by Blood,Joy
Contents
Cpoyright
Title Page
Loss
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
From Joy
More From Joy
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 Joy Blood
All rights reserved.
Fight
Reckoning Series, Book Two
Joy Blood
Definition of Loss
Noun: Something that is lost
The act of losing someone or something
My Definition: Life
Prologue
I wake with a haze clouding my mind. The room I am in is quiet except for a light beep that comes and goes. Trying to sit up and figure out where I am I feel pain radiate throughout my side. My memory seems to flood back in waves and my hands fly instinctively to my stomach. My now flat empty stomach. No. I'm silent as my heart starts pounding feeling like it is being ripped from my chest. Suddenly a door to my right swings open and two people come rushing in saying something I can't make out because of the ringing in my head. I'm sitting up and clutching my barren midsection.
"Ma'am you need to calm down or you are going to pull your stitches. Ma'am please." One shouts to me. The other has a syringe in their hand and sticks it into something next to the small bed I'm on. I slowly start to feel myself calm and the ringing finally stops. Making me realize it was me screaming. My throat is so sore and scratchy it feels like it's on fire. They get me back down to a laying position then start raising the head of my bed up so now I'm in a sitting position without the strain. Whatever they gave me mellowed me just enough but didn't put me to sleep. A light overhead is flipped on and I quickly raise my hand to shield my eyes. That is when I notice the IV strung into the top of my hand and taped firmly in place. I can feel the cool liquid being pumped through the tube and into my body.
"Where is he?" I rasp out. My voice is barely there but they know exactly what I asked, I can tell by the looks they give one another. He's gone my baby is gone and there is only one person to blame for that fact. I crumple up into a ball and cry as the doctor explains to me what happened three days ago when I was found bleeding out on the ground. They tell me the other man they brought in died in route to the hospital. Finn. They tell me how they performed an emergency c-section on me but were to late and my child had perished before they could save him. I cry even harder when I ask them if there were any other more people at the scene of the crash and they tell me that two more were found in the truck having been shot to death.
They leave me to my grieving, but I can't do it anymore. My tears have dried and I stare at the wall unable to feel anything anymore. I might be alive physically but mentally I am dead. I lay there for days and days trying to die but they refuse to let me. Pumping my body with drugs and false hope.
One
Clutching at my chest and gasping for air I waken again by another nightmare. This time I could see his face. Vin. His face while Avil slit his throat with one hand and stole my child from my womb with the other. I couldn't breathe and once again the nurses had to sedate me. All of them rushing into my room like they did routinely at least twice a night. They could probably set their clocks to my outbursts.
After pumping my IV full of drugs they leave me alone knowing full well they will be coming back in another two hours when I wake screaming again. The doctor told me that tomorrow I was being moved to psyche since I was healed enough to be transferred. I didn't want anything to do with a shrink.
I sit up trying to fight off the drugs they used to sedate me. I jerk out the IV and blood streams out onto my scratchy blue hospital sheets. I wince in pain but also sigh in relief. That tube has been in there for days having it out now feels like a weight has been lifted off my wrist. The tube is still pumping out liquid as it lands onto the floor. The blood has stopped dripping from the small puncture and is starting to dry. I gingerly take the blankets off of my lap and bring my legs over the edge of the bed. I haven't been out of this bed on my own. Every time I needed to use the restroom a nurse helped me into a wheelchair and did most of the lifting.
I don't need help. I don't need help. I tell myself as I get up and put my full weight on my legs. Taking two steps my legs try to give out on me but I refuse to let them grabbing onto the wheelchair they left in my room. I grab the back of it and push my way to the door slowly opening it to make sure I won't get caught. The hall is empty and I don't see a nurse's station anywhere close by but I do see a fire escape exit. Perfect. I will get the hell out of here then... then what? I think. Where the hell will I go? I push the thought aside. I just need to get the fuck out of here.
Squeezing myself and the wheelchair through the door I gradually make my way to the exit. Once there I abandon my wheelchair and panic when I hear talking coming from around the corner. It keeps getting louder as they get closer. Fear of being caught I rush and forget that walking really isn't coming as easy to me at the moment. Swinging the big steel exit door open I squeeze though and try as best as I can to hold the railing to get down the steps. I get almost halfway down when the door opens and two nurses start toward me calling for me to stop. Shit. I try to speed up causing me to slip and twist my ankle. I hear a pop and immediately pain slices through my foot. Instinctively I try to grab it with my hands but forget the more important fact that I can hardly walk. I feel like it all happens in slow motion. The nurses reach me just as my body starts to tumble down and down the full flight of steps I was starting to descend. Over and over my body tumbles down the hard concrete stairs until it finally comes to a stop on the landing. Pain so much pain all over. I grip myself around my midsection where the pain seems to be focused on. I pull back when I feel wetness starting to coat my arms. The last thing I see is blood coating my arms and the two nurses rushing to my side.
When I wake again I find myself cuffed to the bed. The IV is back in place only now in my other hand thankfully giving my right hand a break. I shift slightly and feel a pulling in my stomach along with the pain that seems to now be a normal constant from my body. "Oh, you are awake. You gave us quite a scare young lady." The doctor says as he enters my room. He is a short stubby man with a neatly trimmed mustache. For some reason, I want to call him Monti. "You took a nasty fall and tore your stitches open pretty badly. We did the best we could but there was so much damage. You now only have one ovary and a damaged fallopian tube. I'm sorry but the chances of you ever conceiving another child or even carrying one to term... the chances are very slim." He tells me in a somber rehearsed voice. I'm sure his job entails telling people horrible news on a daily basis.
"Doesn't matter anyway. I'll be dead soon and none of this will even matter." I tell him tucking the blankets up under my chin and rolling over to my side.
"I'm sure the future seems bleak but that is no reason to end your life. We will get you the help you need and your take on life will start to look better." He continues with the empty promises and bullshit hope. I know what life is. Life is all about losing, all about getting people ripped from your grasp before you even get to chance
to love them. Life fucking sucks and I want nothing to do with it anymore.
Needless to say, I was strapped to the bed after that and earned myself one on one time with a shrink anyway. I didn't talk about anything with her except for my loss. My loss. What bullshit. My child wasn't lost he was taken from me.
After I got through the vegetative state I put myself in I became violent. Apparently, it was just me going through the five stages of grief or some shit. I convinced the doctor that I was ready to be released though I do believe I'm still in the anger part of the five steps.
I'm standing in my room in my borrowed orange scrub pants and shirt. "Do you have any place to go when you are discharged?" my nurse, who's named Jackie, asks me while helping me pack the small amount of hospital toiletries I have accumulated throughout my stay. I think for a moment. Where will I go? That is a good question, one I'm not even going to try and answer right now. I just want to get out of here.
"I will be fine. Got a friend I can stay with." I lie. I think she knows but doesn't say anything. She is the nicest of all the nurses that cared for me. Bleach blond hair cut short to her jaw and a sweet smile. In another life, I think we would have been friends but right now the thought of friends turns my stomach. Anyone who gets close to me dies and I like this girl too much to get her killed.
After my things are packed she brings me papers to sign so I can be discharged then she leads me to the front doors of the hospital. "Well, this is where I leave you." She looks like she is going to go in for a hug but I back up slightly clutching my plastic bag full of half empty tiny shampoo bottles to my chest. I know that Avil has people out there somewhere watching me. Ever since my mind started to clear I have had that feeling of being watched. I listen to the cars moving about and think for a second I hear motorcycles but I see none when I look around for any suspicious vehicles.
"Thank you for all your help," I tell her as the cab I called pulls to a stop at the entrance of the hospital. "I will be fine and I promise I won't be coming back," I say the last bit with a small reassuring smile.
"Good. I don't want to see you again." She flashes a big smile at me. "I mean that in the most loving way possible. Here." She reaches out and hands me a couple twenty dollar bills. "For the cab ride." She tells me. I didn't even think about how I was going to pay for the ride.
"Thank you." I take it giving her a nod and one last small grin then get into the cab.
"Where to?" the cab driver barks at me before I even get the door shut. There is only one place I can think to go. I tell him the address and sit back in attempt to get comfortable trying not breathe in the stale odor of the cab.
Two
The only place I could think to go was home. Well, Dawn's home. We pull up to the curb I pay the driver with the money Jackie gave me. Getting out the cab pulls away and once again I get the same feeling I got when I stepped outside of the hospital. Someone is watching. I look around but still see nothing. I decide right at the moment I don't even care if someone is here to kill I'm just that tired.
I walk to the house wondering if Dawn's parents still own it. I'm unsure if they have been here since Dawn died. When we took off, after I escaped Avil for the first time, she told them that her contact would be limited. Only postcards letting them know she was okay.
I find the spare key still under the mat in front of the door. I know it is probably stupid to come here because Avil is more than likely having me watched. My mindset isn't right and thinking really isn't my strong suit at the moment and I really can't bring myself to care. What I really need is rest, to sleep for days. My body is completely healed but my mind needs to do the same. The house is empty and so lonely without my friend. It feels like a lifetime ago since I saw her, witnessed her death. Since Avail came into my life and turned it on end making me wish I never even had a 20th birthday.
Stepping into the kitchen I see nothing has moved but there is a note attached to the fridge.
Dawn,
We haven't heard from you in a while.
If you are reading this please call us or
let us know you are well. We have kept
up on the utilities and your mail is on the table.
Just let us know you are safe we love you, honey.
Come back to us, please.
Love,
Mom
My heart hurts after reading the note. They don't know. Her body should have been found but we were so far away from Cental that she is probably just a Jane Doe. She went by a different name at the cafe she worked at for those short months. For all I know Avil could have hidden her body or even burned the house down. I decide right there her parents need to know what happened to their daughter. I flip over the paper and find a pen to write my own note explaining what happened to her and why. How she tried to help me and how that ultimately lead to her death. My fault. It seems that anyone who I come in contact with dies because of Avil. He is a plague. Something evil snuffing out the people I care about.
I place the note back up on the fridge in a different spot making sure it looks moved so it catches attention. I look at it one more time before I go into the bathroom turn the taps on and strip off the hospital scrubs Jackie gave me to come home in.
Home. Where exactly is that now? It can't be here, I couldn't live here without Dawn. I am only here because I didn't know how to get back to the safe house that Vin had taken me to. Vin, I haven't let my thoughts drift to him since they told me he was dead. The only time he came into my thoughts were in my unconscious nightmares. When I woke I would push him out of my mind and away from my heart.
Stepping into the hot spray I start to feel relaxed again and just let the water take away the pain in my heart. Looking down I take in the raised red scars that now litter my body. Two are from the medal that had impaled me in the crash, on my upper thigh and my lower abdomen. The one that hurts the most to look at is the one that runs vertically up and down my stomach, the one that took my son out of the only place he was ever safe. If only for a short time. I wait for the tears to come, to fill my eyes, but they don't. I no longer have the strength to even cry.
I take my time getting clean, once again feeling normal. Maybe not normal, put together at least. Then I exit the shower quickly drying myself then wrapping my head in the towel. Not bothering with covering myself I go to the room that was once mine, finding it still full of my things. Avil never let me take my clothes or my personal items, said he would just get me new things. Pulling on a pair of underwear and a tank top I throw the towel onto the floor and crawl into my bed. Even with the midday sun shining through the window I quickly find sleep.
I'm awakened in the dark by a loud thunder like sound. It keeps growing and getting closer until it feels like it is right outside my door. Then it suddenly stops. Rolling over I check the time to see it is almost one in the morning. Then there is a knock on the door making me jump. At first, I shrink back into the covers, believing in the invisible shield it gives me for a moment. The knocking continues then finally stops.
"Ellie, open the door." An unrecognizable voice booms from the outside. "I'm a friend of Finn's." This makes me perk up a bit. Getting out of bed I go to the window closest to the door and look out to catch a glimpse of the man standing on the front step. He is average height I can see from my vantage point but that is about all I can make out, it is just too dark. No porch light is turned on and there is no street lamp illuminating the outside. Just the moonlight and that is not enough to see him. It is however enough to see the six motorcycles lined up in a perfect row right out in the middle of the street. I can just make out the stream of smoke coming from one of their mouth's, the cherry tip glowing every time he pulls in more smoke.
"I see you at the window girl, you gonna open up or what?" the man outside the door asks startling me. Taking a deep breath I go over and unlock the door turning the knob. I let the door open a crack then I retreat to the kitchen and stand next to the knife block that is on the counter. He steps in
pushing the door all the way open as he enters. He looks around then flips on the nearest light, the entry light. It floods the kitchen illuminating only some of the room so he can see me and I him. His gaze flicks to me standing my the knives.
"Smart girl, but no need we ain't here for that. Name's Gin." He says stepping closer and extending his hand. I don't take it just stare at it like it's a venomous snake, pressing my body closer so I'm flush with the cabinetry. He takes back his hand then flips on another light, this one being the kitchen light. Blinking a bit my eyes focus and I fully see the man before me. He has shaggy blond hair and a thick smattering of stubble on his face. Covered from head to toe in black he looks like a surfer crossed with the grim reaper, minus the hood that is. I notice he is wearing a leather vest that has a patch on it. That reminds me of something. The Riders. I remember Jake talking about them right before we left the safe house.
"You're the Riders?" his vest is covered in patches with numerous emblems and numbers, which I realize now are years. The one patch that stands out to me is the one the front right side says, President.
"Hell's Riders babe. Now as much as I would love to stand here and have a conversation with you, your clothing is really fucking with my manhood at the moment. I rather think with the head on my shoulders when it comes to business." It takes me a second to realize what he is saying but when I look down at my clothes I understand. I'm still in my panties and tank top. My white tank top that seems to be showing off my nipples. Oh, crap. My arms fly up and cross in front of my chest to try and hide myself from his gaze. "Sorry, but I am a man." He states shrugging his shoulders. "Go get some clothes on, jeans preferably and a coat or something it's a little chilly tonight."