by Holly Jacobs
“I wasn’t going to spring anything on you,” Anna said quietly. “I was assessing how well Colm fit in with Gilly and Josh and thought maybe we’d talk about the possibility of him going into a supervised group home eventually. I never said a word. Gilly did. He and Gilly have gotten very close.”
Her words weren’t having any impact.
“Good luck then, Liam. I hope you know what you’re doing, but I don’t think you do. You’re a wonderful man. A man I thought I was falling for, but I was wrong. Because there’s something there. Something festering in you. These moments of anger that I don’t understand. I’ve watched my mother try to change the men she falls for, and I won’t make that mistake. I know I can’t change you, just like you can’t change me. And I also know that in your heart you want what’s best for Colm. I hope you figure that out, Liam, I really do, because right now I don’t think you have a clue.”
She turned and walked to her car trying to hold back the tears. They would come. She was sure they would come. But she’d do her darndest to see that they didn’t come until she was away from here.
She glanced back at Liam, standing on the porch.
So angry.
So alone.
She kept holding back the tears and went, knowing she was leaving a big part of her heart there with both of the Franklin brothers.
LIAM STAYED on the porch after Anna had pulled away. Her car had barely rounded the corner when he came to the realization that he was a bona fide ass.
“Liam! Anna!” Colm called from inside.
“I’m out here, bud,” he called back.
Colm burst through the door. “Hey, Anna—” He stopped. “Where’s Anna?”
“Uh, she had to go.”
“That’s okay. I’ll give her my picture tomorrow. I made a bunch, but this is my favorite. I made it for that wall at her work. Is she coming tomorrow?” He held the painting out to Liam.
Liam studied it. He could make out a lot. In the middle there was a bus with a smiling circle for the driver. In the upper-right corner was a rectangle he assumed was Keller’s Market. There were a bunch of smiling, stick figureish people standing outside, holding hands. In the bottom-left corner was their house and four people in front of it. Three were smiling, and one was frowning. “Who are they?” Liam asked, pointing.
“That’s me. That’s Anna. That’s Aunt Betty. And that’s you.”
Liam was the frowning stick figure.
“Will Anna be here tomorrow? I wanna give her the picture. It’s the best.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Liam studied Colm’s efforts. Everyone was smiling and happy in the painting. Everyone but him.
“Okay, the next day then. That Anna, she sure is busy, Liam. She helps me and Gilly and Josh, and there’re other people, too. Anna’s sad about the house thing and me and Gilly and Josh wanna help her, but we don’t know how. Do you?”
“No, I don’t, Colm. I don’t know much of anything right now.”
Colm patted his back. “Aw, that’s all right, don’t worry ’cause you don’t know, ’cause Anna says nobody knows everythin’. When me, Josh and Gilly move in we’ll help those people and they’ll figure out we’re nice and like us.”
“Colm, you won’t be moving into the house, bud. You’ve got a house here with me, remember?”
Colm frowned. The expression looked foreign on his face. “Yeah, Liam, but you had your own house ’til Mommy and Daddy…” He didn’t say the word died. He let the sentence hang there. “You moved in to take care of me, but I can take care of myself. Gilly says that after we move in the house, Anna’ll still come help us learn to do stuff. And you can come to supper. I’ll cook spaghetti, ’cause I’m good at that, and Josh and Gilly’ll help, but you won’t ’cause you’ll be our guest. And then we’ll get dessert and maybe play some Go Fish. I wonder if Gilly and Josh know that game?”
“Colm, you’re not going to move in with Gilly and Josh,” Liam said more forcefully. “I’m sorry if Anna told you differently, but you’re not moving. You live here, with me.”
“Anna didn’ say nothin’. But Gilly said—”
“I can’t help what Gilly said. You live here.” Liam tried not to think about the fact that Colm had admitted that it wasn’t Anna, but rather Gilly who’d brought up the idea of Colm moving into the group home.
Colm was no longer frowning. He was glaring at Liam. “You’ll see, Liam. I’ll ask Anna, and she’ll help me get ready to move.”
“I don’t think Anna’s coming back.” Liam figured he would be relieved, but the thought of not seeing Anna hurt.
“Why? Did I do somethin’?” Colm’s anger had faded, and he sounded nervous and unsure of himself.
“No, bud, it wasn’t anything you did,” Liam assured him. “Anna’s not coming back because we don’t need her. It’s you and me, like it used to be.”
“I don’t want that. Not like it used to be. I don’t wanna sit here in the house by myself watchin’ the stupid TV. I want my job, and I want my friends. I want Anna to come teach me stuff, ’cause she thinks I’m smart. You just think I’m dumb but I’m not.”
“I don’t think that, Colm. I think you need help with some things.”
“That’s what Anna says, ‘You just need some help, Colm.’ But I don’t need help from you. I want Anna.” He stormed into the house and slammed the door.
Liam followed on his heels. “Colm, everyone needs help sometimes. I will help you.”
“No. I can do stuff by myself, Liam. I don’t want you to do it for me.”
“Colm—”
Colm ignored Liam and walked away, starting up the stairs. He stopped and turned around. “And I want Anna to teach me more, Liam.”
“We’ll talk about it later, bud,” Liam said tiredly. He was exhausted. Bone-deep exhausted.
He was tired of being angry. Tired of feeling as if he’d let everyone down. Colm. Anna.
“No, not later.” Colm came back down the stairs. “I can learn, and Anna teaches me. I don’t want to talk, I want her to teach me.”
He turned, stomped up the stairs, and slammed his bedroom door.
After years of being easygoing, Colm was asserting himself. Fighting for what he wanted.
Thanks to Anna, Liam thought angrily.
He walked back out to the front porch and sat down.
Slowly, the anger that had coiled up in his stomach began to burn less hotly.
Colm had said that Anna hadn’t said anything about him moving out. His friend Gilly had. So, Liam’s accusations were off. He’d been wrong. And he hadn’t listened when she’d tried to explain.
He should probably call and apologize. He could tell she’d been about to cry when she left.
Liam’s emotions were a mess. He was relieved that Anna was gone and things could get back to normal. And yet, he’d miss her. He missed her already. It was almost a physical ache. And he was angry. Still so damned angry. That, at least, was familiar. Liam couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been angry. The feeling was an old friend. He was comfortable with it.
For a while, he’d thought it was gone for good, but he should have known better.
THE NEXT MORNING, Anna arrived at Sunrise at seven-thirty to do some paperwork before going out on her day’s appointments. That was her story in case Ceelie showed up early. In actuality, Anna hadn’t been able to sleep and had finally decided that if she wasn’t sleeping she might as well be working.
Finding a parking space on Main Street was frequently a challenge, but it turned out that at seven-thirty, there were plenty. She collected her things and hurried to the door…and found Colm.
“Hi, Anna.” He grinned and clutched a rolled-up piece of paper to his chest.
Anna looked up and down the block, but didn’t see anyone else. “Colm, where’s Liam?”
“At home. In bed. He stayed up really late last night watchin’ TV. He wouldn’t let me stay up. No, he said, ‘Colm, go to bed, bud.’”
&
nbsp; Anna unlocked Sunrise’s door and beckoned Colm inside. “How did you get here?”
“I rode the bus.”
“Does Liam know?”
“Nah, he was still sleeping, so I got dressed and made my breakfast, then waited for a bus. I waited a real long time.”
Anna wondered how early Colm had started his journey. “Come on back to my office. We’d better call Liam. He’ll be worried if he wakes up and finds you gone.”
The last person in the world she wanted to talk to today was Liam Franklin, especially since she was running on a couple of hours of sporadic sleep herself. She didn’t feel capable of holding her own if they had another fight, but it didn’t appear she had a choice. “Come on.”
Colm shook his head and held his ground, his arms folded across his chest. “No, Anna. I don’t wanta. He’s just gonna say, ‘No, Colm, you go sit in your room and watch TV.’ Well, I don’t wanna go sit in my room. I wanna have you teach me more stuff. I want my job. I wanna live with Josh and Gilly at the house.”
Anna could hear the frustration in his voice. She could see it quivering in his tightly clenched fists. She didn’t know how to help him. “Colm,” she started.
“No, Anna. I won’t do it. I’m not some little kid. I’m not real smart, like Liam, but I can learn stuff and do stuff and I wanna.”
She reached out and gently touched his arm. “I know.”
Colm jerked away from her touch. “And that Liam, he can’t make me not do ’em. He can’t make me stay home. I’m not a kid.”
“Well, Colm, you’re sort of acting like a little kid now, not a grown-up,” Anna tenderly pointed out.
That stopped him. “Huh?”
“Grown-ups don’t run away from their troubles. They talk to the other person. They make them understand what’s important.”
“You ran away.”
“I didn’t.” Liam had kicked her out. She wasn’t going to say that to Colm, but he had and it wasn’t the same thing.
“Yeah, you did. You don’t talk to Liam and make him understand.”
Maybe she should have tried harder. Maybe she should have talked to him earlier about Colm moving into the house with Josh and Gilly. But she’d wanted to be sure—well, as sure as she could be—that it would be the right thing for Colm, and for Josh and Gilly before she discussed it with Liam. She wanted to feel confident that the three of them meshed and were capable of handling a house. She should have said all that, even if she had to force him to listen. “You’re right. I should have stayed and tried to make him understand. We both should have.”
Colm sighed. “Yeah, ’cause we ain’t kids. We’re grown-ups and grown-ups don’t run away.”
“Looks like we’ve got a bit of a mess on our hands. Any suggestions?”
Colm nodded. “Yep. When you make a mess you clean it up.”
“That’s right. So, let’s head back to your house and clean things up.” She wasn’t going to call. She was going to go over and make Liam listen. And she was going to hope he’d talk to her, explain things to her. He could be the most wonderful man in the world, but when it came to Colm, he was fiercely resistant to change.
“Hey, Anna, I brought you this, for your wall.” Colm thrust the paper at her.
Anna studied it. Keller’s Market, the house. “You, me, Aunt Betty and Liam?” she asked, pointing to the four stick figures.
“Yeah, that Liam, he’s all mad again.”
“You know he’s not mad at you, right?” she said.
Colm didn’t answer. Instead, he said, “Don’t ever leave, Anna. I love you.”
Anna hugged him. “I love you, too, Colm.”
“And you’ve got lots more to teach me.”
“Maybe. But you’ve taught me a lot, too.” Like how to be open and honest…and not back down from a fight. Liam might not care about her the way she cared about him, but she knew he loved Colm and wanted what was best for him, even if doing what was best was hard.
“Come on, let’s go.”
CHAPTER TEN
LIAM AWOKE to the sound of someone alternately banging on the front door and ringing the bell, then there was silence.
He glanced at the clock. It wasn’t even eight yet. Aunt Betty wasn’t supposed to be coming today.
Trying not to think about how little sleep he’d actually managed last night, he stumbled out of bed and headed down to the front door. There was a more polite single ring of the bell as he reached the bottom step. He opened the door and found Anna and Colm there.
“Anna?”
She looked guarded as she explained, “I got to Sunrise this morning and Colm was waiting for me. He rode the bus.”
“You left the house without telling me?” Liam asked, only his asking came out more like yelling. Rather than looking cowed, Colm glared at him.
“Yeah, ’cause I ain’t a kid. You can’t say, ‘No more Anna, Colm.’ You can’t make me stay home and watch the stupid TV. I wanna work and I want Anna to teach me. Anna wants me to learn stuff, not like you.”
Liam wasn’t sure how he’d made such a mess of things. Anna, who normally was an open book, was closed and wary. Colm, who was normally the happiest, most easygoing person ever, was furious. “Colm, of course I want you to learn things.”
“Nah, you want me here in this stupid house. I was gonna run away and live with Anna ’til my new house with Gilly and Josh was ready, but I ain’t a kid. I’m a grown-up and I don’t run away.” He walked past Liam and started up the stairs then turned around and shouted, “And I ain’t gonna listen to you, Liam. You’re just my brother. I’m gonna go to work and see Anna. And you can’t stop me.” He turned and stomped up the stairs, down the hall and slammed the door shut.
Liam sighed. “I’ve never seen Colm like this. He’s never had a temper tantrum before.”
Anna shook her head. “That wasn’t a temper tantrum, that was an adult asserting himself. Colm’s had a taste of what he can do, and he likes it. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
“I don’t agree. I’m afraid he’s going to be hurt.”
“So you’ve said. Everyone gets hurt sometimes, Liam. I can’t promise you that he won’t be. But that’s no reason to keep him shut away. He’s right. You’re wrong.”
“I know I was wrong about the way I talked to you yesterday, accusing you of telling Colm he could move out. I was going to call you later and ask you to come back.”
“Back to working with Colm. To what end? I don’t want to fight, Liam, but really, if I did come back and work with Colm, what good will that do if all you do is fight to keep the status quo? All it does is hurt him when he learns he can do and be more, only to discover you don’t want that for him.”
“That’s not it, Anna. That’s not fair.” Liam didn’t know how to explain his feelings to her when he didn’t understand them himself. “I want Colm to go however far he wants.”
“Do you mean that?”
He could see the doubt in her eyes and he hated that he was the one to put it there. “I don’t like it, but I do mean it. Although I’m not sure about him moving out. And I don’t like the fact he got picked on at work. Anna, I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do, what’s right for him. Give me some time.”
“Fine. Then consider me back. Tell Colm I’ll be here tomorrow, the way we originally scheduled.” She started back toward her car.
“Anna, wait,” Liam called. “About us…”
For a moment, he thought she was going to keep walking, as if she hadn’t heard him. In the end she turned around, and he almost wished she hadn’t. He could see the pain in her face. “Don’t worry, there is no us, Liam.”
“What if I want there to be?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t do it again.”
He’d known yesterday he was ruining things, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. “Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t understand why it bothers me, but it does. I just take time to adjust. I messed up, but—”
Anna walked over to him and took his hand. “Liam, this is truly a case of it’s not you, it’s me.” She searched for some way to explain. She noticed the two battered lawn chairs nearby. “It’s like your porch.”
Liam wasn’t sure he’d understood her correctly. “My porch?”
“Yeah. Remember when I told you I had porch envy the first time I was here?”
Despite everything, he smiled at the memory. “Yes.”
“Okay, so I want a porch, and yours is nice for the short term. I mean, to sit out here for a bit and watch the neighborhood go by is nice, but the chairs aren’t really comfortable. They’re not meant for long-term use. They’re something that you fold up and put away when you’re done with them. When I get my own porch, the porch I’m going to keep forever, I want one that’s comfortable. That won’t become uncomfortable and leave me fidgeting…”
He finally got her analogy. “You want white wicker.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And all I have to offer you is ratty lawn chairs.” He hated that it was so, but he knew the truth of it—he was a ratty lawn chair, and someone like Anna deserved white wicker.
“Liam, I’ve told you about my mom and her never-ending search for the right man. For her one true love. I’ve seen her work at relationships. I’ve seen her try to change for them. I’ve watched her try to change the other person. Neither way works. I decided a long time ago that I’m not worried about ever-after. I don’t want to change you, and I won’t change myself for you. I think it’s best to admit we’re not meant for anything more than what this was—a brief fling.”
“And you want white wicker.”
“Yes.”
Liam had no argument. Anna Chapel thought all she wanted was a relationship that was comfortable for however long she was in it. She said she didn’t believe in soul mates. But Liam knew that Anna deserved nothing less than a partner who could love her heart and soul. That’s the type of relationship she was meant to have, and even if she wasn’t looking for it, he knew she’d get it someday. She was too special not to.