by Jill Monroe
He only hugged her closer.
Her eyelids drifted shut as she toyed with the light dusting of hair across his chest she always found so fascinating.
She mumbled, “I love you,” as sleep claimed her.
* * *
STELLA WOKE WITH a start. Had she confessed to Owen that she loved him last night? She covered her mouth to mask her gasp. Yes. She’d told him. Loud and clear.
She hugged the sleeping bag tight against her naked breasts. Outside the wind gently breezed against the canvas of the tent and a bird sang a sweet morning tune. And was that...she strained to hear. Yes, outside, Owen whistled. Stella squeezed her eyes shut.
She’d told him she loved him. Now the big question: Had she meant it? It was crazy. Stella had never even thought about her feelings for Owen—too caught up in the mystery of their meeting and her undeniable desire for him that never seemed to wane. Not once had any rational or cogent consideration of hey, I’m in love with this man ever crossed her mind.
What was wrong with her? Where was the in-depth analysis? The carefully planned steps? Detachment? Replacing emotion? What? The? Hell?
No, instead she’d just blurted out the truth.
And her love for him was the truth. She realized that now. But when? How? People didn’t fall in love in a handful of days. Well, her kind of person did, apparently.
Love was supposed to develop between two people over time and with careful understanding. That’s how it had been for her parents. Love didn’t fuse together two people or blast through every problem like a supernova. Because bright bursts of energy fizzled out quickly. Always. It was science. She might love Owen now, but it wasn’t a love she could trust. That either of them could trust. This connection between them wasn’t long-term love. It couldn’t be.
They were in the attraction phase of relationship-development theory. The hormone-induced giddiness of that phase was when all the long-term mistakes could happen. People wanted the affection to mean more so they made it mean more, not because it did.
The zipper on the front flap of the tent zipped open. Owen popped his head between the flaps, looking tempting and gorgeous and like everything she wanted in a man. He smiled when he realized that she was awake, and her breath caught in her throat.
Maybe he hadn’t heard her last night. Maybe he was already asleep. Maybe h—
“So you love me, huh?”
So much for that futile wish.
He slid into the tent beside her. He propped his head on his hand and stared down into her face. His hazel eyes blazed, and then he dropped a quick kiss on her lips. “I love you, too.”
The emotion his simple words triggered almost floored her.
She went through the motions of helping him decamp and sat silently in the truck on the way back to Dallas. The question What am I going to do? pounded through her mind over and over again. She couldn’t even fall back on her always reliable detachment technique. Her emotions overflowed.
And all she could hear was her parents’ advice. Love ruined plans. Emotion blew common sense out of the water. Feelings took everything away.
Beside her, Owen hummed or whistled or rubbed his hands along her thigh. No sign at all of any inner turmoil.
In some vain attempt at getting her mind off Owen and how she could no longer divorce herself from life, she dragged out her phone. Three missed calls? One yesterday and two today.
There’d been zero cell reception in the woods, so to save battery life she’d just turned the phone off. There were also three voice mails, all from the same number. PharmaTest.
She clutched the phone tightly in her hand. Checking her messages was a delaying technique, sure, a way not to have the conversation with Owen she dreaded. With relief she listened to the first message.
* * *
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AFTER Larissa was fired—effective immediately—subjects twelve and ninety-two had walked through the door. Too little and way too late.
Larissa grabbed the picture of her rescue dog, Sadie, and stuffed it into the cardboard box on the floor.
“What’s going on here?”
Larissa’s hand stopped, suspended over the middle drawer of her desk. Great, Mitch was here—the perfect topper to the delicious cake of unemployment with humiliation frosting now on her plate. She squared her shoulders and forced herself to focus on the pens and pencils on her desk rather than look up and face Mitch. No, not Mitch. Dr. Durant. That’s all he could be to her now.
The security guard cleared his throat, and Larissa sighed and returned to the task of packing up the things she’d accumulated over the past three years of working at PharmaTest. “I’m leaving,” she told the doctor, still not able to meet his gaze.
“You’ve been fired?” he asked, his voice raised. Incredulous. Angry.
That’s when she made the mistake of looking him in the eye. Concern laced those dark brown depths of his. The man was gorgeous. How had she been able to keep her hands to herself these past three years? She’d seen him with a single-minded focus on his work, intensely absorbed on giving her the most amazing pleasure, and now concerned and outraged. For her.
Her shoulders drooped. “The exact wording was, ‘We have opted not to renew your contract.’”
“They fired you because you raised your concerns. Larissa—”
She angled her head toward the security guard, then went back to her packing. “I’d rather not have this conversation right now.”
“This is ridiculous,” Mitch, er, Dr. Durant said as he reached into his pocket and fished out his phone. “I’m calling the head office right now.”
Larissa stretched so she could grasp the books on the shelf behind her desk and slid them into the cardboard box on the floor. “It’s okay. It was time to move on anyway.”
“It’s not okay. It’s—” He directed his attention to the security guard. “Do you have to hover over her like this?” Mitch asked him.
The man nodded. “It’s my job to make sure Ms. Winston doesn’t remove any property belonging to PharmaTest from the facility or commit any acts of sabotage.”
Mitch’s breath came out in a hiss. “Screw that. I’m taking Ms. Winston to the conference room where we will talk in private.”
“I can’t allow—”
“He’s just doing his job, Dr. Durant. I brought this on myself.”
Mitch raised his hand, palm out, to the guard. “Five minutes. I’ll leave the blinds open so you can verify Ms. Winston isn’t stealing anything.” His fingers then wrapped around her elbow and he drew her along the hallway toward the conference room. He rolled the wand so the blinds were fully open, then nodded to the guard and closed the door firmly. He rounded on her, his hands fisted at his sides. Angry. Ready to do battle on her behalf. She’d never loved him more.
“What the hell is going on? Why didn’t you call me?” he asked.
“This isn’t your mess to fix,” she told him with a shrug.
“If they fired you because you dared to raise concerns about their practices—”
She shook her head. “They fired me for unprofessional conduct in the office. I had an inappropriate relationship with you, and somehow they found out.”
He rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, a policy they brought up only after you raised your concerns.”
“Something like that. But Mi—er, Dr. Durant, I lost four patients.”
“Due to understaffing.”
“But I didn’t contact anyone right away.”
“I’m not going to let them treat you this poorly. They’re all too happy to take my lab’s money—”
“I don’t want you to do anything. If I’m being honest, I’ve been at this job too long. The only reason I stayed was because I got to spend time with you.”
A beautiful possessiveness flared in his eyes, and she felt lonelier than she ever had in her life.
He reached for her hand, but she shook it off. If he touched her, drew her into his strong arms, kissed her, she’d be lost. She’d only
give in and take the easy way out. “They actually did me a favor by letting me go.”
A smile tugged at the corner of his sexy lower lip. “Good for you. There’s the spirit. You’ll get a better job now. One you’ll really enjoy. What would you like to do?”
“That’s just it. I’m thirty years old and have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve drifted from job to job. This is the longest I’ve ever stayed at any one place, and in a lot of ways it’s been the worst.”
Mitch’s eyes narrowed.
“You were the only bright spot. For three years I’ve watched people with all kinds of dreams walk through the offices of PharmaTest, and I envied them. One of the lost patients, she’s going to be a doctor. Another one grew up in a group home and now he’s a documentary filmmaker. A really successful one. Remember that rare phenomenon of HB121, the clarity of thought? Seeing this last group of subjects take what they wanted from life, I got that clarity, too. I pursued what I really wanted—you.”
And there was that sexy smile again.
“But there’s a thing with clarity. Sometimes it shines a light on the things you don’t want to face.” She cupped his cheeks in her hand. “I didn’t call you because I knew you would try to fix this for me.”
His hand covered hers, warm and reassuring and everything she wanted. “Of course I would have. I love you. I’d spend the rest of my life fixing things for you.”
“And that’s one of the reasons I love you. You’d fix the whole world’s troubles if you could.” Larissa shook her head. “But that’s the thing. I need to figure this out for myself. Fix my own problems.”
He gripped her shoulders. “I love you. You love me. I don’t want you to go it alone. I sure as hell don’t want to face tomorrow and the day after that without you. That’s what people in love do. They tackle their obstacles together. As one.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “This is not how I wanted to do this. I have a ring back in my apartment and—”
“A ring?” Her voice caught in her throat.
“I bought it the day after our first night together.”
That had to be the most romantic thing she’d ever heard.
“You’re sort of leaving me hanging out here, Larissa.”
His tone was teasing, but she couldn’t miss the hopeful glow in his eyes. Tension emanated from his body. She began to sway toward him and felt her resolve dissipating. Her throat tightened further, and she had a hard time swallowing.
His smile widened as he spotted her quiet surrender. “I’m ready to start that next phase of my life. With you. Please say yes,” he whispered against her mouth. Then his lips settled on hers and she couldn’t help responding. She loved this man. Wanted him beyond reason.
Larissa whirled away from the man she loved. She wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes shut. “And that would be so, so easy. But I know what would happen. I’d let you take over. Fix me as you fix the world. But this is something I have to do alone. Just so I know I can do it.”
“That’s a no, isn’t it?” he asked. His voice was tight, controlled. She’d hurt him and she felt not only cruel but also stupid because who would turn away from this man?
Desperately she wanted to add a for now—that she was saying no only for the moment—but that seemed callous. She had no right to ask him to wait on her while she figured out her life. So instead she nodded, not trusting her voice. Or her resolve.
“Take care, Larissa.”
Then she heard him twist the handle on the door and stalk down the hall. Her shoulders shook as she cried silent tears. Then, after a few moments, Larissa wiped the wetness from her cheeks with the back of her hand, closed the conference room door behind her and finished her packing.
10
THE WARM RAYS of sunshine streaming through the windows of their suite woke Stella. She should take advantage of this little luxury. She couldn’t imagine a near future where nature’s clock would stir her. The scents of rich cedar wood and fresh air, the smells that were all Owen, filled her nose, and she breathed in deeper. How long she lay there in the circle of his arms breathing in his scent and listening to the reassuring thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat she didn’t know. Or care. Right now she simply wanted to live in the moment.
She wasn’t sure when he awoke, but one moment his breathing was deep and steady and the next more ragged.
“Stop thinking so hard and roll over on top of me,” he said, his voice still thick with sleep and temptation.
Stella would enjoy nothing more than to solve all her worries and concerns and problems with sex. “How do you know I was deep in thought?”
He hugged her. The Perkins clan liked to hug. “Because I know you.”
She rolled away from him. Flopped her feet to the floor. “It’s been less than a week. You barely know me.”
His sigh was heavy with resignation. “I guess now’s the time to say what we’ve both been thinking.”
She took a deep breath, then blurted out her worries before she could change her mind. Drag him under the covers with a kiss and make love to him instead of facing reality. “It’s not real. This thing between us.”
“It’s not real,” he echoed.
His hand curled around her shoulder and he gently tugged until she faced him. Tenderness and a little bit of sadness lingered in the dark depths of his eyes. “It’s like what Gram said. People come in and out of your life, and you, Stella, you came in exactly when I needed you.”
Some desperate twinge of regret and love twisted inside her, and for a moment she was tempted to tell him how wrong he was. To go all prickly and sexy and challenge the hell out of him. Instead she shook her head. “It’s science, really. Nature’s trick of getting us together so we humans keep the species going. But emotions get involved and they have a way of kicking you in the end. There’s always a price. I need that tattooed on my forearm so I don’t forget.”
Owen flung back the covers and stalked over to the window, his gaze trained on something in the courtyard below. “What I said to you in the woods, I meant it. I do love you. But you’re right, this is just...a week. What happened between us happened too fast. Too hard. It will burn out just as fast. I only ever want to remember you looking at me the way you do now. With love.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s funny. I’m the last person ever to be guided by emotion, and yet here you are, cautioning me about it.”
“You return to your clinicals in a few days, right? You probably want to get home and start preparing.”
She recognized the brush-off. Had some tiny desperate hope still lived inside her that they could still spend the next few days together? Stella blinked at him a few times. Took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “You’re right,” she told him. “I should go.”
She swung her legs over the side of the bed again.
“Actually, I was thinking about getting a head start back to Colorado. You don’t have to leave. The room is paid up until Saturday.”
But Stella shook her head. “No. It’s time I get back to reality. Like you said. I’ve got a ton of reading to do, anyway. Maybe this way you can get some of your money back on the room. I’m going to change.” She raced to the bathroom, pausing only long enough to grab a change of clothes from her suitcase.
* * *
AFTER CONFIRMING HIS CHECKOUT, Owen paced in the bedroom, and when that did no good, he paced in the living area. He grabbed his duffel bag, yanked the zipper open and stuffed inside what he could find around their room of his scattered belongings.
Why was he so mad? This was what he wanted. No ties before. No ties now.
Five minutes later the bathroom door opened. Stella emerged in jeans and a T-shirt. She’d scraped all that gorgeous hair he loved to sink his fingers into back into a tight ponytail. He’d never wanted her more. His hands fisted at his sides. “If you have everything, I’ll walk you to your car.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to do that.”
>
“I want to.”
Needed to. Needed to put Stella in that minivan she insisted on calling a car and watch her drive away. From him.
They rode down the mirrored elevator in silence. The doors slid open and the sound of rushing water from the indoor fountain and lilting piano music surrounded them. But Stella didn’t stop to run her fingers through the water; she trekked across the lobby and out the large glass doors.
A valet rushed to greet them. “Shall I pull around your car?”
“We’re parked in the courtesy lot,” Owen told him. Stella kept marching alone to the parking lot. Once beside her van, she dug through her purse until she located her keys. With a click of the button, the large door on the side slid open.
She turned to him then, and he handed over her luggage. Their fingers touched, the heat searing him, but she yanked back her hand quickly. Stella tossed her suitcase on the long bench seat.
Owen handed her a folded note card, like the ones they’d discovered the morning they’d woken up together handcuffed and naked in the bathtub. Her face blanched, and she hesitated to take it from his fingers.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“It’s my address in Colorado and my number at the station. I’ll always remember what you did for Gram.” He swallowed. “And for me. If you ever need anything...if you’re ever in trouble, all you have to do is call.”
She nodded and finally took the note card, careful not to touch him again. “Take care, Owen.” She stowed his note in her glove box along with forgotten receipts and what looked like four years of insurance verification papers.
“You, too, Stella.” Owen watched as she walked around to the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel. He stood in the parking lot and watched her drive away. He stalked to his truck, threw his duffel bag on the passenger side, lunged into the cab and drove away before he could slam the car into Reverse, follow Stella to her apartment and try to convince her that they deserved more.
Thirty minutes later he was ringing the doorbell of Gram’s house so he could say goodbye and get an early start on his trip home to Colorado. But only Bethany was in the house. His parents had taken his grandmother to a follow-up visit with her new primary-care doctor.