by Dani René
“Okay.” This time, she blushes. The rosy color looks good on her cheeks. She settles in the armchair, lifting her foot and placing it on my knee as I crouch down before her. My gaze immediately falls to the juncture between her thighs and my dick throbs. Shit.
Dragging my eyes away, I focus on her ankle. My fingers work the joint, causing soft whimpers to tumble from her lips, and I’m hard. Rock fucking hard. This was not a good idea. Shoving her leg away, I grit out through clenched teeth, “I have to go,” and make my way out of the small living room, leaving her boring a hole in my back with her big blue eyes.
The memory of that day hangs over me like a storm cloud. Reminding me of what I had, how much that day changed me because that was the moment I knew I was in love with her. She followed me out of the pool house and told me she liked me.
“Ryder.” Her voice stalls me mid-stride. “I saw… I mean… You back there,” she stumbles over her words, but I can’t face her because she’ll see the bulge in my shorts. I’m not sure where her brother is, but I’m sure as shit glad he isn’t out here.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I respond icily.
“Look at me,” she demands this time. Feisty little girl. I give her what she wants. I turn to her. “I like you, Ryder. It’s clear. Isn’t it?”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Well, shit, it’s not like I have a choice.”
“Watch your mouth,” I grit through clenched teeth, trying to imagine how hot it would be to hear her say fuck, to hear her moan my name.
“Why don’t you watch it?” Her retort is spat hotly and I grip her chin between my thumb and forefinger, tugging her closer just with the simple touch. I lean in—praying to all the gods that her brother doesn’t walk outside—and crash my mouth down on hers.
Her soft lips yield to mine easily. Her tongue—tentative and shy—darts out, tasting mine, and I can’t help groaning at the sensation. She gently sucks my tongue into her mouth. The heat of her, the sweet taste of her innocence is enough to turn a sane man crazy.
It’s enough to have me addicted, and I’m afraid that even if I pull away now, even if I never kissed her at all, I’ve been hooked for far longer than I care to admit.
I pull away, leaving her breathing heavily, and race into the house. In the bathroom, I shut the door and open the tap, splashing cold water on my face to keep from going back out there and taking her in front of the world. To lay claim to a pretty young girl who’s fucked with my head.
The music that spills out of the speaker carries me through the movements. I try to shake Piper from my mind and focus on the dance. It’s all fluid. My body curls and bounces through the routine I’m planning for the kids. There’s a dance competition coming up in three weeks, and I need them to practice every day. This is their chance at finding solace in something that’s always offered me happiness. To find passion for something that will one day be something that could carry them into dance school.
School has always been important to me, and being able to help others follow their dream is something I want to do. Not being able to follow mine any longer still leaves a sour taste in my mouth, but I swallow it down as I think about their bright futures.
My body aches.
Everything hurts as sweat trickles down my back. I’ve been practicing for two days straight. But if I’m completely honest with myself, I’ve been avoiding Piper. After our talk the other night, I felt myself wanting her again, more so than I should allow myself, and that in itself is dangerous.
I pick up the pack of cigarettes on the speaker and tap one out. Flicking the lid of my Zippo, I light the white stick. Smoke fills my lungs and I breathe it in, the calm, the nicotine that offers me a serenity that alcohol can no longer do.
Every inch of me burns. There’s tension in my muscles from the pain I live with daily. Both physical and emotional. I never should’ve come back. Seeing Piper again has done something to me. It’s the same as it’s always been with her. The more I see, touch, taste, the more I want and need.
Her light has always brightened my dark. She was perfect to all my flaws and even now, all grown up, she’s still everything I need but also everything I can’t have.
“You’re here.” Her voice comes from behind me, shocking me still. I turn to find Piper staring at me.
9
Piper
“I am,” he responds. There’s a sheen of sweat on his toned upper body. His muscles are lean, but they’re peaks and valleys of smooth tanned skin. The sweatpants he’s wearing hang low on his tapered waist. The smooth line of V muscles points toward his groin.
A thin smattering of hair sits just below his belly button, along with a tattoo. The script font trails from left to right with the words Perfectly Flawed in dark ink. I can’t tear my eyes away from the boy I recognize, who’s turned into a man over the years.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, toweling his chest as he regards me with a penetrating stare. I open my mouth, but I can’t find the words. He’s meant to be helping me with the dance competition, but all I want to do is leap into his arms. Work doesn’t mean anything at this moment. “Butterfly?”
“I-I…” Clearing my throat, I try again. “I needed to talk to you about the choreography.”
He nods, throwing the towel over one bare shoulder. There’s a slight limp when he steps toward me and I don’t miss the flinch on his handsome face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he bites out. “I’ll be at the school in an hour. I needed some time on my own. Get the kids ready for class and I’ll take it from there.”
“Ryder, you can’t just walk in—”
“Do you want my help or not?” His tone is harsh, ragged, but there’s anger that drips from each word.
“What happened to you?” I shake my head as I voice the words.
“I grew up, Piper. I’m no longer the boy you had a crush on,” he bites back in a tone I don’t recognize. He’s right, he’s not the boy I remember. He’s far from it. At this moment, he’s a very angry man and there are ghosts in his eyes. Guilt perhaps.
“I can see you’ve turned into an asshole. You know, Ryder, with all that bravado you used to carry around, I don’t see any of it now. What happened? Did some girl break your heart in LA? Huh?” I can’t help myself. I’m prodding a sleeping bear and I know I’m only going to get bitten.
“Get out!” The demand he spits at me booms through the space like a foghorn, and when I meet those eyes I used to get lost in, I no longer recognize the person before me. The boy I fell in love with is gone, and he’s been replaced by a shell of the man he once was.
“Fuck you, Ryder Kingsley!” My words seem to shock him, as if I’d slapped him. “You’re a pathetic asshole. Whatever happened to you does not give you the right to talk to me like that.”
I spin on my heel, not bothering to stop when he calls to me. My name on his lips grips my heart, and the tether that’s always been there threatens to pull me back. It makes me want to turn around and run back to him, but I don’t.
Instead, I walk to the door and leave him in the godforsaken warehouse.
It’s only when I slip into the driver’s seat of my car that I blink, allowing the tears to fall. It’s been a long while since I cried, really cried. My body wracks with silent sobs as I try to pull in air between the sadness that’s taken over me.
The click of my door has my gaze snapping up to find Ryder standing at my car. The guilt painted on his expression is clear. There’s something in his eyes, hidden to the world, but only visible to me, pure agony.
“Get out of the car.” His voice is low, demanding. But I’m far too angry with him just to allow him to talk to me like that.
“Leave me alone, Ryder. I can’t do this with you.” Even though I’m twenty, he still makes me feel like the silly teenage girl who crushed on him all her life. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t let him get to me, but I can’t stop my heart from thudding when he reaches into t
he car, his strong hand gripping my arm and pulling me from the seat.
“I said, get out of the car,” he bites out, shoving my door closed and pressing me against the vehicle. “I’ve got so much darkness that seems to follow me around like a fucking storm, Piper.” His words caress my skin, his hands holding my hips in place. His body is flush against mine, holding me in place.
I lift my gaze to meet his to see what he’s hiding, but as much as I implore with a mere glance, I don’t find the answers and he doesn’t give them away. He’s always been closed off. Even though my brother would get him drunk and take him to parties, I knew the real Ryder. The one who hid in the shadows because he was seen as a kid with no future.
“I can’t drag you into my fucked up existence,” he finally tells me. Allowing his pain to drip from every word, he crushes my heart with just that sentence alone.
“I’ve been in your fucked up existence for far longer than you believe, Ryder. I can’t stop myself from loving you.” My confession shouldn’t be a problem. It shouldn’t have him staring at me in shock.
“How can you love me, Piper?”
“I just never stopped,” I inform him. And that’s when I see them, the walls he’s built up over the years he’s been away. They’re crumbling, and when he looks at me again, I see the agony that’s so blatantly shining in his eyes.
“I’m not the same boy, not anymore. I’m not even a man.”
10
Ryder
She stares at me, her big eyes wide with confusion. There’s so much tension between us, it’s stifling and I find it hard to breathe. I expect her to slap me, to do something, but she merely reaches for my face. Her soft hand cups my cheek.
“What broke you?” she finally questions.
Our eyes lock on each other and I don’t know how to tell her, how to confess how much I fucked up.
“Life.”
“That’s a lie because when you left you were—”
“I was a boy who thought he owned the world, Piper,” I tell her as much of the truth as I can muster. Turning away from her, I already miss the heat of her touch. “I was stubborn, carefree, and I thought everyone owed me something because of where I came from.”
“That wasn’t who you were,” she argues.
“You only thought that because you were in love with me,” I bite back, spinning on my heel to meet her fiery gaze.
“Fuck you, Ryder. I thought that because I knew the real you. I saw beneath that fucking asshole façade you put on for everyone.” Piper takes a step toward me. Her eyes burn through me, begging and pleading for answers I cannot give her. It’s in that moment that I know I love her. I’ll always love her, but there’s no way I can give her what she needs. What she deserves.
“It’s time for you to leave. I’ll be in class tomorrow to go over the routine.”
She doesn’t respond this time. I don’t get her voice when I need it. Right there, in those few seconds it takes her to nod and turn away from me, I feel it, the grip she has on my heart, on my soul. Piper slips into the car without a word. It squeezes the breath from me, and the pain I’d lived through the years I was away is nothing compared to watching the woman I love drive away from me.
I’ve finally fucked up everything in my life. Not only my dance career, but the only person who ever saw me for who I really am, just a broken little boy needing love.
Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and tug hard at the strands. A bite of pain causes me to growl in response. Why do I always do this? Mess up everything I ever want.
“Dude,” Preston’s voice comes from behind me. I turn to find him sauntering toward me. His silhouette shadowed by the dimly lit warehouse. “Was that my sister in her car crying?”
“Yeah,” I tell him honestly. I can’t lie to my best friend. As much as he’s an asshole at the best of times, he’s also been there for me all my life. Given me an out, a chance.
“Did you tell her?”
“No,” I grunt, grinding my teeth almost painfully. There’s nothing I can do now because he won’t stop until I’ve finally told her the truth.
“Why?”
“Because she deserves better than me,” I tell him, meeting his incredulous stare. “I can’t be the man for her.”
“How do you figure that out, asshole?”
“You know why.” I make my way into the warehouse without looking at him. The silent footfalls of his shoes are behind me as he follows and I know I’m in for a talk from my best friend.
“She loves you, Ryder. She’s not going to walk away because of your past mistakes,” he tells me earnestly. “Look, I never wanted you with her when we were at school because you were an asshole.” He chuckles at my expression. “But she’s an adult now, and you’re more responsible than you have ever been. I know you love her. I’m not fucking blind.”
Slumping against the table behind me, I watch my best friend stare at me. We’re at a standoff and I know I’ll lose. Preston is as stubborn as I used to be, but then again, I’m still as pigheaded as I’ve always been. Only now, I know I’m not worthy of the love Piper has given me and continues to give me.
“She’s not going to give up.”
“Stubbornness runs in the family then,” I retort, causing him to chuckle and shake his head. His eyes burn into me with a warning I can’t ignore. I know I have to tell her, but it scares the shit out of me.
“It does, and as you know, my sister is persistent.” Preston stalks closer to me then. He grips my shoulder, offering it a squeeze. “Don’t hurt her, Ryder. Don’t fucking hurt her.”
He leaves me then, with that one warning. I don’t need another, and I certainly do not need to know what he’ll do to me if I do make her cry.
It’s time to swallow my pride and come clean. I know it is. I turn to the stereo and find our song. My girl’s song—"Good for You" by Selena Gomez. The beat takes me away and I move through the space like I used to.
Ignoring the way my body doesn’t do the things I used to be able to do, I flow into the routine, popping over onto my hands, spinning around, my eyes closed in concentration as I recall her smile, her taste, her kiss. Those smooth, delicate hands that seem to touch me in a way that was both intimate and erotic. That makes my body come alive, just for her. No other girl could ever come close to Piper. No one else could make me feel like a man who was loved and appreciated, even though I was never worthy of her.
The movements are easy enough for the kids to pick up, and it allows me to practice with them without showing anyone how broken I really am. As soon as the song ends, I flip onto my feet and find my footing on the cold concrete floor.
“It’s time for you to learn who you love, Butterfly,” I tell the silence that surrounds me. “It’s time for you to see who I’ve become.”
11
Piper
My legs ache from the hours spent on the floor today. The beat of the song vibrates through me as I watch the routine Ryder has worked out for them. The song itself is one of my favorites, and I wonder if he chose it because of that.
All the years I’ve known him, he was always considerate and now as I watch him help one of the little girls to get her steps, my heart swells with pride at the man before me. Over the past few weeks, he’s given me whiplash with his back and forth, but here, right in this moment, he’s my Ryder. The boy I fell for.
The kids are overly excited. Watching Ryder with them makes me smile. It’s been so long since I saw him laugh, that as he leans in and whispers something in a little girl’s ear and she starts giggling, it warms my heart.
After I left him last night, I went home to cry. I haven’t done that in years, not since the day he left. But today, there’s something about him that seems to have shifted. As if there’s more of the old Ryder inside his eyes.
I enjoy the moment. Just looking at him. Seeing the boy who walked out so many years ago and broke my heart, I smile because even though it hurt, he’s back. And if it’s the last thing I
do, I’m going to make him see that he is worthy of having happiness in his life, even if he doesn’t choose me.
I’ve always been afraid. Scared he would come home with another girl on his arm, someone smarter than me, prettier, or just someone who wasn’t me. But he didn’t, and that gives me hope that perhaps my love for him was strong enough to bring him home to me.
There’s no clue as to what he feels for me anymore. Yes, when I was far too young, he cared for me. But that was a long time ago. Now I may just be the little sister of his best friend, but when Ryder’s gaze falls on me, I’m sure there’s much more to it.
More emotion.
More secrets hidden in those depths.
And most of all, I can see he still cares.
“That’s it for today, kiddos.” He smiles, receiving a loud Ahhhhh in response. He’s a natural with them, and they love him. As much as he taught and danced with them, though, I notice the way he took it easy on his moves. From what I remembered, Ryder was always the one to go overboard, enjoying himself to the music, this was very different. And I noticed it in the warehouse as well.
He makes his way over to me as soon as we’re alone, settling on the small footstool opposite me. His top is cut out beneath the arms, showing off his toned, cut torso. Deep golden skin greets me as he moves and I can’t help taking in the colorful patterns and drawings on his arms.
His ink has always been my weakness. The piercings in his nipples were always intriguing because ever since I saw them, I wanted to flick my tongue over them to see how sensitive each one was.
“You okay?” His voice cuts through the dirty thoughts, causing me to blush. The heat on my cheeks gives away my embarrassment.
“Yeah, you looked good with them,” I tell him, meeting his gaze, trying to find where he goes to when we’re alone.