Luger smiled, which had the opposite effect of most smiles. Rather than radiating happiness, his smile sent a shadow around the room. “His Majesty King Henry the Eighth brought me to the Tower because he understands the threat that the space menace represents. The space menace will destroy us all. I have foreseen it.” His voice was reedy and high-pitched, with a strange English accent.
“How do you know we’re from space?” Jacob asked.
“Your pantaloons,” Luger spat.
Jacob looked down and realized he was wearing jeans. “Oh, good point.” He thought about telling Luger that the jeans were invented on Earth and that they were from the future, but he figured the distinction would be lost on Luger. Besides, he really was half Astral.
“Why do you hate us?” Jacob asked.
Luger looked Jacob over as if he were sizing him up. “Aliens have brought trouble to Earth from the beginning of time. They have no shame. They want to destroy us all. Just as they destroyed my family’s home and livestock when they dropped a giant snowball on it.”
Jacob managed to stifle a laugh when he pictured an Astral spaceship hauling a huge snowball. He cleared his throat and grimaced instead. “That sounds terrible,” he said.
“I came to see you,” Mick said. “To see if you would change your mind about us. We’re two Astrals and we’re here in peace.”
Luger smiled even wider and Jacob thought he noticed the candles dimming as a result. “I know who you are,” he said to Mick.
Mick raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You . . . you do?”
“Yes.” Luger pointed a bony finger at Mick. “You’re the last leader Astrals will ever know.”
What are you doing here?” Sarah asked Catalina.
Catalina bounced up and down and then hugged Sarah.
“Ugh,” Sarah said.
Catalina broke the hug and said, “Well. My silly brother warped away and I got really bored, so I thought I would take a trip to see my best friends in the universe. Dexy! You look so mature!”
“Um. Thanks,” Dexter said.
“Where’s Jakey?” Catalina asked.
Sarah gritted her teeth. “Jakey warped away with your brother and we don’t know where they are. And my stupid sister stole our time machine.”
“Oh,” Catalina said, looking crestfallen. “I guess you’ll have to do.”
Sarah pressed her lips together at more of Catalina’s rudeness, but then her eyes widened when she had an idea. “Do you have a time machine?!”
“Of course not!” Catalina said. “Mick took off with ours. I had the scientists send me here with the ‘Vault’ time machine that we used to send you guys back to Earth way back when.”
Sarah felt a rush of blood to her head. Not only did she find Catalina terrifically annoying, she didn’t even bring anything helpful to Earth. Not a spaceship, not a time machine. They were stuck with her.
Sarah had made peace with the princess-turned-vice-president after they had joined forces in a last-ditch and unsuccessful effort to help Jacob win the presidential election, but Sarah was growing too worried about Jacob to feel calm enough to deal with Catalina. She didn’t trust that if Jacob were to return, he wouldn’t go gaga over Catalina like he usually did, and Sarah had a mind to . . .
“Sarah?” Dexter asked.
“What?!” Sarah turned on him with her hands on her hips.
“I’m really hungry,” he said.
Sarah exhaled and let her hands drop. “Sorry, Dex.” She stared at the ground for a moment. She was hungry too. Food first, then they could decide what to do. “I guess we can go eat in my house.”
“Yay!” Catalina said. “Can I see your room? Can I try on your clothes? Oh. Never mind. I forgot who I was talking to. Fashion nightmare.”
Sarah started walking toward her door without a word, thinking Catalina and Dexter would trail behind, but she had to wait when Dexter started telling Catalina about his mom. Sarah softened a little toward Catalina when she heard how genuinely sympathetic Catalina sounded. She asked a million questions and hugged Dexter and she could tell from the sound of Dexter’s voice that she had succeeded in making him feel just a bit better.
Sarah stopped them when they reached her door. Dexter looked terrified and Catalina looked extremely excited.
“Just . . .” Sarah started to say.
“Yes?” Catalina asked happily.
Sarah sighed. “Please don’t embarrass me.”
“I won’t,” Dexter said quickly.
“Not you,” Sarah said, giving Catalina a cold look.
“Oh, silly,” Catalina said. “I’m so happy I get to meet your family!”
Sarah grunted and threw open the door. “Mom?” she called out.
They walked through the house into the kitchen, where her mom was sipping a cup of coffee. “Hi, darling,” her mom said. “I . . .”
Sarah’s mom gave a start when she saw Catalina and Dexter and she almost spilled her coffee.
“Catal . . .” Sarah’s mom started to say, but stopped herself.
Sarah’s jaw dropped in shock. “You know her?!”
Sarah’s mom composed herself, and the momentary look of surprise was gone so quickly, Sarah almost wondered if she had imagined it. Her mom gave a friendly smile to Catalina and Dexter. “Sure honey, isn’t this one of your friends from school?”
“No,” Sarah said carefully.
“You must be hungry,” Sarah’s mom said. “Do you guys want a snack?”
“Yeah, can we have some corndogs?” Sarah asked.
Sarah’s mom was aghast. “Corndogs! In the name of Phil, why would you ask your mother for something cooked in oil?” She shuddered. “You can have arugula salad and cucumber quinoa like normal children.”
“Oh,” Dexter said, trying to cover his disappointment. “Yay, Phil.”
Sarah’s mom brought out the food and they devoured it even though it was not the corn-battered deliciousness they had hoped for. Sarah watched her mom out of the corner of her eye and noticed that her mom was watching Catalina out of the corner of her eye. She almost looked excited to see her.
Did they really know each other? Could her mom have known that Catalina was the former princess of the universe?
“Where’s Jacob?” Sarah’s mom asked. She tried to sound casual, but Sarah heard an edge in her voice.
“Um. Not here?” Sarah said.
“Don’t get smart with me, young lady,” Sarah’s mom said. Sarah averted her eyes from her mom’s fierce gaze. She hated when her mom yelled at her in front of her friends. She felt like running away, but she knew that would only make it worse.
“I think it’s high time that you moved along from that troublemaker. You need more friends like Dexter, who are positive influences in your life.”
“Um. Thank you?” Dexter said. If Mrs. Daisy noticed that Dexter appeared older, she didn’t mention it.
Sarah’s mom tapped the table with her finger with finality. “I don’t want to see you spending any more time with Jacob Wonderbar. None. Period. End of story.”
“Mom!” Sarah shrieked.
“You heard me,” her mom said. “And if I hear about you fraternizing with him at school, you will be grounded for a month.”
Sarah seethed with anger. She might have thought that Jacob was a jerk to have ditched her, but he was still her friend. She didn’t know why her mom couldn’t see Jacob like she saw him. Her parents were always trying to stop her from spending any time with Jacob and ruling her life. Sure, he got into trouble and wasn’t the best at school, but he was really smart no matter what his grades may have been, and it wasn’t fair that her parents tried to stop them from being friends.
He was fun and he was her best friend and there was nothing her mom could do about tha
t.
“Mrs. Daisy, if I may . . .” Catalina said.
Sarah’s mom cleared her throat and pointed toward the front door. “Young lady, I think it’s time you went straight on home.”
How did he know you were the president of the universe? He was just some weird kid living in a castle.”
Jacob was lounging in the sand on an incredibly beautiful beach in Hawaii in the 1600s. It was lined with lush green trees and the weather was perfectly sunny and warm. Jacob had suggested that he and Mick take a break in a safe place to regroup and come up with a plan. He had also realized that the time machine made for a rather fantastic vacation device.
“Well, Wonderbar,” Mick said in a highly condescending tone, “there are two possibilities. Either he can see the future or he got his hands on a time machine.” Mick lay flat on the sand with his arms outstretched. “Do you believe in psychic powers?”
Jacob watched some natives out in the water surfing with long wooden boards. They waved at Jacob and Mick and didn’t seem to find it odd that two mysterious people were relaxing on their beach.
“No,” Jacob said. “I don’t believe in psychic powers.”
Jacob began to recognize the seriousness of Luger recognizing Mick. If Luger knew who Mick was, he probably had a time machine. If he had a time machine, he and the other Strangers could band together and stop the original Astrals from blasting off into space.
If that were true, Mick really could be the last Astral leader. They were in grave danger.
“But we’re still here,” Jacob said, staring at his hands to reassure himself. “If the Strangers had already succeeded, we wouldn’t exist, right? No Astrals, no us?”
Mick closed his eyes against the sun and reluctantly nodded. Jacob felt temporarily better, but the idea of suddenly disappearing as if he had never existed in the first place gave him chills. He wouldn’t even know the Strangers had won. He would just be gone.
“So let’s go back in time and stop Luger,” Jacob said. “We know he started the Strangers, why don’t we stop him from doing that and then we’ll be safe? Maybe we can burn up all his papers so he can’t write that book.”
Mick nodded. “You’re finally getting it.”
“Why do they hate Astrals?” Jacob asked. “I mean, yeah, Luger had a snowball dropped on his house, but what about the rest of them? I don’t get it.”
Mick rose up on an elbow and gave Jacob a cold look. “You’re part Earther, why don’t you tell me?”
Jacob blinked and thought about Patrick Gravy and the SEERs, the Astrals who had such wrong ideas about Earth that they wanted to blow it up entirely. They were just as scary as the Strangers, but what made them so crazy?
They were scared, Jacob realized. It was easy to think they were brave because they had big guns and strutted around like they were the toughest guys in the universe, but deep down they were more scared of Earth than anyone else.
There may have been some truth to the fact that Astrals represented a threat to Earth, but Luger Smythe and the Strangers had taken that bit of truth too far. They let their fear turn into hate.
“So what should we do?” Jacob asked.
Mick sat up and brushed sand off his arms. “Now we stop them.”
Jacob looked out at the ocean and saw a whale rise up out of the water and splash down. He considered Mick’s suggestion. Jacob recognized the threat that Earth represented to the Astral civilization, but he wasn’t sure what they should do to prevent it.
Jacob didn’t know how to stop the Strangers, but Mick seemed to have an idea.
“It’s time to plan a prank on Luger Smythe,” Mick said.
Sarah sprawled on the ground in the clearing in the forest downstream from their houses as Dexter and Catalina tried unsuccessfully to cheer her up.
She didn’t know why her mom was so mean. She was always forcing Sarah to do more and more extra-curriculars and study harder and she never ever stopped to tell Sarah she was doing a good job. Just a few weeks ago Sarah had gotten a perfect 100 on her pre-algebra test and when she showed her mom her score, she just nodded as if that was what was expected, not even a success worth celebrating. And now she was trying to stop Sarah from seeing her best friend in the universe.
It wasn’t fair. She was barely able to see Jacob outside of school already, and now her mom wanted to take what little time she had left away from her.
Worse, Sarah didn’t even know if Jacob was safe.
“Is she going to be okay?” Dexter asked.
“I don’t know,” Catalina said. “She seems pretty upset.”
“I’m right here!” Sarah shouted. She appreciated their concern, but she couldn’t calm herself down. Her mom had embarrassed her in front of Catalina and Dexter, after she had been worried that it would be Catalina who would make a mess out of things. It made her feel even worse that she was the one crying, when she remembered that Dexter had something much more serious to worry about. She felt weak, and that was the worst feeling Sarah knew.
Catalina took out her Telly and dialed. She handed it to Sarah, who took it before she could wonder who Catalina was calling. Sarah’s mind was whisked to the spaceship Praiseworthy.
“Mistress Daisy!” Praiseworthy shouted. “Galloping grasshoppers, this is a wonderful surprise!”
Praiseworthy was painted orange and the dainty horse sculptures on his hull were ornamented with streamers. Sarah sniffed and walked on board and plopped herself into the captain’s chair, kicking up her feet on the console. She didn’t have to worry about breaking anything because she wasn’t really there.
“Hi Praiseworthy,” she said.
“Whatever is the matter?”
“I don’t know what to do,” Sarah said. “My mom is so mean and I don’t know where to find Jacob.”
“Oh, dearest me,” Praiseworthy said. “Mistress Daisy, I am ever so sorry. I don’t have parents other than some large sheets of plastic and metal, but I don’t see how anyone could possibly be mean to you.”
“Thanks,” Sarah sighed. Praiseworthy was always able to say the right things.
Sarah took some deep breaths. Her nose was stuffed up and she still felt very shaky.
“What should I do?” she asked.
“Mistress Daisy, if there is anything I have learned about you, it is that you are one of the smartest human beings I have had the pleasure of knowing. If you follow your heart, I am quite confident you will find whatever it is you are looking for.”
Sarah nodded. She knew he was right. She was worried and scared, but there wasn’t anything she could do about her mom at the moment. All she could do was to be patient and wait and when the right opportunity presented itself, she would follow her heart.
“I will. Thank you, Praiseworthy.” She wanted to hug him, but it was rather difficult to hug a large spaceship. “You’re the best spaceship in the universe.”
“Oh dearest me, coming from you, I cannot imagine a greater compliment. I am overjoyed!”
“Bye, Praiseworthy. Take care.”
Sarah ended the call and she was back in the forest. She handed the Telly over to Catalina, who looked on anxiously. Sarah would never have thought to call Praiseworthy to cheer herself up, but somehow Catalina had known exactly what she needed. The princess always found a way to make it back into Sarah’s good graces no matter how rude she was most of the time.
“Thanks.” Sarah sniffed.
“That’s what friends are for!” Catalina said happily.
Sarah still wasn’t sure that they were friends, but she didn’t contradict Catalina. Maybe they were after all.
There was a rustling in the forest, and when Sarah turned to see who was approaching, she flushed with anger all over again.
The Brat was back.
This isn’t going to work,” Jacob sa
id.
Mick sized up the young elephant, which looked back at him with kind, watery eyes. Although he was small for an elephant, he was still huge and was significantly taller than Jacob and Mick. He had rough gray skin and was covered in a red cape. He reached out his trunk and flipped Mick’s hair.
“Yep,” Mick said. “I think it will.”
They were at the London zoo in 1865, which, as Jacob suspected, had rather shoddy security. Mick had warped them straight inside the zoo, and since the only guard was a sleepy constable who sat outside the main entrance, they didn’t have to worry about getting into trouble.
As they wandered around the zoo in the moonlight, Jacob was shocked at the appalling conditions of the animals. They lived in tiny cages and did not appear to be very well taken care of. Many of them screeched at Jacob and rattled their cages as he walked by. When he and Mick were finished with their prank, Jacob figured he would need to send some animal rights activists back in time to improve the living conditions of old zoos.
After a short while they found the elephant they were looking for. According to a sign at the front of his cage, the elephant’s name was Jumbo and he was four years old. He also apparently had a personality problem, as there were many danger signs to that effect around his cage, but he seemed friendly enough to Jacob.
“I think I know about this elephant,” Jacob said, distantly recalling a story his mom read him when he was little. “This is where the word jumbo comes from. Because of this one elephant. He was really popular.”
Mick shrugged. He held up the time machine and waved it between two fingers. “Ready?”
Jacob Wonderbar and the Interstellar Time Warp Page 8