Krista Kim-Bap

by Angela Ahn

  “But if I’m being honest, your grandmother is right, sometimes you need to say things. I was feeling hurt, I admit it. Like you suddenly stopped being the person I knew, and you just brushed me away. I was mad too, but mostly hurt.” He stopped and picked at food residue on the table. “I’m just some dorky guy you’ve known your whole life, I thought maybe you’d just gotten tired of me. Maybe I should have tried talking to you about it, but I guess I was too upset, or scared, or something. I had never been so mad at you before, so I didn’t know what to do about it.”

  “I didn’t know what to do either!” I exclaimed. “Jason, you are my best friend. You know that, right? If you didn’t know before, I’m saying it now. I should have said it a long time ago. Can we just blame the last few weeks on my general stupidity and insensitivity while I was experimenting with new things?”

  “What did you learn from your experiment?” he asked.

  I paused to gather my thoughts. “I learned that my hair belongs in a ponytail. I learned that shoes that look good don’t feel good and shoes that feel good usually don’t look good. I also learned that sometimes you can’t explain why you feel connected to some people and not others.” I took a deep breath. “I learned that when I hang out with you, I am the most comfortable version of myself.”

  “You want to know what I learned?” he said. “I learned that Marcus isn’t so bad. Underneath all those gross jokes and burping, he’s a good guy.”

  I stared at him. “Seriously? He is?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Nah, I’m just kidding. He’s gross.” Jason laughed. “No, no seriously. He’s actually okay.”

  I burst out laughing. It was a relief to finally laugh with Jason again, even though my laugh was probably too loud and too long, but I was such a bundle of nerves that it came out as a super crazy laugh.

  When I finally calmed down, I asked, half afraid, “Jason, are we good?”

  “Krista, we’re good,” he said. “I guess we both learned something these past few weeks.”

  We just looked at each other. We didn’t hug. We’re not like that. That would have been weird. I was lucky to still have him as my friend. There was a long pause. Neither of us knew what else to say.

  He broke the silence. “Well, if you really want to apologize, you can help me tomorrow when it’s my turn to present my Heritage Month project.”

  “How can I help?” I asked.

  He loaded a few bowls into the dishwasher before he said, “You can be my model for the Kerr clan tartan.” He tried to hide it, but he was smirking.

  “You mean the tartan that basically looks like Christmas? All red and green?”

  “I see you’ve been paying attention to my research. Yes, exactly that tartan.”

  “Will I be expected to play bagpipes?” I asked as I rinsed a few plates.

  “No, but haggis may be involved.” He smiled.

  Haggis—basically starchy, animal organs and other goo cooked in sheep guts. And people think kimchi is weird. I hoped he was joking.

  I frowned. “Gross!” I said.

  “Maybe Tori can make you a dress?” he suggested.

  “Ha, ha,” I said. “It’s too soon to make dress jokes.”

  “I’m trying to lighten the mood!” he said as he looked at the plate of leftovers remaining on the table. Grandma had brought a few more rolls of kimbap with her today. I guess she had ingredients left over from yesterday, but nobody ate too many of them because we all were focused on the soup.

  “It seems a shame to waste these.” He showed me the plate. “But I am totally not hungry.”

  “Me neither,” I replied as I stared at it. “Ah, I’ll just eat a few more pieces,” I leaned across the table and reached out for a slice of kimbap.

  At the same time, Jason grabbed one more piece too, and he gave me a big grin as he popped it into his mouth and chewed. He was kind of a bottomless pit. I popped another slice in my mouth too, and I smiled. It was clear that Jason and I couldn’t let good Korean food go to waste.

  It was also suddenly clear to me that talking is pretty important. I could have lost my best friend because I was too scared or proud or stupid just to talk with the person I was most comfortable talking to.

  We finished cleaning the kitchen and walked into the living room where everybody was sitting around watching the end of the variety show. There were no English subtitles, so I had no idea what they were talking about, but it looked like it was supposed to just be silly fun, because we had heard some laughing while we had been cleaning up the kitchen.

  Grandma got up off the sofa with the usual amount of effort required by a grandparent. “I go home now,” she said.

  We all walked her to the door, said our usual good-byes and thank-yous. When she was about to leave, she turned back, looked at me and then she looked at Jason. Then she nodded her head and she patted both our forearms gently. I patted the top of her hand too. I think she smiled.

  CHAPTER 21

  The day of the Celebration of Dance finally arrived. Jason had given his presentation the day before and instead of dressing me in the Kerr clan tartan, he dressed his dog. It was a big hit. Madison, Arden, Emma, and Cassie couldn’t get enough of his dog and broke their vow of silence against boys. Madison even said to Jason, “Can we play with you and your dog at recess?”

  I just about fell over.

  So, for the first time in years, a boy was allowed near their special tree. Not sure if they’d want Jason there without his dog, but that crazy dog sure helped break the ice. Maybe now they’d come around and see that Jason wasn’t so bad. Madison didn’t seem too upset about Tori not making a dress for her. She didn’t seem to be holding a grudge, anyway. She didn’t grab my arm and whisk me away to play like she used to, but she still talked to me and I still talked to her. We were both giving each other a bit more needed space.

  For the Celebration of Dance, Denise had instructed us all to wear black t-shirts and jeans, ripped up jeans if we had them. No problem for me, I had a lot of pairs like that. And she also told us to wear running shoes. My mom had taken me shopping and bought me some new runners. Tori said that the style we picked was a good balance between comfort and fashion. I realized that what I was wearing to the Celebration of Dance was basically what I had worn to school every day before I started wearing my sister’s clothes. Funny…

  Our class took a school bus because the location of the event was across town, far away from our school. I looked around the bus and it was crazy to see the entire class dressed exactly the same. We looked incredible. The noise and energy on the bus was almost deafening. Mrs. June was so excited she could hardly contain herself. I’m surprised she didn’t break out into yoga right then and there to try to calm herself. She had a heck of a time getting us to quiet down so she could say something to us.

  “Class, I just want you to know how proud I am! This will be an experience you will never forget! I will film the whole thing so if any of you have parents who couldn’t come, I will send everybody a copy of the video. Don’t worry! And let’s thank Denise for helping us prepare such an amazing dance number. Denise, would you like to say anything before we arrive?”

  Denise, who had been sitting next to Mrs. June on the bus, stood up and simply said, “Don’t screw it up!”

  Kids came from all over the city to perform at this event and there was a definite buzz in the air. The auditorium was full of performers and parents. My sister and parents came, even my dad, which shocked me. He almost never came to events like this. But even more shocking to me was that I saw Grandma in the audience. Suddenly I felt so nervous that my stomach was a mess.

  In the auditorium, we lined up to walk down to the rows where our school was assigned seating. I was standing next to Marcus, because we had to sit in the order of our line-up on stage, and not too far away, Jason was next to Cassie. I was looking around nervo
usly at my classmates and then—suddenly— Cassie threw up.

  “Denise! Mrs. June!” kids shouted simultaneously. Luckily Cassie hit the floor and the side of a chair, and not a person. The line-up was chaotic and Denise and Mrs. June tried to calm everybody down. Cassie started crying and saying how sorry she was, but she was so nervous she couldn’t handle it anymore.

  Then Marcus threw up. He had the decency to miss my new shoes by a fraction of an inch. What’s worse than staring at somebody else’s vomit in a confined space? Absolutely nothing.

  “Epic!” Marcus said. “When I see somebody else throw up, I have to throw up too! I can’t help it!”

  “Marcus,” Mrs. June said. “You and Cassie should sit out. Do you see your parents? You can sit with them.”

  “Mrs. June! I don’t want to sit out!” he protested. “I’m fine! It was just a little vomit!”

  “There is no arguing with me about this Marcus. Now go!” she said with finality.

  Paper towels were thrown down on the aisle, and somehow somebody found a mop and bucket and the mess got all cleaned up. I had to look away and breathe through my mouth.

  After everything had finally settled down, Denise walked over to me and said, “You’re going to have to switch spots and take Cassie’s place.”

  I looked over at Jason, and said, “No problem.” I moved over to stand next to him and we smiled nervously at each other.

  Our class finally got seated and we could feel some bad vibes from the other kids as our duo of barfers had set the whole program back about thirty minutes. Jason and I took our seats next to each other and I didn’t feel as nervous as before. “How do you feel?” he asked me.

  “Well before Cassie and Marcus barfed, I was feeling pretty nervous, but suddenly it got too busy for me to feel nervous! I’m just glad Marcus didn’t barf on me,” I said.

  “See, I told you he was actually a good guy!” Jason joked.

  I just gave him a sideways stare and smiled. The show was finally going to get underway. The program listed twenty performing groups. We were number six on the list. We watched the groups before us perform, and some of them were amazing dancers.

  I was stunned that these were local kids. I was beginning to understand why Mrs. June wanted us to do this. After each group was done, you could see how happy they were. You could see that they all felt really proud of themselves. It was cool to see.

  When it was our turn to leave our seats and get ready backstage, I snuck a peek out into the audience through the crack in the curtains. I saw my family and smiled. I managed to catch my mom’s eye, and she gave me a little wave and a thumbs up. I got into line and stood next to my best friend. Madison tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Good luck! This is going to be so much fun!” I turned around and smiled. I caught Arden’s eye and gave her a wink. She gave me a big nervous smile back.

  Backstage, Denise looked nervous and she said, “You’ve worked really hard. I’ve been tough on you, but I think you’ve all done an incredible job working together as a team. I hope you have a great time out on that stage. I am so proud of all your work.” Then she started to choke up and cry. I was a bit shocked, but suddenly, I wanted to do my best just for her and for Mrs. June and for my classmates.

  Emma shouted to the class, “Let’s do this!”

  We all cheered.

  We walked together onto the stage as a group and heard them announce our class. I grabbed Jason’s hand and as the curtain lifted and the bright lights shone down on us, I looked down the row at my classmates and decided that people could be so surprising.

  Making new friends could be fun, stressful, and downright confusing, but at the same time, it is important to let people in because how else are you going to figure stuff out?

  And accepting people is really important because sometimes what you see isn’t all there is or what you thought you knew. Plus, learning more about people can teach you more about yourself.

  But while I’m trying to figure it all out, I need to remember who and what is important to me. I can have lots of friends, but I only have one best friend, and my best friend is Jason. He likes me in my beat-up running shoes, jeans, and t-shirt. And that is how I like myself too.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I am deeply grateful to the team at Second Story Press. Your passionate desire to bring diverse stories to young readers is inspiring.

  about the author

  Angela Ahn is a former high school English and social studies teacher. She worked in the Canadian public system as well as for two years in Hong Kong teaching English as a Second Language. She later went back to school to earn a Masters of Library and Information Studies from the University of British Columbia. Angela worked in all types of libraries, but only discovered the joy of children’s literature when she had her own children. She has been at home with her family for the last 10 years in Vancouver, British Columbia.