Mr Mabbutt thrust his hands into the pockets of his white doctor’s coat and drew his thin, angular body up to its full height. He had been in and out of theatre all morning, dealing with yet more road accidents. His shiny bald head had turned an angry red to match his face and he glared at Teddy over the top of his glasses.
‘Well, you made a very foolish mistake, Dr Davenport. What use do you think you can be to me in your condition? You can’t walk without the aid of your crutch and you are in need of an X-ray at the very least before I can make any kind of a judgement. I told you, you have to let those bones knit over time and with due care. I absolutely refuse to let you back on the wards. It is not happening.’ Leaving Teddy in no doubt, he turned towards the door. ‘Good food, the gentlest exercise, hot Epsom-salt baths three times a day. That’s what you need.’
Turning towards Roland, who had tried to remain invisible, he snapped, ‘You can leave him here. He’s fit enough for that and the housekeeper here is very good. She will make his meals for him and I can keep checking up on him. As soon as he is ready, I will let him back on the wards, but not before. Goodbye.’
And with that, Mr Mabbutt reached for the door handle. Just before the door closed on him, he turned back and said, ‘Oh and by the way, Dr Davenport, Nurse Makebee asked me to pass on a message. She wishes to see you as soon as possible. She was in the office when I took the call telling me you were back and she knew I was on my way over here.’ He looked uncomfortable. ‘I told her that it would be more appropriate to speak to that young girlfriend of yours, Nurse Brogan, but she refused. Said she would catch you in my clinic. Which reminds me, I’ll send Dessie Horton or Jake over with a wheelchair to collect you for nine and we can get that X-ray done.’
Mr Mabbutt exited and headed down the stairs. Teddy watched him through the window as he crossed the car park to the ward block.
Throughout the meeting Roland had sat on a chair in the corner of the room without saying a word. Only now did he break his silence. ‘Well, that was all very interesting,’ he said. ‘Are you going to tell me who Nurse Makebee is and why she is so keen to see you?’
*
Half an hour later, Roland walked into the pub and ordered a whisky and dry. He had to drive back to Bolton, but there was no way he could make the drive without something to steady his nerves first. He replayed the conversation, or the argument, more like, he had just had with his brother over and over in his mind. He had to keep telling himself that it wasn’t a dream.
His brother was not the man he thought he was and Roland was reeling from the shock of it. Teddy had always been the charming, chatty one, whereas he was the more serious older brother. Nonetheless, he had assumed that they both held the same values, especially when it came to important issues like love and family. What he had learnt just now had shaken him to his core.
He tipped his head back and downed the drink in one. ‘Another please,’ he said to the barman. As he looked down into the dark amber liquid, waiting for the burning rush of the first one to subside, he went over Teddy’s words in his mind.
‘The day of the accident, when I collected Dana from the Pier Head, I realized I had made a terrible mistake. Done a terrible thing.’
The atmosphere in the room had suddenly felt tighter, as though the air had been sucked out. Roland knew that the wise thing would be to say, ‘Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know,’ but he didn’t say that. Despite his trepidation, he had to know. However awful whatever it was might be, he had to know.
‘Done what? What do you mean? Dana had been at home in Ireland, hadn’t she?’
‘Yes, Dana had been in Ireland. And while she was there, I spent my two-week holiday with Sarah Makebee.’
Roland leapt up from his chair. ‘You did what?’ he shouted.
Teddy stared at the carpet and continued doggedly with his confession. ‘I’d bought the holiday as a surprise gift for Dana, but she was unmovable, cold as ice. She had to have her holiday back at home with her mammy and daddy, didn’t give me a second thought. I got it into my mind that she was frigid. She wouldn’t let me near her. But Sarah Makebee jumped at the chance of the holiday and so… she and I went on holiday as man and wife. But, believe me, Roland, I very soon knew what a fool I had been. And I knew that if Dana ever found out, I would never see her again.’
‘What do you mean “as man and wife”? Did you sleep with this woman?’
Teddy snorted with laughter. ‘Oh don’t come the papist with me, Roland. You and Victoria have been sleeping together all along. The girls do talk, you know. Do you think I’m stupid?’
‘But, Teddy, Victoria and I are engaged to be married. I knew the first time I kissed Victoria that come hell or high water I was going to make her my wife. I have sworn to look after her, to protect and cherish her. I respect her wish to qualify as a nurse and I wouldn’t do anything to stop that. What does this… this Sarah Makebee mean to you?’ He almost spat out the last few words. Unused to shouting, he was now storming backwards and forwards across the room.
Teddy remained in his chair. Although he wouldn’t admit it, the car journey from Bolton had made his leg stiff and it was now painful after the flexions Mr Mabbutt had forced him to do in order to demonstrate his range of movement. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at his brother. ‘She means… she meant nothing. She was just there and, I suppose, willing. Dana had gone away and I had this hotel and, anyway, Sarah Makebee has her own boyfriend. He’s here now, he’s a registrar.’
‘Good God, the woman sounds no better than a common prostitute. Does she have no morals?’
‘Of course she has morals, she is just a very modern, post-war woman, that’s all.’
Roland looked down at Teddy with distaste written across his face. ‘I don’t know what’s up with you, Teddy. I don’t know how you could treat Dana like that. The way she has looked after you. Spent night after night on the ward when you were recovering. Day after day looking after you in Bolton. I take it that she knows none of this.’
‘Of course she doesn’t.’ Teddy was angry now. ‘I was on my way to pick her up and then ask her to marry me. I was full of guilt and remorse – I’m not a total cad, Roland. I knew what I had done was wrong, that I had made a mistake. In a way, being with Sarah Makebee made me realize how much I missed Dana and how you can’t simply replace someone you love with another person, just like that. I know what it means now, to really love someone. I couldn’t get Dana out of my head, couldn’t stop thinking about her. And then, I don’t even know what happened, but don’t think I have got off lightly, Roland, because this… this…’ He jabbed his finger and pointed down at his leg. ‘This is my punishment. This and the guilt I feel every minute of the day. Because every little thing she does for me, every kind word, is like being stabbed in the heart. It hurts, Roland, more than the leg hurts, and I cannot stand it any longer. How can I ask her to marry me now? I must have been a fool thinking I could. I cannot live every day knowing what I have done to her. It is unforgivable and that is the top and bottom of it. What I did is beyond forgiveness.’
‘And so Dana must be punished as well? You have treated her very badly over these past weeks. It has been all I could do to hold my tongue. If that is how her life is to be, with you being vile to her because you aren’t man enough to live with your own mistake, she would be better off without you. Are you going to confess to her?’
‘Oh, don’t be a bloody fool, Roland. Do you know Dana at all? If she knew what I had done, I would never see her again. I’ve never met anyone so full of pride. I swear, that would be it.’
‘Are you at least going to tell this Sarah Makebee to keep away?’
‘Of course I am. Obviously. It’s not me that’s asked to see her, is it? She has her own boyfriend. She won’t want him to know about me, I can assure you. All she is worried about is that she has heard I am back. Terrified I will spill the beans and ruin her perfect little life and her planned marriage to her soon to be consultant boyfrie
nd. But none of that makes any difference, Roland. If I tell Dana, she will leave, and if I don’t, I have to live with the agony of the shame and the pain and the guilt. God, what a bloody idiot I was. I’m a coward when it comes down to it. I can’t do that.’ He shifted in the chair and grimaced, then looked his brother in the eye. ‘God, Roland, I feel like a boil has been lanced by telling you. I am so glad you know. But before you say anything, please do not think that telling Dana is an option. Not unless you want me to say goodbye to her for ever. I need to see first if the guilt fades, once I’m well. See if I can live with myself, with her; if we can be happy.’
Roland hadn’t replied. He knew what Teddy had said was right. Dana was full of pride. He had been amazed at the patience she’d shown while nursing his grumpy brother. He thought about how much he had enjoyed having her around the house and what a wonderful sister-in-law she would make. He had visions of his and Victoria’s children playing with Teddy and Dana’s children in the tree house at the home where he and Teddy had been born. But, as Victoria had told him so many times, he was just a big softie and he had been that way since the day his mother had died.
Now, looking into his drink, he felt burdened. It might have felt to Teddy like lancing a boil. To him it felt as though a huge weight had been placed upon his shoulders. Teddy had saddled him with a secret that felt like acid in his gut. He picked up the drink and just as he was about to down it, it occurred to him that he did have someone he could share this with. Victoria. He would tell Victoria and it would be a secret they could share together. Victoria had more integrity than anyone he had ever known. It was as if a light had been turned on and shone a way out of his misery.
‘A burden shared is a burden halved,’ he said as he lifted the glass and sank it in one.
*
Beth had cleared up the forks and the dirty shepherd’s pie dish once they had all finished eating – all except Victoria – and was about to take them down to the kitchen.
‘What’s up with you? Have you ants in your pants?’ Dana asked her. ‘You’ve yet to tell me your news. What’s been happening while I’ve been looking after the patient from hell?’
‘Oh, not a lot really,’ Beth replied cheerily. ‘I’ve been mostly working in theatre,’ she said. ‘You know me, the only single one in the group. The workaholic, boyfriendless one, sat on the shelf.’ And she shot out the door.
‘Well, well, well,’ said Pammy, ‘would you credit the nerve of her. I don’t know how I’ve kept my mouth shut.’ She folded her arms and looked as though she would chew Beth’s head off when she returned.
‘Don’t you dare say anything.’ Dana wagged her finger at her. ‘I don’t want Beth thinking we were spying on her. Do you hear me, Nurse Tanner?’
‘But you were, weren’t you? Don’t go getting all Irish pious with me.’ Pammy scowled. ‘I can’t believe I am sat here having to pretend that I don’t know one of my best friends has something going with the biggest cad in the hospital. And after the way he treated me?’
‘Pammy, I was not spying on her. We were not. I swear to God. They weren’t even trying to hide. Under the cedar tree, they were. All she needed was a flashing neon sign on her head saying, “Look at me, necking with Oliver Gaskell”. But I swear to God, if you let Victoria and me down, we will fall out. Beth is the quiet one and she will not take kindly to being caught out.’ Dana’s tone was firm and brooked no nonsense.
‘I just can’t get over it. She knows how I feel about that man and she knows about Nurse Moran too. What’s up with her? You know everyone thinks he got that poor Nurse Moran pregnant and didn’t stand by her, and her being Irish too. I don’t get you, Dana. You know what that meant for her. Has Beth completely lost her marbles?’
‘Oh, don’t you be talking now. Can’t you answer that question for yourself? Sure, weren’t you the one who was drooling after the fella when we first arrived? You couldn’t get enough of him right from the off when we were probationers. It was Oliver Gaskell this and that, morning, noon and night. And besides, I’m not so sure Nurse Moran was pregnant. She was an awful clumsy person, but I can’t imagine that. I know where she comes from and she would have had the fear of God about any such thing drilled into her by her mammy long before she came to Liverpool.’
‘But, Dana, that was before I knew what he was like. He’s a cad. He wanted to get into my drawers as fast as he could. The minute I told him me da would have his guts for garters, he didn’t want to know any more.’
Dana sighed. ‘God, I am so lucky. My Teddy knows the terror I have of getting pregnant outside of marriage. You’re right about that, Pammy – there is no worse sin at home. I would probably never be able to go back and I doubt that Daddy would ever set eyes on me again. ’Twould just be the most awful thing and, you know, Teddy was so good, he really understood that. But that’s why I don’t think Nurse Moran was pregnant. If she was, Ireland would be the last place she’d run to. It may be the 1950s, but, believe me, pregnant girls over there go missing and are never heard of again. She may have been clumsy, but she wasn’t stupid.’
Victoria propped herself up on to one elbow. ‘Oh, honestly, why does everyone regard sex as though it’s a danger not a pleasure? As if everyone gets pregnant the moment they have it. It drives me mad how primitive some people are.’
‘Oh, Victoria, that’s not fair, it is a danger. Go and ask any of the women in the unmarried mothers’ home on Princess Avenue. They will tell you how easy it is to fall into sin and be punished,’ Dana replied.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ said Victoria, exasperated now. ‘They got pregnant because they were stupid. They didn’t take the proper precautions, that’s all.’
‘Are you feeling any better, Victoria?’ asked Pammy. ‘You sound it. You’re talking about sex again, your favourite subject.’
‘Pammy!’ Dana almost squealed. ‘Honestly. I was so looking forward to coming back, but now I’m wondering if I wasn’t better off in Bolton. Everyone is so testy and rude.’ She turned to Pammy to emphasize her point.
‘Right, well, on that note, I’m going to take that nap,’ said Victoria. ‘I don’t think the brandies we had after dinner last night have helped me very much, to be honest. I’m going to unpack and get my uniform ready for tomorrow,’ she said.
‘Ooh, brandy, get you,’ said Pammy. ‘You are so sophisticated, Victoria. I wish I could be a lady like you.’
*
Down in the kitchen, Beth dried the forks and put them in the drawer. She liked to clean up and help Mrs Duffy, and as pleased and excited as she was to see her friends, she was finding it difficult to be in the same room as them.
She had been on her way home, walking past the doctors’ residence, when she saw that her shoelace was undone. She crouched down to tie it and was almost done when she heard Oliver Gaskell calling her name. She looked up, surprised out of her reveries about her lunch to come.
‘Nurse Harper. You seem to be having some difficulty.’
Beth responded as quick as a flash. ‘And you appear to be loitering. You startled me,’ she said.
‘Not at all. I was just putting my bike away, thank you very much, and I saw you as you came towards the back gates. Now there is someone who might fancy a meal at the Sunrise in Chinatown, I thought. I hear you have had a busy night in theatre. They do lovely banana fritters for dessert and I’ve yet to meet a nurse who can resist them. How about it?’
Beth hoped he hadn’t heard the sound of her stomach groaning at the mention of banana fritters. She thought of Victoria arriving back at Lovely Lane and the promise of news about Dana. ‘You have lots of experience of taking nurses there then, do you? I suppose that fits. No, thank you. You will have to find some other poor unsuspecting nurse, but not me.’
His brows furrowed and then he laughed out loud. ‘I don’t want to take anyone else. I want to take you.’ He rocked on to the balls of his feet, leaning over her slightly. His dark, wavy hair fell forward and his eyes were full o
f laughter and mischief, studying her like a chess player to see what her next move would be. He didn’t have to wait long.
‘Well, you can’t have me. I’m afraid I’m not one of your acolytes, Mr Gaskell. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get along.’
For a split second she thought he looked irritated, angry even, but within a flash he was grinning from ear to ear. ‘Nurse Harper, are you really turning me down?’
Beth looked back at him and raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, if not wanting to have dinner with you is turning you down, then yes, I am. Dear me, it appears you may not be used to that. I’m sorry.’
But she wasn’t sorry, she was terrified and her heart felt as if it was banging against her chest like a hammer. She pulled her cape across herself so that he wouldn’t see her hands shaking. Her mouth was dry and she felt as though something was about to happen, as if she was at some sort of crossroads.
‘Nurse Harper, can I just give you something to take with you. And then I would like you to think about it and when I ask you out again, sometime soon, you may give me a different answer. Would you mind?’
Beth looked down at his hand in his jacket pocket, thinking that he was about to extract something to give to her. But before she had the chance to say another word, he placed his arm across the small of her back, pulled her into him and kissed her hard. For the briefest moment the only thought in her mind was to let go, to forget the world and everyone in it. This was it, the moment. It was here and she had been waiting for it for a very long time. But something stopped her from yielding to him and she wrenched herself away. She was breathing hard, much to her annoyance, but she managed to compose herself. When she could trust herself to speak, she replied, ‘Well, I don’t think that is going to make me change my mind about anything, thank you very much. Goodbye, Mr Gaskell.’ And then, before her knees betrayed her and she sank to the ground, she was gone.
Now, in the kitchen, as she thought about Oliver Gaskell’s kiss, a thrill ran through her and made her stomach flip. She hugged the tea towel she was drying up with and pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips, the place where his lips had lingered only an hour before. What would be his next move, she wondered. And if she really wanted to tame and keep this man, what should be hers?
The Mother's Of Lovely Lane Page 21