a job like me? As a ragman?’ Tony asked.
‘Maybe. At least you’re doing something Tony,’ David answered. ‘But I was thinking more of doing something, instead of just complaining. Maybe try to get the problems men suffer with separation and divorce noticed and looked at.’
‘What run for parliament?’ Steve asked.
‘No, no way. And join those pack of arse holes. I still have some pride left Steve. I was thinking more about talk back radio. Letters to newspapers. Letters to MPs. You know, just try and raise awa
reness of the issue.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want to be a politician Dave, you’re starting to sound like one,’ Tony joked.
‘No Tony. It’s just that it’s not only our problem. How many men, and women for that matter, suffer as a consequence of decisions made my the court in family breakdown? Surely there has to be a better way. Or at least a review of the act.’
‘Boy. You are becoming political, aren’t you? Why don’t you try something easy first, like trying to solve starvation in Africa. You’d have more chance of at least being heard. Nobody’s interested in family law,’ Steve said.
‘Good old Australian apathy. Steve’s right Dave. Nobody’s interested,’ Tony added.
‘Well, if you were to have any success Dave, you’d have to get people’s attention. I don’t think talk back radio and letters are going to excite enough people to get a response from politicians,’ Steve concluded.
‘I suppose you could be right,’ David said. ‘Do you remember Tony, I told you about the conversation I had with my solicitor? He told me both major political parties didn’t want to change anything because they thought the women’s vote had won the last few elections.’
‘Yeah, I do. Same reason they don’t dare touch social security payments. They’d alienate themselves to a whole voting block they created,’ Tony said.
‘Well, I suppose I’m being a bloody idealist. A few months ago I saw a news item about a guy who killed himself and his three kids because of a dispute over the result of his separation from his wife. That didn’t raise a ripple. Maybe that was his effort at highlighting the problems. If it was, he wasted his life and the life of his three kids,’ David said.
‘That’s because he and his three kids were unimportant. They were nobodies,’ Steve said.
‘He would’ve been smarter to kill a judge or a politician, and spared his kids,’ Tony remarked before ordering another round of drinks.
‘Now there’s an idea!’ Steve added.
‘That’d get some attention. There you are Dave, I reckon Tony’s idea would get you far more attention than talk back radio.’
‘What! Murder?’ Dave winched.
‘No Dave. Assassination. That’s what you call it when it has a cause! All you have to do is select your target. Who shall it be?’ Steve asked.
‘You two’re fucking insane,’ David protested.
‘A Family Court judge?’ Tony suggested.
‘What about the Chief Justice?’ Steve added.
‘Christ. You two idiots. You might as well add the fucking Attorney General while you’re at it. It’s his portfolio,’ David said sarcastically.
‘Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. The Chief Justice and the Attorney General. Blow ‘em away. Then, send your letters to the newspapers Dave. That’s the way to attract attention to the issue,’ Steve said.
‘Yep. And attract life imprisonment,’ David added.
‘Yeah, but look at the bright side. You’d get three free meals a day for the rest of you life,’ Steve cheerfully said.
‘Are you two totally fucked in the head?’
‘Don’t look at me Dave. This was your stupid idea,’ Tony said.
‘I know where you could buy a gun,’ Steve said with a wry smile.
‘Oh for fuck sake. You two’re off the planet. You’ve both gone loopy.’
‘Where would you shoot ‘em?’ Tony asked David with a fake serious look on his face.
‘May I suggest in the head Dave,’ Steve chipped in.
‘Oh Christ. What a pair of comedians. Why don’t I just chuck a hand grenade at ‘em?’ David sneered.
‘See Tony,’ Steve said. ‘He’s planning already. Aren’t you proud of him?’
‘He’s a bloody marvel,’ Tony smirked. ‘You could always have a practice run first Dave. You have my permission to use my ex wife for target practice,’ Tony laughed.
‘Oh for fuck sake Tony.’
‘Oh c’mon Tony. Do your own dirty work, Dave has his own ex if he needs target practice. In fact he has two,’ Steve joked.
‘Geezz. You two’re totally fucked up. How did I get myself into this conversation?’
‘You wanted attention. You poor baby,’ Tony said pulling a face at David.
‘I’m going for a piss. Hopefully you two’ll have regained your senses by the time I get back.’
David returned to find Tony and Steve in deep discussion. They stopped as he neared them.
‘Am I interrupting?’
‘Depends,’ Steve said.
‘Depends on what?’ David asked.
‘Depends if you want to continue your heavy discussion about political and judicial assassination. Or whether you want to get laid tonight,’ Steve replied.
‘Oh geeezz. What the hell are you two contemplating?’
‘It’s Steve!’ Tony protested. ‘Don’t look at me.’
‘Ahhh. You’re Mr Innocent huh Tony?’
‘I’m a saint!’ Tony stated emphatically.
‘Ok, ok. ‘I’ve had enough of assassination planning. What’s going on?’
‘A friend of mine invited me to a party tonight. It should be starting to get going about now. Interested?’ Steve asked.
‘What sort of party?’ David asked.
‘Just a party,’ Steve said nonchalantly. ‘But it might be a bit much for old blokes like you two.’
‘Thanks very much. Should we let him get away with that Tony?’
‘As long as the music isn’t too loud,’ was Tony’s reply.
‘We won’t embarrass you I hope.’ David said.
‘Well, bring your open minds. You might enjoy yourselves,’ Steve said.
They finished their drinks and left.
Steve wasn’t too sure how his friends were going to react. They’d be the only two not taking something. But, they were his friends. If they didn’t like it they could leave. As they were driven there in a taxi, Steve thought of how proper and responsible they’d all been just a few months ago. He couldn’t have imagined then, taking Tony Pilletto and David Holdsworth to a party such as the one they were about to go to. At that time, such a short time ago, he wouldn’t have contemplated it himself. They’d all changed. A great deal.
Steve didn’t mention to Dave or Tony that his friend, who was the host of the party, ran a business dealing in stolen cars. He also owned three local brothels, and was Steve’s supplier of drugs. These small incidental facts might have turned them off the idea. As they neared their destination, he wondered if he’d made a wise decision. Maybe he should’ve come by himself. It was too late now. The taxi made its way along the long driveway that led into a large county estate. Tall white columns stood proudly along the front facade of the house.
‘Looks like the building taste of a fellow Italian’ Tony joked.
‘Yeah. He is I think,’ Steve said quietly.
The house was set back nearly half a mile from the road, situated on a small rise. As they got out of the taxi, David noticed the view of the entire Camden Valley. This was the residence of someone with real money. And lots of it.
‘Who is this guy?’ David asked Steve.
‘He was a client of mine,’ was all he said. It was the truth. It was just that Steve failed to add that he was now his employer.
Entering the house, they found a large party under way. There were at least two hundred people spread throughout the house, spilling out on to the large outdoor area and swimming pool. Steve found their host after fifteen minutes or so and introduced David and Tony. Vince Walsh was a man in his late forties. Apart from piercing grey eyes, he was a man who could have blended into any crowd. Not a tall man, he had a friendly smile, and an unremarkable face. His dark hair, greying slightly at the temples of a short neat haircut, may have even given the impression that he was a conservative man. He was anything but. A short conversation between Vince and Tony in Italian, discussing the areas of Italy that their respective families were from seemed to relax Tony. Vince’s mother was
Italian. As a host, he did exactly what a good host does. He made his guests feel welcome.
‘Please enjoy your evening gentlemen,’ Vince said warmly as he moved away to mingle with his guests.
‘What does this guy do again?’ David asked Steve.
‘Oh, he’s into a few different businesses. He’s got a car dealership. A little import-export, retailing, services, trade. You know, a bit of this, bit of that.’
‘A crook,’ Tony offered.
‘You’re always so subtle Tony,’ Steve said with a smile.
‘And is he?’ David asked seriously.
‘Aren’t all successful businessmen?’ Steve asked David.
‘Say no more. So who’re all these people?’
‘Clients, associates, friends, suppliers. Any more questions?’
‘Yeah,’ Tony said. ‘Any chance of getting a glass of wine?’
‘Ok Tony. I’ll find you one. C’mon let’s enjoy the evening.’
They went to the bar. The barmaid was dressed as a schoolgirl. Black lace up shoes, grey tights, short grey pleated skirt, her hair in two pony tails, tied with blue ribbons, just above her ears and a school necktie, tied in a Windsor knot. The necktie fell between her bare, firm young breasts.
‘Two beers and a red wine thanks Miss,’ Steve asked.
David and Tony were starting to enjoy the scenery. As the young girl poured the drinks, Steve smiled at his friends.
‘Like what you see boys?’
‘She hardly looks eighteen,’ David whispered.
‘Hardly fifteen,’ Tony added.
‘Complaining are we fellas?’
The young girl set the drinks on the bar for Steve, and smiled politely.
‘Enjoy your evening gentlemen. If there’s anything else you would like, just ask me, ok?’
‘Maybe something to lighten my mood?’ Steve asked her. She knelt down below the bar, and rose to hand Steve a small tablet.
‘Thanks love. Your too kind,’ he smiled accepting the ‘E’.
‘And your friends?’ she asked politely.
‘Why not? Two more huh?’ he asked her. She obliged.