by Judi Curtin
He smiled at her. ‘OK, Allie.’
For once, he actually looked sweet and cute, as he lay back on his blankets and sucked his thumb.
Alice came out of the living room and back down the hall. She closed the bathroom door, leaving me feeling a bit stupid standing there with nothing to hide me. She looked at me for a minute, and then she gave me a hug.
‘You were right, Meg. I was horrible to Jamie. I got so wrapped up in my own plans, I forgot how awful it would be for him. He doesn’t deserve that. I’m going to try to make it up to him.’
I smiled, and tried to wipe away the tears that were starting again. ‘I’m glad, Al. Really I am.’
Alice continued. ‘And I’m really sorry for what I said to you before. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. You’re the best friend any girl could ever have.’
Just then she saw my rucksack. ‘What’s that for? Are you leaving?’
I nodded.
Alice sighed. ‘I don’t blame you. If it was me, I’d have been gone ages ago. You’ve been great to stay so long.’
I pulled a tissue from my pocket. There were so many tears, there was no point pretending any more. I wiped my eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Al. Really I am. I want to help you, but I don’t know how. It’s all too hard. I just …’
Alice smiled, but I could see tears in her eyes too. ‘It’s OK, Meg. It’s going to be OK. Don’t worry about me.’
I tried to smile. ‘You’ve probably succeeded in getting rid of Norman. He’ll never stay around after today, but your mother’s going to kill you.’
She shrugged. ‘Luckily Mum doesn’t believe in corporal punishment, so how bad can it get? She’ll ground me forever, and I’ll sulk for a while and we’ll all get over it in the end. Come on, I’ll walk you to the bus stop.’
I picked up my rucksack, and followed her down the hall. ‘What will you tell your mum?
She’ll wonder why I left.’
Alice thought for a second. ‘I’ll just tell her you got a sudden attack of appendicitis.’
We both laughed then. A happy and sad kind of laugh that made me feel a small bit better.
Alice looked into the living room. ‘Jamie, I’ll be back in five minutes. Don’t answer the door. I’ve got my key. OK?’
He looked up and nodded.
We went down the stairs, and out into the car park. Two girls our age were walking by. They were talking and laughing. Normal happy girls. I wanted to be like them. I wanted Alice to be like them.
Alice and I didn’t talk. She led the way to the bus stop just across the road and checked the timetable. ‘There’s a bus to Heuston train station in ten minutes. And there are lots of trains in the afternoon. You’ll be home in time for tea. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it will be organic spinach soup!’
She turned away suddenly, but not quickly enough. I could see tears pouring down her face. She gave me another quick hug, but didn’t look at me. ‘Gotta go. Can’t leave Jamie on his own for too long.’
Then she ran back across the road, and in through the door of her apartment building.
I buttoned up my jacket. It was still cold. I checked my watch. Mum would be surprised to see me home so soon. I hoped she wouldn’t ask too many awkward questions. I’d have to remember to buy Rosie some sweets when I got to the station. I’d make sure not to buy red or orange ones – just in case. Maybe Grace and Louise would go to the pictures with me the next day. We could see the film that I’d never got to see with Alice.
For a few minutes, I tried to think happy thoughts about home, but thoughts of Alice kept getting in the way. She was all messed up and unhappy, and now she was in huge trouble as well. What kind of a friend was I, if I gave up on her so easily?
I looked up, and saw the bus coming towards me. All I had to was hold up my hand, and it would stop, and take me away from this place. I could be home in a few hours.
Then I thought of Alice again. I might not be able to do much, but maybe just being with her would help.
The bus trundled past me. I picked up my rucksack, and crossed the road again. A woman was just coming out of the building, and she held the door open for me. I went inside and up the stairs. I tapped on the door of Alice’s apartment. After a moment, the door opened, and Alice was there.
‘I thought you were Mum,’ she said.
I smiled. ‘Can I come in?’
She smiled back. ‘Megan, I will never, ever forget this.’
I grinned. ‘I’ve a funny feeling I won’t either,’ I said.
Alice hugged me, and we went inside to wait for Veronica.
Chapter twenty-one
We didn’t have to wait very long. Alice and I were just settling down in the living room with Jamie, when we heard the rattle of keys in the hallway. I felt a cold shiver run right through my body. My teeth suddenly had that horrible sensation they get when the teacher accidentally scrapes her nails on the blackboard. I was tempted to run and hide under Alice’s bed, but then I figured that if I did that I might as well have got on the train to Limerick, so I bravely sat where I was.
The hall door opened slowly. I heard the clatter as Veronica put her keys on the hall table. I heard the cloakroom door open and close, and only then did the living room door open, and Veronica appear.
There was a long, long silence. It was like the climax of a horror movie – with the sound turned down. Veronica stood in the doorway and surveyed the room. She looked at me, then at Jamie and finally at Alice. She stayed looking at Alice for what felt like about twenty minutes. It was such a cold stare that I was sure Alice would vanish into a puff of smoke. Right then, I’d have happily vanished into a puff of smoke myself. But Alice didn’t even look scared. My brave, foolish friend stared right back at her mother. Even Jamie knew there was something wrong. He looked frightened and sat in silence, sucking his thumb vigorously.
Finally, when I thought that we were destined to stay like that forever, Veronica spoke. Her voice was quiet. Scarily quiet. ‘What on earth was that all about?’
Alice kept her gaze steady. Now I knew how she won all our staring competitions at school. ‘What was all what about?’
‘That, that … that complete exhibition of hooliganism in the coffee shop. That’s what.’ Veronica’s voice was slightly less quiet now.
Alice shrugged. ‘Oh, that. We just wanted to join you for a nice drink of hot chocolate. What’s wrong with that?’
Veronica’s eyes narrowed.
I looked at my hands – they were actually shaking, and I had to sit on them to make them stop. But Alice still didn’t seem to be afraid. Clearly she was even tougher than I thought.
‘It’s not my fault Jamie threw up,’ she said, ‘Even you couldn’t blame me for that. Norman shouldn’t have bought all those buns. It looks like he doesn’t know much about children, does he?’
Veronica took one small step forward. I know that hitting children is wrong and illegal and all that, but even I could see how she might have been tempted to hit Alice at that moment. Alice was looking at her mother like she’d just read the How to Drive your Mother Completely Crazy textbook. I could see Veronica clenching her fists until the knuckles went white. Her lovely pointy nails must have been digging into her palms.
Was this all going to end in tears?
Or bloodshed?
Were we going to be on the news that evening?
I started saying my nine times tables in my head, in an effort not to be part of what was going on around me. As usual, I got stuck on nine times eight. I went back to the beginning, but had only got as far as nine times six, when, to my huge relief, Veronica stepped back again. She unclenched her hands, fixed her hair, and took a deep breath.
‘Alice O’Rourke, tell me what was going on. Now.’ The quiet voice was back.
Alice just stared at her mother, twiddling her hair and saying nothing. I felt like going over and hitting her myself. The truth had to come out in the end, so what was the point of all this messing? It was only
going to make things worse in the end. Suddenly Jamie started to cry, ‘Alice doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend,’ he sobbed, ‘She wanted to make him go away. She told Megan. I heard her. She said she would be so bad that your boyfriend would run away and never, ever come back. Ever.’
I sighed. Well at least that was out in the open. The waiting was finally over. Now it was time for the really big explosion.
Alice’s eyes flickered slightly, but her expression didn’t change. I looked at Veronica. She had both hands over her mouth, so all I could see were her long red fingernails lurking dangerously around her eyes. If she moved suddenly she could poke an eye out by mistake. Then she leaned forwards, and her golden hair slipped over her face. A horrible grunting noise came out. Not the kind of noise I thought I would ever hear from the elegant Veronica. She didn’t look up. Her voice sounded like she was sobbing, ‘Alice, tell me that’s not true. Please?’
Alice sat up. The sulky look was gone now. I could see that she was afraid. And if Alice was afraid, I knew it was time to be very afraid indeed. Veronica was always in control, and if that changed, anything could happen. I nudged Alice and whispered. ‘Tell her, Al. Please. She knows anyway, and surely, things can’t get any worse. Just be brave and tell her the truth.’
Alice got up and walked to the window, and looked out. She spoke with her back to the rest of us, in a dead, expressionless kind of voice. Like she’d been practising for a while. ‘Sorry, Mum. What Jamie said is true. But don’t be cross. I did it for the family. Not just for me. You don’t need a boyfriend. You have Jamie and me. I had to get rid of Norman. I didn’t have a choice. Can’t you see? I did it for all of us.’
Veronica still had her head down. All I could see was her mane of beautiful hair, which was shaking slightly. She didn’t answer. Now Alice got really cross. She turned around and walked towards her mother. She caught her by both shoulders, and shouted. ‘Mum, listen to me please. I did the right thing. I’ve saved this family. So don’t be cross with me, please.’
At last, Veronica looked up. Her face was pale. Her lipstick was slightly smudged, and her mascara was smeared around her eyes making her look like an unusually pretty panda. ‘Cross?’ she said. ‘I’m not cross.’
Alice stepped backwards. I could see that her anger had turned to fear again. She spoke softly. ‘But I just scared away your boyfriend!’
Veronica took a deep breath. ‘Why Alice darling, that is the funniest thing I’ve heard in years.’
And then the truth dawned on me. The wet streaks running down Veronica’s face weren’t from sadness or anger. They were tears of laughter. I hadn’t heard anyone saying anything funny, but for some reason that I couldn’t understand, Veronica was laughing at us.
Chapter twenty-two
Alice turned to me with a bewildered look on her face. I shook my head. I had no idea what was going on either. Maybe Veronica was losing her mind.
Should someone call a doctor?
Should that someone be me?
Every crisis needed someone sensible, and sadly, I couldn’t see any other volunteers. I wondered if I should offer to make Veronica a cup of hot, sweet tea, like they do in films, when someone is in shock.
Or should I slap Veronica in the face?
If I did would she ever forgive me?
Or would she slap me back? Now that really would not have been fair.
Alice sat down on the couch, and looked on as her mother slowly recovered herself. Jamie was still sucking his thumb. He looked kind of scared. I gave him a small smile as if to tell him everything was going to be all right. I wished I believed that.
Veronica gave one last laugh, and then she pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. She went and sat beside Alice, and put one hand on her shoulder. Alice shook her mother’s hand off, and moved herself further along the couch. Veronica spoke really quietly. So quietly that I had to lean forward in order to hear her. ‘Alice, darling. I think you’ve misunderstood. You see Norman …’
Alice interrupted her. Her voice was high and sharp. ‘Oh, don’t worry, Mum. I see all right. I see everything very clearly. More clearly than you know. I’ve heard you whispering on the phone to Norman every night. I’ve seen you getting all these new clothes and perfumes. I’ve seen your secret diary. I’ve even seen you meeting him in your “usual place”. I’ve seen you kiss him. You don’t have to tell me what to see.’
Veronica interrupted then. She looked as if she was going to laugh again. I started another round of nine times tables in my head.
‘You’ve seen me kiss him? Kiss Norman?’ Veronica was either genuinely very surprised, or she was a great actor.
Alice shrugged. ‘Well, actually, it was Megan who saw that, but whatever? It was still a kiss.’
Veronica looked towards me. ‘Megan?’
I shook my head miserably. I had stayed in Dublin to support Alice, but this was going too far. I wasn’t going to get involved with whether or not Veronica had kissed Norman. It was all too crazy for me.
Alice rescued me. ‘It was on Monday. You were in the coffee shop, and Norman arrived, and you kissed.’
Veronica smiled. Luckily she didn’t ask how come we had seen her in the coffee shop on Monday. ‘Actually you’re right,’ she said. ‘Now that you mention it, we probably did kiss.’
Alice spoke in horror. ‘You mean you’re not even going to deny it?’
Veronica smiled a gentle kind of smile. ‘Why deny it? It’s true.’
Alice took a deep breath and opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She closed her mouth, and then opened it again. She reminded me of the goldfish I used to have, but that was a mean thought, so I tried to push it from my mind.
Then Veronica continued. ‘Alice, please listen to me. I did kiss Norman, but it’s not the way it looks. He’s just that kind of a person. I’ve seen him kiss all kinds of people. It means nothing. It’s just a social thing. To him it’s just like a handshake. But anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, Norman isn’t my boyfriend, …’
For a moment I wondered if he’d broken up with her because of Alice’s behaviour. But Veronica seemed to have the same mind-reading skills as her daughter. She continued, ‘… he never was my boyfriend.’
Alice opened and closed her mouth a few more times, and eventually some words made their way out.
‘Is that the truth?’
Her mother nodded. ‘I wouldn’t lie to you about something as serious as that.’
Alice made a puzzled face. ‘But the phone calls, and the meetings, what were they all about?’
Veronica smiled at her, and once more she rested her hand on Alice’s shoulder. This time Alice didn’t shake it off. ‘It was business. That’s all. Norman has been helping me.’
Alice looked puzzled. ‘Helping you with what?’
Veronica looked slightly uncomfortable. ‘Well, he’s … he’s …. You see …Well …’
I’d never seen Veronica stuck for words before. Alice nudged her gently. ‘He’s what, Mum?’
Veronica sighed and answered quietly. ‘Norman is my life coach.’
Chapter twenty-three
Now it was Alice’s turn to laugh. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, but that’s soooo totally ridiculous. You don’t need a life coach.’
Veronica smiled at her. ‘Alice dear, life isn’t always as simple as you see it. Adults sometimes …’
She stopped and looked towards Jamie. He had actually managed to fall asleep in the middle of all the arguing. She got up, and covered him with a blanket, and tucked his bunny in next to him. Then she stroked his hair for a long time.
I turned to Alice. ‘What on earth is a life coach?’ I hissed.
Alice gave me a surprised look. ‘Don’t you watch any television? A life coach sorts out your life, if you’re not smart enough to do it yourself.’
Veronica came over again. ‘I heard that, young lady.’
She was smiling though, so I knew she didn’t really mind. She sat down n
ext to Alice. ‘Like I said, life’s not always as simple as you see it. And my life has been very difficult lately. I–’
Alice interrupted her. ‘So? It’s your own fault. You’re the one who left Dad. You’re the one who dragged us up here away from all our friends. You’re the one who–’
She stopped and burst into huge, loud sobs.
‘Oh, my poor baby,’ Veronica said as she reached over and held her in her arms. She stroked her hair and rocked her, and said, ‘There, there,’ over and over again.
Alice cried and cried. I could see Veronica’s pretty pink top becoming soaked with Alice’s tears. She didn’t seem to mind.
I was embarrassed. This was family stuff. I had no business there any more. Now that it looked like no-one was going to be murdered, it was probably safe to leave them alone.
I stood up, and tip-toed towards the door. Veronica waved me back to my seat. ‘You might as well stay, Megan. You seem to be part of this.’
I soooo did not want to be part of it, but I didn’t dare to disobey her. So I sat on a chair in the corner and pretended to read a glossy magazine while the O’Rourke family tried to sort out its problems.
It took ages for Alice to stop crying, but after a while, her sobs became less frequent and eventually they stopped altogether. Veronica continued to rock her for a while, and to murmur soothing noises, as if to a baby. Much, much later, Alice sat up and wiped her eyes. She was still holding one of Veronica’s hands. I hadn’t seen her do that since she was about five years old.
Veronica smiled at her. ‘Will you listen to me for a while, and try to understand?’
Alice nodded.
Veronica took a deep breath and began. ‘I’m afraid your father and I haven’t been happy together for a very long time. It was all my fault. He loved me. You and Jamie loved me, and that should have been enough, but it never was. I spent hours at the hairdressers and the nail salon, and in the shops, but none of it made me happy. So I thought going away might make me happy and I decided to leave. But I never knew that it would hurt you and Jamie so much. I never knew you’d be so lonely, and so sad. I never knew that Jamie would be so upset and get so bold. And I never thought your dad would take it so hard. And I’m still bored and unhappy, but now everyone else is unhappy as well. Can you understand that?’