by Patti Doss
“Hello, Mike,” said Tammie, as she invited herself into my room.
I closed the door back as Rachel called out, “Who was that at the door, Mike?”
My heart was literally at my feet. I couldn’t answer her, and I can’t even describe the look on Tammie’s face, the hurt and anger in her eyes. Before I could say anything, Tammie was walking towards the bathroom where Rachel was as Rachel was coming out. Their eyes met, and they both seemed to have gone into shock. That didn’t last long before Tammie lit into Rachel.
She hit Rachel with a one-two combo punch before Rachel even knew it was coming. Rachel hit the floor, and Tammie started kicking her. She was just about to stomp a hole in her when Rachel screamed, “Stop! I’m pregnant!”
Hearing those words, Tammie froze in her steps, turned and looked at me. I tried to look away, but the look in my eyes told her the answer to the question in her mind.
Tears filled up her eyes as she ran to me and started punching me, screaming, “You motherfucker! You son of a bitch! How could you?! How could you?!”
Each punch was getting stronger and harder, yet I did not stop her. I deserved everything she did to me.
She screamed, “Say something!” but I had no words. It was as if I was mute. I couldn’t say anything and that further frustrated Tammie. She started punching harder and harder. Then she just stopped and next thing I knew vomit was everywhere. Tammie was now on the floor hurling her insides away while Rachel was doing the same thing over by the bathroom door.
I didn’t know what to do. All of this hurt and pain was my fault, but I had to do something to help Tammie and to help Rachel, even though I knew helping Rachel at this point was pretty much suicide. I couldn’t let anything happen to her or my potential child. I grabbed Tammie by the hands and pulled her off the floor. I took her to the bathroom to get cleaned up. By the time we reached the bathroom, she was hugging the toilet.
While she prayed to the porcelain god, I went to see about Rachel. She had a nasty bruise on her face, and she was holding her stomach in agony and pain.
I asked if she was okay and she said replied, “No, something is wrong. I think I’m having a miscarriage.”
“Be still and I’ll call for help.”
I called 911 and asked them to send an ambulance for Rachel. Then I went back in the bathroom to check on Tammie. By this time, Tammie had gotten herself cleaned up as best she could and was preparing to leave. She didn’t say anything to me. She just looked at me with more hurtful tears in her eyes. I just stepped aside and let her pass. At this point, there was nothing for me to say or do.
When Tammie reached the door, she looked backed over her shoulder at me. She didn’t say a word but her eyes said a lot. Her eyes screamed at me, “Why?” That question was written all over her face. I had no answer for her, so I just looked away. She opened the door and ran out. Part of me wanted to follow her to make her listen to my side, to get her to understand that I never meant to hurt her, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
I couldn’t because I had to stay with Rachel until the paramedics came and because Tammie would not believe me anyway, Hell, I wasn’t sure if I believed myself! If I wasn’t still making stupid decisions and thinking with my dick, this wouldn’t have happened either.
After a couple minutes, the paramedics arrived. Rachel told them what happened the best she could, but she was in so much pain that they rushed her to the hospital. I couldn’t ride in the ambulance with her, so I told them that I would meet them at the hospital. I let the ambulance leave way ahead of me because I really didn’t want to go to the hospital and get more bad news.
After the sounds of the sirens grew smaller and smaller, I left the hotel to check on Tammie and deal with the mess I created.
Chapter 20
MIKE
As I headed towards our home, I called Tammie, what seemed like, a hundred times. Each time, I got the voicemail. Traffic on Barrett Parkway was gridlocked, which was abnormal for a Sunday morning unless it was an accident.
After about ten minutes of stop and go traffic, I saw what was causing the delay; a SUV was overturned on the side of the road. I normally don’t look at accidents closely, but my mind was telling me to pay attention. I started getting this weird, sick feeling in my stomach. I didn’t know what was happening to me but as I got closer to the overturned vehicle, my heart sank.
It was my wife’s truck!
I damn near got into an accident myself as I quickly pulled over to the crash site. Police officers ran to my vehicle, assuming that I was just a nosey onlooker.
“That’s my wife!” I fussed as I attempted to get by him. “Let me by! Is she okay?!”
The police officer grabbed me firmly by the shoulders. When I saw the sympathy in his eyes, I stopped resisting. “She was hurt really bad. The firemen had to cut her out. They already rushed her to the hospital. Are you okay to drive?”
I could barely get out, “No.” My head was spinning. My entire world was going dark.
At that point, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I don’t remember passing out but when I came to, I was sitting on the back of the fire truck getting oxygen. The EMT asked me questions to see if I was okay or needed to go to the emergency room. I insisted that I was fine, but the officer asked if there was anyone to come drive me to see my wife.
Derek was out of town again, so I called Persia and told her to come get me from the accident spot. She had so many questions, but I told her that I would explain everything once she got there. After about fifteen minutes, Persia and Sharon arrived, so the officer and EMT left.
Persia got out the car asking all types of questions. “What’s going on, Mike? Did you get a ticket? Did you have an accident?”
I replied, “No, I’m okay. Tammie’s been in an accident and she may be hurt pretty bad. But I don’t think I could drive myself there.”
They looked as if all breath left their bodies.
“Let’s go!” Persia managed to say. “Sharon, you drive my car and I’ll drive Mike’s.”
“Okay, Persia. I’ll meet you guys!”
I stopped Sharon before she could walk away. “Sharon, wait. I need for you to check on Rachel. She…”
Before I could finish my sentence, she had cut me off. “What happened to Rachel? She wasn’t with Tammie, was she?”
“I’ll explain later. Just check on Rachel. She is at Wellstart Hospital in Austell. We will check on Tammie and let you know how she is doing.”
Persia looked at me, her eyes big and wide. It seemed like she was reading my mind. I knew she knew there was more to the story.
We left for the hospital and as soon as we hit 75, Persia demanded that I tell her what really happened. “What the hell is going on, Mike?”
I wanted to lie, but I couldn’t. I was tired of lying, tired of holding secrets, so I told her the truth.
“Tammie came to my hotel room and caught Rachel there. They fought, and Rachel blurted out that she was pregnant, just as Tammie was about to stomp her.” Persia opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so I continued, “Tammie left angrily after that. I wanted to follow her, but I had to wait on the paramedics for Rachel. She might be miscarrying. By the time the paramedics came and left, I left to find Tammie. I ran into the accident on my way to the house.”
Persia was at a loss for words. It looked as if she wanted to hit me too. I could see the sympathy pouring from her for Tammie.
“I don’t know what to do if she does not pull through this, Persia. It’s all my fault. I messed up everything.”
Tears were rolling down my face. I could tell Persia was pissed off and wanted to let me have it but she didn’t. “Let’s just pray that Tammie is okay.”
Persia started driving faster and more aggressively. Before I knew it, we were at the hospital. Once inside, Persia asked the secretary what room Tammie was in. Tammie was in the Intensive Care Unit on the third floor. The elevator was taking too long, so I took the sta
irs. With every step, I was praying to God for my wife to be okay.
By the time I got to the third floor, Persia had made it up on the elevator and informed me that we had to wait. Tammie was in surgery. There was nothing we could do but wait.
After about two hours, the doctor came out to Persia and I. He explained that Tammie suffered extensive ligament tear damage to her left ACL, and they had to do ligament reconstruction surgery. She also had a few broken ribs with other cuts and bruises.
“She is in stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery with therapy.”
Persia and I finally let out a sigh of relief.
“Can we see her now?” asked Persia.
“Sure, but she is asleep. We are keeping her in ICU overnight to monitor her progress. If everything looks good, she will be moved to a regular room in the morning.”
Persia wanted to see Tammie as much as I did, but it could only be one visitor at a time, so Persia told me to go first. When I first entered the room, it didn’t seem like anything was wrong with Tammie. Her face wasn’t badly bruised. She had a few scrapes and cuts on her face. Her left leg lay in a sling elevated slightly above the bed. I couldn’t see the damage to her chest because of the hospital gown and the bed sheets. I wanted to talk to her, but there wasn’t much to say. I didn’t know what to do or say, so I just let her know that I was there.
I sat down in the chair by the bed and held her hand. I must have dozed off because when I woke up it was ten o’clock at night. Persia had left a note saying that she took the car. She was stopping by the house to get the kids’ things for school and would be back in the morning.
As I got up to use the bathroom, I heard a phone ringing. Dewayne Wood’s Let Go and Let God was playing. That was Tammie’s ringtone on her cell phone, but I didn’t see her phone anywhere. The ringing was coming from the closet.
I found the phone with Tammie’s clothes and answered. Before I could say hello, a male voice said, “Hey, beautiful.”
I quickly responded, “Who is this?” with rage and pain in my voice.
The man replied, “I’m looking for Tammie. Is she available?”
“This is Tammie’s husband. Who the fuck is this calling her phone?”
The man on the phone replied, “Her husband? Tammie told me you guys were separated and about to divorce. After we saw you at the party with another woman, I assumed it was really over.”
“So, you are the guy from the party?”
“Yea, I am. My name is Jamal. Now can I please speak to Tammie?”
My head was beating almost as fast as my heart as I screamed into the phone, “NO!” I calmed down to keep from waking Tammie. “You can’t speak to her and don’t call her again.” Then I hung up.
For a minute, I just stood there as images of her and Jamal from the night of the party ran through my mind. I wondered what she’d done with him all night. Anger consumed me. Jealousy took over me. This was all my fault, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
Little did I know, the worst was yet to come.
Chapter 21
RACHEL
I thought I might have lost the baby, but I wasn’t that lucky. Once I got to the hospital, the doctors ran tests, took blood, and gave me a sonogram. I thought I was seeing things when two circles appeared on the monitor. I wasn’t dreaming. I was pregnant with twins! The doctor said I only had mild bleeding and that the babies were okay, but I had to stay overnight as a precaution.
The doctor left and a few minutes later, Sharon came in. There was a huge elephant in the room as she reluctantly walked towards the bed and barely said, “Hey.”
I didn’t know what to say myself, but I had to take this opportunity to mend what friendships I could.
“Thanks for being here, Sharon. Considering everything I’ve done to Tammie and the way I talked to you, I thought you would never want to see me again. I just want you to know that I never meant for any of this to happen. I’m not going to blame what I did on anybody else. I know that it is my fault, and it is time for me to start accepting the consequences of my actions. I seduced Mike. I don’t really know why I did. Part of me envied Tammie.” Tears started falling from my eyes, but I just could not stop talking, nor did I try to wipe my tears as they fell. “She was always so happy. They were so happy. Mike loves Tammie the way a man never loved me, and I wanted that. I wanted somebody to love me just half as much as he loves Tammie. I’ve spent my entire life looking for a man to make me happy, to make me feel whole because I didn’t know how to be happy by myself. For years, I have held so much hurt and pain inside that I allowed it to control my life. I can’t do it anymore, Sharon. I can’t. I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. Don’t. I don’t want your pity. People have been pitying me all my life, and I don’t need that anymore. I was wrong for what I did to Tammie. I’m so tired of feeling sorry for myself and hurting the people that actually love me, just to make myself feel good. I’m tired.”
Sharon’s eyes were filled with water as she said, “It’s okay, Rachel. You don’t have to talk about this now. You can wait until you are ready. I’m here for you whenever you are ready.”
I started crying harder, but I finally calmed myself down to continue on with my story. I felt like I could not hold it in another day. “It was October 28, 1995. My uncle took me and my brothers to the fall festival. My uncle lived with us, and he was always taking us places. We had so much fun. We had the wristbands, so we were able to ride all of the rides as many times we wanted to. My uncle got us funnel cakes, candy apples, and cotton candy. He even won me a big Winnie the Pooh bear. Looking back on it, I remember him occasionally bumping into my behind or hugging me a little tighter than usual, but I didn’t really pay it any mind. But after we got home, my mom went out with her friends, and my uncle was babysitting us. After my brothers and I went to bed, I was awakened a couple hours later by my uncle kissing on my neck. He put his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. I tried to move, but he kept holding me down. He told me to shut up. He said that if I screamed or told anyone anything, he would kill me. He started kissing me again while his right hand went inside my pajamas. He started touching me and stuck his fingers in me. I started screaming, and he quickly slapped me. He put his hands around my neck and told me to shut up, or he would kill me. Then he let go of my neck, started taking off my clothes and started kissing me all over. I kept wiggling and moving so he would leave me alone, but he wouldn’t. He started kissing me between my legs. It was so rough. It felt like he was biting me. I kept crying and trying to move. He just put his hand back around my neck and squeezed until I got quiet. He finally stopped kissing me and put his fingers back in me. I started crying harder and this time I couldn’t stop, so he finally stopped. He kissed me on my face and whispered in my ear that this was our little secret. He told me how pretty I was and how he would always take care of me as long as I did not tell anyone. Then he grabbed my neck again and asked me did I understand. I nodded my head yes. I thought he was about to finally leave me alone, but I was wrong. He told me to get up and kneel down in front of him. He kissed me again and pulled out his penis and told me to kiss it. I started crying and told him I couldn’t do that. I begged him to please don’t make me do it. He grabbed my arm and told me to shut the hell up and do what he said, so I did. I gave it a small kiss, but he kept trying to put the whole thing in my mouth. I gagged and cried. Next thing I knew, I was vomiting. He slapped me for vomiting on him and made me clean up the mess. I thought it was finally over, but, as I was on the floor scrubbing the carpet, he came and stood in front of me. He told me that if I vomited this time, he was going to beat me. He stuck his penis in my mouth again and told me I better not even think of biting him. I started to gag, but I swallowed whatever vomit that may have wanted to come up because I was so afraid of what he might do. He made me suck him until he started shaking. He pushed me off of him, and white stuff started dripping from his penis. He made me clean that up and tol
d me to go take a bath. When I finish taking a bath, he had cleaned the rug a little more and changed the sheets. He told me to go to bed, and I better not tell anyone what happened. The next day when my uncle left for work, I tried to tell my mom. I told her everything, and she did not even believe me! She said my uncle already told her what had happened and that I didn’t have to lie because I peed in the bed. That it was okay, and it was just an accident. After that, I didn’t know what to do. I avoided my uncle as much as I could. I became withdrawn from him and my mom. I had sleepovers at friends’ houses on the weekend so that I wouldn’t be home alone with him. I slept with my brothers through the week. For a couple weeks, I was safe because I was either at a sleepover, or my mom would be home. After a month or two, I ended up home alone with my uncle. My brothers were at a sleepover, and I didn’t have one that weekend. My mom decided of all weekends, she would go out. I begged her to stay home with me. I pretended my stomach was hurting me so she would not go, but she went anyway. My uncle waited until I was asleep. This time, he kissed me on my lips and made me kiss him back. He made me kneel down while he sat on the edge of the bed, and he stuck his penis in my mouth. I started gagging again, and he slapped me, told me to shut up and I better not vomit. He finally took his penis out of my mouth and made me lie down on the floor. I started crying and begging him to stop, to leave me alone, but he wouldn’t listen. He just kept telling me that he loved me, and he would take care of me. He got on top of me and tried to put his penis in me, but it wouldn’t fit. The more he tried, the more it hurt and the harder I cried. He stopped for a minute and started kissing me down there. After a while, he stopped and started back trying to put his penis in me. This time, it went in just a little, and he started poking me harder and harder. The pain increased with every stroke. I cried and begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t. The only time he stopped was when I was wet. I thought I was wet from peeing on myself or from his white stuff, but when I got up, I realized that it was blood! I screamed and cried. He yelled at me to shut up and take off all my clothes and go get in the tub. When I came out, he had cleaned the blood up as best he could. He grabbed me, kissed me and told me that I belonged to him now. He told me that if I told anyone or if I let any little boy touch me, he would kill me. He also said that this was our secret and as long as I kept it, he would take care of me and get me whatever I wanted. I cried harder and harder. He finally let go of me and started wiping my face and kissing me on my cheeks and whispered in my ear that he loved me and was sorry if he hurt me. He said that he didn’t mean to hurt me and just wanted to show me how much he loved me. He told me, ‘Please don’t be mad at me. Don’t tell our little secret. If you tell someone, they won’t understand our love, and they will try to take you from me. Then we won’t be able to go places and do things together like we used to. Do you understand?’ I lied and told him that I understood, but I wanted to tell someone so bad. There was no one to tell who would believe my word over his though. I was young back then, but I knew what people thought of my mom. The way they looked at her like she was nothing but a home-wrecking whore. I’m sure they would have thought the same thing about me. Funny thing is, in a weird sort of way, I am. I became my mother. Look at what I did to Tammie. Look at all the trouble I have caused and still causing. I’m no better than my mom or my uncle.”