I straightened up and miraculously managed to walk to the guest room. Not a single tear was shed. I was numb. I took the covers from the bed, took off my clothes, and slid naked into bed.
I don’t know how long I slept or how and when I made it to my apartment the next day. At six I got up with a major headache, went to the bathroom, and went back to bed again. I stayed in bed the rest of the weekend.
Thanksgiving came and went in a blur. The only thing I remember was telling my children about the pregnancy. They demanded to know what Kayden intended to do, whether he was planning to get married. I explained that it wasn’t his responsibility, it was mine; and as for marriage, he had asked and I had said no. I left out the part that he asked the wrong woman. No need for pettiness.
The reality was that my worst fears had come true. I guess that there had always been a part of me that believed that Kayden couldn't love me; that I didn't deserve to be loved. I knew he wanted me, maybe even as much as I wanted him, but this time it wasn't enough.
I turned off my cell phone and my house phone. At night I locked myself in my bedroom although he had not attempted to see me. Sunday, Eva and Leslie showed at the apartment. Vickie had called them; they were worried about me. They forced me to take a shower and get dressed. We went out to eat, but I couldn't eat a thing; I couldn't swallow.
Sometime Sunday evening my brain woke up. It had been a week and one day since that fateful day and it was time to get back to some sort of routine. My hand went unconsciously to my belly. "Sorry for not taking care of you this week; I have been selfish feeling sorry for myself," I told them. This was not the first time I had been left alone; Analytical Ellie to the rescue.
My mind disconnected from my body in a feeble attempt to find some normalcy. I woke up, prepared snacks for the day, and went to work; that was my new routine. Tuesday evening I had my appointment with Dr. Lynn. Kayden was there. He went in with me; I couldn't look at him.
"I'm afraid that you are losing too much weight. We need to monitor you; this is a time I need you to gain weight, otherwise you are putting your pregnancy at risk," Dr. Lynn told us, and then she continued, "Are you still nauseous? Is everything all right?"
"Unfortunately it is my fault, I am responsible for her weight loss," Kayden told the doctor and grabbed my hand. My eyes darted in the direction of his touch; it was burning me. He quickly removed his hand.
"Well Mr. Hale, if it is your fault, fix it. This is the time to be supportive and caring, not a hindrance. I'll see you weekly until the weight becomes stable. Please make an appointment for next week with the secretary."
We left the office without saying a word. The limo was waiting for Kayden outside.
"Do you need a ride home?" he managed to say.
"No," was all I responded.
"Please Ellie, let me take you home or to dinner. You heard the doctor, you need to eat."
I looked at him, really looked at him. He looked tired, like he had not gotten too much sleep in the last week. There were shadows under his eyes.
"Thank you Kayden, but I think I will walk," I told him as I turned around and started walking toward Michigan Avenue.
"Please Ellie, listen to me; I'm so sorry."
"About what Kayden?" I stopped walking and turned to look at him. My hand caressed his face. "You look tired, get some rest. Don’t be sad about me, I'm not; it's not your fault how you feel. I will always value the time we spent together but now I need to focus on our babies. Goodbye, Kayden."
"Don't do this Ellie, I need you."
"Yes, but you don't love me," was all I could say. I hailed a taxi, got in, and left.
I threw myself into my work at the Art Institute. Mateo and Ron went out of their way to be supportive. They both knew my situation and made it their unspoken mission to become surrogates for Kayden. I changed the day and time of my doctors' appointments as not to run into Kayden. My main goals during the day were to eat six meals, to make it through the day, and to sleep. I left early and returned late. Ron tried to convince me to change my status from part time to full time, since I was at work more than forty hours a week. I refused; work had become therapy but I knew this was temporary. In a few months I'd be lucky if I could make it through seven hours a day.
Christmas was fast approaching. I had decided to go to Miami for a week and stay at my mom's condo. I needed to do a little shopping for the kids and get a couple of items of clothing for myself before my trip to Miami. I went into Tiffany and bought necklaces for the girls and cuff links for Damien and Julian, as well as money clips for Ron and Mateo. My Christmas shopping was done!
Then I thought about Kayden. This would have been our first Christmas together! My hand went to my chest to alleviate the pain; it was still there, I didn’t think it would ever go away. I decided then and there to get him a present too. A pair of platinum cuff links caught my eyes. They were very simple, adorned with the image of lightning in black onyx. So Kayden! I bought them without thinking.
As I entered the building my step faltered; I took a deep breath to steady myself. Kayden was exiting the elevator with Blondie at his side. He had a smile on his face and she was hovering all over him. He came to a haltering stop when he saw me. I was visibly showing and his eyes went directly to my belly. No words were exchanged; I walked around him and into the elevator. I saw his eyes water as the elevator doors closed.
The thing about love is that it's so hard to recover from. You go about your life day after day and then all of a sudden the pain hits you. It could be a memory, a song, or a chance encounter like today, and then the equilibrium that you worked so hard to maintain disappears. Fortunately for me it was Friday evening when I ran into Kayden. The first forty-eight hours were the most difficult. I stayed in bed, ate, and slept; I knew that next week things would be better.
Mateo had invited me to Nacional 27, a trendy nightclub and restaurant with a Latin influence in Chicago's downtown, for Christmas Eve. His family was in Madrid and so he was alone for the holidays. My kids had gone to Aspen with their father. It was a family tradition but I did not want to join them. I did not want to hamper their holidays. We had exchanged presents the night before. I had one more present to deliver before Mateo came to pick me up. I took a couple of deep breaths to gather my strength, took the box and went to the twenty-sixth floor. The last time I had been there was before Thanksgiving. My knees were shaking, my hands sweating and my heart pounding so hard I thought it was going to explode in my chest. And yet, I rang the doorbell.
Sofia came to the door. "Ellie, how wonderful to see you." She came to me and gave me a big hug; I did not return it. "I hope you are joining us for dinner, Kayden did not tell us you would be here but there is plenty. Can I get you something to drink?" She continued to ramble, about dinner and the like. I could not hear a word she was saying. My eyes raked the living room looking for Kayden.
"He is not here but will get home anytime now. Sit down and wait for him, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."
"Unfortunately I have to go, I have a dinner commitment. Would you give him this from me?" I got up and went to the door. "Merry Christmas," I told her as I opened the door and ran into Kayden. Our bodies touched, and I had to use all my willpower not to pull him closer. His oh so familiar scent invaded my senses and my body reacted as it always did in his presence. What was I thinking of by coming here?
"Ellie," he breathed softly and my name on his lips was an aphrodisiac. He closed his eyes and his hand rubbed my arm. I stared at him with longing and then stood on my tiptoes and gave him the softest of kisses. "Merry Christmas my love," I said, and ran out of there before I threw myself at his feet and begged him to take me back.
In the distance I heard the voice of Sofia as I entered the elevator, "You better fix this."
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Mateo and I got to Nacional 27 at eight, before the crowds, and found a table not far from the dance floor. The music was loud and people were happy to be out an
d about. I, on the other hand was not in the best of moods but did everything possible to conceal it. Mateo had gone out of his way to be a good friend and I needed to reciprocate. We ordered our food and drinks, and then set out for some conversation.
"Why do you still care about him when he can't see what's in front of him?" he asked in a sincere voice.
"In all honesty, I don't know how to answer that question. I fell in love the moment my eyes set eyes on him. The fact that he doesn't feel the same way about me doesn't matter," I responded.
"Come on, let's dance; I don't want to spend the night talking about gloomy things." Mateo pulled me by the hand and dragged me to the dance floor.
"I bet your family is excited that you'll be home in a couple of days," I told him as I got up to dance.
"Yeah, my mother has been cooking up a storm. I wish you had been able to go with me."
"I don't want to travel far for now, just in case. But I'm excited to go to Miami for a week."
The evening passed in a combination of good food, a little dancing, and a lot of talking.
"I am so glad I decided to join you for dinner, I had such a good time," I told him sincerely as we approached my door. "Have a safe flight tomorrow."
"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Mateo asked.
"I can't," I told him, wishing circumstances were different, that my heart did not belong to Kayden.
"Then good night and Merry Christmas," he told me as he took my chin in his hand and gave me a long kiss. I responded, hoping to feel anything other than deep appreciation, but I didn't.
Mateo opened the door for me and then left. As I walked to the living room the doorbell rang. "Did you forget…?" I asked as I opened the door, my words interrupted by the sight of the man standing in front of me. I was frozen in place. He closed the door behind him, took my face into his hands, and kissed me. His kiss consumed me; my body was starving for his touch and out of its own volition responded to every stroke of his tongue. My hands went under his sweater seeking to feel the warmth of his skin. He took off my coat without stopping the kiss and then his hands had found their way under my dress. I could feel his erection on my thigh, hard as steel. I could feel his hands on my breast, my belly, my sex. And then I came to my senses and pushed myself away from him.
"You can't solve this with a kiss and a fuck," I told him, out of breath.
"No, I can't; but I can finish what I intended to do a month ago." Kayden went down on one knee.
"Ellie, since I met you my world has been turned upside down. You made me believe in love and in the process made me believe that I deserve love one more time. You loved me even when I was not easy to love, even when I did not deserve to be loved by you. Your gift of love scared me because I knew it could be taken away so easily. Instead, I pushed you away. I have spent the last month trying to figure out what happened. I know you think I don’t love you when in reality I love you more than the air that I breathe, more than I have ever loved in my life. All I want is to make you my wife. Eleanor Marie, please do me the honor of becoming my wife."
I stood there immobile, afraid to move as not to break the magic of the moment. He looked up expectantly, waiting for my response. I went on my knees, caressed his beautiful face, and with tears in my eyes said "yes." At that moment we both cried tears of joy.
Kayden took the ring from the box and placed it on the ring finger on my left hand. It was a three-carat solitaire, simple like me and absolutely stunning.
"Do you like it?"
"Oh Kayden, it's absolutely stunning."
"Not quite like you. Come, this floor is killing my knees," he said in humor.
"Are you sure this is what you want? You don’t have to marry me, you know," I told him sincerely.
"I have never wanted anything this much in my entire life. I told you we were for life. I miss you so much that it aches."
"Oh Kayden my love, I hope you are right."
We walked to the sofa, side-by-side, afraid to let go. He sat and then took me on his lap.
"So do you want a big wedding or a small one? And by big I mean including our families, and by small just the two of us, maybe elope to Vegas."
"This is so much, so soon, let me get used to it," I told him, feeling overwhelmed. Everything was moving so hastily!
"This is slow, if you would let me I would take you to Vegas tonight and you would be my wife by the morning."
"Your wife," I murmured.
"Yes, my wife," Kayden whispered in response. And then he lifted my hands and pulled my dress off, leaving me in my underwear.
"You look so beautiful," he said as he stared at my pregnant body.
"I would not call it that, more like big," I responded, covering my eyes, suddenly embarrassed and feeling very exposed.
He took my hands away from my face and held them behind my back. "I told you I want to see you, please don’t hide your body from me." He then took my bra off, freeing my breasts for his inspection. He caressed them first and then began to suck one at a time while his other hand squeezed the other nipple. I gasped with pleasure as he massaged, sucked, and squeezed my breasts.
"Oh Kayden, I needed you so much."
"I got you now baby, I got you." His lips pressed against mine in a desperate pursuit for connection. He changed my position on his lap so that now I was straddling him. His hands abandoned my breasts to rub my belly; his eyes closed for a minute and then he asked, "Are they okay?" I just nodded in affirmation. "I'm sorry Ellie for not being here for you, for missing an entire month of their development. I promise to be by your side the rest of the way."
"I know you wanted to be with me, I wouldn't let you. I am sorry."
His hands caressed my hair, the side of my face, my arms. He looked at me with glossy eyes. There was an intensity in his look I had not noticed before; was it regret?
I took his hands and placed them on my breasts again, then said, "You have me here naked and wanting, what do you plan to do about it?"
"I don’t know, what do you suggest I do?"
"I suggest you get started soon with whatever you are going to do."
He laughed and said, "You have always been so willing and needy for me."
Yes, he was right, my body was always ready in anticipation of his touch; one look from him and my body went into convulsions. "Stop talking please and get inside me."
"All in due time my love, I have to enjoy your body first. I have been starving for a month and if I take you now I'm afraid I'll lose control."
His hands went to my sex, "So wet, always so ready."
I could feel his cock at the entrance to my sex; all I wanted was for him to go inside of me. Why was he torturing me like this? I tried to get up from his lap but he held me in place. "Where do you think you are going?"
"To my room," I said, pouting.
His smirk was aggravating.
I walked to the bedroom and found a robe in the closet. I covered myself and then went to the washroom. He came in behind me. "How can you think I don't want you? I'm awed by you, I dream of you, I can't even look at another woman but you." He opened my robe. "See how beautiful you look; I want you to see what I see." I looked up in the mirror and saw his face, his beautiful face looking at me in wonder. I turned around in the circle of his arms to face him. He picked me up and sat me on the bathroom vanity. And his mouth began to ravish my skin. If I thought for a minute he didn't want me, all that was gone from my head, replaced by burning desire and an almost animalistic craving. My hands struggled to take his clothes off, first his jacket and then his sweater. My mouth began to suck on the skin of his chest and arms, then bite it.
"Easy baby, we have all night," he said in his usual seductive voice.
"I only have a few minutes before I explode," I told him, then pushed his pants down. His fingers went into my sex while his mouth sucked one breast. My head went back from the extreme pleasure and my body began to quiver from the sudden orgasm that hit me like a tidal wave. He did
n't stop his torture; his mouth moved to my sex as he sucked and licked until another orgasm came right on top of the first one. I felt like I was losing my mind from the intense pleasure, and before I realized it he was inside me. "This is going to be quick baby, I don’t know how long I'll be able to hold it." And he started pounding on me, driving in deeper and deeper inside. "Please, give it to me baby, I can't hold it anymore," and my body responded to his command, screaming his name. He came with a roar, grabbing my ass hard, bruising it and calling my name.
We held each other for minutes but it felt like hours. Then he scooped me into his arms and took me to bed where we continued our lovemaking until the wee hours of the morning.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I woke Christmas morning to the smell of food and Kayden's beautiful face smiling by my side. My hand moved up to caress his cheek. He leaned into it and kissed it.
"I was so sure it had been a dream," I told him.
"If it was, we were both in it and it was a beautiful one. Merry Christmas sweetheart, now get up and have some breakfast, we have to open our presents; well at least our other presents, I already had mine." He kissed my forehead and took off the covers, revealing my naked body.
"Merry Christmas my love; but why are you making me get up so early and why do you have to be such a morning person?"
"Because this is our first Christmas together and I don’t want to waste a minute of it sleeping. Besides, do you think the twins are going to let us sleep next year?"
"Precisely, that's why I should sleep now."
"Breakfast is getting cold with all this jabbering."
I got up, looking for my robe to cover my pregnant body. I was going to have to get used to him seeing me like this. He was sitting there, just staring. "At least you can turn around until I find my robe."
"Not in a million years, baby. I want to see every change in your body. Come here." And I went to him, as always, by the power of his command.
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